You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[SJC2008]

Well, email gets FLOODED, but really? Have you actually read all the messages you got? Mine said, "too bad you just want friends hehehe, let me know if you change your mind", "do you like big D!Ck?" etc. etc. Out of the hundreds I got not one that actually read my profile, and not one cared that they didn't meet what I was looking for.

 

I beleive you but this should be a lesson learned. Looking for friends on an online dating site? You brought that on yourself. Go to meetup.com if you're looking for friends.

 

So think about it, the average girl has to weed out all of those a$$hats to find the decent guys who are genuine like you. And lets face it, a lot of guys on those sites just want sex, that's why they hit up girls that may not be as attractive as they would require for a relationship.

 

But they fall for it, get pumped and dumped and then post here. Rinse and repeat. Then they think they're hot and ignore guys in their league.

[Glinda.Good]

Holy crap! Make your heart sing? Really? Sigh.

 

 

 

Basically, yeah. This is why some women always end up dating the wrong people. Why focus on practical things like finding someone who is a good person, or someone that sincerely cares about you, when you can just chase some heart singing chemistry instead?

 

There are SO MANY wonderful people in this world who are not abusive disgusting rapists! I hope we all have ONLY friends like this in our lives.

 

The singing heart thing is what sets the one who is getting in bed with a woman apart.

 

If she likes abusive men, that is a big problem of hers. Choosing not to have a sexual relationship with a man she does not feel sexually attracted to is HEALTHY.

Edited June 14, 2014 by Glinda.Good
Whoops! I thought I was still on the short people thread

[Glinda.Good]

This is why some women always end up dating the wrong people.

 

Who are you to say what is right or wrong for another person? Often a person has to go through something so that they can learn. For some of us, that involves "wrong" people.

 

This has not one thing to do with all the other people on Earth who happen to think of themselves as the RIGHT people.

 

Why focus on practical things like finding someone who is a good person, or someone that sincerely cares about you, when you can just chase some heart singing chemistry instead?

 

Good for you for having your own priorities in place. I hope you find a nice decent woman who has ones that match up nicely with yours. All the other women who don't? What they do or do not like is really not your affair.

 

When a person expresses that they think they somehow "deserve" a sexual relationship simply because they are not abusive or stinky, that smacks of a whole lot of entitlement.

[GoodOnPaper]

When a person expresses that they think they somehow "deserve" a sexual relationship simply because they are not abusive or stinky, that smacks of a whole lot of entitlement.

 

I think most of the time, this "entitlement" is just a general frustration with the fact that it's SO difficult to get a date or attract a sex partner when there are billions of paired couples in the world. It shouldn't be nearly as difficult or painful as it is/was for some of us.

 

 

I hope you find a nice decent woman who has ones that match up nicely with yours.

 

This sounds so genteel. I don't want my partner to be "nice" in bed any more than she wants me to be "nice". Guys who struggle want their sex lives to be just as exciting as those of the guys who can routinely attract ONSs and FWBs. At least in my experience, a nice+nice partnership doesn't add up to that. I wish it did.

[hotpotato]

I've not personally experienced this flexibility.

 

 

I've had men tell me I'm too tall. I've had men call me chunky (??)

 

Yep. I've known tall guys say they didn't want to date girls who were too tall, but too tall varies.

 

 

Men can be picky, picky, too.

[El Brujo]

Is there any reason a girl should say that shes having trouble finding a bf or dates?

 

Only thing I can say about this is that some people can be attracted to just anyone of the opposite sex... such people have a hard time understanding how others can be picky.

 

It's because some of us know what we like vs. what we don't like, and this drives non-picky people up the wall because they don't understand it.

[iiiii]

In some ways the OP is right. If women will lower their standards enough, they generally have no problem finding a steady boyfriend.

 

Same can be said for most guys, of course.

 

However, there's also nothing wrong with hanging out for that one person who really makes you happy.

[Glinda.Good]

When you have people in their 30's with a string of failed relationships in their wake, and still haven't changed they dating priorities, you would think they would wise up. Nope, doesn't seem to be the case.

 

Maybe you could look at this from a different perspective. Perhaps such a person in their 30's does NOT need to "lower their standards," but instead take a good hard look at themselves and work on what they find that needs it. That might enable them to attract the person who they really want to spend their time with. Or, to have a fulfilling life regardless.

 

I think you're right here. This is why so many perpetually single people stay this way. They want a certain type of person who doesn't want them.

 

I propose that any relationship that is based on the idea that somebody realizes they have unrealistic expectations so therefore need to "SETTLE" is doomed.

