! Lost all dignity and self respect

[Heartbroken_84]

I think deep down the reason i was prolonging it was because I actually wanted to receive another message from him, its like I need that validation that he does care and then not reply so that it hurts him. But realistically it isnt going to emotionally affect him the way i think it is, certainly not on the same level that I am hurting anyway. The quicker I come to terms with that the better!!!

 

Sorry for my rants!

[Heartbroken_84]

Sorry but i have to admit one more thing and get it off my chest, as embarrassing as it is.

 

I also thought that by just deleting him, he will still be able to search for me and look at my pictures, and that would make him miss me.

 

I know PATHETIC. But thats what i was thinking. I thought if i block him then he wont be able to look at my pictures, hence he wont miss me, my smile etc.

 

What do u think guys?? Am i really weird? or do u understand where i am coming from?

[BC1980]

Omg I blocked him!!!!!! That was so difficult!!!! I feel so spiteful :(:(:(

 

Its such a horrible feeling. I know it was the right thing to do but it was horrible he is gona think I'm a bitch why do i care i'm so annoyed at myself for caring. He is actually gona think I am spiteful, dramatic and just all the things he already thinks about me. Eugh.

 

These are normal emotions to go through. Honestly, you will see in later months that it really doesn't matter what he thinks. He probably doesn't care as much as you think he does, and that's just the honest truth. It's hard to hear that, but none of our exes likely care as much as we imagine they do.

 

When you actually think about it, there is no sense in feeling any guilt over blocking someone who broke your heart. He should feel guilt if anyone should. You can't control what he thinks. That is impossible, but you can control doing what it best for you. After a breakup, it's best to remove an ex from your life. Remove all photos, block social media, delete phone numbers, return gifts, ect. It's whatever you need to do to move on.

 

After my breakup, I gave my ex a box of all the letters he had sent to me. Actually, we lived together, but I had been collecting letters in the box for 3 years. He tried to give it to me when I moved out, but I wouldn't take it. I told him he could do with it what he wished, and he thought that was so strange. He didn't understand why I didn't want to keep the letters for "fond memories" as he said. Just remember that one person's way of dealing with a breakup may not be your way, and that is okay. If my ex thought I was too emotional or petty for not taking the letters, tough sh*t. I can't do what he thinks I should do and sacrifice myself to possibly look better in his eyes.

[Heartbroken_84]

These are normal emotions to go through. Honestly, you will see in later months that it really doesn't matter what he thinks. He probably doesn't care as much as you think he does, and that's just the honest truth. It's hard to hear that, but none of our exes likely care as much as we imagine they do.

 

When you actually think about it, there is no sense in feeling any guilt over blocking someone who broke your heart. He should feel guilt if anyone should. You can't control what he thinks. That is impossible, but you can control doing what it best for you. After a breakup, it's best to remove an ex from your life. Remove all photos, block social media, delete phone numbers, return gifts, ect. It's whatever you need to do to move on.

 

After my breakup, I gave my ex a box of all the letters he had sent to me. Actually, we lived together, but I had been collecting letters in the box for 3 years. He tried to give it to me when I moved out, but I wouldn't take it. I told him he could do with it what he wished, and he thought that was so strange. He didn't understand why I didn't want to keep the letters for "fond memories" as he said. Just remember that one person's way of dealing with a breakup may not be your way, and that is okay. If my ex thought I was too emotional or petty for not taking the letters, tough sh*t. I can't do what he thinks I should do and sacrifice myself to possibly look better in his eyes.

 

Thanks BC. I know I should feel relief now but I feel **** tbh. I liked the fact I could look at his picture if I missed him, but I know that wouldnt help me in healing or moving on. Just cant believe this is actually it. Its mad, the finality of it is so overwhelming. Its only been a week, I cant even imagine how I am gona spend my life without him. There is no way he can contact me now even if he wanted to, which is hard to take. I feel like he is just gona forget about me now that I am completely cut off from him. I want him to regret his decision!!!!! I dont know why, I just do. I want an apology. I wont ever know now though if he tried to apologise.

 

I know I am going round in circles here, its just my emotions are all over the place. I appreciate your understanding and patience guys.

[mtnbiker3000]

I want him to regret his decision!!!!! I dont know why, I just do. I want an apology. I wont ever know now though if he tried to apologise.

