Wife has lost her sexual interest in me

[oldshirt]

This may seem a bit counter productive to you but Im going to give you an idea..We all need to be our own people but sometimes you have to treat people how they treat you..In reading your post it appears that you are the talker and the one worried and probably the one splilling your guts all the time..Its not working for you cause if it was you wouldnt be posting here..My suggestion to you is to quiet down a bit! Dont force her to talk and act a bit more mysertious to make her wonder..

 

Sometimes when we get into situations like this we as men seem to lose our manhood in a sense and become grobbling and needy because we are afraid of losing what we have..Try acting toward her with NO FEAR.. No needy words etc..Give her what you are getting from her..I dont mean that in a bad sense but just act as if your no longer the one who wants to talk about it like you said she is..

 

When acting needy we sometimes give our significant other the power of knowing we are always going to be there which makes us look weak..In turn when you look weak the respect is lost as a man..When there is no respect from a women to her man there is no being in love..Love yes but love in a different sense..Women need to respect you as a man in order to be in love with you..The only way to get it is to act like a man..Try keeping your mouth shut about it for a few days and see if the tides start to turn...

 

Cant hurt to try! Good luck!

 

 

 

Hurts So Bad meant this in a different way than I but he does have a point. Stop talking, stop negotiating, stop discussing.

 

 

All communication going forward should be through your attorneys now.

[hurts_so_bad]

Hurts So Bad meant this in a different way than I but he does have a point. Stop talking, stop negotiating, stop discussing.

 

 

All communication going forward should be through your attorneys now.

 

I actually thought this was a brand new thread! didnt realize how much more transpired sorry..Well that would have been my advice at the beginning and who knows may still work now! good luck to you!

[harrybrown]

She has been cheating with someone, maybe at work, maybe has a burner phone.

 

Be sure and expose to her family. You have been replaced, so sorry. It hurts when you see the new Dad for your daughter.

 

Get a good attorney. start the 180, and forget about the friends mess. Just communicate in writing regarding your daughter.

 

Best for you to get some therapy and get her out of your life.

 

So sorry.

[SDUB]

First off I want to say thank you for everyone's advice(Positive and Negative). One statement that sticks in my head is the one that said posting on this site has helped a ton get through the pain and emotions.

 

It's now been 4 of the longest days of my life since she has been out of the house. It wasn't that difficult because I had my daughter for all of the nights, but today was the first night all alone in the house. It is very quiet, lonely and depressing. I miss both my wife and my daughter. We saw each other today and took our daughter to lunch,the park, and went for a walk around the block. No fighting or arguing at all. She opened up a little bit and told me that she almost came back home on Saturday, but told herself it's only the first day despite crying the whole day. Then said that it does in fact get easier(which is making me feel that she is no longer in pain) I know time will tell whether we will reconcile and try again or in fact this is the end, but doesn't make it any easier to get through. My Mother-in-Law called me today and said that she is very sorry that I have to deal with this because her daughter is confused, but that she knows her and for me to give her patience. Thankfully I have a great relationship with her family since I am going to be seeing them as I am going to be picking up my daughter from their house quite often. My wife is being awesome about my daughter and joint custody. I can pick her up while she is at work and then she will get her when she gets out, I'll get her on my nights off and also when she closes at work. She has agreed to pay $1100 a month to take on her car payment, insurance, and two credit cards that we charged together. One thing that I do not have the answer for is the fact that she is saying "I'm sorry" very often. That she knows that this is tough and that she is sorry that she is putting me through this.

 

I'm dealing with two issues right now though. First, I am now feeling the guilt in my wide range of emotions. I feel like I forced her out and made the big move towards divorce and now am regretting it. I know I was getting treated very badly, but I honestly do not think that she would have left and broke up the family. Which means I am feel like I broke up my family. Even though deep down inside I know that this is not my fault and I did not break up my family. She decided that she didn't want to be with me and treated me like ****. Not the other way around, but I still can't stop blaming myself right now.

Second, being that she is living in a household with 7 total people and knowing how my wife is I feel that the other 5 people in the house will end up becoming mom and dad while i'm not there. My wife is so locked up in gossip sites and playing games on that damn phone(my daughter even says put your phone down to her) and that my daughter who loves being there as it is because that has always been her grandmas and great grandmas house will now give my wife a break as "MOMMY"(maybe she needed a break?) I know how they are and am terrified that they will end up raising her while my wife skates.

