Is being of Indian descent really that detrimental even if you are Americanized?

[R3d]

But you know what? normal person, you're right. I really need to try and err and figure out what works for me on my own rather than just relying on online "advice". I think that this is still a good resource but I also think that I need to stop coming onto the internet for every little thing and maybe trust myself a little bit. The problem is I don't. I don't trust my instincts. I try to override my instinctual thinking with logical thinking which is also detrimental because this kind of thing isn't supposed to be logical. As someone on another forum told me, "The main reason is you're an intelligent logical thinker. Sex and relationship takes primal instincts and emotion rather than logic." And I don't really trust my primal instincts.

 

But anyway, back onto what I was talking about earlier. I definitely think I need to just start trying stuff on my own and "fail forward" as they say. My dad is into gardening. In our last house, we had a neighbor who was also really into her gardening. So my dad looked up something on some forum about which soil to use and he got all different answers. He tells the neighbor and the neighbor is like, "What are they? Your relatives?" And actually, my parents don't approve of me going to all these forums to get advice about "stuff" (they don't know exactly what it's about because I refuse to disclose) and that's why they often tease me and say things like, "Stop taking everything your 'relatives' say so seriously." And sometimes when I tell them something "I heard", they will ask me, "Who said that? Your relatives?"

 

So I think this is comparable to when my dad asked about which soil to use and he got all different results. The same thing happens when I ask for advice about this. So I think the solution here is to just try and find what works for me through trial and error.

[Ian Fleming]

Seems like OP is very insecure and neurotic about being Indian so I'd thought I share my experiences and my story. I'll break it down for you guys too, bolding each part.

 

American guy of indian heritage here, born and raised in the US just like the OP but in my 20s. I am around 6"2 and if it makes any difference I have the skin complexion commonly found in the middle east and some parts of the mediterranean. Was the only indian kid growing up in my area and I get told I look a lot like this guy.

 

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m63tjfArBI1rw8qnso1_500.gif

 

I mostly grew up around white kids and never really thought about race growing up. Did things that American kids would do and I never really even knew as a kid that I looked different. Growing up I had friends over at my house that were usually white and these were the friends that would stick with me throughout high school. Played sports in high school (safety on the football team) and mostly hung out with kids that were seen as popular.

 

First experience with a girl.

 

First experience with a girl was at the age of 16, it was this blonde of Russian heritage who was the most attractive girl at my high school (and we were known for having hot girls). She would talk to me a lot and was always curious about what was going on in my life during my first two years of high school and then one weekend during my junior year my parents were away. I was texting her back and forth and told her about it, she asked if she could come over, and I said yes. The russian girl came over, we chatted for a bit and then had sex. We would have sex a few more times, the most memorable time was when we were making out naked in the living room of her house and I put her over my shoulders carrying her upstairs to the bedroom. I still can't believe I did that lol.

 

Then time came for us to go off to college, she went off to a different school than I did. We had sex for the final time on a vacation trip before finally going our own ways, heard she got into a very popular sorority at her university.

 

Off to college and my experience as a frat boy.

 

Went to college, rushed a popular fraternity, and the rest was history. I was one of the very few guys in my fraternity that wasn't white. My fraternity had a latino guy (brazilian), a black-white mixed guy, an asian-white mixed guy, and an asian guy. All of these guys hit the gym and made sure to look their best, trendy, and really took care of their bodies. They could all had six pack abs along with most of the guys in our fraternity who got a lot of action.

 

The guys I ended up being real close friends with were the latino guy and a tall blonde dude.

 

I got so much attention for looking different, it was like I was exotic enough for most girls but also acceptable in the sense that seeing a guy like me with a white girl isn't necessarily that taboo to most whites as opposed to seeing a black guy with a white girl (no racist).

 

First two years of college I had a lot of sex, probably hooked up with close to 30 different girls most of them being blonde but a small number of brunettes and a couple of redheads.

 

A random sexual encounter that I just had to share.

 

One summer I am out jogging and this one blonde who sees me a lot at the gym. This blonde is curvy and has a really nice body kinda like that of Trish Stratus from WWE, she reminded me of her so much. We chat a bit and then go for a walk. One thing leads to another and she is at my apartment which was close by, we got inside and I laid down because we were tired from a hot sunny day and covered in sweat. At first we chat and then we get closer to each other because I "couldn't hear her". I get closer to the point I am inches away from her face and we just start making out, she loved how I was kissing her neck and from there we had sex.

 

Note: If you have never had sex after a nice workout, you are missing out!

