Wife has lost her sexual interest in me

[stillafool]

I gave her option of telling families and she made it clear that she didn't want to yet. Not really sure how I should read that??

 

Sorry, but she doesn't get to decide when your family or hers is told. You need the support of your family at this time and tell her this. Now is the time to stand up for yourself and do what is best for you. Tell her she doesn't care that she is f---king up your life so why should you do what she says. She just doesn't want to answer tough questions that the families will ask and doesn't want them to think badly of her. You don't owe her anything.

[worldgonewrong]

SDUB- I'm sorry you're going through this. You will prevail.

 

On a side note, this tale is so text-book, that it makes me want to cry vicariously.

WW denies, denies, denies about an OM. Meanwhile there's an emotional freeze-out. Meanwhile you're alienated and she doesn't want both sides of the family to know/find out. She takes zero responsibility for the torment she's causing you, and yet blames you for everything under the sun. Then time passes, things reach their tipping point, and - voila! - there was another man. I've seen it too many times to count (and experienced it).

(Yes, I know not every WW fits this mold. There's always exceptions.)

Oh, the other kicker: when they say, "I've felt this way for a long time" - nice. Thanks for communicating clearly earlier on that point. She has a measure of culpability in letting it all fall apart so that she can pursue other avenues and play the victim.

 

If a woman just came right out and said, "I don't want to f____k you anymore", it would save one from months/years of head-games. (Vice versa for men who cheat.)

[notbroken]

The posters are right. These stories are all too familiar and follow a very common progression.

 

Regardless of circumstances, it seems she doesn't really love you or want you. That will likely prove soul breaking. I know that all too well. At one time, I 'had it all'. Big house, cars, boats, motorcycles, vacations, successful kids, etc. Still something was missing. I wasn't quite happy and didn't understand why. What was missing was love. Turns out most of us need that in our lives.

 

Don't accept life without it. If she can't/won't then get out for your and your kid's sake. Find someone that you love and loves you back before you become an empty shell wondering what happenned.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

SDUB, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this situation. I can only imagine how frustrating it is to want to try anything & everything to save your marriage but your partner is not willing to do the same.

 

You cannot make a marriage work on your own. It takes 2 willing partners. Period.

 

You don't have much of a choice here. Your wife is not interested in making the relationship work. She is not interested in counseling or giving you any other explanation on the breakdown of the relationship besides not "feeling" the same for you.

 

I believe when you choose to enter a marriage you should expect a point where the honeymoon phase will end and the real work and the real love to begin. You two seem to be at that crossroad and your wife is choosing to jump ship. What a shame.

 

This quote helps me from time to time:

 

" The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children and abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry for goodness' sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it's seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship."

 

If your marriage doesn't work out, know that you at least made the attempt to save it...that you were willing to try everything. You will have no regrets..

[soccerrprp]

You have a big problem, which is you want to more intimacy than your wife can stand. I'm the same way. I don't like to talk about things since that inhibits my independence. I want to do whatever the hell I want to do, how I want to do it, and whenever I feel like doing it. I wasn't cut out for marriage, I'm sure, but I got married anyway.

 

My advice to you is to say something like, "I need more intimacy. Intimacy means not having any--not any--secrets from each other. Intimacy means working through problems just as they arise, not hiding and evading and pretending and faking." Get my point?

 

If your wife can't satisfy your desire for intimacy, then find another who will. You will always be unhappy being second best when the question is about love and loving.

 

Me? I never needed much intimacy and don't like sharing every "secret" with anyone. I can keep my own secrets and don't feel I owe full disclosure of my every activity to anyone. One person on this website asked me, "Did you enjoy being emotionally abusive to your husband?" (I lied to him and evaded answering and explaining.) Yes, I guess I did. I enjoy being in control. I don't enjoy giving up control to anyone.

 

I did enjoy my husband's passion, admiration, and respect. He gave me all these things. In turn, I gave him interest, charm, a great cook, an okay bedpartner who was extremely good-looking, and intelligent conversation. I thought these were a good trade off for what I got from him. He was a poor money-earner by the way.

 

You sound like a miserable, self-absorbed person.

[SDUB]

Hello all, for the past week my wife has been on vacation from work and we have had an awesome week as if nothing has even occurred. We have been intimate multiple times, gone shopping,movies,dinner, etc. My biggest concern right now is that I do not want to open the wound by bringing up what has been discussed, but I do feel that this needs to be brought up because you cannot just mention Divorce and then that go away. But when and how??? Should I continue to have a great time with my wife and daughter as if nothing occurred or should I mention this? After being intimate I do seriously feel that she is not having a Physical affair and honestly there has been zero signs of an affair. With our jobs and our daughter there is really no time and she has never hid her phone or come home late or anything. I just wanted to point that out, but my main question now is that I just want to have opinions of if I should bring it up and how? Thanks

[Iguanna]

maybe the best option is to let her go with my daughter and give her what she seems to want which is the Divorce.

