Author LOLITA85 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 What is the purpose of writing you a letter if his new friend appreciates him more than you? If he left you, why is he so desperate to contact you? If it is your fault that he "had to leave" and you are only finding out about what "you did" now, how did he handle the situation in a mature manner? I am not sure what is going on here, but it seems like a whole lot of red flags. Proceed with caution friend! We have a 1 month old baby together and I took a lawyer to make him pay child support, maybe a reason why he is acting this way ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Yes. Think about it a little; he said he wanted to be friends. Now, why would someone who wants to be friends throw an insult? He's trying to "ride the fence" in order to garner a reaction. He covers both bases by using friends as a reason to contact him or anger from you by insulting you. Your lack of reaction is crushing his ego and exposing himself and his actions to himself. He does not like it, because he knows he was in the wrong. His relationship sounds like an emotional blanket. There is no guarantee that sorrow will hit him. He just may be that full of himself. You are in a fantastic position to let him find out and show you just who he truly is... Thank u ! Makes a lot of sense. Do you really think the relationship sounds like an emotional blanket even though he left us for this woman ? He said he was madly in love in the letter, maybe again a way to get a reaction because I don't understand why I need to know those details and it hurts having to read that... I guess he didn't expect me to vanish, he expected me to stay in his life, especially now that we have a baby. I guess you could say I dumped him right back after he dumped me with my silence. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Thank u ! Makes a lot of sense. Do you really think the relationship sounds like an emotional blanket even though he left us for this woman ? He said he was madly in love in the letter, maybe again a way to get a reaction because I don't understand why I need to know those details and it hurts having to read that... I guess he didn't expect me to vanish, he expected me to stay in his life, especially now that we have a baby. I guess you could say I dumped him right back after he dumped me with my silence. That is *exactly* what you did. Of course it hurts having to read the tripe he gave you. But think of it this way: You have given him nothing to "adjust" his way of approaching you with other than truthfully. He can't spin anything based on a reaction from you, because he has gotten none. He has to deal with his emotions all by himself (the new relationship won't help him in that area, as you can't bury emotions. They always come out) and it seems he does not like it one bit. The guilt must be eating him alive. I mean, giving the same letter to your father? Does he actually think your father is going to side with him? No. He's looking for guilt relieving options and ways of getting you to contact him. Let him stew. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 After my ex fiancé anounced me that he didn't want to be in our relationship any longer after I just gave birth to our baby well obviously first thing I wanted to do was give him the engagement ring back (he proposed only 6 months ago !) and his house keys. He didn't want to hear about it. The ring is not a cheap one, it's a real stone, so that was kinda weird knowing him ... And keys are the first thing you give back after a break up (I think so anyways) but he said the keys could be useful since all my stuff is still out there, but I am not the type to go to someone's place to collect my stuff behind their backs. So yes I am stuck with those items and feel trapped still having them. Some people say that by letting me have them he is trying to keep a door open ... I don't know, any opinions if there's a meaning behind him letting me keep them ? Oh and all of my stuff is still at his place, he hasn't asked me to collect them or anything, which is pretty weird too ... Isn't that one of the first things you want to happen (dumper) if you are ending a relation ... ?? Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 If you want to go and get your stuff but he is trying to avoid seeing you, because you still have a key you could always text him and ask when he won't be home so you can go then and get your stuff if he is persistent on not wanting to see you. As for the ring, if he doesn't want it back, then it's yours to do whatever you want with. Although pawn shops will rip you off, you may as well get some money out of it and then spend that on yourself, because personally as nice as the ring might be, I wouldn't want to keep it due to the attached memories. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 To be honest, speaking from a purely legal angle, the items are strictly speaking - his. I'd have them delivered to him and let him decide what to do with them. They're his to dispose of as he sees necessary, not you. I hope you're considering child support.... Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 He feels guilty about leaving you at such a crazy time, would be my guess. If you don't want to keep them (understandable), can you ask a friend / relative to bring them to him, or do it yourself if you can? Assuming you'll still be seeing a lot of each other, seeing as you are co-parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Well messed up story here ... I gave birth to our daughter, ex fiancé then decided our relantionship didn't work out only to dump me and start a new relationship right after (no need to say he was messing around before he stopped the relationship, so he basically left me and his babygirl for another woman) I am in NC, he tried to contact me several times but I don't respond. Just adding he can visit his baby through my mother, so I am not denying him that !!! 