How is a cold approach actually supposed to work?

[kodakgirl]

Just so you know, SD, even if I didn't like the guy and didn't want to go out with him, I would definitely give him credit for putting himself out there, as long as he wasn't overly aggressive or pushy about it (i.e. be sensitive to how it is going). I wouldn't walk away laughing at the guy, I'd admire his courage.

 

Same here! I've only ever really been approached a couple times, but I felt the guys were quite nice about it (usually just striking up a random conversation, although I could tell it wasn't just random) and didn't push it when I wasn't more than polite. I never felt interested back but I always went away feeling kind of flattered and thinking "good for him."

[Phoe]

As a female, I can say that if a man kindly and respectfully called me pretty or beautiful, I would be thrilled.

 

Some women won't like it, but for others it could make their day.

[preraph]

In my experience, the girls with exceptional racks are SO tired from the time they're 14 of getting unwanted random attention from guys. So tread lightly, my friend. They can see you coming a mile away. They can also sort out the ones who fake being interested in their brains instead of their boobs.

[topaMAXX]

Gotta disagree with these points.

 

I know plenty of people who can cold approach on the whim and walk away with a number and if the night is right sometimes a kiss.

 

It's obviously how you go about it, but complimenting on apparel is playing it safe and is DEFINITELY going to put you in a boring category, which is unattractive.

 

A simple "Hey I thought you were very attractive and I wanted to talk to you" beats "Hey I like your necklace" anyway. No need to beat around the bush.

 

IMO.

 

It's not about what you say. It's how you say it.

 

I once dated a girl that I met in a 7/11 for about 6 months. My opener? I commented on her scarf.

 

She was with 5 of her friends and I was ballsy enough to approach all of them. She later said that impressed her the most.

[CadeYeager]

It's not about what you say. It's how you say it.

 

That's exactly what I said lol

[GemmaUK]

A real completely cold approach has a very low chance of working.

 

One big whole step is missing.

 

The woman should be giving you signals of interest, eye contact, not just once but several times. Also looking happy and relaxed while she is doing that.

 

If you aren't getting these signals and she has seen you then she isn't interested.

[topaMAXX]

A real completely cold approach has a very low chance of working.

 

One big whole step is missing.

 

The woman should be giving you signals of interest, eye contact, not just once but several times. Also looking happy and relaxed while she is doing that.

 

If you aren't getting these signals and she has seen you then she isn't interested.

 

I do agree that cold approaches have a low chance of working in the west. Why date a guy she barely knows when she has fifty guys chasing her per day on dating sites and tons of quality male friends?

 

But, either way, you don't need signals to have success. Most of the women that I met from cold approaching didn't even notice me until I approached them.

[somedude81]

A real completely cold approach has a very low chance of working.

 

One big whole step is missing.

 

The woman should be giving you signals of interest, eye contact, not just once but several times. Also looking happy and relaxed while she is doing that.

 

If you aren't getting these signals and she has seen you then she isn't interested.

Bah, waiting for signals is fine if you're really good looking.

 

Women are never going to give me any "approach me" signals.

 

Though yes, I'm aware that it has a very low chance of working. Still, I know that not approaching a girl has a zero percent chance of working.

[sillyanswer]

I was walking on campus today and I saw a cute girl who had absolutely phenomenal breasts. She was completely my type, more than just her breasts.

 

My whole thought process was, "Wow she has huge boobs. I wonder what she looks like naked? Maybe I should talk to her?"

 

People might think you're obsessed with breasts.

 

You could always talk about the weather. It works for us over here in Britland, and while it's not the most original conversation topic it's probably better than talking about her breasts.

[somedude81]

People might think you're obsessed with breasts.

 

You could always talk about the weather. It works for us over here in Britland, and while it's not the most original conversation topic it's probably better than talking about her breasts.

Yes I am obsessed with breasts, though it should be obvious that I would not approach a woman and talk about or to her breasts.

 

Walking up to a woman and telling her that it's a lovely day doesn't seem to have much staying power as a conversation topic.

[sillyanswer]

Walking up to a woman and telling her that it's a lovely day doesn't seem to have much staying power as a conversation topic.

 

You could invite her to agree with you, and if her response isn't "go away creep" you can follow up with something else.

[Do_The_Herp]

Cold approach is going to fail nine times out of ten.

 

If I was you I'd just make a simple observation, and make a nice compliment. After that she'll either want to chat, or will just say thanks and go on her way.

 

Either way, doing that is a win win.

 

But, whatever you do, don't tell a female they're beautiful, or some other strong adjective initially. Comment on something like their outfit, or some piece of jewelry they're wearing.

 

Aren't they going to know the REAL deeper reason behind complimenting with a "hey, nice dress" lol.. They could just suspect you of being gay or a metrosexual.

 

Regardless, a girl is going to question a guy's intent behind any of these "beat around the bush" tactics.. I wouldn't be super direct (actually, I've recently considered just asking for a number, but I'll try to talk to them for a minute first if I do) I don't see the point in not being direct..

