<//=- What is she trying to do here ??? -=//>

[DinNJ]

I'm right there with ya brother.... all those questions... hell yea... I ask myself AND more. I was writing an email a day... but wouldn't send them. Grab the phone...hang it up. Pace around the house... toss and turn at night thinkin'.... "Hey, maybe if I say this? Maybe if I say that?" Don't eat, don't sleep... then sleep in the middle of the day... all f***k'd up... losing weight, hair turnin' gray.... ARRGH!!! For who? For what? Ain't no girl worth that ****T. Brush it off yo' shoulder... tomorrow's gonna be a good day.

[mixwell]

indeed tomorrow will be a good day. Its friday and i dont work weekends and I get paid !!! The way I am looking at valetines day now is fuc|< it... at least I am saving some money right ? i have a feeling she is going to call me within the next 3 days... its always been like that with NC.. the longest it has gone is about 7days. so since last sunday when i hung out with her its getting about that time for her to check up on me again.. I feel like an ass though kinda because i text messaged her this past monday to see if she wanted to get some coffee but she didnt reply.. Im now thinking if i should keep up the talking every 7 days thing when she calls or maybe TRYING to just not answer the next time she calls and wait for her to call again.. hmmm...Im still thinking.. any suggestions ??

 

take it easy din

[DinNJ]

suggestions??? Yea, work on the "I don't care" attitude. And don't bank on the 'every' seven day phone call. Sooner or later, she'll catch on. If you have the attitude... which you SHOULD by now... then she'll feel it. She's got to understand that you are not gonna allow yourself to be second best. That doesnt mean give her an altermatum... that doesn't mean 'threaten' her with 'she's losing out'. It simply means, you can do fine without her... because you can and you have been. If she does call, again, don't mention feelings, last weekend... don't even bring up the past, the relationship or even her new man that she denies having. Keep it short... sweet and be aloof.

[mixwell]

I know Din and I wouldnt talk about the past and what not.. I was just asking basically if I should.. I am not dwelling on it being 7 days I was mainly noting the pattern and that she most likely will call.. I dont really care though but if the pattern is the same then she will... Thats all I was saying.. I was just asking thogh if I should just take the call or maybe just ignore it.. let her wonder a little more maybe on why I didnt answer the phone and return the call.. Then maybe answer the following time. Thats all i was asking.. so what do you think ?? I am being aloof and chilled out and I dont really think about when she will call again.. So its not like i sit waiting for her to call or hoping she will call.. So should i ignore the next call or answer it ?? Maybe its not a good idea to reject it if I am able to pick up ?

 

Peace

[DinNJ]

No, I wouldn't, not if she calls one time... Let her chase you abit dude... You've been chasing her... she knows it... so turn things around for yourself. Think about it... you shouldn't really show her ANY attention. If you pacify HER needs then she's got the best of both worlds, knowing you'll always be there when she calls, knowing damn well she's got this other guy. I don't see 'welcome' written across your back.

 

Look at me... my 'friend' did me wrong... told me point blank that she's got 'amazing, sincere' feelings for me... turned around and went back to her ex. That was a knife in the back and a slap in the face. So I ask you? Should I contact her? Question her? Ask her if she really does have feelings or hope for us after she did me wrong?? Hell noooo.

 

And I think you're girl did you wrong by playing games with you... and jumpin' into a relationship so fast. That's why I say, she doesn't deserve to have you pursue her. Make sense? Bottomline... regardless of the seven years, if you chase this girl, your OWN self-respect will be going down the toilet, so how could she EVER respect you? Ya know?

 

Be cool bro...

[imokurnot]

I emailed my ex the TNT email. Her mom got it as well as his mom, his dad, his sister, her friends (about 5 of them). LOL I am done. Movin' on time.......I was just tired of being passive and decided to take the initiative and stand up for myself.

 

Next!

 

Let me know your emails and I'll send you the letter(email) I wrote her and everyone else today. LOL

[DinNJ]

does this mean I gotta email my 'friend' and her husband and everyone else???

[mixwell]

so the urge was too much eh ?? haha.. well if yo feel like you are truely ready to move then good for you... id like to know what your ex has to say or whatever if you hear from her again... So anyways my email is [email protected] so when you get a chance id like to read your TNT email. haha.. well i hope you did what you felt like you needed to do !! take care of yourself man! !

