What did I do??

[FoolishOW]

Apothecary,

 

 

From reading your post I'm guessing you're young, which most likely adds to the reason that many of the *warning* responses you've received don't resonate with you. This isn't a path I took, but for a young, carefree girl/woman, I'm not surprised you're not exactly thinking in terms of "Don't you know what you're doing to his wife and child", but much more in line with "I didn't take any vows, why should I feel guilty". You likely simply haven't had enough 'life experiences' at this point for much of what's been said to seem like 'such a big deal', so it pretty much rolls of your back, and leaves you feeling pretty ready to jump in. What do you care, right? (I'll probably get reamed for saying these things, but advice doesn't work if you can't identify with it.)

 

 

Maybe consider these ideas instead. How would you view this "fling" if you found out (heard from others) that he'd mentioned to his buddies, "That chick over there gave me a kickass BJ in the parking lot. Go ahead and cozy up to her cause she's the easiest 'piece' in this joint." OR maybe he says to you sometime, "There are girls you marry, and then there are girls you just ****. Do you know which one you are???" OR "You don't think I was paying for a room, did you? You seemed perfectly content in the parking lot the other night." See where I'm going with this?

 

 

He may never say these things, but you have no idea what or how he thinks, and it very well might be that if you could hear his thoughts (at some point), those lustful feelings, and that sexy smile your wearing, would turn to sheer embarrassment, anger, and shame. It's easy to feel excited if you think he views you as the carefree, cool chick who's down for a little free sex with a married guy, but I don't care who you are, no girl/female/woman wants to think someone views them as pretty close to irrelevant, EXCEPT for their talented, full lips.

 

 

I really hope that brings it home for you because you can still use the excuse that "once was a crazy mistake". You lose that one, and every other excuse, the minute you go back for round two. What argument will you make for defending yourself then? You know better than this.

Edited April 13, 2014 by FoolishOW

[Nothisgirl]

This is the exact same answer all the OWs here give. I'm calling bs on this thread.

 

If I'm wrong, though I don't think I am, then by all means go ahead..you deserve what's coming to you.

 

 

Not, ALL ow give this answer. Bit of a generalization. (See bolded)

 

 

OP, listen, I get you have chemistry..man do I GET IT. My relationship with mm started out much the same where I thought I could just have some fun and not develop feelings..I was so so wrong. You'll have that chemistry again...I promise, but with someone who's worthy and can give you 100%... My advice? Walk away before you get hurt..good luck

[Nothisgirl]

Apothecary,

 

 

From reading your post I'm guessing you're young, which most likely adds to the reason that many of the *warning* responses you've received don't resonate with you. This isn't a path I took, but for a young, carefree girl/woman, I'm not surprised you're not exactly thinking in terms of "Don't you know what you're doing to his wife and child", but much more in line with "I didn't take any vows, why should I feel guilty". You likely simply haven't had enough 'life experiences' at this point for much of what's been said to seem like 'such a big deal', so it pretty much rolls of your back, and leaves you feeling pretty ready to jump in. What do you care, right? (I'll probably get reamed for saying these things, but advice doesn't work if you can't identify with it.)

 

 

Maybe consider these ideas instead. How would you view this "fling" if you found out (heard from others) that he'd mentioned to his buddies, "That chick over there gave me a kickass BJ in the parking lot. Go ahead and cozy up to her cause she's the easiest 'piece' in this joint." OR maybe he says to you sometime, "There are girls you marry, and then there are girls you just ****. Do you know which one you are???" OR "You don't think I was paying for a room, did you? You seemed perfectly content in the parking lot the other night." See where I'm going with this?

 

 

He may never say these things, but you have no idea what or how he thinks, and it very well might be that if you could hear his thoughts (at some point), those lustful feelings, and that sexy smile your wearing, would turn to sheer embarrassment, anger, and shame. It's easy to feel excited if you think he views you as the carefree, cool chick who's down for a little free sex with a married guy, but I don't care who you are, no girl/female/woman wants to think someone views them as pretty close to irrelevant, EXCEPT for their talented, full lips.

 

 

I really hope that brings it home for you because you can still use the excuse that "once was a crazy mistake". You lose that one, and every other excuse, the minute you go back for round two. What argument will you make for defending yourself then? You know better than this.

 

 

This x 100

 

Brilliant post

[Apothecary]

Apothecary,

 

 

From reading your post I'm guessing you're young, which most likely adds to the reason that many of the *warning* responses you've received don't resonate with you. This isn't a path I took, but for a young, carefree girl/woman, I'm not surprised you're not exactly thinking in terms of "Don't you know what you're doing to his wife and child", but much more in line with "I didn't take any vows, why should I feel guilty". You likely simply haven't had enough 'life experiences' at this point for much of what's been said to seem like 'such a big deal', so it pretty much rolls of your back, and leaves you feeling pretty ready to jump in. What do you care, right? (I'll probably get reamed for saying these things, but advice doesn't work if you can't identify with it.)