 

That's the reason for any relationship's start, the guy finding the girl attractive. Otherwise, it's a friendship. I don't see what's so unsettling about asking someone for their number. They're either also attracted to you and want to get to know you, or not. Am I missing something?

 

I think the girl will realize that you're looking for an "in", if you're asking her if you'd met before and she damn well knows she's never met you in her life. Of course, I think I might try this one. Good idea, Deb.

[GemmaUK]

Yes I am obsessed with breasts, though it should be obvious that I would not approach a woman and talk about or to her breasts.

 

Walking up to a woman and telling her that it's a lovely day doesn't seem to have much staying power as a conversation topic.

 

Do you speak to women's breasts?

Please don't say you are a TT!

 

Talking about surroundings or something in common is a good thing.

If she lusts you on sight it doesn't much matter what you say as long as it's normal not crude.

 

Deb's idea is good as familiarity can breed relationships.

Not for online though..that is creepy.

[MidwestUSA]

Yes I am obsessed with breasts, though it should be obvious that I would not approach a woman and talk about or to her breasts.

 

Walking up to a woman and telling her that it's a lovely day doesn't seem to have much staying power as a conversation topic.

 

It's a lovely day, do you have a bicycle? I do. Would you like to ride/roller skate/go hiking/sit outside a pub sometime?

[shet]

Aren't they going to know the REAL deeper reason behind complimenting with a "hey, nice dress" lol.. They could just suspect you of being gay or a metrosexual.

 

I've had some mileage out of it. For example, one time a woman was over the moon I'd noticed her clutch bag and shoes were a matching beige, while the faux buckles matched her earrings - she'd been waiting for someone to notice all day, a wedding that was. One was impressed I recognised Louboutins (tremendously high and expensive heels), at a gallery. One loved that I recognised she was wearing Black Milk leggings (purveyors of very vivid, dorky, spandex clothing like maps of Middle Earth and comics), that was on 5th November. Every time I see stuff like this I grin from ear to ear because it's a solid gold conversation starter for those with the eyes to see. I like people who stand out generally, it means they wanted to, so I'll gratify them by noticing. It isn't hard to segue from the "gay" noticing in the first place into the "not gay" realm of saying they look really good in it and would they like a drink/toffee apple.

 

Of course they're going to know the real reason. Unless you're Brad Pitt dropping panties with a glance, what they judge you on is how skilfully you introduce yourself, how much they like what you've got to say. Demonstrating you noticed something about their appearance, which they obviously chose to do, is a great way to do it.

[irc333]

I don't know, maybe it's geography, but where I live women don't care to be approached. I gave up on it a few times years ago. They are very short with you and have this, "Why is this person I don't even know talking to me?"

 

The reason they are likely to have this mind-set is because it's a "fishbowl" community where they've already formed bonds and friendships they had been with since grade school, attend the same churches, and other such things.

 

They are strong proponents of keeping in touch with old high school friends since the high school days.

 

Sadly, they aren't open to NEW friendships or new people coming into their lives.

 

 

Gotta disagree with these points.

 

I know plenty of people who can cold approach on the whim and walk away with a number and if the night is right sometimes a kiss.

 

It's obviously how you go about it, but complimenting on apparel is playing it safe and is DEFINITELY going to put you in a boring category, which is unattractive.

 

A simple "Hey I thought you were very attractive and I wanted to talk to you" beats "Hey I like your necklace" anyway. No need to beat around the bush.

 

IMO.

[MidwestUSA]

I don't know, maybe it's geography, but where I live women don't care to be approached. I gave up on it a few times years ago. They are very short with you and have this, "Why is this person I don't even know talking to me?"

 

The reason they are likely to have this mind-set is because it's a "fishbowl" community where they've already formed bonds and friendships they had been with since grade school, attend the same churches, and other such things.

 

They are strong proponents of keeping in touch with old high school friends since the high school days.

 

Sadly, they aren't open to NEW friendships or new people coming into their lives.

 

Hmm, I have to ask. How big is the town you live in? I can't imagine that this is the case in most places. Curious, thanks.

[irc333]

Hmm, I have to ask. How big is the town you live in? I can't imagine that this is the case in most places. Curious, thanks.

 

I'd say about 20,000 people, most of which are probably AARP card carrying members, and the rest married couples. Sure, there are single people dotted around the area, but they are usually missing teeth.

 

Sure, I can go to public events like festivals, wine tastings, flea markets, etc. But every time I see a woman her boyfriend/husband is trailing behind with rug rats.

[MidwestUSA]

I'd say about 20,000 people, most of which are probably AARP card carrying members, and the rest married couples. Sure, there are single people dotted around the area, but they are usually missing teeth.

 

Sure, I can go to public events like festivals, wine tastings, flea markets, etc. But every time I see a woman her boyfriend/husband is trailing behind with rug rats.

 

Okay, that makes sense.

 

 

Back to SD, don't want to thread jack!

[MissBee]

I was walking on campus today and I saw a cute girl who had absolutely phenomenal breasts. She was completely my type, more than just her breasts.

