I broke NC and Ex wants to retry

[elseaacych]

mangetout: I am so sorry to hear that your reconciliation hasn't worked out. But be grateful that it your second chance lasted two weeks, rather than two years before the fallout happened.

 

Take the high road in regards to his stuff. Box it up, have a friend deliver it. All of it. See if you can get the friend to get the house keys. This will minimize collateral damage, and he can't pester you for his stuff back. Do it and get him out of your life ASAP.

[mangetout]

That's a good idea but he lives two hours away from me and I don't know anyone who would do that for me. But the thought of speaking to him again over our stuff makes me feel sick.

 

 

Maybe I ought to change the front door lock instead and then bin his stuff.

 

 

And yeah you are right that its better it happened earlier than much later. Still hurts though

[spicelover]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through mangetout. You sounded really excited and hopeful.

 

I hope you can shake the feelings and get to meet someone who will show you mutual love and respect when you're ready. He's just one guy. I know these are just words, but one day you will be happy I promise.

 

I still haven't had my ex turn up to collect her things and it's been 8 weeks today. She still has keys. Do you trust him with the key? I trust mine. Just because we are no longer together I don't think she'll come around and do anything nasty. If not I'd change the locks and leave his stuff in a plastic bag outside somewhere and text him that it's ready for collection. Then you can dust your hands off and know you did everything right.

 

Lots of hugs for you.

[mangetout]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through mangetout. You sounded really excited and hopeful.

 

I hope you can shake the feelings and get to meet someone who will show you mutual love and respect when you're ready. He's just one guy. I know these are just words, but one day you will be happy I promise.

 

I still haven't had my ex turn up to collect her things and it's been 8 weeks today. She still has keys. Do you trust him with the key? I trust mine. Just because we are no longer together I don't think she'll come around and do anything nasty. If not I'd change the locks and leave his stuff in a plastic bag outside somewhere and text him that it's ready for collection. Then you can dust your hands off and know you did everything right.

 

Lots of hugs for you.

 

 

Thank you Spicelover. How do you feel yourself?

 

 

I don't think he would do anything stupid with nmy keys. But that man has been full of surprises in the past three years.

 

 

He text me yesterday in the afternoon and made up some lame excuse that his phone was freezing up so he couldn't send any messages.

 

 

He then admitted that he had blocked me. I asked him if we could talk on the phone and he didn't want to even speak to me. He said theres no point, that he has dumped me, accept it and can he have his stuff back.

 

 

Very matter of fact, cold, heartless (and only four days ago he looked at me with teary eyes and said how happy he is because we are trying again and how much he loves me.The mad idiot)

 

 

I didn't plead and agreed to his decision to BU but I said that I have intention of being helpful anymore if he cant even be bothered to talk to me.Dumped by text is so disrespectful! I told him he can keep my keys and not to come a foot near my house.

 

 

He asked once again if he could get his stuff. I didn't reply

 

 

 

 

He then text me four hours later because a close friend had some results in and its been confirmed that this close friend had bowel cancer and wont even make a month. Its clear that my ex is upset but I still didn't answer.

 

 

Why should I??? He dumps me but still expects me to be his crutch when HE is upset.

[BC1980]

Well, this was a third chance, so I can't say I'm surprised at the outcome. Didn't he cheat on you as well? You're wasting your life even dealing with this person. It's not worth it. You could be doing other things and moving on. Don't revisit this.

[mangetout]

Well, this was a third chance, so I can't say I'm surprised at the outcome. Didn't he cheat on you as well? You're wasting your life even dealing with this person. It's not worth it. You could be doing other things and moving on. Don't revisit this.

 

Yes you are right BC. I am wasting my time on this loser. I have been his doormat for far too long. Given him far too many chances.

Believed in his BS.

 

 

But at least I didn't respond to his breadcrumb yesterday.

 

I will really make the effort to go NC and focus on self healing now.

[Marco Valerio]

I'm so sorry Mangetout. There's no more to be said, forget about him and wait for the apropiate man for you, he is out there waiting for you!! Your ex doesn't deserve one more tear or thought.

[mangetout]

I agree with you Marco but my heart tonight is very heavy and my tears are running tonight.

 

It's more than a failed relationship that I am grieving about. It's general disappointment with life... You grow up thinking that you are meant to have the marriage, the kids , the white picket fence.

Then twenty years later you realise you are still trying to pick yourself up from yet another failed relationship. single again at 42.

 

I will get off my pity pot. I just want to grieve for a bit

[Zapbasket]

I agree with you Marco but my heart tonight is very heavy and my tears are running tonight.