 

Has she said that what she wants is to take your daughter and go live somewhere else? I'm starting to wonder if this is a type of woman who just wanted to have a kid and from then on she doesn't like to be married or she feels she has lost her youth with only one guy and now she wants to start dating again. You say you are together for many years, are you her first? I think this is what is happening. Why do you have it for sure that she gets to live with your daughter? Can't you win main custody (or how it's called)? I think you should hire a lawyer and have him tell you your rights as a father. She is destroying the marriage, why does she have to keep the kid?

 

i am the one that is suffering and she is the one controlling the situation.

 

She is in control cause she knows she gets the kid and she takes the house maybe and also money from you for the kid. Her situation is a win-win-win. You remain the father who will pay for the kid and take her on weekends, she gets to have her dates and her freedom and she gets to have the kid she always (I assume) wanted. If you want to gain some control you have to start seeing her now as your opponent rather than your ally cause that's what she does. She has put down her rules and you follow them blindly. Hire a lawyer, learn your rights, have a private investigator do some research about her moves and after you've done that notify your families, you have the right to do so. If she has met someone else, giving her these 6 months or 1 year she wants may make her have her affair, enjoy it and then come back to you being the hero who saved the marriage. You are coming out as a fool and I'm sure you are not a fool. Protect yourself. Do not be her doormat anymore. If she can be aggressive, so can you.

[SDUB]

Another week has gone by and similar progress??? since last post. I keep saying Rome wasn't built in a day and will not be fixed overnight, but it sure is difficult. I have made the decision not to talk about anything and to just try and give her a mental break from all the discussing,talking, etc. since we would only argue when talking about it. We have been intimate with each other about once a week (even though she still seems distant at times and I need to ask for sexual favors) She verbally expresses her excitement for our days off together and we have a blast while hanging out,shopping,eating,movies. I am still confused though, because I'm really not sure exactly why we are even in this situation except for the fact that she had a few issues going on that may have given her the idea that "D" would be the easy way out and maybe she really doesn't want it. She opened up a Credit card during our marriage without me knowing and never paid it. A $700 limit turned into a $1600 bill after fees,charges, and collection agency. She didn't know how to tell me so she rerouted her biweekly check into "a new" bank account that she opened without me knowing and lied up a storm when i questioned where the money was "needed for our bills" Since then we currently have separate accounts and she just gives me half of the bills money for the first half/second half of the month bills, even though she is struggling because I always dealt with the bills and now she is realizing what its like to have to pay for something to receive something instead of the just swiping the card like she did in the past. Also during these rough times I have noticed that she no longer is wearing her wedding band and only her engagement ring. She said she lost her band the week before Christmas and that she was nervous to tell me because she didn't know if i would get mad. Not sure if since now this is out in the open it is getting better. I have read nearly every thread and it sure seems that majority of the separations/Divorces that are mentioned have the spouse that wanted to leave to in fact go with their feelings and leave. If she really wants the divorce wouldn't she just leave??? My biggest fear is that I am thinking that we are moving in the right direction and in a few months down the line once she saves up enough money and pay down some of our bills that she will in fact run with those feelings (if they are true) and leave. Any and all ideas are welcomed. Thanks

[Mint Sauce]

the list of red flags is getting longer with every post you make... The credit card story reflects her inability to deal honestly with difficult situations.

 

I'm afraid the "turn for the better" is only her becoming better at compartmentalizing her affair and her marriage. She doesn't feel like divorcing you (now), but by no means does that mean you can be confident there's no one else...

 

be strong and vigilant!

[SDUB]

the list of red flags is getting longer with every post you make... The credit card story reflects her inability to deal honestly with difficult situations.

 

I'm afraid the "turn for the better" is only her becoming better at compartmentalizing her affair and her marriage. She doesn't feel like divorcing you (now), but by no means does that mean you can be confident there's no one else...

 

be strong and vigilant!

 

MintSauce, I can be the first one to admit that she has always,even while dating, been the type to run from a situation, especially communicating, rather than face it head on. Never did I think that she would be willing to jump ship over an issue though. I guess they do say that you know someones true colors once a situation isn't ideal.