 

I meet my now girlfriend.

 

So this one blonde who was in one of the most popular sororities which only allowed cute girls in it is at an event, I approach her and get blown off. At other events she is calling me the "creepy guy" and even says "is it common for men from your part of the world to see women as sex toys". Well I persist and start joking with her about her statements, one time she said "I don't even think you have been with a girl before" and I replied sarcastically saying "I was saving myself for you". The way it happened made everyone laugh and she smiled at my sense of humor.

 

Then by chance we were both in the same class one summer and when time for partners for this one activity came I was looking around. The blonde finds me and we were partners, I joked a bit about her being partners with the creepy guy to which she smiled about.

 

It was a summer on a college campus, not much to do so we went out on a few dates and spent a lot of nights together with each other watching movies and making out along with having sex a lot. During the fall semester we got into a relationship with each other and have been with each other for months now. Two of my closest friends are a Brazilian guy and a tall blonde guy who gets checked out a lot by women and the love of my life is a very attractive blonde from a rich family who people thought would be the last to be with me especially given the fact that she was hostile to me when we first met. Her sisters are curious about me and seem to like me.

 

So about being an indian guy and going interracial.

 

I feel that because the average indian guy is nothing to be awed at people are almost stunned by me being around. The fact that I put so much into my appearance really makes me stand out and one girl told me it is like seeing a unicorn lol. I have had a lot of options with girls of other races and quite honestly many of these girls were attractive. Just looking back at it now I am amazed by how many girls liked me because I am an indian guy that broke the stereotypes. It is almost like since so many indian guys don't put effort into being good looking I benefit off of it that much more because I stick out.

 

If most indian guys out there were like sanjay gupta or the guy from heroes then it would actually hurt the average indian guy because he would be compared to them. I feel like since I am being compared to some immigrant with a heavy accent, bad haircut, mustache, and poor hygiene it really helps me and a lot of women love me for it.

 

Even in times when it has come up, my ability to play it off has been appealing to people. Example of it earlier when I talked about my now girlfriend judging me for it and then eventually hooking up with me.

[Ian Fleming]

I haven't had much issues with girls of minority background at all (plenty tend to throw themselves at me tbh) but then there are white girls

 

The 3 kinds of white girls.

 

1. Those that are inclined to go for indian and foreign looking guys (not white or black) in general.

 

I find that most of these women are well traveled and tend to have a diverse group of friends. They might be against going for black guys due to social pressures and it being taboo in society but they have been with mainly white guys and feel the need to try something new. A lot of these girls are usually well educated and more "artsy" too, some of them are hippie girls and others are just girls looking to try something new.

 

There are plenty of girls like this in college too, they see a guy that is good looking but more exotic and they just want to get a piece of him. My latino friend and I hooked up with tons of girls like this in our first 2 years of college.

 

2. Those that have no preference towards foreign looking guys but have nothing against going for one either.

 

A lot of the times these girls have a preference towards white guys but they aren't against going for foreign looking guys either. A lot of these girls are just your plain regular Western girls who don't even think about race that much but when a quality guy that happens to be asian or indian comes along they won't deny him for his race either. These girls care more about whoy ou are rather than where you are from.

 

3. Those that are generally against going for foreign looking guys and see them as undesirable but will still hook up with one if he is a quality guy.

 

Typically these girls are from areas where a certain race as a terrible reputation (Indians and asians in vancouver, Indians and pakistanis in London, and Arabs in France). It is mostly due to them growing up in societies where those men were looked down upon and dating one could mean a hit to her social status. A lot of these girls have been socially conditioned to only go for white or black guys because that is what is seen as normal but if a quality guy comes along that happens to be a mexican or indian then she will without a doubt give him a chance.

 

One of the girls I knew early on in college was a blonde that had come to the US from Vancouver, Canada. She openly said that she thought asian and indian men were "unattractive" and would "never get with one". My reaction to it all was "we'll see about that", she was tall and decent looking. About two weeks later I ended up sleeping with her and she was all over me. A year later I meet her and she is dating a muscular korean guy.

 

Another girl I knew was this tall and beautiful british brunette with bright blue eyes, anyone that lives in the UK will know that Indians and Pakistanis have a bad reputation with women there. She tries to test me by telling me all about how "pakistanis and indians have a bad reputation in the UK" but I joke about it. For some reason, she was into me and needless to say I slept with her.

