Is being of Indian descent really that detrimental even if you are Americanized?

[MrRightNow]

It seems like you're ashamed of your Indian background which is a terrible quality. You should be proud of your heritage!

 

I'm an American of Pakistani descent, so you and I are very similar. The only time I had trouble attracting women was when I was a chubby teenager. I think the main reason a lot of Indian guys struggle is the fact that they're insecure about their ethnicity and lack confidence. They also tend to hang out exclusively with other Indians, which is pretty lame.

 

My advice is to build a large and diverse social circle and be as outgoing as possible. By the way, if you're attractive and fit, it really doesn't matter what race you are. So hit the gym and always dress to impress.

[R3d]

Get in the gym, get yourself in shape. Get busy in various activities. Hang out with friends.

 

What kinds of girls are you going after? Are you focusing on one particular race?

 

And again, get rid of the self-loathing. Girls will pick up on that immediately.

 

I have a preference for white skin - I just find it attractive. However, it is totally not be-all, end-all. What's more important for me is if she is Americanized. I am a believer of American culture and I want to be treated like a white dude.

I understand your frustration, but do not give in to negativity, do not denigrate yourself.

 

What type of girls are you going after? Maybe you can market yourself to another type of girls, such as short girls.

 

I am definitely going to go after short girls. The problem is, I heard girls who are 4'11 even prefer guys to be 6'0 or taller, partially because they don't want their children to be short. But also, because, that's just how it is.

 

Stop thinking that your height and race is undesirable. It'll make you insecure and that will make you undesirable. This is a trap I see a lot of guys fall into. For the most part, it's not the biggest problem if you're short, Indian, or Westernized/not Westernized. If you're insecure and full of self-loathing, it doesn't matter what color and height you are because you won't be attractive to anyone.

 

Instead of thinking about what you perceive as hindrances, why not highlight what's attractive about you? What do you bring to the table? Look at Aziz Ansari, a short Indian guy. He's hilarious, and that's all I think about when I see him do his act or on TV or whatever. The other stuff doesn't even register. You need positive traits to lean on so you won't dwell on the stuff that you think others will overlook you for.

 

If you want to know the answer to this, see my last post, again. And stop ASKING how youre supposed to do it. Take charge of your life, stop looking to be held by the hand, and do the research yourself. Start LOOKING at the ways to get the dates. You have the internet at your hands, dont sit there looking at the screen looking to ask people how to do it, look up how to do it.

 

I know how the process works and I understand the only way is to approach and put myself out there. I follow Jad T Jones on YouTube and he's taught me a lot. The problem is, what I meant was, how am I supposed to get a "yes"? That's what I meant by how I am supposed to get a date. In the past two months, I hit on three girls and all three flaked/rejected me. I know that's not a lot but after reading stuff on various forums on the internet, I feel like I am doomed.

 

It seems like you're ashamed of your Indian background which is a terrible quality. You should be proud of your heritage!

 

I'm an American of Pakistani descent, so you and I are very similar. The only time I had trouble attracting women was when I was a chubby teenager. I think the main reason a lot of Indian guys struggle is the fact that they're insecure about their ethnicity and lack confidence. They also tend to hang out exclusively with other Indians, which is pretty lame.

 

My advice is to build a large and diverse social circle and be as outgoing as possible. By the way, if you're attractive and fit, it really doesn't matter what race you are. So hit the gym and always dress to impress.

 

Actually, I have no Indian friends really. I am naturally introverted but I still try to socialize with people and put myself out there.

 

And regarding fitness, I do cardiovascular (like running) and stretching exercises to stay fit, but don't plan on getting jacked until my early adulthood years because I don't want to stunt my growth.

 

I also already mentioned that my hygiene and everything of the like is excellent and all taken care of.

 

And you want to know where I heard being Indian was detrimental? Actually a lot of places, but here is an example (from this board): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/381347-how-true-indian-men

 

Yet, whenever I ask this question, they tell me I am being insecure for no reason, for some reason. Which, in reality is what I want to hear, but it sounds too good to be true after reading other **** on the internet.