 

I have in fact, due to the recommendations on this site, checked her cell phone records,facebook and Instagram (I know passwords) and nothing at all. She never comes home late and is always where she says she is. She tells me that there is no other person and actually believe her especially since I have been dealing with the knowledge of her feelings for almost 4 months now and still no other person has come to the surface.

[Mint Sauce]

her accidentally losing her wedding band, is that plausible?

 

in any case, the fact that she hasn't left yet, and that things seem to get better, are imo good signs. I would find it hard to believe that she'd fake improvement only for financial gain. That would be beyond cruel. Even if there is or was someone else in the picture (maybe only in her mind), even if there is compartmentalization, she sees value in keeping you and/or the family together. I'd say to continue investing time and effort in the marriage, but be careful with your heart. Keep up some protection for the possibility that something ugly does surface at some point.

[SDUB]

her accidentally losing her wedding band, is that plausible?

 

in any case, the fact that she hasn't left yet, and that things seem to get better, are imo good signs. I would find it hard to believe that she'd fake improvement only for financial gain. That would be beyond cruel. Even if there is or was someone else in the picture (maybe only in her mind), even if there is compartmentalization, she sees value in keeping you and/or the family together. I'd say to continue investing time and effort in the marriage, but be careful with your heart. Keep up some protection for the possibility that something ugly does surface at some point.

 

Was leaning more towards the unexpected credit card and hidden bank account along with all the lies surrounding. I'm 100% willing to honor my vows and get past that, but she has to as well. I'm not sure if this is just a slow fix or be surprised later. Thank you so much for your advice and I will def keep fighting for my marriage until I cannot fight anymore or at least till "the real cause" surfaces. Just not sure how to protect my heart for the possibility of it getting broke again though.

[Chi townD]

I'm with a lot of the others on board here. I think there might be someone else. You don't switch off sexual attraction to someone like the switch of a light.

 

 

Now, you're saying that the possibility is remote that there might be someone else, but you don't see how. Well, she can hide things well. Hell, she was able to hide credit card debt and a secret bank account from you for a long time.

 

 

Plus, she may not be physically cheating on you. There's another type of affair other than a physical one. There's something called an emotional affair. She could be emotionally invested into someone else. She might be talking to someone online. An old boyfriend over Facebook or something. Dating sites....you never know. BUT! if this is the case, then you need to find out about it now. Because, normally Emotional Affairs (EA) usually turn into Physical Affairs (PA) over time. They could be making plans to see each other already.

 

Your BIGGEST problem is that you approached her with NO EVIDENCE about another guy. Well, of course she going to tell you that there's no one else! Cheaters will only admit to what you can prove. The only thing you did was to teach her to hide it better and to be on her guard.

 

 

So, what do you do? You gather evidence. If you use a home computer, put a keylogger on it. It records the keystrokes so you can see what sites she's going to and what PM's she sending out and what she's emailing and what emails she's received. When she's in the shower, look through her phone for numbers you don't recognize and write them down. Do a reverse look up later and see who they belong to.

 

 

Check her texts messages. See who she's been texting. If her text cache is empty, it could mean that she deletes every conversation after they happen. If she has an iPhone, chances are she's used the home computer to charge up her phone. If this is the case, then there's a strong chance that phone has sync'd up to the computer. Therefore, there's a hidden folder on that computer from the iPhone. You need to download an iPhone file extractor and use it to obtain that hidden file. In that file, it will contain all the text conversation that phone has had. Even the deleted ones.

 

 

Then, finally go to Best Buy or Walmart and pick up two Voice Activated Recorders (VARs). Hide one in the house in the room where she does most of her talking on the phone. Then, run to the hardware store and buy some heavy duty Velcro and Velcro the other VAR under the drivers seat in her car. Cheaters do most of their communication in the car when they're driving and they're alone.

 

 

Now, do this stuff for a few weeks or a month and see if something turns up; if nothing does, then great! At least you can rule out the possibility of another guy and focus on other things. You might feel a little bad about spying at first, buy when you think about it, you have every right to know what's going on in your marriage. You have every right to know why the light switch got shut off.

 

 

If you do get a piece of evidence and you're not quite sure what you have, post about it here. DO NOT GO TO HER WITH QUESTIONABLE EVIDENCE!!! If you're questioning it, then it can easily be explained away by her. Bring it her and people will tell you if you got a smoking gun or not.

Edited March 25, 2014 by Chi townD

[Mint Sauce]

not sure I understand the first sentence of your reply...

 

I was hinting at the elephant in the room, i.e. that she lost it when she took it off to be with her OM...