 

Despite being hurt throughout this whole situation, She wants to try and remain friends and wants to hang out weekly (in fact Friday) even though that seems like it would be difficult and other members have said to treat her the same way amongst other suggestions I am not that type of person and I am thinking about my daughter and her best interests and I do not think that hating my wife-mother of my child-will make it easy on my daughter. Once again thank you for all of your help and I'm sure I'm going to need a ton more during this difficult time.

[DKT3]

I was in a situation much like this. My ex wife and I did this dance for about 14 months. It all started with a fight about my travel for work. I asked "what are you going to do, find someone else?" She responded "maybe I already tried that" she then backed off that comment saying she only said that to get my attention. Then for 14 months the marriage was much like yours. All the "I don't feel the same about you" "I can live like this" and "I love you don't not in love with you stuff"

 

I never found evidence of the affair because by then it was over the trail was dried up. Finally I had enough and filed for divorce. Upon being served my ex turned a total 180. Admitted the affair and begged me not to divorce. It was too late. The second the words came out of her mouth "maybe I already tried that" I knew. All the lies after that did was hardened me emotionally and pushed me to making the D happen

 

Sometimes we have to be willing to give it all up to save it. Once she was served the power shifted, she was no long in control. Right now your wife know this will go whatever direction she wants it to go. You have given her all the power.

 

Make no mistake, there is most likely another man. Don't allow her to chose your path, make it your own.

[hurts_so_bad]

First off I want to say thank you for everyone's advice(Positive and Negative). One statement that sticks in my head is the one that said posting on this site has helped a ton get through the pain and emotions.

 

It's now been 4 of the longest days of my life since she has been out of the house. It wasn't that difficult because I had my daughter for all of the nights, but today was the first night all alone in the house. It is very quiet, lonely and depressing. I miss both my wife and my daughter. We saw each other today and took our daughter to lunch,the park, and went for a walk around the block. No fighting or arguing at all. She opened up a little bit and told me that she almost came back home on Saturday, but told herself it's only the first day despite crying the whole day. Then said that it does in fact get easier(which is making me feel that she is no longer in pain) I know time will tell whether we will reconcile and try again or in fact this is the end, but doesn't make it any easier to get through. My Mother-in-Law called me today and said that she is very sorry that I have to deal with this because her daughter is confused, but that she knows her and for me to give her patience. Thankfully I have a great relationship with her family since I am going to be seeing them as I am going to be picking up my daughter from their house quite often. My wife is being awesome about my daughter and joint custody. I can pick her up while she is at work and then she will get her when she gets out, I'll get her on my nights off and also when she closes at work. She has agreed to pay $1100 a month to take on her car payment, insurance, and two credit cards that we charged together. One thing that I do not have the answer for is the fact that she is saying "I'm sorry" very often. That she knows that this is tough and that she is sorry that she is putting me through this.

 

I'm dealing with two issues right now though. First, I am now feeling the guilt in my wide range of emotions. I feel like I forced her out and made the big move towards divorce and now am regretting it. I know I was getting treated very badly, but I honestly do not think that she would have left and broke up the family. Which means I am feel like I broke up my family. Even though deep down inside I know that this is not my fault and I did not break up my family. She decided that she didn't want to be with me and treated me like ****. Not the other way around, but I still can't stop blaming myself right now.

Second, being that she is living in a household with 7 total people and knowing how my wife is I feel that the other 5 people in the house will end up becoming mom and dad while i'm not there. My wife is so locked up in gossip sites and playing games on that damn phone(my daughter even says put your phone down to her) and that my daughter who loves being there as it is because that has always been her grandmas and great grandmas house will now give my wife a break as "MOMMY"(maybe she needed a break?) I know how they are and am terrified that they will end up raising her while my wife skates.

