How is a cold approach actually supposed to work?

[iiiii]

I can make friends with women super easily. If I wanted to, I could have a bunch of super hot lady friends (that all have boyfriends) that hang out with me, and I'd never fu*k any of them. That's not what I want.

 

 

Somedude, why the hell would you avoid making female friends? A social network is one of the best ways to find a relationship.

 

1. Almost every taken girl will have one, if not many, girl friends who are single.

2. Many girls actually like setting their single girlfriends up with single guy friends.

[somedude81]

Somedude, why the hell would you avoid making female friends? A social network is one of the best ways to find a relationship.

 

1. Almost every taken girl will have one, if not many, girl friends who are single.

2. Many girls actually like setting their single girlfriends up with single guy friends.

I've never had a female friend introduce me to any of her single friends. Yes I did ask a few times, they either said they didn't have any single friends, or they just changed the subject.

 

Yes I've had many female friends over the years. For some reason it was always me and the girl hanging out one-on-one. I just never met any of their friends.

 

I'm trying to avoid becoming friends with girls who are taken so I don't fall for them. I was actually planning on asking out somebody today, till I found out that she was married

 

I'm very jealous of people that are in relationships.

[Candy_Pants]

Maybe instead of shooting down everyone's suggestions you can TRY to incorporate things into your "technique". Because, no offense, but whatever you're doing, isn't working.

[somedude81]

Maybe instead of shooting down everyone's suggestions you can TRY to incorporate things into your "technique". Because, no offense, but whatever you're doing, isn't working.

I'm "shooting down" things I've already tried that haven't worked.

 

Why would I keep trying something that I know not to be successful?

[lino]

Cold approaching works best if you're very good looking and/or visibly have a lot of money.

 

It's not something I've ever done and generally not a good way to approach women but it doesn't cost anything so if you feel like it, try it.

 

I once knew a guy who had a fair bit of success simply by pointing to a friend he was with and asking a random girl walking by 'do you know this guy?'

I personally saw him get with at least 4 different girls that way. He was a very good looking guy thoughh and geneally used the girls as f*ck and chucks.

[lino]

Somedude, why the hell would you avoid making female friends? A social network is one of the best ways to find a relationship.

 

1. Almost every taken girl will have one, if not many, girl friends who are single.

2. Many girls actually like setting their single girlfriends up with single guy friends.

 

The girls the OP has generally had friendships with were ones that were using him for attention.

These types don't see you as a real friend and don't introduce you to their female friends as a prospective partner. They generally see guys they're using like that as well below them and not dating/f*cking material... Both for themselves and for their girlfriends.

 

Somedude81 needs to make friends for the sake of friendship above all. Particularly with a core group of men who are successful with women. That is when he'll pick up the right things.

[Candy_Pants]

I'm "shooting down" things I've already tried that haven't worked.

 

Why would I keep trying something that I know not to be successful?

 

Rome wasn't built in a day sweetie.

[somedude81]

Cold approaching works best if you're very good looking and/or visibly have a lot of money.

 

It's not something I've ever done and generally not a good way to approach women but it doesn't cost anything so if you feel like it, try it.

 

I once knew a guy who had a fair bit of success simply by pointing to a friend he was with and asking a random girl walking by 'do you know this guy?'

I personally saw him get with at least 4 different girls that way. He was a very good looking guy thoughh and geneally used the girls as f*ck and chucks.

Yeah, that's why I'm vary wary about doing the cold approach thing. When it comes to looks, I'm almost average. I just thought that it might be worth it because I keep seeing so many beautiful girls on my campus.

 

I prefer warm approaches where I get to talk to the girls on a semi-regular basis, but I'm just not meeting single girls.

 

 

The girls the OP has generally had friendships with were ones that were using him for attention.

These types don't see you as a real friend and don't introduce you to their female friends as a prospective partner. They generally see guys they're using like that as well below them and not dating/f*cking material... Both for themselves and for their girlfriends.

Hmm, maybe you're right. I don't know if we were real friends or not.

 

To me, if I'm spending time with somebody outside of where I met them, then that's good enough for me to be called a friend. Not a good friend, but still a friend.

[KungFuJoe]

somedude,

 

If you listen to someone as clueless as lino over all the other good advice given in this thread, I'm gonna reach through my monitor and snatch you by the neck.

[somedude81]

somedude,

 

If you listen to someone as clueless as lino over all the other good advice given in this thread, I'm gonna reach through my monitor and snatch you by the neck.