 

Changing ones expectations is often positive. LOWERING them - no.

 

Do you know how many times i hear girls talk about how they deserve the best? Why? Because they're a female? I have a Facebook "friend" who just said this today. In the same post where she complains about her baby daddy. Bound to be some guys who think they deserve a date too.

 

I really do know. The whole "entitlement" thing is rampant. Honestly, there is very little that anyone "deserves."

 

I think that the "I deserve" plague is spread between men and women pretty equally, though. It's a big turn off and dead end.

 

I think entitlement is the flavor of the month or something. Entitlement this, entitlement that. I don't always think it has to do with entitlement. If you take an average looking guy or girl with a decent job, and no serious baggage, I think it's realistic for them to assume that someone on a similar level would at least consider them for a date.

 

Sure, why not? But your example of your fb friend IS an example of entitlement. This thread and many others on LS are examples of the feeling of entitlement. The idea that anybody "deserves" this or that relationship wise is not right.

 

Finding somebody who will love you and accept your love is a huge gift not to be taken as an entitlement. And, I guess, so is finding people who feel like having fun and casual sex with you. Not a "given" in life.

[KathyM]

Maybe you could look at this from a different perspective. Perhaps such a person in their 30's does NOT need to "lower their standards," but instead take a good hard look at themselves and work on what they find that needs it. That might enable them to attract the person who they really want to spend their time with. Or, to have a fulfilling life regardless.

Good advice, to work on yourself to make you more attractive to those you are attracted to. Of course, a person does have to be realistic about what they can and cannot change, and adjust their expectations accordingly. And if a person has done the self improvement, and still find themselves unable to attract a partner, then they are likely going to need to adjust their standards for a partner to someone whom they can attract.

 

 

I propose that any relationship that is based on the idea that somebody realizes they have unrealistic expectations so therefore need to "SETTLE" is doomed.

 

Changing ones expectations is often positive. LOWERING them - no.

The above paragraph does not make sense. If a guy has unrealistic expectations for a partner, you are telling them to change but not lower their expectations. You think raising their expectations is going to produce better results when they've not be able to have any success with the expectations they currently have? That makes no sense. If a person has unrealistic expectations, he needs to adjust them to what is realistic.

[Imported]

From what I've read and seen, it seems that oddly enough, taller men are more picky about height than shorter guys are.

 

The reason being is that the tall guys want to feel that they can protect and dominate their woman. They want to feel extra masculine and being able to throw her around and stuff. That's why guys who are 6'0 may prefer women that are 5'2.

 

Though as a short guy, I know that I'll never able to feel that, "I'm much bigger than her so I can dominate her thing," unless I'm dating a Hobbit

 

So basically I'm fine dating a woman of any height, unless she actually makes me feel like a Hobbit.

 

That's because you have skin, muscle and organs.

 

Maybe if you were just a skeleton, you'd be fine for them.

 

I disagree. Guys that are tall are surrounded by plenty of women that are shorter. There are choices to make. Same thing for women of @average height and shorter.

 

Taller women is the opposite. They learn to be more accepting that a guy may be shorter than them. Same for shorter guys, they learn to accept women taller than them.

 

I think its all about the options you have.

 

OK, so if you disagree with me; then why do you think some men that are 5'10 or taller say that a woman who is 5'8 is too tall for them?

 

I disagree with the bolded. Your reasoning why 5'10" and taller guys would consider turning down a 5'8" woman. It's not to feel more masculine or stronger than her, it's mainly because there are no problems finding women shorter than 5'8". I think it just looks weird when the girl is taller. And I like it when women wear heels.

 

Unless the girl is on testosterone, it is very unlikely that she will be anywhere near my strength. Even if she lifts. Or is taller than me. Hell, there are a lot of guys out there taller than me that are weak. Also, no doubt some shorter guys that are stronger.

Edited June 16, 2014 by Imported

[joystickd]

Oh my! It's not one of these threads. If you guys would quit whining and get out here and socialize you might meet a women. Please do that instead of spending time trying to analyze intricacies of women in regards to attraction and dating. All you are doing is making it worse on yourself by sitting on here. People have no problem finding what they want because they are proactive and seek it.

[joystickd]

Holy crap! Make your heart sing? Really? Sigh.

 

 

 

Basically, yeah. This is why some women always end up dating the wrong people. Why focus on practical things like finding someone who is a good person, or someone that sincerely cares about you, when you can just chase some heart singing chemistry instead?