 

Despite being hurt throughout this whole situation, She wants to try and remain friends and wants to hang out weekly (in fact Friday) even though that seems like it would be difficult and other members have said to treat her the same way amongst other suggestions I am not that type of person and I am thinking about my daughter and her best interests and I do not think that hating my wife-mother of my child-will make it easy on my daughter. Once again thank you for all of your help and I'm sure I'm going to need a ton more during this difficult time.

 

I read your post and I feel your pain dude..You seem like a really good man..I dont have the answers to all your problems but I can tell you one thing not to do..Do not agree to be friends and see her every week! She changed the terms of your relationship to terms you did not want. So as a man you have to walk away and not look back unless she wants to give you what you want in return..Do not let her have her cake and eat it too!

 

I know its a hard thing to do but sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do! Believe me! I know it sounds great that you will see her in hopes that maybe if you stay friends things will work out! Highly unlikely if you remain friends! Trust me! You do not want to be one of those guys sticking around in hopes that she changes her feelings when you get kicked in the gut and she cries on your sholders over another dude!

 

Women respect men that stick to what they want and walk away if they dont get it..Not those who they can hold on strings like a puppet! Be a little more of a bad boy! She will respect you for it and so will you!

[worldgonewrong]

One personal note - I had to deal with the wedding band thing too. She didn't claim she lost it; she simply "didn't feel like wearing it" which of course was quite a harbinger of things to come and began my rollercoaster ride.

TR

 

Hoo boy, I endured the same thing. Good times, good times...

[worldgonewrong]

SDUB- just read your latest update:

1. Do NOT feel guilty. She owns this mess.

2. Disregard that crap about her "wanting to be friends". She's got some nerve.

[SDUB]

I just texted my wife and asked if my daughter was sleeping and if she can send me a pic. She then says that she is sleeping downstairs on an air mattress with her two cousins that are spending the night/weekend/whatever. I know my wife wanted this, but why does it seem that she is living normally without even missing me? My chest hurts,I'm nauseous, I am still feeling the void and empty feeling caused by my wife leaving with my daughter. Knowing that when I have my daughter I need to sleep and snuggle with her because I'm lonely and empty right now. My wife on the other hand is sleeping alone and seemingly having no issues with it(maybe she is and this is just to satisfy the cousins)

 

Some times are much easier than others. I just want this pain that i'm dealing with to go away! How long before it gets easier?

[whichwayisup]

She has tons of people around so she's not alone when your daughter is with you. She has that distraction, her parents so on some level it is easier for her, no real responsibilities of taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning etc..

who loves being there as it is because that has always been her grandmas and great grandmas house will now give my wife a break as "MOMMY"(maybe she needed a break?) I know how they are and am terrified that they will end up raising her while my wife skates.

 

Since you are close with your MIL, why not let her know that you're worried that your wife is going to slip off and do her thing and allow others in the house to look out for her daughter, and that should not happen all the time.

 

Beating up on yourself is only making you feel worse. Your wife is where she is because of her behaviour. She really didn't give you much of a choice.

[SDUB]

She has tons of people around so she's not alone when your daughter is with you. She has that distraction, her parents so on some level it is easier for her, no real responsibilities of taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning etc..

 

 

Since you are close with your MIL, why not let her know that you're worried that your wife is going to slip off and do her thing and allow others in the house to look out for her daughter, and that should not happen all the time.

 

Beating up on yourself is only making you feel worse. Your wife is where she is because of her behaviour. She really didn't give you much of a choice.

 

Thanks for the response. It seems the only way for me to deal and to feel a little relief is by talking about it with others. Like I said earlier, at times I'm able to deal and then others I feel like absolute crap and as low as can be. I hate the fact that is seems as if i've "lost" in every aspect of this situation. I'm missing my daughter like crazy, Miss my wife, take on all of the bills that i'm left with, I'm lonely,empty,confused and literally taking it hour by hour at this time. While she gets to be in a full house with her mind occupied, I'm suffering tremendously and she doesn't even know.