 

 

Maybe consider these ideas instead. How would you view this "fling" if you found out (heard from others) that he'd mentioned to his buddies, "That chick over there gave me a kickass BJ in the parking lot. Go ahead and cozy up to her cause she's the easiest 'piece' in this joint." OR maybe he says to you sometime, "There are girls you marry, and then there are girls you just ****. Do you know which one you are???" OR "You don't think I was paying for a room, did you? You seemed perfectly content in the parking lot the other night." See where I'm going with this?

 

 

He may never say these things, but you have no idea what or how he thinks, and it very well might be that if you could hear his thoughts (at some point), those lustful feelings, and that sexy smile your wearing, would turn to sheer embarrassment, anger, and shame. It's easy to feel excited if you think he views you as the carefree, cool chick who's down for a little free sex with a married guy, but I don't care who you are, no girl/female/woman wants to think someone views them as pretty close to irrelevant, EXCEPT for their talented, full lips.

 

 

I really hope that brings it home for you because you can still use the excuse that "once was a crazy mistake". You lose that one, and every other excuse, the minute you go back for round two. What argument will you make for defending yourself then? You know better than this.

 

Ok, that's awful. I would be absolutely devastated if he thought like that or said something like that to me, especially since it's NOT true. I have never done anything like this before, this was my first time, so it would be even more insulting.

 

Who knows if he will contact me again, though. He texted me the day after the night we hung out but obviously have not heard from him since. Maybe he will leave me alone

I have not been seeking him out.

[FoolishOW]

Ok, that's awful. I would be absolutely devastated if he thought like that or said something like that to me, especially since it's NOT true. I have never done anything like this before, this was my first time, so it would be even more insulting.

 

Who knows if he will contact me again, though. He texted me the day after the night we hung out but obviously have not heard from him since. Maybe he will leave me alone

I have not been seeking him out.

 

 

Nope Apothecary, I never for a moment considered that this actually described "you".... not to worry. I just thought providing examples of what could happen, in ways that you could relate to, might help you see a portion of why this really is a bad idea. Keep it in the back of your mind in case he does get in touch. Some guys can seem SOOO COOL (No harm can come of this with HIM.), and turn out to be SOOO BAD. (He told you WHAT about me?) Happens all the time. I'm glad you can see things in a different light. Best to you.

[Lady2163]

Okay, so everyone has said, no you're not a whore and no, don't get involved with this guy.

 

I understand hormones, chemistry, horniness and lust. All very powerful and trust me, just wait until your late 30s and 40s. You will,have hormone surges that make your husband or boyfriend call out sick from work because he's exhausted.

 

And, omg...a great kisser....who wants to boot that out of their life? Glut.

 

Speaking of your 40s, right now you have your pick of men. You're young, sexy and just a fun girl. Trust me, at 40 the pickings get a whole lot thinner.

 

If you insist on continuing this, some words of caution or wisdom.

 

Do not expect him to ever show up on time or stay long after he orgasms. Don't expect snuggle time.

 

Sex will always be at your place or in a car or semi secluded public place.

 

Do NOT ever offer to pay for a motel. Do not ever buy him gifts.

 

Do not ever be totally accessible for him.

 

He will cancel at the last minute and you may or may not get an apology. If it is a weekend night or a whole day of activity you had planned together, you need to have back up plans.

 

Your friends will disappear after you ditch them a few times to either sneak off with him at the least minute OR after the umpteenth time you don't want to do anything because he *might* get free.

 

There are some more experienced and cynical single women that I would tell, go ahead, knock yourself out, have a good time. You don't appear to be one of them.

[tornado]

You said you don't have much experience with men, and it's the first time you feel that much sexual chemistry with a man. Actually, that is exactly what happened for me and my MM. You will fall in love with him. You will also feel being his sextoy/whore/object etc. It will probably excite you. Then, too much of this will disgust you. He will not treat you with respect. You will want to be loved. But at that time, he will only see you as his personal slave, and you won't get loved. Just one thing: don't fall in love with him.

 

Being driven by lust= giving all the control to the man. Don't do that.

[KaliLove]

Not, ALL ow give this answer. Bit of a generalization. (See bolded)

 

 

OP, listen, I get you have chemistry..man do I GET IT. My relationship with mm started out much the same where I thought I could just have some fun and not develop feelings..I was so so wrong. You'll have that chemistry again...I promise, but with someone who's worthy and can give you 100%... My advice? Walk away before you get hurt..good luck

 

I know, I tried to go back and change it to a lot but it wouldn't let me edit.