Edited May 2, 2014 by R3d

[Eddie Edirol]

I know how the process works and I understand the only way is to approach and put myself out there. I follow Jad T Jones on YouTube and he's taught me a lot. The problem is, what I meant was, how am I supposed to get a "yes"? That's what I meant by how I am supposed to get a date. In the past two months, I hit on three girls and all three flaked/rejected me. I know that's not a lot but after reading stuff on various forums on the internet, I feel like I am doomed.

if you dont understand how to get the yes, or you dont know why the 3 women rejected you, then you havent done enough research yet. Also you have to approach ALOT more women than three to learn how to talk to them. Like you have to approach hundreds, and you have to not care about the results.

[R3d]

if you dont understand how to get the yes, or you dont know why the 3 women rejected you, then you havent done enough research yet. Also you have to approach ALOT more women than three to learn how to talk to them. Like you have to approach hundreds, and you have to not care about the results.

 

Actually, I have done a TON of research. Too much actually. What I meant was, how am I supposed to get a" yes" with this height and race? And how am I supposed to know why they rejected me? Its not like they tell you. I mean, yes I have given deep thought to why I might have gotten rejected besides the mere fact that she doesn't like me. But I can't exactly know why.

 

I have watched tons of videos, read tons of articles, spent hours a day surfing the forums about this shot for the past three months, and a lot on and off over the past few years. I still do. The problem not at all is the research. Its the lack of experience, which I am trying to get. Which I will get.

 

The main problem is I feel like I am going to keep getting rejected like 50 times without getting a "yes" while other guys will get 3 out of 10 at least if they are tall and white. That's what pisses me off. And really, I can't approach too many girls so quickly because then I will be labeled creepy. I am still getting over my approach anxiety and social awkwardness as well.

[R3d]

And they always tell me you have to approach hundreds or whatever. But I just don't think that's true. The vast majority of guys my age have had a girlfriend before. Most guys can expect to get accepted 1-3 times per 10. Me? I might get 1/50 and then I will probably get rejected on the dates or her friends will tell her to not date me because of my height and race.

 

Just because a girl says" yes" doesn't mean he's your girlfriend. Even after that" yes" you usually have a slim chance of actually getting into a relationship with her. And I haven't begun to even talk about what if I don't end up liking her?

[jonsnuh]

Sorry to hijack the thread a bit, but what about OLD?

 

I've noticed there are profiles like on OkCupid where profiles have expressed that they would strongly date someone of their own race. Would you still attempt to woo that person if you found them attractive, or would you avoid him/her?

 

Response rates to messages have been analysed before indicating that success could be determined by race preference.

[R3d]

Like basically my thought process is this: "Why would she go out with a short, Indian dude like me when she can easily have a 6'3 white dude instead?" No really, why?

[jonsnuh]

Like basically my thought process is this: "Why would she go out with a short, Indian dude like me when she can easily have a 6'3 white dude instead?" No really, why?

 

Because she might not be superficial. The 6'3 dude could be a whimp and a short, Indian dude could put him in his place being more of a connection than he could be.

[L1ght]

Its all about how you see yourself and not allowing how other CERTAIN people want to see you effect your state of mind. Your race is really of no significance if you don't want it to be. You will meet certain people who judge you because of your race but its up to you to close those people off from your life. Go to school, go to college, achieve things in life and your race will have zero impact on getting girls. Some people are narrow minded but most aren't.

 

 

I was bullied for being mixed race when I was young and to be honest if people call you names for long enough its easy to start believing it. As I got into my later teens I became a successful athlete and started doing ok at school and guess what? Those idiots who picked on me disappeared and I never had problems getting girls...funny that.

Edited May 2, 2014 by L1ght

[R3d]

Because she might not be superficial. The 6'3 dude could be a whimp and a short, Indian dude could put him in his place being more of a connection than he could be.

 

No 6'3 dude is a wimp. They are all like actual real men.

 

And you can't blame the girls. It's not their fault. It's no one's fault. It just is what it is. But you can't blame them because I have certain superficial deal-breakers too. We all do.

 

Anyway, did you read the thread I linked to on page 2 to explain why I am concerned about my ethnicity?

 

See, every time THEY post something like this, people tell them, "Yeah dude. You're ****ed." Yet whenever I post the same thing, they tell me to stop being insecure. Of course, that's what I want to hear, but I just feel like it's too good to be true, that being Indian or short is not that detrimental, because I see other guys complaining about how no girl will give them the time of day even when they are confident and possess good qualities.