[Fearful]

Your wife is set out to destroy you unfortunately you don't see it that way. She is ****ing around with another man probably in her place of work and you are busy crying over her. Suggestions have been made here on our to gathered evidence on her cheating act but indirectly ended up on her palm through your revealation. If you can't see the evil in your wife you will never move forward in life. Now, she is living with her grand parent and have no much time for your daughter as she is absorb in phone chat with the OM after work. Do you want to wait untill she settle with the OM and make your daughter part of their life? Then you will be competing to have more time with your daughter not only with your WW but also the OM. Do you want another man to raise your daughter? If no, then time to set your ground rules. Stop dancing to the tune of your wife. Stop texting, stop calling emailing or any weekly contact with your WW. Your wife is evil,wicked and manipulative, you can forgive her so that you may have but never make friend with her as on a peril makes friend with evil people. If you reconcile with her, you are on your way to raising another man's child in future because you scum of wife have zero conscience and can do any thing. You never want to accept the possibility of he cheating because you only want to see her in a positive light to make reconciliation easiar or because in your imagination you will be seen as lesser man. If you don't act like a man and move away from this toxic marriage completely, you will only be destroying your life and that of your daughter who you are trying to protect. Your wife is seriously involve with another man and her parents are very much aware of that but are only after the happiness of their daughter. Infact, her behaviour is a result of poor parantage wich runs in the family: deceptiveness, manipulative, selfishness, wickedness and conscienceless. Is unfortunate that you don't know people around you, because you are good and always act in good conscience, you tend to belief that every body is like you. If you don't change and act fast, soon...? Good luck.

[oldshirt]

 

 

My Mother-in-Law called me today and said that she is very sorry that I have to deal with this because her daughter is confused, but that she knows her and for me to give her patience.

 

 

She's not confused. she is selfish and showing bad behavior. The only thing "patience" will do is allow your STBX to fully implement her plan at her leisure and strictly on your terms. You have a basic right to protect yourself and your assets. Your MIL is still her mother and will always default to protecting her little girl, even her little girl is the one in the wrong.

Your MIL wants you to put your life on hold and sit patiently on the shelf in hopes that your STBX will pull her head out of her ass.

You have no reason to sit indefinitely on the shelf waiting for a moment that will likely never come.

 

 

 

I feel like I forced her out and made the big move towards divorce and now am regretting it. I know I was getting treated very badly, but I honestly do not think that she would have left and broke up the family.

 

 

What would have happened is she would have continued to pull away and disconnect over time waiting for your daughter to get older. You and her would have become asexual, nonromantic, unaffectionate roommates so she could have a roof over her head and a good daddy to raise her child while she gets her romantic/sexual needs met from other men while you site home taking care of your daughter.

That is the life you would lead if you hadn't stood up for yourself. Yes, she would be physically in the house until one of these guys agreed to take her and your daughter on full time and then she would have packed up and left in a single weekend and really blindsided you (and yes I have seen exactly that scenario play out in real life several times to guys I know)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which means I am feel like I broke up my family.

 

 

Dead wrong. it means you stood up for yourself and for your family and she opted to not try to have a full marriage with love and affection and sexuality with her husband. She choose to leave the family home to make a new life for herself instead.

She left the marital bed and broke up the marital home. Not you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even though deep down inside I know that this is not my fault and I did not break up my family. She decided that she didn't want to be with me and treated me like ****. Not the other way around

 

 

You are correct.

 

 

 

 

, but I still can't stop blaming myself right now.

 

 

Do it anyway whether you feel it at the moment or not.

 

 

 

 

Despite being hurt throughout this whole situation, She wants to try and remain friends and wants to hang out weekly (in fact Friday)

 

 

 

 

This is where you are going to need to grow some balls and draw a line in the sand.

What she is wanting here is to sucker you in so she can keep you wrapped around your little finger, to be at her beck-and-call and to be her buddy so she doesn't feel bad for breaking up her marriage and family and so that she can still have some companionship and warmth. She is mainly wanting to keep you under her control so that you will be a good friend for her to cry too when other men treat her bad and so that you will remain an involved father. She is doing this to friendzone you.

As a man you have a right to what Dan Savage calls "Price of Admission." what that means is you have a right to charge a price of admission for your companionship, loyalty, friendship, help with parenting etc etc etc .

A very reasonable, legitimate price of admission for a husband to provide those things to his wife, is to have her be an actual full-service wife in a real, full-service marriage.