 

This is your bruised ego. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. I still struggle with this 18 months post BU...

[Heartbroken_84]

This is your bruised ego. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. I still struggle with this 18 months post BU...

 

I'm actually regretting blocking him now. I wish I hadnt. What if it was the wrong thing to do and he never comes back to me now? I'm not saying I would have taken him back, I'm saying now I will never know if he wanted to come back or tried to get in touch with me because I have closed all windows of communication. Crap now I'l never know if he wanted to message me and apologise or get in touch :(

[BC1980]

Thanks BC. I know I should feel relief now but I feel **** tbh. I liked the fact I could look at his picture if I missed him, but I know that wouldnt help me in healing or moving on. Just cant believe this is actually it. Its mad, the finality of it is so overwhelming. Its only been a week, I cant even imagine how I am gona spend my life without him. There is no way he can contact me now even if he wanted to, which is hard to take. I feel like he is just gona forget about me now that I am completely cut off from him. I want him to regret his decision!!!!! I dont know why, I just do. I want an apology. I wont ever know now though if he tried to apologise.

 

I know I am going round in circles here, its just my emotions are all over the place. I appreciate your understanding and patience guys.

 

The most I ever got was, "I'm sorry it turned out this way," so my ex didn't really take any responsibility. I don't think it would matter if he did. Even if he came to me and admitted all wrongdoing, how does that help me? It's easy to be sorry after the fact, but the reality is that the person made the decisions they made at the time. I think "I'm sorry" is just a platitude. It's a nice thing to say, even in other situations, but what does it really mean? I feel like if my ex had really been a decent person, he would never have done some of the things he did. So I don't really care if he's sorry or not. I just don't.

[Heartbroken_84]

The most I ever got was, "I'm sorry it turned out this way," so my ex didn't really take any responsibility. I don't think it would matter if he did. Even if he came to me and admitted all wrongdoing, how does that help me? It's easy to be sorry after the fact, but the reality is that the person made the decisions they made at the time. I think "I'm sorry" is just a platitude. It's a nice thing to say, even in other situations, but what does it really mean? I feel like if my ex had really been a decent person, he would never have done some of the things he did. So I don't really care if he's sorry or not. I just don't.

 

I guess thats true, but I would have wanted to know if he regretted his decision and asked me to take him back. I wont know now

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm actually regretting blocking him now. I wish I hadnt. What if it was the wrong thing to do and he never comes back to me now? I'm not saying I would have taken him back, I'm saying now I will never know if he wanted to come back or tried to get in touch with me because I have closed all windows of communication. Crap now I'l never know if he wanted to message me and apologise or get in touch :(

 

You need to get a grip. If he wants to get a hold of you that badly he'll find a way. You need to stop this clingy stuff, truly let go and let life take its course. The fact that you are being all weird about this particular point is the exact reason why it was necessary to block in the first place.

 

Maybe it would be better for you to log off the computer, take a long walk or a drive somewhere and just clear your head. I think you are in that constant rehashing stage right now and sometimes, you just need to get away. Maybe take a mini-vacation to somewhere you've never been. Change it up a bit because the ruminating and second-guessing just isn't constructive right now. You need a mental break.

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess thats true, but I would have wanted to know if he regretted his decision and asked me to take him back. I wont know now

 

This is absolutely, unequivocally 100 percent incorrect. If he's that desperate to take you back (though you have to get those false-hope delusions out of your head), blocking him on social media or on your phone won't matter. He'll call from another number, he'll call you at work, he'll visit your place, he'll make it known. If a simple block stops him from doing that, then he isn't serious about it in the first place.

[mtnbiker3000]

I guess thats true, but I would have wanted to know if he regretted his decision and asked me to take him back. I wont know now

 

People don't regret this decision, then come running back. That's Hollywood, not reality. This is something you are creating in your own mind only. As Simon said, take a break. You really need it...

[Heartbroken_84]

Guys help, I really want to contact him so badly today. I need to tell him that i accept his decision and that I wish him the best. I cant bear that the way I left things was by my crazy messages saying I was devastated and 'how could he do this'

 

I feel like I need to explain that I am going to seek help for my behaviour and work on myself so that I never act like that again. I feel like i need him to know.