 

It's more than a failed relationship that I am grieving about. It's general disappointment with life... You grow up thinking that you are meant to have the marriage, the kids , the white picket fence.

Then twenty years later you realise you are still trying to pick yourself up from yet another failed relationship. single again at 42.

 

I will get off my pity pot. I just want to grieve for a bit

 

Just want to say I'm struggling with the same. I'm 37. I never imagined I'd not be married with children by now--and I was never someone who had that as a focal goal. I just assumed it would happen.

 

A good friend, whenever I get in the frame of mind you are in, reminds me that we never know what goes on behind closed doors--behind the proverbial "white picket fence," in other words. She reminds me that for NO ONE is there a guarantee that any relationship will last. Just because people have a marriage and family doesn't mean they are more "secure" or happier or more self-realized. Far better, she tells me, to be out of a dating relationship that wasn't going forward and had all kinds of problems than to be married and in the same boat.

 

Hope that helps just a bit

[BC1980]

I agree with you Marco but my heart tonight is very heavy and my tears are running tonight.

 

It's more than a failed relationship that I am grieving about. It's general disappointment with life... You grow up thinking that you are meant to have the marriage, the kids , the white picket fence.

Then twenty years later you realise you are still trying to pick yourself up from yet another failed relationship. single again at 42.

 

I will get off my pity pot. I just want to grieve for a bit

 

I have grieved the same way. It's more than just missing the person, though that is difficult enough. You grieve the family, the dreams you had for a future with this person. I'm 33, and so many of my friends have families. I thought my ex was it for me, and it's so difficult to see it just fall apart when you were so close. I grieved the loss of his son who I was going to adopt. There were so many losses associated with my breakup.

 

Picking up the pieces is daunting, and there's no way to sugar coat that reality. I'm a year out from my breakup, and I'm truly just beginning to even want to live life again. I've learned a lot. You can't predict the future, and I've also learned that I played a hand in my relationship misfortunes. I do have solace in knowing that I would never settle again, and I have a self-respect that I didn't have before. I would never entertain another destructive relationship. Never again. My life is too short.

 

We are here for you, and we understand what we are going through.

[BC1980]

Just want to say I'm struggling with the same. I'm 37. I never imagined I'd not be married with children by now--and I was never someone who had that as a focal goal. I just assumed it would happen.

 

A good friend, whenever I get in the frame of mind you are in, reminds me that we never know what goes on behind closed doors--behind the proverbial "white picket fence," in other words. She reminds me that for NO ONE is there a guarantee that any relationship will last. Just because people have a marriage and family doesn't mean they are more "secure" or happier or more self-realized. Far better, she tells me, to be out of a dating relationship that wasn't going forward and had all kinds of problems than to be married and in the same boat.

 

Hope that helps just a bit

 

^^^This times a thousand, and it's a lesson many people never learn. There are so many married couples who are dysfunctional or unhappy. Getting married is no guarantee of happiness, but we keep telling ourselves that people are somehow happier or better off than we are just because they are married or in relationships. I deserved so much more than my last ex could give me, yet I persisted in that relationship because I thought it was better than being single. Never again. If I have to be single the rest of my life, I am not settling or compromising my self-esteem again.

 

Relationships come in all stages of life, and you never know what may happen.

[mangetout]

Just want to say I'm struggling with the same. I'm 37. I never imagined I'd not be married with children by now--and I was never someone who had that as a focal goal. I just assumed it would happen.

 

A good friend, whenever I get in the frame of mind you are in, reminds me that we never know what goes on behind closed doors--behind the proverbial "white picket fence," in other words. She reminds me that for NO ONE is there a guarantee that any relationship will last. Just because people have a marriage and family doesn't mean they are more "secure" or happier or more self-realized. Far better, she tells me, to be out of a dating relationship that wasn't going forward and had all kinds of problems than to be married and in the same boat.

 

Hope that helps just a bit

Well funny you should say this because I have just found out that a well established marriage that I know of has ended abrupty. The wife ended it after 15 years of marriage. Apparently they have been living separate lives for many years

[mangetout]

I have grieved the same way. It's more than just missing the person, though that is difficult enough. You grieve the family, the dreams you had for a future with this person. I'm 33, and so many of my friends have families. I thought my ex was it for me, and it's so difficult to see it just fall apart when you were so close. I grieved the loss of his son who I was going to adopt. There were so many losses associated with my breakup.