So in other words, you can give her date nights, companionship, friendship, help with parenting, a shoulder to cry on, financial assistance, a warm, safe, home etc etc as long as she is in love with you, sleeps in your bed, is romantic and affectionate with you, is faithful to you and has a regular and robust sexlife with you.

If she is not providing you with those things and not willing to try to provide those things, then she is just another single mother trying to make it on her own by her own choice.

You have an obligation to provide your child love, support, direction, guidance etc etc but you are not obligated to provide you STBX wife a goddam thing after she has chosen to no longer love and show affections to you.

She is just another woman now and there is no reason for you to treat her any differently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am thinking about my daughter and her best interests and I do not think that hating my wife-mother of my child-will make it easy on my daughter.

 

 

There is no need to hate. Hate is wasted negative energy. You don't need to hate on her at all. Just don't give her anything you would give a wife. She has intentionally chosen to no longer be your wife, so she is no longer entitled to any of the benefits that come from being a wife.

 

 

.

 

 

 

Responses above.

[oldshirt]

 

 

I know my wife wanted this, but why does it seem that she is living normally without even missing me?

 

 

 

 

My chest hurts,I'm nauseous, I am still feeling the void and empty feeling caused by my wife leaving with my daughter. . My wife on the other hand is sleeping alone and seemingly having no issues with it

 

 

Your wife is probably a couple years ahead of you in the moving-on process. She has been disconnecting and moving on and planning for her post-married life for a long time, possibly even a number of years.

You on the other hand just found out about it a month or so ago. Her separation has been taking place on her terms and on her timetable over a period of years. You had this dropped in your lap a month ago and are still reeling from the blow.

For you to survive this in one piece you need to get a plan ASAP and implement it with cold, calculated efficiency even though your heart is screaming to play nice and cater to her and to accommodate her and not rock her boat at all.

 

 

I just want this pain that i'm dealing with to go away!

 

 

How long before it gets easier?

 

 

The pain will start subsiding as you start to gain control of your life back and start to move forward in living your life again. As long as you let her call all the shots and let her put you in the place she wants you, your pain will always be acute and fresh.

It gets easier the more you stand up for yourself and pursue your own best interests. The more you do something, the easier it gets. The more you take control of your own life and don't let her manipulate you and push you around, the easier it all becomes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Responses above.

[lonely_tx]

You, my friend, need to learn about "walk away wife syndrome"

 

This is EXACTLY what I'm going through, but I'm the walk away wife.

 

The Walkaway Wife Syndrome | divorcenet.com

[Popsicle]

What were you guys fighting daily about?

[SDUB]

This is EXACTLY what I'm going through, but I'm the walk away wife.

 

The Walkaway Wife Syndrome | divorcenet.com

 

Since my wife says she is confused and doesn't know why her feelings are the way they are would it be beneficial to show her the link to give her some insight as to what we are both dealing with? She's living at her parents/grandparents, we aren't wearing bands. I want to but would that just get her upset? She hasn't changed status on facebook and still leaves all her wife and husband talk in her pics and profiles of facebook and Instagram. We talk hang out and almost flirt again while we do. Or should keep bettering myself,changing for the better and just continue to show her that I would never neglect her emotionally again.

[SDUB]

What were you guys fighting daily about?

 

Finances and the lack of sex we were having (due to her being checked out physically and emotionally) I was pretty much doing everything you aren't supposed to but are just natural reactions. I'm still holding out hope since like few things I mentioned above post but also fact that neither one of us filed for Divorce or separation. Technically we are I guess in a trial separation.

[thedude1974]

Your wife is following the WW script.

 

You must understand that it is impossible to nice her out of this.

 

There maybe someone else, or not, remember that people can use VOIP calls and text without actually showing up on the phone bill.

With the previous red flags you have mentioned, it is more probable than not, but that is irrelevant for you right now, unless you can come up with some hard evidence to confront and expose.

 

As long as you allow her to reach out to you, she will set herself up and do this on her on schedule and convenience.

 

My advice, dig a little deeper regarding OM, get your ducks in a row, file for D, do a hard 180 and go dark unless it relates to the kids.

 

It IS counterintuitive, I have lived what you are going through, and believe me you have to make a stand, you have no other options at this point.

 

You WILL regret it later, when she shows up in 4-6 months time with a "friend that helped her through hard times".