 

On the other hand i'm still so angry that he treated me that way couple weeks before my final exam. Also because I told him i would leave him alone but that i just wanted to talk to him before I did. And all he kept saying was 'STOP MESSAGING ME, LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE, 'you said you were gona leave me alone'

 

Okay even typing what he said makes me shiver. I feel so guilty that I drove him to be that nasty and cold to me. I feel like its all my fault. i am to blame for him being so unbelievably cold to me. Its all my fault

[emotionalMess]

That is a normal urge but. "DONT DO IT". You will regret it.

Write a letter to him and email it yourself. Read it in a week and you

will see why you should not have sent it.

[emotionalMess]

Hey EM, I have been thinking a lot and I think i am just gona bite the bullet and block him. I know that its imperative that I do so for my own well being. I just didnt want to actually admit the fact that I think part of me was wanting to leave that window open for him to contact me. I cant do that to myself though, because he may never contact me so i would just be waiting for something that isnt going to happen, and in the mean time harming myself.

 

So i am going to block him, I've decided. I'l probably burst into tears again, the same way i did when I unfriended him. Eugh. But I know it needs to be done.

 

Thanks so much for your patience everyone and advice. Its just such a difficult time as u all will know from your own experience.

 

And thankyou EM it was really hard not replying to his message, and even today I got to a point earlier where I was desperate to message him but I didnt and I know I cant.

 

The more I read the positive posts on this forum the stronger I feel. Its really touching to read such empowering and motivational posts!!! It really helps me

 

I was even thinking 'you know what he is a fool for letting me go!' (despite my crazy behaviour. But just generally I believe that he is the one that has lost out!

 

Yep, he lost out. You are correct

[Zahara]

Guys help, I really want to contact him so badly today. I need to tell him that i accept his decision and that I wish him the best. I cant bear that the way I left things was by my crazy messages saying I was devastated and 'how could he do this'

 

Everything you did and said is not out of the ordinary. He knows you were hurt and that you were in a state of panic. His text to you asking how you are is an indication that he's not viewing you in a negative fashion. If he was, he'd be ignoring you. A break-up doesn't come in a nice package with a pretty bow. It's riddled with hurt, pain, confusion and anger and there is never going to be that proper closure you seek. STOP trying to fix the image you think he has in his mind. It's not going to change the decision he made whether you walked away "crazy" or not. Let time change that for you.

 

I feel like I need to explain that I am going to seek help for my behaviour and work on myself so that I never act like that again. I feel like i need him to know.

 

You're doing this because you want to be potentially "marketable" to him again. Maybe if you say that he may reconsider? Maybe that leaves a door open to him just in case? Stop this behavior. Change because you want to change for yourself. You don't change because you want to receive validation and because you want someone to love you.

 

On the other hand i'm still so angry that he treated me that way couple weeks before my final exam. Also because I told him i would leave him alone but that i just wanted to talk to him before I did. And all he kept saying was 'STOP MESSAGING ME, LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE, 'you said you were gona leave me alone'

 

Keep reminding yourself of this when you want to make contact. When someone wants you to leave them alone, trust that they mean it.

 

Okay even typing what he said makes me shiver. I feel so guilty that I drove him to be that nasty and cold to me. I feel like its all my fault. i am to blame for him being so unbelievably cold to me. Its all my fault

 

You can beat yourself as much as you want but it's not going to change anything. It's done. It's over.

[BC1980]

Guys help, I really want to contact him so badly today. I need to tell him that i accept his decision and that I wish him the best. I cant bear that the way I left things was by my crazy messages saying I was devastated and 'how could he do this'

 

I feel like I need to explain that I am going to seek help for my behaviour and work on myself so that I never act like that again. I feel like i need him to know.

 

On the other hand i'm still so angry that he treated me that way couple weeks before my final exam. Also because I told him i would leave him alone but that i just wanted to talk to him before I did. And all he kept saying was 'STOP MESSAGING ME, LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE, 'you said you were gona leave me alone'

 

Okay even typing what he said makes me shiver. I feel so guilty that I drove him to be that nasty and cold to me. I feel like its all my fault. i am to blame for him being so unbelievably cold to me. Its all my fault

 

You can't control how he sees you. That's the bottom line. You will always think you need to do or say one more thing for him to see you in a positive light. It snowballs from there, and you end up in a worse place than before.

