Author LOLITA85 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 Yes it is a sign of missing someone, but how do you feel about it?? Is this someone you wish things could have worked out with? worth a second chance? - There are so many factors to consider, for example - if this is someone who cheated on you or was abusive keep up the no contact. If this is someone who you would like to see again then completely ignoring them isn't the best of choices. It all depends on the circumstances of the relationship you had and the severity of the break up. I would like for things to work out for us, but he just hurt me too much at this point, if he would apologize I would consider it, but that same day he sent me a letter putting ALL of the blame of the break up on me again but then ended with the "I loved you more then life" BS and writing "you have my phone number, I'll always answer .." Basically an invitation to contact him since he hasn't got my new number. It's been 2 weeks today and it's going too fast. If he wants to contact me there are other ways then Skype, that's not enough for me yet, maybe he just wants to see if I'm still "around" for him since I totally vanished for him. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 The "lame" letter should tell you everything you need to know. A sincere letter would be short and sweet and to the point. "I miss you. I can't live without you. Everything was all my fault! I'm sorry! Call me as soon as you get this!" It is so normal for two people to miss each other, even if one or both of them has no intention or desire to get back together. You're going to have a tough time if he doesn't know how to do NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 The "lame" letter should tell you everything you need to know. A sincere letter would be short and sweet and to the point. "I miss you. I can't live without you. Everything was all my fault! I'm sorry! Call me as soon as you get this!" It is so normal for two people to miss each other, even if one or both of them has no intention or desire to get back together. You're going to have a tough time if he doesn't know how to do NC. He is still trying to put the blame of the break up on me, and is letting me know that over and over again almost as if I have no reason to be mad and he could come back at any given time because he's done NOTHING wrong ... He sent that letter after 10 days, and his attitude already changed a lot from right after the break up ... It's too soon for him to say anything like "I'm sorry" I know him ... His actions of wanting to contact me say enough, I'm just not going to break NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 ^ This and I think the miscarriage was probably difficult for him too. Everyone handles loss differently. Nah, I was pregnant when he already started acting distant and weird ... Didn't have the miscarriage yet, he barely looked at me after the operation actually ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 So my ex dumped me and it's been 18 days of TOTAL NC. After he sent me the break up message I deleted everything, and changed my number, he can't reach me. After 10 days he sent a letter and tried contacting me on Skype where he deleted me before I could block him and ignored ... I thought that was that. Now yesterday I had a doctors appointement (check up after a miscarriage) he was supposed to drive me to ... He offered my mom to drive me, I've ignored. A day before he sends my mom a text with the address and time of the appointement, like I didn't know that, today we have Google ... and if I would really need it I would have asked my mom to contact HIM. He sent I had to go because it was very important ... What does he care, he dumped me ............. it's like he keeps trying to remind me he's around. I feel it's more of a lame excuse to contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ophelia27 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 So proud of you to keep NC. Men can be like women in a sense.(usually the girls want to stay friends because they enjoy showing their ex they moved on and are happy-ish. It's all about wanting you to want them) He probably feels you moved on and feels left behind. Now, like you said he wants to remind you he is still there. He wants you to think he cares because he wants you to care. Keep up the NC, he will give up eventually. He dumped you, he is just looking for drama. Probably expected you to beg and cry for him to take you back. Things are not going as planned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 So proud of you to keep NC. Men can be like women in a sense.(usually the girls want to stay friends because they enjoy showing their ex they moved on and are happy-ish. It's all about wanting you to want them) He probably feels you moved on and feels left behind. Now, like you said he wants to remind you he is still there. He wants you to think he cares because he wants you to care. Keep up the NC, he will give up eventually. He dumped you, he is just looking for drama. Probably expected you to beg and cry for him to take you back. Things are not going as planned. In this case, he probably does still care. I'm sure the miscarriages and other factors put pressure on the relationship that he was not able to handle. Now that his head has cleared a bit he might be beginning to question his decision. Give him a few more weeks of NC and see how he handles the situation and how you feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 So proud of you to keep NC. Men can be like women in a sense.