 

Peace

[imokurnot]

I resent it but I was called out of the office for a little while this afternoon. I hope you (D) have access to that email over the weekend. If not let me know another email account to send it to.

 

I got almost all of the things that bothered me out in that email. There was more but it was long enough as it was. I tried to keep it interesting so as not to bore anyone. There were things in there for most everyone I sent it to on her list. So I didn't want them to get bored and quit reading before they got to the pertanent part for them.

[imokurnot]

You know what is funny to me? That the actions she took (I outined many of them in the email) get completely overlooked. Yet me telling people what actually, with God as my witnessed, happened and she did was a terrible thing and I am sick. LOL I don't have a family so when she left me she had nobody calling her and telling her she was a piece of trash. Her mom is really mean. I think my ex is just like her mom too. I deleted the message after two words of screaming and calling me sick. I think it is hilarious that people can't handle the truth as to what someone has actually done. Then to bury it in their own denial and pain over these actions have to shift the spotlight and deflect everything onto me. I was screwed and when I for the first time decide I am not going to take any more and stand up for myself, I am the a-hole.

 

I don't care what anyone says. The things she did to me were horrific and go through my head daily. She never has apologized for anything and acts as if she could care less. Well if she lived her life in a way that she at least TRIED to do the right thing she wouldn't have these issues. I mean people cheat and make mistakes but the things she has done to me with no remorse or regret is pretty disturbing. Then for me to have to get the truth out there for anyone to aknowledge any of it is pathetic. I knew there would be backlash but there always is when you use TNT in an uncontrolled environment. I told you guys that I was going to blow it up so as to force myself to move on. Well the moving van is here and myu stuff is all packed.

 

NEXT!

[DinNJ]

Good Lord Man!!! that was like a book and a vicious one at that.... but good..... took me a half hour to get through it. Tell me something... WHO got that email?

[imokurnot]

But when you do the things to me that she did and have no remorse or guilt at all for it, I will be an ass. So you liked the book huh? It wasn't proofed and I wrote some things at the last minute. When my friend called me it was getting late in the morning-early afternoon and I decided that was it I was just going to hit send. I wanted people to get it on Friday and not go home for the weekend all happy and care-free. I didn't want her to get to read it and tell people to disregard it prior to them reading it. I wanted their first look at it to be UN-filtered and not give her the ability to preempt it with lies and manipulation. So I sent it to those people about 2 hours before I sent her a copy of her own. LOL

 

Who got the book, well it is a great list.

The new boyfriend, her mom, his mom, his dad, his sister, her best friend (his cousin), her friends from high school (about 5 of them), her one friend that is older that she is close with at her work The friends from high school were the ones mainly mentioned in the letter. Mary-Anne, Raquel etc.

 

So a lot of people hate me today I am sure. That's OK they hated me before the email and for the wrong reasons. Today if they hate me it is actually for something I have done and i can live with that. Tell me this, not that it matters, but how would you react if you were the new boyfriend? How would you feel? I would have called my ass and come up here to my house and tried to kick my ass. I am pretty tough so I would have had a tough time beating me up. But I would have given myself a good fight I am sure of it I don't know how he could not come to her defense as well as his own. Her mom called as I said but I just deleted the messages (2) without listening. I heard the tone and her yelling so I hit delete. Well I got my closure........LOL

[mixwell]

crazy imokurnot !! well im glad that at least you got to say your peace !! anyways I still havent read it.. I am going to print it out and read it while I am smoking out side right now and I will post once I finish reading it.... So my ex called me at 2 am this morning.. I didnt answer the phone cuz I was playing Halo 2 !! So going against my better judgement today I decided to call her back.. So we had a whatever talk.. I made the mistake of asking her if she wanted to hang out today.. "im supposed to go look at a car with Mr x" so i said ok what about tomorrow ? she said I dont know.. She asked what I was doing for V day and i said $hit... So i ask her and she says i dont know nothing i guess. So i asked why arent you doing anything with mr x ?

 

she said well usually people tell you in advance and he hasnt said anything... You see she still doesnt let me know that they are together.. I have told her that i know for sure... So i dont know if by her denying it if it makes her think that I dont know, but basically i have told her that I do know.. So i dont know whats up with that.. Its soo stupid.. Thats why i asked if she was hanging out with him.. I was going to say "well he is yer bf so you probly are doing sumthin with him" but i didnt.. So I just said something like hey we should go eat just to have an excuse for a nice dinner.. She said "I dont want to see all the lame people holding hands and stuffing their face" so i was like well we can go eat and just make fun of everyone there that are together (in a joking way) So it wasnt a serious plot to hang out or anything..