 

Also, think of it this way. Does he care what light you see him in? Probably not so much. Again, I will say that I don't think he cares much if you work on your behavior and change. When people dump someone, they truly want to be rid of the person. They don't want to get into any emotional conversations; they want to move on in that instant.

 

Most of us have had urges to contact our exes to either set them straight or try to leave a good lasting impression. All of this stuff you are feeling is completely normal, and that is why we are telling you it's pointless to contact him. We have been there, done that, and we don't want you to make the same mistake.

[Heartbroken_84]

Hey, thanks for your posts guys. I feel really low, I have an exam a week today and I cant focus. Every time I try and concentrate I keep thinking of him. Its just too overwhelming and i feel like I'm having an anxiety attack. All I keep thinking is I want him back, i miss him. I just want these thoughts to stop. I cant get a grip of myself. I feel so hurt and let down.

[emotionalMess]

This will remind you that it's all about you.

Your focus should be on you. Watch this then powe thru your study .

 

You can do this. Do it for you!

[Simon Phoenix]

Guys help, I really want to contact him so badly today. I need to tell him that i accept his decision and that I wish him the best. I cant bear that the way I left things was by my crazy messages saying I was devastated and 'how could he do this'

 

I feel like I need to explain that I am going to seek help for my behaviour and work on myself so that I never act like that again. I feel like i need him to know.

 

On the other hand i'm still so angry that he treated me that way couple weeks before my final exam. Also because I told him i would leave him alone but that i just wanted to talk to him before I did. And all he kept saying was 'STOP MESSAGING ME, LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE, 'you said you were gona leave me alone'

 

Okay even typing what he said makes me shiver. I feel so guilty that I drove him to be that nasty and cold to me. I feel like its all my fault. i am to blame for him being so unbelievably cold to me. Its all my fault

 

By doing this, you are engaging in the same crazy behavior that you are trying to apologize for, so you are basically being a hypocrite. If this is really about apologizing than you just being quiet and leaving him alone is a hell of a lot more genuine gesture than sending him something. You were crazy before and there's nothing you can do about it except to stop being crazy. You can't control your past behavior, but you can control your future behavior.

 

Honestly, like I said before, you need to take a trip or do something, anything, to change things up in your life, even if it's temporary.

[Heartbroken_84]

By doing this, you are engaging in the same crazy behavior that you are trying to apologize for, so you are basically being a hypocrite. If this is really about apologizing than you just being quiet and leaving him alone is a hell of a lot more genuine gesture than sending him something. You were crazy before and there's nothing you can do about it except to stop being crazy. You can't control your past behavior, but you can control your future behavior.

 

Honestly, like I said before, you need to take a trip or do something, anything, to change things up in your life, even if it's temporary.

 

Hi Simon, I appreciate your posts and I know you are trying to help but your approach isnt helping me be strong at all if i'm honest. I need more positive encouragement to help me believe I will be okay and that I can get through this. Not to be reminded of how crazy i am acting or acted. I know its over i'm just not dealing with it very well.

 

I have an exam in a week which is adding to my anxiety and stress so right now I am not able to do anything but study. After my exam I willd efintely be trying to go out and do things to keep busy

[Heartbroken_84]

This will remind you that it's all about you.

Your focus should be on you. Watch this then powe thru your study .

 

You can do this. Do it for you!

 

Thanks EM x

[BC1980]

Hi Simon, I appreciate your posts and I know you are trying to help but your approach isnt helping me be strong at all if i'm honest. I need more positive encouragement to help me believe I will be okay and that I can get through this. Not to be reminded of how crazy i am acting or acted. I know its over i'm just not dealing with it very well.

 

I have an exam in a week which is adding to my anxiety and stress so right now I am not able to do anything but study. After my exam I willd efintely be trying to go out and do things to keep busy

 

Everyone has done something crazy after a breakup, at some point in their life. I think you would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't done anything they regret. When I was in college, my boyfriend and I had a fight, and I went to his house in the middle of the night, demanding to be let in. So I don't think any of us are exempt when it comes to matters of the heart. Of course, now I look back and laugh about doing that, but I thought I was so in love and all that cr@p at the time.