Are you talking about lino suggesting that the women I was spending time with weren't really my friends? Or that cold approaching works best if you're good looking or have a lot of money?

[irc333]

I'm not sure what you're so butthurt about. I know most of my friends who were in engineering ended up getting jobs in the 70-90k range to start with.

 

A few in psychology who pursued masters (completed by ~24) and were easily making 70+

 

Friends in nursing make about the same.

 

These were all (with the exception of pyschology) 4 year degree programs. Maybe you meant individuals who majored in art and literature. I could see them struggle to make 80s right off the bat.

 

Well, then it depends on what field. I know psychology was rather a useless degree to pursue if you didn't go for a doctorate, but anyhow....these says people are struggling to find jobs in this economy....so it's rather moot. Some people just get lucky. *shrug*

 

Some just get a job that pays enough to put food on the table. Not their fault, it's just the way the economy is.

[PinkInTheLimo]

somedude81, as long as you don't change your negative and frustrated attitude, you will never have a good relationship.

 

Try first to be happy on your own and don't measure every contact with women on the basis of what you can get out of it. Enjoy the company without letting yourself be used.

 

This "I only had sex for 5 months in my life" and "women only use me for some company" mantra of yours is really getting old.

[iiiii]

I've never had a female friend introduce me to any of her single friends. Yes I did ask a few times, they either said they didn't have any single friends, or they just changed the subject.

 

Yes I've had many female friends over the years. For some reason it was always me and the girl hanging out one-on-one. I just never met any of their friends.

 

OK, that sounds a bit weird, no offence. Why are you hanging out with these taken girls one on one?

 

Seriously, I'm thinking back, and I've had 5 relationships (of several months to several years) since I was a teenage (I'm early 30s). And of those 5, two guys I met via mutual friends/flatmates, one was a customer at my work, and 2 I met at a group activities (martial arts club, and a volunteer group).

 

My girlfriends are all the same - they met their partner via a friend, at a pub quiz, at a sports club or volunteer work, etc.

 

If you're not out in a circle of friends meeting people to be friends with, you won't meet people to date. It's just the way these things tend to work.

[irc333]

There are jobs that are high in depend...like medical...that one won't have much of a problem getting.

[MidwestUSA]

There are jobs that are high in depend...like medical...that one won't have much of a problem getting.

 

????? Out of left field?

 

I'm just gonna speak for somedude here:

 

 

"How does any of that relate to cold approaching?"

 

 

:laugh:

[somedude81]

OK, that sounds a bit weird, no offence. Why are you hanging out with these taken girls one on one?

 

Seriously, I'm thinking back, and I've had 5 relationships (of several months to several years) since I was a teenage (I'm early 30s). And of those 5, two guys I met via mutual friends/flatmates, one was a customer at my work, and 2 I met at a group activities (martial arts club, and a volunteer group).

 

My girlfriends are all the same - they met their partner via a friend, at a pub quiz, at a sports club or volunteer work, etc.

 

If you're not out in a circle of friends meeting people to be friends with, you won't meet people to date. It's just the way these things tend to work.

Oh, every girl I hung out with was single. I would never hang out with a girl who was in a relationship.

 

I've met these girls at work, various campus clubs and in a variety of classes. It's been at least a couple of years since I've had a platonic female friend.

 

For some reason I've stopped making friends with girls who are single. I'm thinking that I'm coming across as more sexual than I used to and the single girls are picking up that I'm not looking for friends, which they didn't do in the past. Though the girls in relationships still think that I'm harmless

[hotpotato]

girl I hung out with was single. I would never hang out with a girl who was in a relationship.

 

I've met these girls at work, various campus clubs and in a variety of classes. It's been at least a couple of years since I've had a platonic female friend.

 

For some reason I've stopped making friends with girls who are single. I'm thinking that I'm coming across as more sexual than I used to and the single girls are picking up that I'm not looking for friends, which they didn't do in the past. Though the girls in relationships still think that I'm harmless

 

Id say so! You do come across as quite sexual.

You come across as a guy who would want sex asap.

[somedude81]

 

Id say so! You do come across as quite sexual.

You come across as a guy who would want sex asap.

You've never met me.

 

Besides, haven't you seen all these post were people are saying that girls think I'm harmless and not coming across as sexual?

 

As for sex, I prefer to actually wait a month or a little more.

[KungFuJoe]

Are you talking about lino suggesting that the women I was spending time with weren't really my friends? Or that cold approaching works best if you're good looking or have a lot of money?