(usually the girls want to stay friends because they enjoy showing their ex they moved on and are happy-ish. It's all about wanting you to want them) He probably feels you moved on and feels left behind. Now, like you said he wants to remind you he is still there. He wants you to think he cares because he wants you to care. Keep up the NC, he will give up eventually. He dumped you, he is just looking for drama. Probably expected you to beg and cry for him to take you back. Things are not going as planned. Thank you so much, it keeps me motivated He hurt me too much at this point, I actually don't want to hear from him ... I don't know if he cares because I do know that he had a rebound back up ready when he was leaving me, and one of the reasons he left of course ... Could it be that he is realizing that it was a mistake maybe ? I know for a fact the Relationship won't last anyways ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) In this case, he probably does still care. I'm sure the miscarriages and other factors put pressure on the relationship that he was not able to handle. Now that his head has cleared a bit he might be beginning to question his decision. Give him a few more weeks of NC and see how he handles the situation and how you feel. Well like I told you I don't know what to think since he is probably seeing on of his past exes right now ... If I would be happy I wouldn't try and reach out to my ex, let even "remind" me of a doctor appointement for my BODY. He didn't even ask how it went, what he is supposed to, not sending the address ... He was maybe expecting to hear from me ... It's so complicated. Also do you think he still cares because he sent that to my mom ? Edited July 25, 2014 by LOLITA85 Link to post Share on other sites
Ophelia27 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I honestly dont think he as much cares about you as he cares for the fact he is being ignored. Contacting your mother was a desperate move to get you to talk to him. Or to get her to convince you to do so. If he has had a rebound in 18 days of breaking up he is truly not worth any of your time. You deserve better. I can tell by your post and your attitude towards the situation that you are a smart woman. Stay NC. Enjoy being free! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I honestly dont think he as much cares about you as he cares for the fact he is being ignored. Contacting your mother was a desperate move to get you to talk to him. Or to get her to convince you to do so. If he has had a rebound in 18 days of breaking up he is truly not worth any of your time. You deserve better. I can tell by your post and your attitude towards the situation that you are a smart woman. Stay NC. Enjoy being free! He's not in control, and he hates it. I'm sure he'll try one way or the other again to get in contact. He still has all of my stuff, at the beginning he wanted to bring them back to me asap, now he isn't even talking about it anymore ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 Hey ya So like some of you may know I've been in NC for 20 days right after my ex broke up with me. I deleted FB and changed my number, so the only way he can reach out is via my mother. Anyways when he dumped me via Messenger (very charming I know) he sent me he was going to send all my stuff with a van. I deleted Messenger without answering. After that he sent my mom a text about the stuff, and a day they could arrange to bring them back. 3 days after the break up my mom was on the phone with him to ask about my money (he's my ex boss too now) and AGAIN was asking about WHEN he could bring my stuff back. After 10 days of NC he sent a handwritten letter saying I could always call him and tried contacting me on Skype. 2 days ago he sent my mom reminding her of my doctors appointement, but he didn't bring up my stuff any more ... Why is that ? He was in such a hurry to bring them back and now nothing ??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Who knows but if you want your stuff reach out to him & make arrangements to get your stuff. Then go back to ignoring him. If you don't care about the stuff just leave things alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 Who knows but if you want your stuff reach out to him & make arrangements to get your stuff. Then go back to ignoring him. If you don't care about the stuff just leave things alone. That's just it, I don't even want to break NC and reach out to him, I just don't get how it all went from URGENT to 3 weeks later and no news. I care, I wish I knew what was up. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Need to know if the things he has are really that important? Can they be replaced and aren't too valuable? Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 That's just it, I don't even want to break NC and reach out to him, I just don't get how it all went from URGENT to 3 weeks later and no news. I care, I wish I knew what was up. If you continue to ignore him, they eventually quit trying to reach out to you. It seems you may have liked the fact he kept contacting about yourself, maybe thinking it was "bridge" to stay in touch with you and all the false hope that brings. Now that he is not trying as hard you are dismayed. Think about how much you want your stuff. If and when you are ready to get it, you can reach out to him to make arrangements. Or you can let it go if it's not important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 Need to know if the things he has are really that important? Can they be replaced and aren't too valuable? There are very valuable things in there, a furr coat and a Chanel bag, and lots of jewelry, a bike ... Well you can replace it it guess, it's not Worth breaking NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 (edited) If you continue to ignore him, they eventually quit trying to reach out to you. It seems you may have liked the fact he kept