[Apothecary]

If you insist on continuing this, some words of caution or wisdom.

 

Do not expect him to ever show up on time or stay long after he orgasms. Don't expect snuggle time.

 

Sex will always be at your place or in a car or semi secluded public place.

 

Do NOT ever offer to pay for a motel. Do not ever buy him gifts.

 

Do not ever be totally accessible for him.

 

He will cancel at the last minute and you may or may not get an apology. If it is a weekend night or a whole day of activity you had planned together, you need to have back up plans.

 

Your friends will disappear after you ditch them a few times to either sneak off with him at the least minute OR after the umpteenth time you don't want to do anything because he *might* get free.

 

There are some more experienced and cynical single women that I would tell, go ahead, knock yourself out, have a good time. You don't appear to be one of them.

 

Sounds about right...

 

So basically, don't expect anything, right?

[Apothecary]

You said you don't have much experience with men, and it's the first time you feel that much sexual chemistry with a man. Actually, that is exactly what happened for me and my MM. You will fall in love with him. You will also feel being his sextoy/whore/object etc. It will probably excite you. Then, too much of this will disgust you. He will not treat you with respect. You will want to be loved. But at that time, he will only see you as his personal slave, and you won't get loved. Just one thing: don't fall in love with him.

 

Being driven by lust= giving all the control to the man. Don't do that.

 

How do you stop yourself from falling in love?

[Allumere]

How do you stop yourself from falling in love?

 

I am speechless....

 

Forget it folks, she is gonna do it if he calls.

[Apothecary]

I am speechless....

 

Forget it folks, she is gonna do it if he calls.

 

What? It was seriously just a question.

 

Everyone keeps saying don't do it, you'll fall in love - so I'm asking: how do you prevent that? IS it preventable?

[somedude81]

What? It was seriously just a question.

 

Everyone keeps saying don't do it, you'll fall in love - so I'm asking: how do you prevent that? IS it preventable?

You prevent it by not having any contact with him.

[Allumere]

What? It was seriously just a question.

 

Everyone keeps saying don't do it, you'll fall in love - so I'm asking: how do you prevent that? IS it preventable?

 

yeah...You don't get involved. Simple.

 

I would say it is the very rare woman that could engage in that level of intimacy over a length of time without developing some feelings. Yes that's a sexiest comment and yes I am a woman. It does happen but again its rare. Many "OW" thought they could handle it and ended up here. Look, people that have been there are warning you. You are very inexperienced as it is with men so add that to everything else you have been told, this WILL be a disaster. So what do you do when the wife finds out and comes after you? Shows up at your work place? Post pictures on Facebook? Oh but that wouldn't happen to you right? Don't underestimate the wife. She may not want him and may divorce him but that won't be the point....you aren't the innocent OW that was lied to by the cheating spouse, you got involved knowing he was married,

[tornado]

How do you stop yourself from falling in love?

 

Well, you need to decide that you will only use that man for sex. No feelings involved.

 

The problem is that if you feel sexual chemistry with that man, you will feel in fusion with him, and you won't be able to be separated from him. Maybe you will want a child from him etc the usual bull****.

 

You already used the word "passion". So, you're probably already addicted to him.

[Apothecary]

Well, you need to decide that you will only use that man for sex. No feelings involved.

 

The problem is that if you feel sexual chemistry with that man, you will feel in fusion with him, and you won't be able to be separated from him. Maybe you will want a child from him etc the usual bull****.

 

You already used the word "passion". So, you're probably already addicted to him.

 

What? This is crazy!!! I do not want a child from him or anything like that. We have seen each other twice. Second time was crazy hot but I wouldn't say I'm addicted. I hardly know him.

[Lady2163]

Sounds about right...

 

So basically, don't expect anything, right?

 

Worse than nothing, Expect to be treated worse than a family pet.

 

Expect to be used.

Expect your needs to be secondary. Personally. He got oral sex, but you didn't say he gave you satisfaction. He now knows if he doesn't want to, he can always lie and say he doesn't have time.

[tornado]

What? This is crazy!!! I do not want a child from him or anything like that. We have seen each other twice. Second time was crazy hot but I wouldn't say I'm addicted. I hardly know him.

 

Well, you haven't slept with him yet. But if you do, and the chemistry is there, you will understand what I wrote.

[tornado]

Worse than nothing, Expect to be treated worse than a family pet.

 

Expect to be used.