 

Did you ever see the statements of the secret credit card and hidden account? Anything alarming there?

[Movingforward2]

Get an attorney and make preparations. I would file first if I was you and call her bluff on it. Wish I would have.

[DivorcedDad123]

OP, IMHO,you're in for serious hurt,emotionally and financially. She's playing you. She's giving you affection once per week to keep you satisfied until she's ready to jump ship. "Throwing the dog a bone",to speak.

If she respected you,she wouldn't be going behind your back with debt.

If she loved being married to you,she would have moved heaven and earth to find the wedding ring,and would have let you know right away. My money is betting that she pawned it. She obviously has a money problem. She even blamed not telling you on you,because you'll get mad.

I've been to this rodeo. People like her,once confronted,get better at hiding things. They'll get a PO box to keep mail from coming to your home. They'll get another phone,so you can check "hers" all you want. They'll not send messages via facebook,or any email you know of. They'll count on you to "honor your vows",but don't expect them to do the same. You're achilles heal is this, you expect people to treat you as well as you treat them. It doesn't work that way, and she'll use that to her advantage.

[SDUB]

So, I decided to surprise her at her job for lunch. I parked next to her car and when I got out I noticed that our Wedding and Anniversary photo were taken down off her dashboard. Now I have seen this in the past and my 3 year old daughter does like to see them when traveling in her car seat (I've witnessed this) and I know for a fact that they were up when she left the house the morning. I decided not go into her job for lunch and just go back home and wait and see if she puts the pictures back up before returning home. She arrived and I waited a while before getting something from the garage. The pictures were back in place. We ate dinner, but she knew something was bothering me, but I didn't want to let her know that I was at her job just yet. I did ask her how often my daughter asks for the pictures and she said once in a while but hasn't asked for about two weeks. Then she voluntarily says that they haven't been taken down or moved so whats my problem? I just tell her nevermind (because I'm being lied to my face) and I walk away from the situation and head to the bedroom to lie down, she follows me trying to figure out what I know/bothering me and is saying very mean and hurtful things in the process as she is becoming very frustrated that I am not discussing like I usually do, but holding it in---Mind you I have not raised my voice,blood pressure or heart rate over this and still just laying in bed--- She is not getting her way and then starts to let everything out---that she is being forced in a situation that she doesn't want to be in (Our Marriage). That she is paying for the remodel bills(she picked out everything new in the house) even though she has no plans on staying here. That the good times that I thought we were having for the past 3 weeks was just her pretending and that she has not gained any feelings back for me since we returned from our 5 year anniversary trip from the Bahamas in the middle of January. That there is no other person impacting her decision and that its just the simple fact of us growing apart. I asked what her definition of "Growing Apart" was and she replied that she was once was so attracted to me for all of the pampering,vacations,gifts,new car,new house (material things) etc. and that she isn't anymore (Probably because with her new position and double her salary she is realizing she doesn't need me financially. Even though I thought we were built on more that just that). Did she just admit to being a gold digger in a way??? It almost seems as if she is intentionally trying to hurt me and make our situation so bad that I will just leave her. So I temporarily leave to gather my thoughts/clear my head and then she sends texts "You can't just leave. We have a child. **** needs to be discussed" "All you had to do was say what the hell was pissing you off and then we would've just kept on going as friends or whatever"----Now all of a sudden she wants to put on her big girl panties and discuss something? it's because she doesn't know what was bothering me. I didn't think we were being just "Friends" but I'm glad I didn't let myself fall deeper for her before I did find out that this wasn't us getting better. After clearing my head I head back home and ask her to come downstairs away from my sleeping daughter and I just told her that I heard everything that she said and that since she feels that way that she should pack her stuff and leave. She is off of work Thursday and Friday and said she will do it then. The part that i'm having a difficult time with is--It's like all she wanted was the exciting parts of life and now that we settled, she's not ready. Even though we planned out all of the things we have accomplished......Isn't having a beautiful home and family exciting??? It would be for most men and women. I can't understand it. I just wonder what she is looking for and where she thinks she is going to find it. She is being so selfish, but I cannot live like this anymore. Its not fair to me. She says she doesn't want to be here anymore, so I'm not going to force her. I'm just tired of being used as a doormat. We would be fine having great times as "friends in her eyes" but there was always this dark cloud(problem) hanging over us that could never be mentioned and that just isn't healthy. I just don't understand. She enjoyed the thrill and being spoiled, but now that its time to settle with a house and family she's not ready all of a sudden. Now I get left with all the debt that comes with the remodel. Its almost as if times (financially) got hard and she's jumping ship cuz majority of our money goes to our bills for our beautiful house. She only sees it as she isn't able to spend the money she is working for even though we are living and enjoying everything that we now have to pay for. Ugh this is so frustrating. Before heading to work I held my daughter while she was sleeping and she looked up at me and said "I love you Daddy" Despite not crying, It broke my heart. I feel as if i'm making the right decision, because this is unhealthy and i'm being used and abused. Any advice?