Attraction is not a choice. The sooner you learn that the better your life will be. You wouldn't be singing this tune if you made some heart singing chemistry in a woman. Practical things and logic don't work on emotional level which is where attraction lies. It's why you are still more than likely single

[BoringPerson]

Attraction is not a choice. The sooner you learn that the better your life will be. You wouldn't be singing this tune if you made some heart singing chemistry in a woman. Practical things and logic don't work on emotional level which is where attraction lies. It's why you are still more than likely single

 

Actually attraction is a choice.

 

We are programmed by what the media and society tells us as to what is attractive.

 

Remember in the 60's and early 70's having a beard and hairy chest were seen as attractive features, while today women want their men to wax all of their body hair.

 

Its the same reason as today that we dont see short people as leads in movies or as the 'ladies men' but simply as the joke characters or bumbling idiot side kicks.

 

The whole 'attraction is not a choice' is garbage PUA mumbo jumbo. People used to be able to fall in love with people they did not find attractive at first many years ago. But in today's society with the internet, online dating and iphones we dont give people any more then a few seconds to impress us. We treat people as lifeless products. If you are not good enough back to the scrap heap you go, and wait to the newer better model

[BoringPerson]

Do you know how many times i hear girls talk about how they deserve the best? Why? Because they're a female? I have a Facebook "friend" who just said this today. In the same post where she complains about her baby daddy. Bound to be some guys who think they deserve a date too.

 

I think entitlement is the flavor of the month or something. Entitlement this, entitlement that. I don't always think it has to do with entitlement. If you take an average looking guy or girl with a decent job, and no serious baggage, I think it's realistic for them to assume that someone on a similar level would at least consider them for a date.

 

Exactly.

 

If a guy has some standards, doesnt want to date down, has a particular preference in dating he yelled at by females and White Knights. He is told to 'man up', stop being so 'picky' and date down. Stop acting so entitled.

 

A women is allowed to go home crying after a big night at the club and complain that there are no good guys out there, why cant i find Mr Perfect etc

 

I thought with feminism making women equal with men then shouldn't the same rules of society apply to both men and women? Next time i see a drunk woman almost close to tears that she is nearing 30 and still cant find Mr Right i am going to tell her to stop acting entitled, to get over herself and maybe lower her expectations. I wonder how will she take it? Honestly she will probably want to try fight me, make up some lame excuses on how hard it is for women in the dating world or a battalion of beta white knights will want to beat me up.

[irc333]

Funny how you mention someone putting in their FB status about "What they're looking for"

 

This woman I've known for a while..though she's okay looking, she's got some weight on her, pretty eyes, but doesn't bring that much to the table in the looks department. An almost 50 year old woman with boob tats, but looks to old for that kind of ink.

 

Anyhow, she just posted ON her proifle

 

"I'm about to turn 50, here's what she state:

 

You know I'm going to be 50 years old on my next birthday. But I'm super,super picky or you can call it shallow.

Really, I just want to find a 50 year old that looks like a 40 year old with the energy of a 30 year old who has all his hair, good teeth and is not holding a fish in his profile picture. Can you find me one of them?

 

She doesn't bring much to the table herself, but expects more than that in return??

 

 

Exactly.

 

If a guy has some standards, doesnt want to date down, has a particular preference in dating he yelled at by females and White Knights. He is told to 'man up', stop being so 'picky' and date down. Stop acting so entitled.

 

A women is allowed to go home crying after a big night at the club and complain that there are no good guys out there, why cant i find Mr Perfect etc

 

I thought with feminism making women equal with men then shouldn't the same rules of society apply to both men and women? Next time i see a drunk woman almost close to tears that she is nearing 30 and still cant find Mr Right i am going to tell her to stop acting entitled, to get over herself and maybe lower her expectations. I wonder how will she take it? Honestly she will probably want to try fight me, make up some lame excuses on how hard it is for women in the dating world or a battalion of beta white knights will want to beat me up.

[Imported]

Actually attraction is a choice.

 

We are programmed by what the media and society tells us as to what is attractive.

 

Remember in the 60's and early 70's having a beard and hairy chest were seen as attractive features, while today women want their men to wax all of their body hair.

 

Its the same reason as today that we dont see short people as leads in movies or as the 'ladies men' but simply as the joke characters or bumbling idiot side kicks.

 

Tom Cruise is 5'7", Johnny Dep is 5'10". Not really tall guys. Many of the regular lead male actors are also 6' and under....not over.

 

Also, 60's and 70's, women actually had to find a man to support them as they were not able to actually get many well paying jobs.

 

I do believe the media influences us, but it doesn't control us. They can present Rosan Barr in a million different movies as the epitome of female attractiveness and I will still be 100% un-attracted to her or women that are similar to her.