2 days ago he put a letter in my mailbox blaming the whole break up on me... I am not responding. He doesn't exist. Today I find that a weird looking instagram page is trying to add me, the first thing I think is he made a fake account ... And yes, he is not even clever enough to not add people he know in real live as the people he is following to make it look more genuine ... He actually chose the nickname "singlemommy" lol ... What is his problem, why doesn't he just leave me alone ... He wanted to end the relantionship for another woman, I am leaving him alone, I don't want any contact and blocked him, but now he is trying to sy into my life ! I am fed up and I don't understand what his deal is. This is what he wanted, so why not leave me alone ? Any opinions on what is going on in his tiny mind ? Thank u X Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think he feels guilty for leaving me, he wouldn't have done it since there were no real issues between us, it's just that the grass seems greener somewhere else (let's see how long it lasts) I honestly think he wants to keep the door open, just in case ... Holding on to my stuff and leaving me his computer, the ring and keys ... And it's not the case that he wants me to pick up my stuff without seeing me, if anything he wants to see me, I am the one that does not want to see him, he tried making contact several times ... So yeah, it's a weird situation. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Well messed up story here ... I gave birth to our daughter, ex fiancé then decided our relantionship didn't work out only to dump me and start a new relationship right after (no need to say he was messing around before he stopped the relationship, so he basically left me and his babygirl for another woman) I am in NC, he tried to contact me several times but I don't respond. Just adding he can visit his baby through my mother, so I am not denying him that !!! 2 days ago he put a letter in my mailbox blaming the whole break up on me... I am not responding. He doesn't exist. Today I find that a weird looking instagram page is trying to add me, the first thing I think is he made a fake account ... And yes, he is not even clever enough to not add people he know in real live as the people he is following to make it look more genuine ... He actually chose the nickname "singlemommy" lol ... What is his problem, why doesn't he just leave me alone ... He wanted to end the relantionship for another woman, I am leaving him alone, I don't want any contact and blocked him, but now he is trying to sy into my life ! I am fed up and I don't understand what his deal is. This is what he wanted, so why not leave me alone ? Any opinions on what is going on in his tiny mind ? Thank u X Hi Lolita, As mentioned in your other thread, he is cracking *because* of your silence. Like you stated, you essentially "dumped" him by going NC on him after he walked out. His ego is shattered and it is screwing with him because he is also carrying a huge load of guilt. Keep doing what you are doing. He is doing nothing more than acting out because he can't deal with his own feelings right now. This is only the beginning I would guess. I would expect more actions on his part to get you to talk with him, somehow, someway. Don't concern yourself on why he is doing it. Concern yourself with you and your baby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think he feels guilty for leaving me, he wouldn't have done it since there were no real issues between us, it's just that the grass seems greener somewhere else (let's see how long it lasts) His actions are screaming otherwise. I honestly think he wants to keep the door open, just in case ... Holding on to my stuff and leaving me his computer, the ring and keys ... And it's not the case that he wants me to pick up my stuff without seeing me, if anything he wants to see me, I am the one that does not want to see him, he tried making contact several times ... So yeah, it's a weird situation. The next time he wants to see the baby, leave his stuff with your Mother to give him. Don't mention anything about your stuff. Let him stew in having no clue on what is happening. *He* did this and he needs to process his actions and feelings. Again, let him stew. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 His actions are screaming otherwise. The next time he wants to see the baby, leave his stuff with your Mother to give him. Don't mention anything about your stuff. Let him stew in having no clue on what is happening. *He* did this and he needs to process his actions and feelings. Again, let him stew. Thank you again, you are a big help ! So you actually think he is starting to feel the guilt ? I Always thought that since he had a new relationship he wouldn't even be thinking about it ... After all he has a distraction, the woman he left us for after all ! Today he tried adding me on instagram where I post pictures of my baby with a fake profile. So Obvious it's him, it screams it. I simply don't understand this guy, he is the one who ended it for another life, yet he is trying to spy on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hi Lolita, As mentioned in your other thread, he is cracking *because* of