 

Picking up the pieces is daunting, and there's no way to sugar coat that reality. I'm a year out from my breakup, and I'm truly just beginning to even want to live life again. I've learned a lot. You can't predict the future, and I've also learned that I played a hand in my relationship misfortunes. I do have solace in knowing that I would never settle again, and I have a self-respect that I didn't have before. I would never entertain another destructive relationship. Never again. My life is too short.

 

We are here for you, and we understand what we are going through.

 

 

I so hear you BC! I too will never settle for less than what I deserve. I will never give second chances to mistakes and issues that shouldn't have been there in the first place. I have to think about my poor 9 year old son too. He was very badly affected by this relationship. It must be frightening for him to see his mother collapsed in a heap.

 

 

I have learnt a lot from this. I have learnt that I have to let go and walk away immediately. If I had done so two years ago, if I had left him the day he told me he cheated, then I wouldn't be in so much pain now. Lesson learnt

 

 

I really see that happiness comes from within. I places far too much importance in my man making me feel happy. Very wrong attitude.

 

 

I also see now the benefits of NC. I really do now.

 

 

But first I need to contact him to give him his clothes back and get my keys off him. I will be very straight to the point when I text him.

 

 

I will put his belongings into bin bags and place them outside the house. He can collect them when I am at work and throw my keys throw the letterbox

[mangetout]

^^^This times a thousand, and it's a lesson many people never learn. There are so many married couples who are dysfunctional or unhappy. Getting married is no guarantee of happiness, but we keep telling ourselves that people are somehow happier or better off than we are just because they are married or in relationships. I deserved so much more than my last ex could give me, yet I persisted in that relationship because I thought it was better than being single. Never again. If I have to be single the rest of my life, I am not settling or compromising my self-esteem again.

 

Relationships come in all stages of life, and you never know what may happen.

 

Think we all need to have relationships with ourselves after a BU.

 

 

I am not afraid of being single right now. Feel so scarred from the last one that I am too afraid

[livingnightmare]

Sorry you have had to go through this mangetout, Ive got my hopes up recently on reconciliation, but I'm starting to drop the thought slowly as that hope is a killer when it crashes down, I hope you make a speedy recovery from all of this.

[BC1980]

Get the keys quickly, and don't engage him in conversation. Can someone else get the keys for you?

[mangetout]

Unfortunately not BC. We don't have mutual friends.

 

It's been a hard day today.

[mangetout]

I feel so much better today! I feel hopeful that I will pull through

 

 

:-)

[BC1980]

I feel so much better today! I feel hopeful that I will pull through

 

 

:-)

 

It's a long journey, but make sure you begin NC and don't cling to hope.

[mangetout]

It's a long journey, but make sure you begin NC and don't cling to hope.

 

 

BC I don't want him anymore. He is Mr Wrong. He didn't even have the decency to dump me by phone. Just a text message. I have no respect for people like that.

 

 

By the way he text me to say he would like to collect his things this Saturday. An hour later he tells me that one of his close friends died this morning from cancer.

 

 

This is what I am going to do:

 

 

NOTHING!

 

 

I will text him in a couple of days with this:

 

 

Saturday is fine. I will put your things in bin bags by my bins. Collect between 10 and 4 pm and remember my keys

[mangetout]

Its a long journey but I am sooooo ready to start it. Bring it on!!!!

 

 

And to start my journey to self healing I will stop posting on here because second/ third/fourth/far too many chance is over. I will post on other threads to encourage NC

[Zapbasket]

I will never give second chances to mistakes and issues that shouldn't have been there in the first place.

 

This. I fell prey to the same in all my relationships, under the idea that I was "getting to know them" and "understanding their uniqueness." I used every equivocation in the book to excuse poor behavior again and again, overriding my own well-being and sense of comfort and self esteem in the process.

 

Your statement has become my mantra :-)

[jphcbpa]

 

 

The idiot has serious commitment issues.

 

.

 

I recommend "He's Scared, She's Scared" if commitment issues were the root. You will learn greatly about the ex and yourself. Strongly Suggest!!!

 

He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships: Steven Carter, Julia Sokol: 9780440506256: Amazon.com: Books

[mangetout]

I never thought I would be posting on this thread again but my ex and I are trying again.

 

 

I broke NC ( as usual ) about two weeks ago and he said how much he missed me and much he is struggling.....

 

 

And here we are trying again!

[FredJones80]

I never thought I would be posting on this thread again but my ex and I are trying again.

 

 

I broke NC ( as usual ) about two weeks ago and he said how much he missed me and much he is struggling.....

 

 

And here we are trying again!

 

Really site down and talk through what the issues are, if you don't work out the problem and seriously work towards fixing it you'll break up again. It has to be from both of you.

 

I wish you luck, I really do.