 

Statural and racial preferences are very real and backed by millions of years of evolution, a very powerful influence. This is not something like hair or eye color or whatever, that doesn't mean ****. Or at least not very much ****, unlike height and race.

 

Keep in mind, even after I pass all those filters and finally find one (if I do), there is still a slim chance after THAT she will stick with me, because you actually have to go on dates, while she's dating other people. Add that women are naturally more choosy and care too much about what their friends think. I mean seriously. With all these ****ing filters, how am I supposed to get a girlfriend? Forget getting a wife later on down the road...that ain't happening, unless some miracle happens.

[R3d]

Go to school, go to college, achieve things in life and your race will have zero impact on getting girls. Some people are narrow minded but most aren't.

 

Again, sounds too good to be true. And mixed race is not the same as being Indian. Indian is actually a race that is mocked and locked down on in America. We have awful stereotypes. Its not being Indian in and of itself that I am ashamed of. Its because it is so negatively perceived by Americans.

[jonsnuh]

No 6'3 dude is a wimp. They are all like actual real men.

 

Why the hell are you generalizing? I went to a math school which was full of socially awkward males. A good friend of mine was tall, lanky and was never the social type that made him seem like a wimp. Was he a goddamn research genius savant? Yes sir!

[Eddie Edirol]

Once again, all of your questions come from lack of research. If you did tons of research, you would know what to do, and why you strike out, and that your height doesnt determine your success. It looks more to me like youve spend more time focusing on the abstract rather than the reality.

 

You dont even know why youre supposed to approach 100s of women. Its to figure out what approach works best, its not to actually date them. Its to figure out what they respond well to, and what they dont respond well to. Once you to some trial an error research, in addition to more online research, or find some guys in the club that will give you tips, only then will you know with each tried tactic why you are striking out. You cant learn with aproaching only 3 girls. And you have to become really thick skinned.

 

Women can tell when youre a rookie. They can also tell when youre starving for love, you act needy and you dont even know it. But until you find the reasons youre striking out, you will stay lonely. More research. make it happen.

[MidwestUSA]

Sorry to hijack the thread a bit, but what about OLD?

 

I've noticed there are profiles like on OkCupid where profiles have expressed that they would strongly date someone of their own race. Would you still attempt to woo that person if you found them attractive, or would you avoid him/her?

 

Response rates to messages have been analysed before indicating that success could be determined by race preference.

 

OMG, he's 16!! He doesn't have to resort to that. He's got high school and college ahead of him yet!

[L1ght]

Again, sounds too good to be true. And mixed race is not the same as being Indian. Indian is actually a race that is mocked and locked down on in America. We have awful stereotypes. Its not being Indian in and of itself that I am ashamed of. Its because it is so negatively perceived by Americans.

 

So you saying that you have it harder than everybody else on the planet? Because that's kinda what it sounds like you're saying to me. Listen dude. I had big problems with racists when I was young and I don't appreciate you belittling my experiences. I'm actually trying to help you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Be proud of your heritage, be thankful that you live in a country that provides you tremendous opportunities in life, get off your ass and learn how to be good at something. Finding women will then not be a problem.

[R3d]

Of course I will continue to approach women. You're right, my trial-and-error research is not there.

 

And from a small fraction of my online research, I have read hundreds of threads and articles on how bad short or Indian men have it and why.

 

I really think, I have done more than enough online research. Now, it's just a matter of getting more hands-on experience which I am. But I still have approach anxiety, mostly due to my race and height. I think that she's going to be disgusted by my approach because I am short and Indian. Also, social awkwardness is somewhat of an issue, but I am not too worried about that because I think that I can get over it after a while.

 

Self-loathing though, is an issue that is not going away. And until it goes away, I can't do anything. That's my problem. Yet I continue to believe that I should self-loathe and keep convincing myself how detrimental being short and Indian is.

 

Really, that's the only thing I am fixated on like honey in hair. That the major problem. Which is why I am seriously considering therapy for this. The other stuff I am not too worried about and think I can overcome. I also don't have an issue with rejection in and of itself. What I do have a problem with is infinite rejection, meaning if it gets to the point where not even 1 out of 500 girls have said "yes"...while other guys only have to deal with about 5-10 rejections for every "yes". At that point it's more, "Will I ever get a girlfriend?" than the rejection. Rejection in and of itself doesn't sting me much.