 

BTW stop asking her about it unless you have SOLID evidence.

 

Sorry you are going through this.

 

Stay strong.

Edited April 9, 2014 by thedude1974

[SDUB]

Long story short, On Thursday we ran all of our family errands. During lunch i did notice that since she is living in that full household that she is not having the time to reflect on our marriage or work on herself. I've been forced to reflect and better myself due to the fact that I am alone with nothing but time and thoughts. So I know that she is not missing me the way that she would if she were alone. Pretty much knowing the answer I felt I had to ask this question sooner or later so I figured why think for a month-2months that things are getting better when all along she had zero though of coming back home. So I asked what we are doing here by hanging out etc. are we occupying time, hanging out as friends, or repairing our marriage. She took about 6 seconds to reply and she said as friends. (Which I didn't want to hear but figured) Now I know that I need to move forward to better myself and that us repairing our marriage will happen later rather than sooner.

Here is the kicker--- She says she doesn't know why her feelings changed in that way, but would love it if we can be friends with benefits since we have such a good time together and our sex life was so great . Question now is can I handle hanging out, having sex and sending her away no strings attached. Its almost like she wants her cake and eat it too. I think that as hard as it may be to move on, I think that it will be be beneficial because I'll never be happy again or at least try to find someone while she is still trying to keep me around. Since I'm not in any rush to start dating as I would like to have some "me" time, I would love for her to view me as "a friend" while I view this as occupying time.(Easier said than done, since I have so strong of feelings for her).

 

I asked her on Friday if the reason for this could possibly be that after we moved from small apartment to a decent sized house and property that she realized that she didn't want to be a mom,wife, and homeowner with debt? She responded with a shrug of the shoulders and her body language seemed to answer the question for me. So now she gets to hand off my daughter to her family to "help" raise her (even though I want to raise her as her father) and gets to become a child again. No bills,rent,child,gets her brand new car, and gets to hang out with me on her days off. Movies,dinner,walks, etc. Same **** she was getting in our marriage and wants to remain intimate (Since i'm still very attracted to her, I'm seriously thinking about this) Which I see is not fair to me at all.

 

I'm in such a tough spot because if in fact my wife is not having an affair and is in fact confused or even worse(something wrong upstairs) I would like to take this break? trial separation? as another avenue that I am taking to hold up my end of my vows. Not only that, but since I'm in no rush to start dating and its now reality that I'm living alone and not as difficult that why shouldn't I be able to see my daughter more often and also if I'm sitting home bored or whatever and she offers to do something especially now since I'm being offered no strings attached benefits.

 

We saw each other Monday(Yesterday) and first time in 3 days and the way she was looking at me and the hug that she gave me was very real. I'm wondering if I should go LC except for my daughter to have her miss me the rest of the way instead of going couple days and then her getting her fix and it being enough. She is going to be sleeping over on Saturday night for Easter for my daughter. That is when we are supposed to be having our planned first sex. I would love if I could turn it down and then tell her that I don't think we should hang out anymore, but that's hard for me to turn down. I could always go through with Saturday night and then tell her, but that would be pretty ****ty. Before we parted ways she reached in my pants and also put my hand in hers as well. Either she is playing a sick game with my emotions or this will prove that there is in fact no OM. I'm just taking it one day at a time and holding out hope that down the line we will work everything out and be a much needed reboot for our marriage. Either i'm in for another very tough heartbreak when someone does come along or it will be worth it all in the end.

[worldgonewrong]

She says she doesn't know why her feelings changed in that way, but would love it if we can be friends with benefits since we have such a good time together and our sex life was so great

 

I'll be blunt: your wife has lost her ever-lovin' mind.

Don't settle for that nonsense, and don't sit around wondering "Gosh, could I do this?"

What do YOU want? Do you want a wife? Well, she doesn't want to be one.

So wrap your mind around that quickly and move the heck on, with a clear mind.

Right now she has zero respect for you; the fact that she would even float that idea by you is additional proof of that. You need to prep for divorce, get your ducks in a row, and begin thinking of YOUR new life. Otherwise, you're going to be jerked around for a long-ass time. Take it from someone who slept-walked miserably in the wind-down to my divorce.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude, still not convinced that there wasn't another dude in the picture and that might have ended. She might have informed him that she moved out and is moving to divorce you and that could have spooked him and threw her under the bus.