 

I dont know its still is lame.. Also She was complaining about not getting to go out at night and do fun things.. She was like all my friends never wana do anything.. I was like well you never call me to hang out... She was like yeah i called last night (2am today) but you didnt answer the phone.. I said yeah that was like 2 times i didnt answer the phone and the other time i was asleep... She is trying to turn it around like i dont ever call her to hang out, but the times i do she never wants to or is busy.. So i told her that and said basically everytime I call to hang out yer always busy so i just dont call anymore.. So she had to get ready to hang out with her lame bf and I just said well if you do wana hang out then call be but i doubt you will.. she was like ok then we hung up...

 

The thing that pisses me off and I am not going to even ask this is: I know that I am still making myself too available for her and I am kinda thinking the NC isnt working ONLY when the times come that I ask her to hang out or whatever... But when I dont call, then she does call me... What did i tell you Din ? I said Im expecting her to call me within the next like 3 days...

 

So I do have a question... Since I am doing NC and it goes X days and she calls and we dont hang out and the process repeats, how can i change it up ?? I dont want to keep going through NC and then she calls every soo often and no progress is made you know ?? Which is why I wanted to just tell her the whole thing about i cant just be friends bla blah but i dont want to say something i might regret..

 

Basically whats an excuse to just not answer when she calls ? because i know when i do talk to her eventually after not answer the calls she will be like see when i call you dont answer.. you know what i mean ?? its like we are getting along but if i start just ignoring her how do i explain that ?? thats what im asking ...

 

Imokurnot i am going to print it out right now and I will post again and let you know what i think..

 

Peace

[imokurnot]

You have to make her really wonder and miss you. She knows now that in a few days she can call and you will answer. She holds you there by using the "See I call and you don't answer when I want to do something." Don't answer for a month. Let her really worry about you moving on. Until she really feels it and believes in her heart that you aren't there for her anymore she will not be forced to make a decision on anything. She is in a holding pattern and has you there for her and she knows it. She will not come back to you right now unless he really screws up bad. Is that why you want her to come back? Because if so it won't work or last. She has to completely miss you and everything about you. She can't just make a choice between you and him because if she comes back to you she will miss him still and it won't work. You have to be the thing she wants not a 50/50 choice but 100% choice in your favor. There can't be any wishy washy BS and indecision. She has to miss you and feel you have completely moved on. She hasn't had to face that yet it seems to me. She hasn't had to face the fact of life without you. Make that hapen.

 

The reason she didn't tell you her plans with him is to spare your feelings. She has plans and she is sparing your feelings and giving you hope to keep you hanging on longer and longer. If she told you all about him and the things they do you would either a) get mad and blow up on her at some point or b) finally realize you have to move on and meet someone new. She doen't want either of those things right now. She wants you just like you are now, a puppy dog waiting at the door of her heart with the hope and anticipation she will come home soon and that door will open. It's comforting to know that your dog is waiting for you and cares about you and that when you come home they are so happy to see you. It doesn't make you drop everything or leave your job or anything like that to go do it thugh does it? Make her miss you and fear that she has lost her dog. When people lose their dog they usually go looking for it don't they? Now scram, get lost you mutt! LOL

[mixwell]

Wow that is a really indepth letter you sent to her !! No offense but she sounds VERY selfish to say the least.. Your situation is worse than mine.. I guess by now though you are just ready to move on... I wish it were that easy for me but my ex hasnt really done anything extreme to make me not want to be with her.. Well I just wonder what your ex is thinking about the letter or if she calls you.. .So you better let us know what she says if she does call though !!! anyways take it easy and just try to get through this BS !!

 

Peace

[DinNJ]

She is in a holding pattern and has you there for her and she knows it. She will not come back to you right now unless he really screws up bad.

 

Well said brother....