 

Anyway, I'm just trying to say that the best way to forget what you did is to simply move on from it and have NC with him. Usually, when you start to say more to set the record straight or improve your image, it doesn't end up like you planned. In my experience, it almost always ends up worse, and I've had four breakups in my time. Less is more in this instance, and the reality is that you won't care that much in a few months time. I can tell you that I have no idea how my ex views me at this point, and I don't care either. There was definitely a point where I didn't think I would say that, but I can say it now.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hi Simon, I appreciate your posts and I know you are trying to help but your approach isnt helping me be strong at all if i'm honest. I need more positive encouragement to help me believe I will be okay and that I can get through this. Not to be reminded of how crazy i am acting or acted. I know its over i'm just not dealing with it very well.

 

I have an exam in a week which is adding to my anxiety and stress so right now I am not able to do anything but study. After my exam I willd efintely be trying to go out and do things to keep busy

 

I'm well aware it's tough and you will be OK. But you will not be OK if you give in to your self-destructive impulses. We all have had them during the breakup. And I only remind you of what you did before so you don't do it again and any contact right now will be you doing it again. You have plenty of people giving you positive encouragement in this thread and while I'm not being negative, I am being honest. And honestly, if you really want to apologize, leaving your ex alone will be more of an apology than actually verbalizing it to him. Anything you say right now will be regarded as crazy to him, so it's best to say nothing.

 

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to keep it real and give you concrete reasons why contacting him to apologize is a bad idea. I'll leave it to others to give you sunshine, rainbows, and candy.

[Simon Phoenix]

Everyone has done something crazy after a breakup, at some point in their life. I think you would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't done anything they regret. When I was in college, my boyfriend and I had a fight, and I went to his house in the middle of the night, demanding to be let in. So I don't think any of us are exempt when it comes to matters of the heart. Of course, now I look back and laugh about doing that, but I thought I was so in love and all that cr@p at the time.

 

Anyway, I'm just trying to say that the best way to forget what you did is to simply move on from it and have NC with him. Usually, when you start to say more to set the record straight or improve your image, it doesn't end up like you planned. In my experience, it almost always ends up worse, and I've had four breakups in my time. Less is more in this instance, and the reality is that you won't care that much in a few months time. I can tell you that I have no idea how my ex views me at this point, and I don't care either. There was definitely a point where I didn't think I would say that, but I can say it now.

 

Yep, it always ends up worse. You get a temporary high, but then you second-guess yourself. There's the one thing you wanted to say which you didn't, or you think of something else after the fact and have the impulse to contact again. It's like walking in quicksand -- the more you struggle, the more you drown.

[Heartbroken_84]

Everyone has done something crazy after a breakup, at some point in their life. I think you would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't done anything they regret. When I was in college, my boyfriend and I had a fight, and I went to his house in the middle of the night, demanding to be let in. So I don't think any of us are exempt when it comes to matters of the heart. Of course, now I look back and laugh about doing that, but I thought I was so in love and all that cr@p at the time.

 

Anyway, I'm just trying to say that the best way to forget what you did is to simply move on from it and have NC with him. Usually, when you start to say more to set the record straight or improve your image, it doesn't end up like you planned. In my experience, it almost always ends up worse, and I've had four breakups in my time. Less is more in this instance, and the reality is that you won't care that much in a few months time. I can tell you that I have no idea how my ex views me at this point, and I don't care either. There was definitely a point where I didn't think I would say that, but I can say it now.

 

Hey BC, thanks thats reassuring to know. And yes you're right, no good can be gained from contacting him. I just have my moments where I want to cave but I dont think i will because I imagine how much worse Il be feeling after and its just not worth it.

 

I cant even imagine not caring, I actually just had to deactivate my account for a while because even though i deleted his friends I still somehow managed to see him in someone from uni's picture and it was like a knife to the heart. Especially cause that picture was taken 2 days ago. I looked at the picture and didnt expect to see him and then I burst into tears. The pain I felt and the loss when I looked at it, was just so immense its mad. I had to just deactivate my account because I cant face having to deal with seeing anymore pictures before my exam. Its too upsetting and has set me back again. I thought I had removed all ways possible so the shock of seeing him in a picture has shaken me up and I miss him all over again