 

There is a level of attraction you need to be at for the person you are interested in before "attraction doesn't matter". Because attraction does matter.

[hasaquestion]

I considered writing a response to it but I just thought 'what's the point?'

 

I have found 2 Mr Rights.. but they rejected me. I fell madly in love with someone but it was 1 sided. If someone yelled at me for being upset and told me to lower my standards.. well that is just wrong. This place really angers me these days.. and I am glad I haven't had the misfortune of meeting such people in the real world, and hope I never do.

 

Well if you want to stick around reading this site you have to understand that this place attracts the most embittered, unreasonably cynical people out there.

 

I don't let stuff on here bother me, because I see enough positive in real life to balance it out. I have someone in my life who I like, who thinks I'm hot stuff, despite my badly thinning hair relative to my age and being 5'10, which I honesty considered quite tall before I came on here and found out that I apparently have leprosy.

 

My circle of close friends, aged 23-26, who like me are all varying degrees of not-Ryan Reynolds, have girlfriends, none of which are "fatties" or have "busted smiles" or anything of the sort. They're just cool guys who worked hard in school, make some money, tell jokes, and know how to socialize well.

 

This post will probably get me accused of being a "white knight". But at the end of the day, there's things in life that are in your control and things that aren't. What you focus on is up to you.

[BoringPerson]

Tom Cruise is 5'7", Johnny Dep is 5'10". Not really tall guys. Many of the regular lead male actors are also 6' and under....not over.

 

Also, 60's and 70's, women actually had to find a man to support them as they were not able to actually get many well paying jobs.

 

I do believe the media influences us, but it doesn't control us. They can present Rosan Barr in a million different movies as the epitome of female attractiveness and I will still be 100% un-attracted to her or women that are similar to her.

 

There is a level of attraction you need to be at for the person you are interested in before "attraction doesn't matter". Because attraction does matter.

 

Tom Cruise and other movie actors have fame and money on their side. Women go crazy for money and fame. Its like seeing a old fat millionare with a hot young wife, and then me turning around and saying "wow a old fat guy has a attractive, gee whillikers that must mean all other fat men should be good with women as well!"

 

By the way in movies Tom Cruise and Johny Depp are made to look taller and other people shorter or same height.

 

Short men who are considered attractive in the media tend to have lots of money and status but also very attractive faces. Tom Cruise and Johny Depp are like in the top 5% of attractive male faces in the world. Most common people are not that good looking. If you are a short man your only hope of compensating your lack of height is to have a male model type of face and lots of money and status. Flip side of the coin a fat women can lose weight or get liposuction, a small breasted women can get breast implants etc. "Ugly guys' still have it harder

 

By the way short actors like Tom Cruise are still made fun of by a lot of women and their women magazines for being short, for having partners taller then him etc

 

In regards to attraction not being a choice. What about religious couples or couples who are set up through a organized wedding? They are able to chose to eventually love their partners even if they are not Mr Perfect or a swimsuit model. Its the same with attractive women marrying rich old men, they sure seem to be able to chose who they are attracted too....

 

This may blow your mind, but a lot of women when they reach 30+ settle for their partners. They seem to be able to chose who they are attracted to.

 

Seems like the people who love to splurt "you cant chose who you are attracted to" are weirdo PUA's or women with very high standards waiting for mr perfect

[MidwestUSA]

Funny how you mention someone putting in their FB status about "What they're looking for"

 

This woman I've known for a while..though she's okay looking, she's got some weight on her, pretty eyes, but doesn't bring that much to the table in the looks department. An almost 50 year old woman with boob tats, but looks to old for that kind of ink.

 

Anyhow, she just posted ON her proifle

 

"I'm about to turn 50, here's what she state:

 

You know I'm going to be 50 years old on my next birthday. But I'm super,super picky or you can call it shallow.

Really, I just want to find a 50 year old that looks like a 40 year old with the energy of a 30 year old who has all his hair, good teeth and is not holding a fish in his profile picture. Can you find me one of them?

 

She doesn't bring much to the table herself, but expects more than that in return??

 

She's entitled to ASK for whatever she wants. I would have read that as being tongue in cheek. She probably knows exactly what she brings to the table, and maybe it's deeper than looks, which you seem to solely judge her on. Can you say one thing about her that isn't looks related?

 

 

What exactly is 'that kind of ink'?

[Glinda.Good]

The above paragraph does not make sense. If a guy has unrealistic expectations for a partner, you are telling them to change but not lower their expectations. You think raising their expectations is going to produce better results when they've not be able to have any success with the expectations they currently have? That makes no sense. If a person has unrealistic expectations, he needs to adjust them to what is realistic.