 

Mix... you know her like a book.... you said 3 days... it was right on. But... BUT, you called her back???? That is ALL this girl needs... for security reasons. You asking her to hang out is icing on the cake for her.... first you call, and then ask her out... I can see her head swelling from over here on the East coast. Damn, you could have this girl eating out of the palm of your hands... don't be afraid to ignore her.... in fact, you have every right too.... cause she's with some other dude. In the back of your mind, you think if you ignore her completely that she may say to herself 'f***k him'.... but SHE WON'T. Trust us.... Throw away and feelings or thoughts your 'heart' is telling you to do. Imok is dead on with her not having any reason to leave him right now.... She doesn't contact you cause she wants to hang out with you.... she's contacting you for selfish reasons.... just to KNOW that you are still there. Like a puppy dog as Imok put it. Hes right about everything he posted you!!!! It's hard... we know... but you really don't want her to leave him for you under these conditions.... If you happen to answer the phone... you have to put off the 'vibe' without actually telling her, you aren't putting up with her shi!. ya know?

[mixwell]

sorry i didnt see you posted again.. i am not hoping it goes bad with them. she has to find out in her heart if she wants to be with me and i agree no BS.. This is why I almost wanted to write a letter to her saying i couldnt be friends.. Basically letting her know that is why i dont want to talk... This doesnt affect me at work or anything like that.. I have gotten through the worst part (i think) I get mixed emotions though when it comes to this.. Part of me wants to just say ok NC all the way, but then the other part is saying we are gettting a long and maybe she will see this or whatever.. which is why i still talk to her to be nice and blah blah.... I dont know though I think i should just go full on NC but its hard when you talked to the person today and had a nice convo and then out of the blue for the next month you dont answer or talk ?? How do you explain that ?? Do you just tell them you moved on ? Or do you tell them your feelings before going to it and say you cannot be friends like this ? If you tell them before NC then they have the month to think about it, but they know where you stand and why you are doing NC.. If you say nothing then i think it gets them thinking on why you arent calling, but i dont want her to think that I am being an a**h*** by not answering her calls.. With me its like if you ignore me long enough then i will go away.. haha my mom used to tell me when i was a kid and I hated brushing my teeth "its ok ignore your teeth and they'll go away"

haha.. So I dont know how to go about just not answering when she calls or calling her.. I dont know what to say.. Also like i said how do you talk to someone today and just kick into full NC ?? what do you tell them ???

 

Thanks !

[DinNJ]

Imok.... your turn.... YOU'RE SICK!!! hahaha... that letter was deep... deeeeep. Truth is, I don't blame you one bit for sending it.... IF YOU WASHED YOUR HANDS OF HER. Which after reading that email... you should've. She ran you through the mill... and deserved that email. Tell me, was she like that for seven years? or just towards the end??? Even so... I would NEVER take that girl back for doing what she did and putting you through that drama. HEARTLESS!!!

 

As far as her new man??? If I were him after reading that email... NO, I wouldn't come lookin' for you. Personally, I have some self respect, so I would kick her to the curb. You can tell from the email that you weren't makin' stuff up and it was very sincere. Enough reasons for him to pack up his shi@ and leave her @ss. Wouldn't be any point in contacting you for pissed/angry reasons... in fact, I'd contact you just to talk about things if anything... but not for violence or revenge of that email. Chances are though, he'll still stay with her... she probably already manipulated him into believing you lied about everything.

[mixwell]

hey din i didnt see you replied... Ill write a post and go smoke and then reply..when i update the page again someone else replys !! shlt !! so both of you would agree then to just do NC and not explain anything right ??

 

Here are the options for me

 

1. Send her a txt saying i cant be friends that its too hard and then go to NC. (let her know how i feel which is the stupidest thing i could do right ?)

 

2. tighten the belt on the NC i am doing right now

 

And when i mean NC i dont mean not call her and answer when she calls.. i mean not answer when she calls and obviously dont call her..

 

As soon as I hear a verdict I will either to options 1 or 2. See me calling her isnt a problem now.. I have gotten used to it... But not answering her calls might be the hard part, but i know i can do it if i put my mind to it..

 

 

its just weird because when i broke up with her she was nice and i did call her and we did hang out even when i was dating someone else. I guess what i was trying to do before its mimic her actions.. If she would have done what i am doingn though it would have woken my ass up and made me realize sooner than i had..

 

hope you guys are enjoying the weekend.. I have it off from work so i am being lazy and enjoying it !! haha

 

take care

[DinNJ]

lso like i said how do you talk to someone today and just kick into full NC ?? what do you tell them ???