Expect your needs to be secondary. Personally. He got oral sex, but you didn't say he gave you satisfaction. He now knows if he doesn't want to, he can always lie and say he doesn't have time.

 

Exactly.

 

And btw, Apothecary, imagine he will only use you for oral sex. What about that thought?!

 

If he knows you're sexually addicted to him, he will treat you like ****.

[Lady2163]

Managing down expectations! That was the phrase I was looking for. He's already training you for this.

 

He got oral sex in a car. You did not get satisfaction (or so I believe).

Did he buy you dinner or drinks?

I have no doubt he knows you were hot and bothered from the make out session. Yet, he didn't have to pleasure you.

 

He may very well be close to his stepdaughter. I can't help but wonder if he is already laying the groundwork for unpredictability.

 

"Oh, crap, look at the time. I gotta pick up daughter from underwater basket weaving club. Oh man I feel so bad I didn't get you off. Next time you're first for sure."

[whichwayisup]

Ok, that's awful. I would be absolutely devastated if he thought like that or said something like that to me, especially since it's NOT true. I have never done anything like this before, this was my first time, so it would be even more insulting.

 

Who knows if he will contact me again, though. He texted me the day after the night we hung out but obviously have not heard from him since. Maybe he will leave me alone

I have not been seeking him out.

 

But this isn't enough to make you stay away from him. You do not know him at all, and who knows if you are his 'first' make out girl other than his wife. Chances are he's done this before and he'll do it again with someone else. How would you feel and react if you (let's say tomorrow) found out he had another girl other than you on the side?

 

You don't know what goes through his head.

 

Anyway I hope you just really think this through before jumping in. Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

What? This is crazy!!! I do not want a child from him or anything like that. We have seen each other twice. Second time was crazy hot but I wouldn't say I'm addicted. I hardly know him.

 

I said it earlier on another page, you barely know him so why bother opening the door to have an affair with a guy who's married? You will meet other guys who are available and single, you'll feel chemistry with someone else.

 

Bet you can't even tell your friends about this guy.

 

Who knows if you'll fall 'in love' with him but you certainly will fall in lust and get emotionally attached as time goes on. Most women cannot separate love and sex, eventually emotions take over.

[veritas lux mea]

I decided to go for it. Wheb i just looked at hin electricity jolted through me. I felt alive and reality didn't matter. I thought, lots of people just have sex for sex. I won't get attatched I love my H. No feelings besides lust, right? And what our spouses don't know won't hurt them.

 

I have never been so mistaken and stupid about anything in my life. While I eneded it before I fell in love I did get attatched. And I got hooked on the sex and sexy talk like crack. And it was a blast and then it wasn't an then it was and then I learned that it is very common for MM to push and pull like crazy. And he started projecting feelings on to me and saying stupid sht and then talking beyond fwb.

 

It made me more of a mess. I regret and will regret the descision I made for the rest of my life. Thankfuly, my husband forgave me and we are doing well but... That time is not a fond memory of "i am glad I went for it". I sold a piece of my soul and had a fight to get it back"

 

Don't screw up your life and be a part of him continuin his own destructice behaviour and stabbing his wife in the back. You don't want to stoop to that level it isn't pretty. Sex is not worth it. Not to be a pathetic little puppy who will be manipulated and controlled into behaving as he wants. You can't say you are a tigress, not with the way it has already played out. If you want to be a woman who controls men and snaps there fingers and gets what they want and doesn't get attatched and invested... Practice on single men so at least there aren't children and wives being hurt.

[AutumnMoon]

Hey girl, from the bottom of my heart, just protect your own. If you don't have feelings yet, make this a one time thing. Even do it ONCE more, for closure same if you really want but watch yourself.. It's easy to think you can keep it only about sex, because you are confident right now.

 

But these guys.. They know tricks to make you question yourself and what he's thinking about you and before you know it, your confidence is crushed and you now have feelings for the guy and can't just walk away..

Just be careful.

[AutumnMoon]

What? This is crazy!!! I do not want a child from him or anything like that. We have seen each other twice. Second time was crazy hot but I wouldn't say I'm addicted. I hardly know him.

 

.. If you are craving more though especially after one time.. That's the start of an addiction.

I know it happened to me and I would have swore it wouldn't!! I'm still heavily involved in my affair but it was supposed to stay about sex.

 

The issue is intense sexual chemistry makes the brain go crazy with chemicals and a person can't even help that. And your mind will also start searching for things you guys have in common if you hang out to much..

 

My advice, if you really want to keep it just sexual and you don't want to risk falling in love.. ONLY fool around. No personal chatting, no hanging out. No emotional connections.. As soon as you have emotional connection of any kind with that intense sexual chemistry it's feeling city... Not just for women but a lot of men too.