 

 

But, lets clear up a few things. YOU ARE NOT HER FRIEND!!! I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring marriage for the end result is that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her.

 

 

She's cooling her heels with you and being FWB until someone else comes along and she'll toss you to the curb. A wife should be just that, YOUR WIFE. Not your friend that you occasionally have sex with. Does that sound right to you?

 

 

So, you need to start doing the 180 on her as best you can. Also, start changing up the house and make it yours! Buy new furniture or move the old stuff around. Put new paint on the walls, something different and not the same color that was there before. Take down photo's of you and her together and put up artwork that you like. Make the house completely different. This might help her snap out of it. One thing women pride themselves on is making a house a home. If you change everything on her, it's going to show her that she no longer has a home there. That she has no input on what you do to the place. It might wake her up to the fact that what she built is now being destroyed. That might not sit well with her and could snap her out of her fog.

[Babolat]

Hello everyone, thanks for the replies!! I'm almost 100% positive that there isn't anyone else, although that may still be a posibility, but pretty sure there isn't especially because of the decision we have made (see below). She has a huge problem with communicating as i've mentioned above which is why she doesn't want to do counseling. That would mean she would have to open up and actually talk. She is even afraid to tell any of her family because she knows that they will crucify her for thinking/feeling (even though you cannot help if your feelings for someone dissappear) the way that she does. She just says she isn't in love with me and in turn if we do have sex its becuase she feels obligated and I for one am not going to have someone have sex with me out of pity. I have too much self respect for that. We have come to a decision that since she has no place to go as of right now and we have so many bills that we owe we both wouldn't be able to pay everything without a second salary. We are going to for the time being stay together as roomates/friends while we separate our bank accounts and split the bills and save the rest. Since I mentioned we are great when we hange out/movies/dinner/vacations etc. this won't be much of a change from what I live like now (I just know now to not "expect" sex/sexual favors). She knows that my daughter is my life and in turn would use the Divorce word to get under my skin and I would allow it. I used to give her the satisfaction of becoming emotional and giving her the attention that she desired when she mentioned the D word. I'm now past that point and more angry/pissed off that she would give up so quickly even though she said that this has been going on since end of summer. I didn't find out till first week of this year. I'm just tired of being the only one trying to repair our marriage/family. I'm physically and emotionally drained at this point. I do think that this is the best option for our current financial and family situation. This will go one of two ways. Either 6 months-1 year down the road we save enough money then split or its going to bring us together again.

 

Did you marry, me ex? Her comments are exactly what my ex would say. And she too was not a communicator and tried counseling with me, then pretty much laughed at it. Sex for me started to feel like mastrabation.

 

My guess is the issue is with the fighting and poor communication, which translates into her withdrawing, sexually, as she does not feel close to you.

 

I dunno, feels like you are no longer a good match.

[Babolat]

I'm sorry for you OP but I have to agree with others, something is wrong here. You and your wife have everything to make you happy, new home and a baby, trip to Bahamas and she is not feeling the "in love" feelings anymore? How old is she 13? She needs to grow up and realize marriage has seasons and sometimes passion is put on the back burner in order to get things done. I think there is someone else on her mind. Keep searching and you will find it. I'm almost sure.

 

I can disagree with this reply. They may have subconsciously got everything, as a distraction to an already, bad marriage. I did this in my marriage. Bought new houses, new boats, always had some project going on, trips, all distractions for the obvious miserable marriage. Since my divorce, none of these "everythings" even matter to me.

[Babolat]

Since my wife says she is confused and doesn't know why her feelings are the way they are would it be beneficial to show her the link to give her some insight as to what we are both dealing with? She's living at her parents/grandparents, we aren't wearing bands. I want to but would that just get her upset? She hasn't changed status on facebook and still leaves all her wife and husband talk in her pics and profiles of facebook and Instagram. We talk hang out and almost flirt again while we do. Or should keep bettering myself,changing for the better and just continue to show her that I would never neglect her emotionally again.

 

NO! Don't try to, fix her.