 

You don't have to tell her anything.... and don't think you're being an @sshole for ignoring her calls. You keep forgetting... she's hangin' out with dude. Why is it ok for her to treat you like that, but you can look out for yourself? And THAT is what you tell her if she asks why you haven't called or asked her to hang out. She won't think you're an @sshole.... if anything, she'll gain respect for you, and in turn, miss you more. You don't have to tell her, "I'm going NC.... I can't be friends... I can't talk to u cause u r with someone else." You just have to be unavailable.... that's it. Keep the conversations short as if you are always on the go and out the door.

 

She asked you what you were doing for Valentines day.... this was perfect for you to say.... having dinner w/ friend. Goin to the movies... whatever...

 

Get a rubber band... stick it around your wrist.... and this is what it will mean to you.

1. She should be pursuing YOU.

2. She should be asking YOU out for coffee/dinner

3. She should be calling YOU because you already reached out to her.

4. If SHE loves you, she'll leave him COMPLETELY without you being there.

 

 

*edit* in response to your latest...

 

You can answer the phone, but I wouldn't. If she was single, I would answer, but she's not. So don't.

no text's.... no explanations... no nothing. If you did, she'll just take it as a threat... Words don't mean squat... actions SHOW everything. This girl isn't going anywhere... It may take her awhile to make a decision, but SHE has to make it, because of HIS mistakes. Don't be second best... don't be a crutch.

 

She knows you have good conversations... she knows you two could be good together.... so don't sweat that stuff.

[DinNJ]

hope you guys are enjoying the weekend...

 

another weekend I'm not enjoying. I'm still bored and my girl is still married. She's a headcase... fortunately, she's his problem now, and not mine.

[mixwell]

hmmm... Im still confused.. There are a lot of arguments to both sides that I dont want to explain.. I either want to just say hey look as long as you have a bf we shouldnt talk.. but then i think about if she calls just arouse her curiousity by not letting her know anything.. so i dont know.. I am still thinking about it right now.. I want to make sure that what I choose to do is the right choice. I am just going to think about it and see how it plays out for the time being.. Im off to go out and drink tonight so until tomorrow or late tonight if i am drunk i will talk to you guys later..

 

Peace

[DinNJ]

you need Alphamale.... he'll tell you what to do....

[imokurnot]

That is what will make her wonder. You have to go a month with NC and get your sh*T tight. Don't call her don't answer and don't text or email her. I mean if she is calling and leaving messages after 2 weeks and wondering what's up then yeah pick up and tell her your sorry but you have been real busy with x and y things. new hobibies or whatever. Just be distant and busy busy busy. You are predictable and she knows everything about you. All your habits, your hobbies etc. Part of what makes a new relationship so exciting is that everything about the person is new and unfamiliar to you. You have to be excitin again to reall ybe a viable option to the guy she is seeing now. If you talk every 3 days she still knows everything about you and what your doing badsically. Nothing is ever mysterious or exciting or of interest to her. It takes time to develop that but that is what you have to do. Don't hang out with her for a while that is for sure. You can answer after 2 weeks if you play it right. But none of this every 3 days thing.

[imokurnot]

She wasn't like that always. She had emotional issues and I was trying to help her through them. She could be the sweetest person alive and then the meanest. She was immature and irrational early on. She was clingy and needyand when I wasn't there for her 24/7 to just sit around at her side she would get mad. She would tel her friends I was neglecting her etc. That turned into serious jealousy and going trough my stuff and accusing me of cheating and just being real good at hiding it. Of course I wasn't cheating and never would. It was great for 2 yrs and then she had issues that neededa counselor. I finally got her to go last May and she wouldn't take her medication. Now she is taking her meds. But I fought for years to get to this point and that is what pissed me off. I did all this work and did it for our future together not because I am a paid counselor or therapist. If anything I lost out on money by staying ewith her never made anything from it lol. I still want to make excuses for her and her confusion but it is too hard to see anything other than she is a bad person after all the stuff I went through.

 

What do you think that guys parents thought? LOL That I was psycho or that my ex is a nightmare? They are a close family and I know they have some input here. She has to feel like crap about all the things I told about her to his parents. They were part of this as far as I am concerned. She met at a family function but I understand now his parents didn't know that she was in a relationship. Only his aunt (her best friends mom) did. Oh well they know now lol.