 

Pretty much everything he says...but to be specific, in this case, I'm talking about how he assumes every girl you've ever been friends with wanting nothing more from you.

 

How does he know that? How do YOU know that? I was friends with many girls in my time and I later came to find out quite a few of them actually had some romantic interest in me. I was either not aware of it or just didn't care.

 

Also...his comment about cold approaching based on money and looks. It's based on ANY chance encounter...meaning there are way too many factors to attribute "luck" to one or two qualities. I have gotten dates through cold approaching (hell, I once I got a date by chatting up a couple girls who pulled up next to me a stop light and at the time I was rolling in an 85 Toyota Corolla) and pretty much every scenario conceivable. You just gotta do what feels right for you and **** whoever says this or that won't work.

 

And lastly...about hanging out with guys who are successful. This **** never works. YOU are you, not THEM. You don't want to be them. You want to be YOU. One of my former roommates was a guy who was the biggest player I've ever seen. He was a decent looking guy...probably about 5'7"...skinny white guy. But this guy was a total extrovert...life of the party kind of guy with no conscience when it came to picking up women. He was always telling me that I didn't know my potential and I should be scoring with as many women as he was...but I didn't want to be him...I wasn't jealous of him. Last time I ever saw the guy, he was absolutely miserable...he was into drugs and from the looks of him, it had gotten worse.

[hasaquestion]

I wasn't jealous of him. Last time I ever saw the guy, he was absolutely miserable...he was into drugs and from the looks of him, it had gotten worse.

 

Wait? There's MORE to life than having a girlfriend????? No way!

[KungFuJoe]

Wait? There's MORE to life than having a girlfriend????? No way!

 

It gets even better with that guy.

 

He had an ex (that he had a kid with) that he was DESPERATELY trying to get back together with. I mean, the guy literally CRIED in front of me because he said he missed her so much. This is while he was sleeping with anything that walked, btw.

 

It was so obvious that he was sleeping around to fill some hole (no pun intended) in his heart. He was just really ****ed up, emotionally.

 

I will give him ONE thing though...he loved his daughter and she loved him. She was the cutest little girl. I imagine the guy probably didn't have much of a childhood or relationship with his parents.

 

Long story short...he got back with his ex...knocked her up again, and the last time I saw him (when he looked REALLY bad) he was talking about how he's cheating on her (again) because no way he's ****ing a pregnant woman.

 

I couldn't believe my ears...all that talk and crying about how he would do ANYTHING to get her back...and look at where he was. This was all within just a few months, btw...not years.

 

Don't envy the players who sleep around. A lot of them are ****ed up emotionally and living in their own despair. You might look at them and think "Wow I wish I could be like that"...but be careful of what you wish for.

[somedude81]

Pretty much everything he says...but to be specific, in this case, I'm talking about how he assumes every girl you've ever been friends with wanting nothing more from you.

 

How does he know that? How do YOU know that? I was friends with many girls in my time and I later came to find out quite a few of them actually had some romantic interest in me. I was either not aware of it or just didn't care.

I think he was saying that none of those girls actually real friends. They just liked my attention.

 

As for them having romantic interest in me, the fact that every single one of them cut me out of their life when I told them I liked them, shows that it wasn't the case.

 

Also...his comment about cold approaching based on money and looks. It's based on ANY chance encounter...meaning there are way too many factors to attribute "luck" to one or two qualities. I have gotten dates through cold approaching (hell, I once I got a date by chatting up a couple girls who pulled up next to me a stop light and at the time I was rolling in an 85 Toyota Corolla) and pretty much every scenario conceivable. You just gotta do what feels right for you and **** whoever says this or that won't work.

Cold approaching his a much higher chance of success when you are good looking. I didn't really care about his money comment.

 

I think that cold approach is 70% looks, 30% attitude.

And lastly...about hanging out with guys who are successful. This **** never works. YOU are you, not THEM. You don't want to be them. You want to be YOU. One of my former roommates was a guy who was the biggest player I've ever seen. He was a decent looking guy...probably about 5'7"...skinny white guy. But this guy was a total extrovert...life of the party kind of guy with no conscience when it came to picking up women. He was always telling me that I didn't know my potential and I should be scoring with as many women as he was...but I didn't want to be him...I wasn't jealous of him. Last time I ever saw the guy, he was absolutely miserable...he was into drugs and from the looks of him, it had gotten worse.

I didn't even bother with the last point about other guys.