 

I don't think that "adjusting" equates to "lowering."

 

If a guy thinks he will accept ONLY a girl with long blonde hair, at least a D cup bra and not over 115 pounds, but doesn't manage to land one like that … so he begrudgingly decides to accept a brunette with a B cup who weighs 135 pounds, I predict doom. Because he did not "get" what he really wanted. She will always be second best. Who wants that position in a relationship.

 

Adjusting standards, OTOH, would be more like, "wow! I really like this girl with the small breasts! I can't believe how much her smile makes me feel so good! She really thinks I'm funny, and we have a blast together. She actually looks adorable with that pixie haircut! Her neck is beautiful, I would like to kiss it. I hope she likes me too!"

 

For the record, I do not think this is a guy thing; it's exactly the same for girls. If people are unable to ever be flexible on their physical standards, they will probably either end up disappointed, or with the "wrong" person just because they have the "right" packaging.

[Glinda.Good]

Tom Cruise and other movie actors have fame and money on their side.

 

But … Tom Cruise was already short BEFORE he got the money and fame. And he was a leading man very early in his career (Risky Business), with adoring female fans.

[KathyM]

I don't think that "adjusting" equates to "lowering."

 

If a guy thinks he will accept ONLY a girl with long blonde hair, at least a D cup bra and not over 115 pounds, but doesn't manage to land one like that … so he begrudgingly decides to accept a brunette with a B cup who weighs 135 pounds, I predict doom. Because he did not "get" what he really wanted. She will always be second best. Who wants that position in a relationship.

 

Adjusting standards, OTOH, would be more like, "wow! I really like this girl with the small breasts! I can't believe how much her smile makes me feel so good! She really thinks I'm funny, and we have a blast together. She actually looks adorable with that pixie haircut! Her neck is beautiful, I would like to kiss it. I hope she likes me too!"

 

For the record, I do not think this is a guy thing; it's exactly the same for girls. If people are unable to ever be flexible on their physical standards, they will probably either end up disappointed, or with the "wrong" person just because they have the "right" packaging.

So you're saying that people who struggle with dating should learn to be more flexible in who they are willing to date, and learn to appreciate other qualities, even if some features are not what the person would normally be attracted to. I agree, adjusting standards will widen the dating pool and likely result in greater success.

[Glinda.Good]

A women is allowed to go home crying after a big night at the club and complain

 

You're allowed to do it, too. Go for it!

 

So you're saying that people who struggle with dating should learn to be more flexible in who they are willing to date, and learn to appreciate other qualities, even if some features are not what the person would normally be attracted to. I agree, adjusting standards will widen the dating pool and likely result in greater success.

 

Yes, and probably look inside themselves as well. It's pretty common for people to have found their real love in somebody who was far from what they thought they were looking for. If someone's all about "oh, I'm so upset that I am a 6 and only 4's want to date me," I think there are reasons that this person is lonely and single besides the fact that their physical preferences are not being met.

 

We don't always know what is best for us.

 

This all does not change my position that people, and "girls" in this particular thread, need to put themselves into a romantic situation with someone they do not feel attracted to. Even if he is not an obese filthy abuser.

Edited June 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[KathyM]

This all does not change my position that people, and "girls" in this particular thread, need to put themselves into a romantic situation with someone they do not feel attracted to.

But you're suggesting looking for other traits in a person that are attractive, such as personality, and being more flexible about what you consider attractive.

[somedude81]

I don't think that "adjusting" equates to "lowering."

 

If a guy thinks he will accept ONLY a girl with long blonde hair, at least a D cup bra and not over 115 pounds, but doesn't manage to land one like that … so he begrudgingly decides to accept a brunette with a B cup who weighs 135 pounds, I predict doom. Because he did not "get" what he really wanted. She will always be second best. Who wants that position in a relationship.

 

Adjusting standards, OTOH, would be more like, "wow! I really like this girl with the small breasts! I can't believe how much her smile makes me feel so good! She really thinks I'm funny, and we have a blast together. She actually looks adorable with that pixie haircut! Her neck is beautiful, I would like to kiss it. I hope she likes me too!"

Your example is going a little further than adjusting standards.

 

It's basically being excited about something that is pretty close to the opposite of what one is most attracted to. It's completely unrealistic.

 

Also I don't think that men with such rigid standards of only wanting very thin, or only large breasts, only long blonde hair actually exist.

 

Though one thing I do believe is that it is important to be physically attracted to your partner and there has to be some physical trait they have that one likes.