your silence. Like you stated, you essentially "dumped" him by going NC on him after he walked out. His ego is shattered and it is screwing with him because he is also carrying a huge load of guilt. Keep doing what you are doing. He is doing nothing more than acting out because he can't deal with his own feelings right now. This is only the beginning I would guess. I would expect more actions on his part to get you to talk with him, somehow, someway. Don't concern yourself on why he is doing it. Concern yourself with you and your baby. I guess you're right, I just didn't expect him to be preoccupied with us since he has that new woman of his to distract him. He did leave us for her, so why would he even care ... You know. He did write like I said before he wants to be friends, but I don't need his friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Send some friends to go get your stuff and drop his off, including the ring and the keys. Easy-peasy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 This guy can't believe your not pining after him , so he keeps trying to worm his way into your life. PLEASE keep doing NC like you have been - it's really getting to him. All he ever does is blame you for the break up. I would arrange to collect your stuff when he's not there, but he wants to see you, so go with a couple of friends or send some friends if you have good friends that would oblige. I imagine you may have to get your stuff together yourself though. After you've got your stuff, return his keys and engagement ring via your mum or via registered mail. I think he wants to keep the door open and is somehow trying to be nice. Keep NC - you are doing brilliant and congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I'm sure she'll bring you endless joy (along with the sleepless nights) and pleasure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 This guy can't believe your not pining after him , so he keeps trying to worm his way into your life. PLEASE keep doing NC like you have been - it's really getting to him. All he ever does is blame you for the break up. I would arrange to collect your stuff when he's not there, but he wants to see you, so go with a couple of friends or send some friends if you have good friends that would oblige. I imagine you may have to get your stuff together yourself though. After you've got your stuff, return his keys and engagement ring via your mum or via registered mail. I think he wants to keep the door open and is somehow trying to be nice. Keep NC - you are doing brilliant and congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I'm sure she'll bring you endless joy (along with the sleepless nights) and pleasure. Thank you for this. Well I will wait out till he asks my mom for me to get my things ... I am not in a rush and don't want any contact whatsoever. I found out today his new ladyfriend is on a datingsite and still active ... wow ... I heard she's a golddigger, won't take long before she finds someone else since my ex has some money but he is not rich Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 This is actually funny, I spoke to a friend today that I haven't spoken to in a year and told him my story ... My ex his new ladyfriend he left me and his baby for is from the same town as he is, so I mention her name and he is shocked ... Well apparently she is very well known in her hometown (not in a good way) and she is a gold digger. She was dating a very rich man and she is looking for a remplacement. What shocked me the most is that she is still active on the datingsite. She logged in 2 weeks after being FB official with my ex. My ex seems like a very wealthy man, but it's not the case ... I guess my ex is just a stop until she finds better ? Why would she still be on that site, he is just an option, right ? I don't want my ex back (!!!) I just enjoy the fact his karma might be on the way for what he's done to us ... Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 This is actually funny, I spoke to a friend today that I haven't spoken to in a year and told him my story ... My ex his new ladyfriend he left me and his baby for is from the same town as he is, so I mention her name and he is shocked ... Well apparently she is very well known in her hometown (not in a good way) and she is a gold digger. She was dating a very rich man and she is looking for a remplacement. What shocked me the most is that she is still active on the datingsite. She logged in 2 weeks after being FB official with my ex. My ex seems like a very wealthy man, but it's not the case ... I guess my ex is just a stop until she finds better ? Why would she still be on that site, he is just an option, right ? I don't want my ex back (!!!) I just enjoy the fact his karma might be on the way for what he's done to us ... Who cares? That's his problem not yours. Why are you wasting any of your time thinking about this? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Thank you for this. Well I will wait out till he asks my mom for me to get my things ... I am not in a rush and don't want any contact whatsoever. I found out today his new ladyfriend is on a datingsite and still active ... wow ... I heard she's a golddigger, won't take long before she finds someone else since my ex has some money but he is not rich Do you have a lot of stuff at his place? I'd have thought with a new woman he'd want to get rid of your stuff and not have it around. Somehow I don't think it's all hunky dory, but that's his funeral. I know you say you're not in a rush, but the longer you leave your stuff with him, he may be thinking you still want a reason to go there at some point. If your stuff was just in one place and easyto gather, it would work if your mom asked him to drop it off with your her. Then that would draw a final line in the sand - except visitation for your daughter. He's so desperate to not want to look like the bad guy that he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Who cares? That's his problem not yours. Why are you wasting any of your time thinking about this? It's normal that I am thinking of it after what he's done .. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) Who cares? That's his problem not yours. Why are you wasting any of your time thinking about this? Louxor, that is not fair, and frankly not very helpful. I understand you're trying to give a push, but this is a woman who's dude left her with a baby for another woman. That is going to take a while to process. Lolita, Yup, she's looking to vine swing. Your ex is in for a world of hurt. My guess is that he "feels" it with her and that is one of the reasons his actions toward you are gaining traction. Now, sit back and smile and think of the load his shoulders are carrying: Guilt, Ego smashed, and uncertainty with the new woman. Enjoy that smile. :-) Edited October 14, 2015 by frigginlost 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Louxor, that is not fair, and frankly not very helpful. I understand you're trying to give a push, but this is a woman who's dude left her with a baby for another woman. That is going to take a while to process. Lolita, Yup, she's looking to vine swing. Your ex is in for a world of hurt. My guess is that he "feels" it with her and that is one of the reasons his actions toward you are gaining traction. Now, sit back and smile and think of the load his shoulders are carrying: Guilt, Ego smashed, and uncertainty with the new woman. Enjoy that smile. :-) You made my day She deleted her profile now, she probably saw the common friend of mine who visited her page (that site tells you when someone visits your page) and got scared I guess ... Anywhos, the ex sent a text to my mom today complaining again about how I didn't contact him (you were right, the letter was t get a rise out of me) and when he could come see the baby ... My mom sent he could come anytime if he kept her informed when. He answered saying NO, not as long as I didn't want to contact him ... AGAIN with the me having to contact him ! He is acting as if I don't want him to see tha baby, but it's his choice, he absolutely wants contact for God knows what reason. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) You made my day She deleted her profile now, she probably saw the common friend of mine who visited her page (that site tells you when someone visits your page) and got scared I guess ... Anywhos, the ex sent a text to my mom today complaining again about how I didn't contact him (you were right, the letter was t get a rise out of me) and when he could come see the baby ... My mom sent he could come anytime if he kept her informed when. He answered saying NO, not as long as I didn't want to contact him ... AGAIN with the me having to contact him ! He is acting as if I don't want him to see tha baby, but it's his choice, he absolutely wants contact for God knows what reason. :-) Yeah... he is really starting to crack. This is a really good example of what "dumping a dumper" looks like. You have basically obliterated his ego and now it's going to start screwing with his confidence. All you have to do is stay quiet and he will continue to either have a Eureka moment and start to play nice, or he will live with his self absorbed mind and become extremely bitter. And all he has to do is admit to himself that he screwed up... Right now he wants contact from you, because his ego is crushed and he is looking to shed guilt. Stay quiet. Until you get a "I screwed up so bad" letter etc, pay no attention to him. Feels pretty good to have the upper hand on him, doesn't it? :-) Edited October 14, 2015 by frigginlost 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 :-) Yeah... he is really starting to crack. This is a really good example of what "dumping a dumper" looks like. You have basically obliterated his ego and now it's going to start screwing with his confidence. All you have to do is stay quiet and he will continue to either have a Eureka moment and start to play nice, or he will live with his self absorbed mind and become extremely bitter. And all he has to do is admit to himself that he screwed up... Right now he wants contact from you, because his ego is crushed and he is looking to shed guilt. Stay quiet. Until you get a "I screwed up so bad" letter etc, pay no attention to him. Feels pretty good to have the upper hand on him, doesn't it? :-) Yes, it does feel pretty good knowing he is starting to crack and that he has feelings ... When you see his social media, looks like he's the happiest man in the world, I'm sure it's all a facade. He thought I would stay in his life while he was having fun with some other woman after he dumped me and his baby, now that he knows I am gone it's like he wants to get me back in his life. But why ! He has a new relationship. That's the weird part. Like it's bothering him I have selfrespect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Ok, my mother has deleted him off FB because he put her on limited anyways, so today he sends a message saying he is deleted and that it's probably me who've deleted him ... When he didn't get a response he blocked her !!! Link to post Share on other sites
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