 

My whole thought process was, "Wow she has huge boobs. I wonder what she looks like naked? Maybe I should talk to her?"

 

And that was it.

 

I didn't know the girl at all and I've never seen her before. The whole reason I would have for approaching her was because of her breasts. Should that be enough for me to go up to her?

 

Pretending that it was, what would I say to her?

 

I'm afraid that an opener of, "You have an amazing rack. May I squeeze your breasts?" isn't going to get me far.

 

 

 

I think cold approaches work best for people who aren't one-track minded.

 

I get that a cold approach will often be based on appearances, but I think you'll have an easier time of it if you actually care about getting to know this person as an individual outside of just seeing them as a sex object. If you don't and you are genuinely blinded by breasts or just wanting to have sex with them, chances are it will come through in your approach even if you don't outright say it, you may come off weird and awkward. The men who've cold approached me (the decent ones where it worked that is) had some depth to them and sparked up conversation surrounding something else going on in the space we were in which led to me being open to knowing them a bit more.

[irc333]

Okay, that makes sense.

 

 

Back to SD, don't want to thread jack!

 

Yeah, and the ones that are actually date-able (which is very few) on on POF or OK Cupid...won't respond...of course....too picky I guess. Of course they are STILL on the site, my suggestion to them is to just leave and find a BIG city to live in.

[Imported]

I don't go around "cold approaching" much, but occasionally I see someone I just can't pass up and....they didn't take note of me. Nothing. But I want her none the less.

 

I go up to them like I do a girl I don't know, but have noticed...noticing me.

 

I just greet them, ask if they don't mind me interrupting them or appologize for doing so. I have said before on here that I go up to women in this manner and been told it is wrong or lame or something else...I forgot. I dunno, it's what I always do and seems to work great for me. I am sure there are better ways, but whatever, this is what works for me. Anyway, I have never had a girl mind me interrupting her or taking up her time. Then I just introduce myself and talk to them like normal.

 

Last girl I actually "cold approached" was playing solitair on her phone in Starbucks. I asked if I could sit and talk with her while I drank my latte. She pulled out the chair next to her for me. We talked about solitair and I lead it into the ramifications of using a one card draw vrs three.

 

I am a 1 card draw player. I think of solitair as a mental speed recognization kinda game and I like playing it in that manner. She was a 1 card draw player too. This conversation actually went on for a while and lead into playing freecell. I am a speed player and if it looks like it's going to be a long game, I just restart. She plays every game to win and actually had a 100% win streak(with lots of games played) on her phone. The conversation continued on about personalities and choices we make on how we approach things.

 

 

You need to start a small talk conversation and lead it to deep talk fast or whatever feels comfortable and not forced.

[hotpotato]

Cold approach is going to fail nine times out of ten.

 

If I was you I'd just make a simple observation, and make a nice compliment. After that she'll either want to chat, or will just say thanks and go on her way.

 

Either way, doing that is a win win.

 

But, whatever you do, don't tell a female they're beautiful, or some other strong adjective initially. Comment on something like their outfit, or some piece of jewelry they're wearing.

 

Cold approach can be successful, but men make too many mistakes.

 

One is being too impersonal. There are guys who want to chat as little as possible with a particular woman because its a number games to them. They want to exchange numbers or even give out business cards to as many women as possible. Most women will not fall for this which is why it has a 10% success rate.

 

I advise somedude to be tasteful if he is going to make comments on garments and such. Remember where her eyes are. There are guys who will say a woman is wearing a nice top or jewelry while ogling and darn near drooling at her breasts. Dont be THAT guy!

[somedude81]

 

 

I think cold approaches work best for people who aren't one-track minded.

 

I get that a cold approach will often be based on appearances, but I think you'll have an easier time of it if you actually care about getting to know this person as an individual outside of just seeing them as a sex object. If you don't and you are genuinely blinded by breasts or just wanting to have sex with them, chances are it will come through in your approach even if you don't outright say it, you may come off weird and awkward. The men who've cold approached me (the decent ones where it worked that is) had some depth to them and sparked up conversation surrounding something else going on in the space we were in which led to me being open to knowing them a bit more.

What you brought up is exactly my biggest issue with cold approaching.

 

Because I don't know anything about a woman I see walking around, the only reason I would approach her is because I think she's attractive. I'm not even really thinking about having sex with her, because I'm not into the casual stuff.

 

So I'm getting stuck on why I should approach woman I don't know, when I don't have much of a drive to have sex with randoms.

[organizedchaos]

What you brought up is exactly my biggest issue with cold approaching.

 

Because I don't know anything about a woman I see walking around, the only reason I would approach her is because I think she's attractive. I'm not even really thinking about having sex with her, because I'm not into the casual stuff.

 

So I'm getting stuck on why I should approach woman I don't know, when I don't have much of a drive to have sex with randoms.

 

The reason for approaching someone you don't know, is to get to know them!

 

Use that mindset. Think to yourself, "I'd like to get to know that person" and frame your conversation around that. Use the environment or situation as an opener.