[L1ght]

Of course I will continue to approach women. You're right, my trial-and-error research is not there.

 

And from a small fraction of my online research, I have read hundreds of threads and articles on how bad short or Indian men have it and why.

 

I really think, I have done more than enough online research. Now, it's just a matter of getting more hands-on experience which I am. But I still have approach anxiety, mostly due to my race and height. I think that she's going to be disgusted by my approach because I am short and Indian. Also, social awkwardness is somewhat of an issue, but I am not too worried about that because I think that I can get over it after a while.

 

Self-loathing though, is an issue that is not going away. And until it goes away, I can't do anything. That's my problem. Yet I continue to believe that I should self-loathe and keep convincing myself how detrimental being short and Indian is.

 

Really, that's the only thing I am fixated on like honey in hair. That the major problem. Which is why I am seriously considering therapy for this. The other stuff I am not too worried about and think I can overcome. I also don't have an issue with rejection in and of itself. What I do have a problem with is infinite rejection, meaning if it gets to the point where not even 1 out of 500 girls have said "yes"...while other guys only have to deal with about 5-10 rejections for every "yes". At that point it's more, "Will I ever get a girlfriend?" than the rejection. Rejection in and of itself doesn't sting me much.

insecurity will get you nowhere with women....friendzoned at best.

Good luck

[R3d]

So you saying that you have it harder than everybody else on the planet? Because that's kinda what it sounds like you're saying to me. Listen dude. I had big problems with racists when I was young and I don't appreciate you belittling my experiences. I'm actually trying to help you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Be proud of your heritage, be thankful that you live in a country that provides you tremendous opportunities in life, get off your ass and learn how to be good at something. Finding women will then not be a problem.

 

Sure, I have passions and things I am good at. I mean I am a talented (not to brag, but for the sake of mentioning) violin player (been playing for 8.5 years). I have hobbies and interests. I feel like nothing can make up for lack of height and undesirable race combined.

 

I read about a 5'7 dude on Yahoo! Answers who was talented (in music composition) and great person all around talk about how still almost no girls gave him the time of day. He wasn't even a different race! That's JUST for lack of height! And this was at 19. He said how he expected this **** to end in high school, but that if anything, people were more shallow (which I again, don't blame them for - it is plain and dirty evolution- not their fault).

 

I have read hundreds of stories like this, maybe not as long, but still about how deleterious being short and Indian is.

[L1ght]

Sure, I have passions and things I am good at. I mean I am a talented (not to brag, but for the sake of mentioning) violin player (been playing for 8.5 years). I have hobbies and interests. I feel like nothing can make up for lack of height and undesirable race combined.

 

I read about a 5'7 dude on Yahoo! Answers who was talented (in music composition) and great person all around talk about how still almost no girls gave him the time of day. He wasn't even a different race! That's JUST for lack of height! And this was at 19. He said how he expected this **** to end in high school, but that if anything, people were more shallow (which I again, don't blame them for - it is plain and dirty evolution- not their fault).

 

I have read hundreds of stories like this, maybe not as long, but still about how deleterious being short and Indian is.

Well there's nothing I can do for you. How are you gonna get what you want in life if you don't believe in yourself? You know what people who don't believe in themselves do? They make excuses and find a way to rationalize and accept failure. I know this because I've done it myself.

Well done for being a boss on the violin though...why not try to showcase your talents in a group or club where girls are gonna be? Girls love a winner dude, they really do.

Oh and yeah. I'm 5'9(was 5'8 at your age) and its never been a problem. I've seen tiny guys with beautiful women so I don't know what you are talking about.

Mike Tyson is only 5'10 believe it or not and he is probably the most powerful heavyweight puncher who ever lived

Size is only a problem if you are insecure about it.....same as race.

Edited May 3, 2014 by L1ght

[preraph]

I suppose there are still some more rural areas where anyone different is isolated, but in most cities (I'm in Dallas), there are a lot of Indians and I think the acceptance is growing by leaps and bounds every year. It's just that so many people may look at you and think you're not Indian but from country we've warred with, so that keeps a lot of people away. Anyone who is at all educated usually has some admiration for Indians and their generally peaceful culture, except for the arranged marriage part. And you were so lucky to not have to be part of that. But there are wonderful things about your heritage and India today is someplace to be proud of.