 

Then I met a Scandinavian foreign exchange student from Sweden who thought I was arabic and she was a total ice queen too. One time in a conversation she was saying the most racist things about arabian people. I just look at her and ignore the whole thing pretending like she never even said it. Then as she is sitting down with an empty seat next to her I just stand up, guess she felt bad about what she did and asked if I wanted to sit down with her. We chatted and you know where this is going, yes we had sex.

 

At last there was this French brunette that looked gorgeous in glasses and who again, also hated arabian looking men due to France having issues with immigrants from there it seems. She was very rude to me at first and constantly brought up my background but I just played it off and ignored it. For some reason, I didn't get upset or riled up by any of the things she said and simply joked with her about it. Well needless to say I slept with her a few times and now she is engaged to a Pakistani guy, how ironic!

[Ian Fleming]

My one last message to indian guys out there.

 

 

There is an correlation between the amount of indians in a given area and your chances of going interracial with an attractive white girl in that area. An indian guy that is westernized and good looking will have a much easier time dating a good looking white girl in Texas, Arizona, Montreal, or Italy as opposed to Toronto, London, or Vancouver. Reason being that areas with lots of Indians tend to be areas that have Indians who are right out of India and refuse to assimilate into western society. There are a lot of conflicts between regular society and indians that refuse to assimilate into western culture.

 

As a westernized indian guy, you are immediately grouped in with some guy right out of india on first sight. Interracial dating especially with white women that are attractive tends to be a lot tougher because she risks having a lower status due to going for an indian guy.

 

A white girl in Arizona would be a lot more willing to hook up with an indian guy that is good looking and westernized as opposed to a white girl in Toronto who just sees him as another immigrant.

 

If the indian population here in the west increases and more weirdos from India bring that backwards culture into the west, things are going to be a bit difficult for indian men. As my previous post said though, even the girls that are most passionately against going for foreign looking guys will get with one if he separates himself from whatever stereotype she might have.

[R3d]

Okay thanks for your insights man. I haven't been insecure over my race or even height (that much) lately and I hope it stays that way.

 

My main insecurity now is actually being bad at talking to girls. I just never know what to talk about. Like I can talk about all the general stuff, but once I am through with that, I don't know how to make my conversations with my current crush more personal and become more than just acquaintances. That has been my problem all along. I keep getting stuck in the "acquaintance zone" because I never know how to get to a point where we we could talk for long periods of time and about stuff that isn't general or "boring".

 

I am so bad that I can't even get frirndzoned. I get acquaitancezoned.

[Moonborn]

Well I would agree that I simply shouldn't fall for a girl because she's cute, but if I get along with her as well, I don't see the problem.

 

I mean dude, how often will that happen? That will probably almost never happen, that I meet a cute girl who's into me with whom I get along. Keyword: almost. So I am not saying it's impossible, but I don't think that will happen more than once every few years.

 

She could be cute and you could get along with her and she likes you. Then you fall in love with her. Then it comes out that she is a total psycho. Or that she likes to sleep with a different man every night. Or that she occasionally stops showering for days and days. It's not that easy .

 

You will definitely meet plenty of girls who are into you as soon as you stop obsessing over things. Really, think about it. You say you are good at school. How well would you do with your tests if you were terrified of failing them each time you have one? It's not that different.

[R3d]

I am volunteering half-day at this camp and have developed a new crush there recently (we just introduced ourselves and started talking today), so...

 

I don't have a car nor can I drive and it would be a hassle for my parents to drive me back and forth (and kind of embarrassing) to those kind of places. And that's really the only way to get there unless you're expecting me to ride my bike for unreasonably long distances.

 

Also, of the few "high school chums", none of them party. I don't really have any friends "like that".

 

Sad, I know.

Edited July 11, 2014 by R3d

[melodicintention]

Native american or Asian Indian? You gotta be really specific dude. Too many people still refer to the the 500 nations as "Indian."

 

I DJed at a wedding where a white girl married an Asian Indian and they were quite the cute couple. She was very proud of being with him. A lot of her friends where jealous. He had no issue obviously.

 

If I was hesitant to date someone of another culture, it would be due to the culture the potential disconnect it can causes, not their race.

[sugarlove]

I'm not white but have dated a few Indian guys.. asian Indian and aussie Indians. Most of it is due to their confidence and their personalities.. nothing more and nothing less.

[EverLastluv]

A hindu who is ashamed of your culture! Get with the program young men. Go to the mandir and pray more offen you will find some clarity in your self. Be thankful that you are bless with health and strength ( thats the mind of a true hindu) there is no comparison to any white dud, plus all the crap you complaining about about your height. You have a long time to go so take it easy. Prayers will work