contacting about yourself, maybe thinking it was "bridge" to stay in touch with you and all the false hope that brings. Now that he is not trying as hard you are dismayed. Think about how much you want your stuff. If and when you are ready to get it, you can reach out to him to make arrangements. Or you can let it go if it's not important. Of course they stop trying and I get that, thing is the break up has only been 3 weeks ago, and he tries staying in contact with my mom obviously, he didn't tried contacting me anymore since there's no way, but he can always contact my mother about the stuff, he called 2 weeks ago to set up a date and now he doesn't bring it up anymore, but reminds of a doctors appointement like I would forget my own appointement ... Saying how important it is ... But the stuff that were so urgent, 2 weeks later and no news. I'm thinking he is keeping them as an excuse to contact again. Edited July 26, 2014 by LOLITA85 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Of course they stop trying and I get that, thing is the break up has only been 3 weeks ago, and he tries staying in contact with my mom obviously, he didn't tried contacting me anymore since there's no way, but he can always contact my mother about the stuff, he called 2 weeks ago to set up a date and now he doesn't bring it up anymore, but reminds of a doctors appointement like I would forget my own appointement ... Saying how important it is ... But the stuff that were so urgent, 2 weeks later and no news. I'm thinking he is keeping them as an excuse to contact again. It could very well be. You can try to make arrangements again to get it away of the way quickly or just give it some time and try later. It is still soon after the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 It could very well be. You can try to make arrangements again to get it away of the way quickly or just give it some time and try later. It is still soon after the break up. I feel it is that way because he is now probably realizing what he has done, and that I'm not begging and crying ... I vanished and no way to contact me, so now the stuff is not in the way anymore while at first he needed to bring them ASAP. It's kinda obvious and sad .. Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Of course they stop trying and I get that, thing is the break up has only been 3 weeks ago, and he tries staying in contact with my mom obviously, he didn't tried contacting me anymore since there's no way, but he can always contact my mother about the stuff, he called 2 weeks ago to set up a date and now he doesn't bring it up anymore, but reminds of a doctors appointement like I would forget my own appointement ... Saying how important it is ... But the stuff that were so urgent, 2 weeks later and no news. I'm thinking he is keeping them as an excuse to contact again. Or he could just as equally just not care and decided to quit contacting. You are reading a lot into this and are setting yourself up for disappointment. I would contact him, get your stuff, and be done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Sorry but this is going against everything NC goes for ... I was jus wondering why right after the BU it was soooo urgent to bring my stuff back and 2 weeks laters he doesn't bring it up, if he won't care he wound't send the text about the doctor oppintement or driving me, he didn't stop contacting, only hasn't been bringin op my stuff I just think he keeps them now because he is realizing what a douche he has been and this is a way for him to contact eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Sorry but this is going against everything NC goes for ... I was jus wondering why right after the BU it was soooo urgent to bring my stuff back and 2 weeks laters he doesn't bring it up, if he won't care he wound't send the text about the doctor oppintement or driving me, he didn't stop contacting, only hasn't been bringin op my stuff I just think he keeps them now because he is realizing what a douche he has been and this is a way for him to contact eventually. Do you want to know WHY he is acting this way, or do you want suggestions on how to retrieve the stuff? We can't tell you why he is doing this, and it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Like some of you know already today is day 22 of NC for me, didn't break it, ex tried contacting in various ways but he can't contact me since I deleted FB and changed my number. Today my mom gets 3 messages from him. 1. was to ask how my doctors appointement went After she answered he started freaking out it seems and sent huge messages: 2. Saying how it would never have happened if I put more work in the Relationship and was more genuine, yadayada ... 3. He was sending how he still was thinking about me a lot, missed me, that he was emotionally drained and was heartbroken. I just don't get this, what is he trying to reach and why does he send my mom all this ??? He dumped ME. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LOLITA85 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 I really need opinions please So my ex broke it off with me 3 weeks ago, when he did I deleted FB and changed my number right away. So he haven't been able to contact me since the break up (22 days) He tried (letter, Skype) I ignored. Today my mother recieves 3 messages, 1 about asking me about my doctorsappointement, and 2 huge messages: Second one was about how we wouldn't be broken up have I been more genuine and yadayada (blaming me for nothing) Third one he was saying how he still thinks a lot about me, is heartbroken, emotinonally drained and hurt. He dumped ME. What does his behaviour tell you? Link to post Share on other sites
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