 

Yes, your height will give you some restrictions. I hope you are able to find some petite women. I know it's not easy for any men shorter in stature. Confidence is the best asset because it overcomes a lot. There is a big population of Indians in the US now, only some of which are completely Americanized, as they say, but stay plugged in to that community and let them introduce you to women and then just stay busy socializing in general to meet as many people as possible. If you become friends with some of your local community, especially some little bit older people, if they like you, they will start thinking about, Hmmm, my niece is coming to town. So get to know people and let them know you're interested in meeting some girls. You sound like a great guy.

 

You know, Texas is known for being bigoted and conservative, but I have a neighbor a few houses down who is Indian married to a white wife and has a cute little boy, and he works at the local hardware store and walks to and from work so his wife can have the car -- and best I can tell, everyone loves him and waves at him and his family. So don't ever focus on the ones who are jerks. There's plenty who aren't.

[jonsnuh]

OMG, he's 16!! He doesn't have to resort to that. He's got high school and college ahead of him yet!

 

I feel genuinely ashamed. At 16, he does seem like he's writing like he's of age.

 

As for OP, be careful where you get your sources. YAHOO Answers is not somewhere I would feel is reliable or accurate. You would be better off reading from LS than from that site-- kudos for reaching out to the forum.

Edited May 3, 2014 by jonsnuh

[R3d]

So you saying that you have it harder than everybody else on the planet?

 

I have it harder than most (in America), not just harder, way harder.

 

Until I, you, or someone else can successfully answer, "Why would anyone want me over a 6'3 white dude?" I won't be appeased.

 

I often see people telling Indian men to give up dating in America. Yet whenever I ask this, they say I am just being insecure and have no reason to be. I have said this a few times before and I will say this again. That IS the answer I want to hear (because I don't want to have to give up), but it sounds too good to be true after I read other threads), until at least we can answer why any girl would want me over a 6'3 white dude. Refer to the end of page 2. One of my posts there has a link to an example thread (from this board) that I have read which has caused me to be insecure about my race.

[organizedchaos]

Dude, you're 16 years old. Chill the f out. Lots of guys in your situation find love. Chill. And stop the fixation on 6'3 white guys. That is not the end all be all of desirable men in America. Holy hell, chill out.

[R3d]

Well it's important because that's basically more than half of my approach anxiety. That she is going to be disgusted by my approach because I am short and Indian and put me back in my place, so to speak. That's what I am thinking subconsciously. I feel like she's going to think, "Why date hum when I can just have some tall white dude instead? I can do better." Maybe even make fun of me on the spot if I try to flirt in anyway - which is why I am afraid to flirt.

 

I am fixated on 6'3 white dudes because I also read how the perfect height for girls is between 6'2 and 6'4 and there are these two 6'3 white dudes in my school and they look so cool and mature and like real men. One of them is a serious stud while the other has a lot of potential to be one. They all have that chill personality that tall people have. And then...there is me...

 

Frankly I feel intimidated by them and feel like I am obligated to submit to them.

Edited May 3, 2014 by R3d

[Frank2thepoint]

I have a preference for white skin - I just find it attractive. However, it is totally not be-all, end-all. What's more important for me is if she is Americanized. I am a believer of American culture and I want to be treated like a white dude.

 

This is a common thing among non-Caucasians. It's labeled as minority self-hatred. You are Americanized, you believe in Red, White, and Blue, and you want someone that represents this ideal. You've been conditioned properly by the American Dream. From my experience, a large amount of American white girls are stuck up. They know they are wanted, emulated, and desired. Culturally, and probably through media brainwashing, the white p*ssy is some holy grail for minorities. Honestly, you should keep an open mind toward non-Caucasian women, especially ones that have been raised with Old World-esque values (be it European, Asian, African, South American).

 

 

I am definitely going to go after short girls. The problem is, I heard girls who are 4'11 even prefer guys to be 6'0 or taller, partially because they don't want their children to be short. But also, because, that's just how it is.

 

Are you looking to get married and have children on your first date or third? Is that your agenda? Since you are struggling with getting a girlfriend, you should modify that agenda to just getting a girlfriend and enjoying her company. Whatever happens afterwards, whether marriage or a breakup, happens. Don't worry about women with tall-man agendas. Let them fantasize.