Edited March 26, 2014 by SDUB

[karnak]

Sorry to read this, mate.

 

I think that, right now, you already know what's at stake. The photos in the car clearly point to the fact that she's having an affair.

She takes them off every time she meets the other guy so that he doesn't get disturbed by the sights of your marriage.

 

And yes, your wife is a golddigger. She isn't just saying these cruel things in order to hurt you and make you jump ship and abandon the marriage. She's doing it because she really doesn't care about you and she doesn't give a damn about your opinion concerning her.

 

Yes, some women can be quite callous and terrible when they want to scare a man away.

 

Your marriage is terminated. Accept the fact, regain your strength and focus on the wellcare of your kid.

[DivorcedDad123]

When she leaves the home,the child stays with you,in the marital residence! Do not mess this up! Once she's out,change the locks and file for divorce.

She's the type that will never be satisfied. She won't be able to take enough trips,buy enough things, spend enough money,because she's empty on the inside and she'll constantly be trying to fill that void with something.

Nothing you can do to change that.

Remember this,marital debt and assets will be split. You won't be on the hook for all of it.

[teerockness]

Experienced loveshackers see this story over and over again. I'm not sure why "WWS (Wayward Wife Syndrome)" isn't a sticky at the top of the forum.

 

While no one can say for certain, there is high degree of likelihood that she's either already cheating on you physically, or is looking for an excuse to make that happen with less guilt than she already feels. Or, there is an emotional affair in full bloom, waiting to become a real relationship.

 

The distancing, the pulling away, the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you", the lack of intimacy (along with blaming that for the separation), the odd behaviors (including the photo game) - this is "Step 1" and it happens over and over again.

 

Step two will be "blame shifting" and "trickle truthing". As you begin to discover elements of the affair here and there, and confront her with them, she will grow more aggressive in blaming you for everything that has gone wrong and all of her behavior. Likewise, she'll begin letting small bits of truth about her behavior slip. She'll admit to kissing a guy, then admit it went a bit further, then admit she slept with him, then admit there was a second guy - happens over and over again.

 

Step three is "rage". Once you begin to expose the affair to her friends and family - she may react with extreme anger and vindictiveness. During this period, many recommend a voice activated recorder (VAR) to protect yourself and your custody rights, but check for legality in your state surrounding recording an unwitting spouse.

 

I worry this board is losing its edge. In the old days, many (not just Chi D) would have come forward to ask you - have you checked her email? How about her phone? Does she carry her cell phone with her LITERALLY every where she goes? Has she stopped wearing her ring (check)? Is she keeping secrets (check)? Any (new) men in her life? Do her plans seem erratic? Does she have unexplained delays in arriving home from work? Traveling more lately?

 

I appreciate that you've checked her email etc; then I would suggest she might have another email account, particularly if she knows you have access to her primary.

 

One personal note - I had to deal with the wedding band thing too. She didn't claim she lost it; she simply "didn't feel like wearing it" which of course was quite a harbinger of things to come and began my rollercoaster ride.

 

Smarten up; see what is going on; act accordingly.

 

TR

Edited March 30, 2014 by teerockness

[Chi townD]

Dude really?!?! You confronted her with the most flimsy piece of evidence. Apparently, she's not stupid. Now, she knows that YOU know she took down the pictures. How would you know that she did that? BECAUSE NOW SHE KNOWS YOU CHECKED UP ON HER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY!!!!

 

 

If she took down those pictures because she was taking a certain someone to "lunch"; well, now she knows she's being watched. Congratulations, if she's having an affair, you just taught her to hide it better! She's going to be constantly on her guard.

 

 

Did you even read the post I write earlier in the week to you? Have you done ANY of the things I suggested?

[SDUB]

I've checked email,facebook,instagram and even her cell phone records and not one strange person or number AT ALL. That is all water under the bridge now because I told her she had to leave (what she wanted for a while). We finished packing and she left yesterday. We were going to try to make it work for 6 months to see if it got better, but living in the same house with someone you love, but is going to act like a stranger is torture. I've spoken to a therapist and she happens to think that it may be due to many things----stress of a new job(50 hours a week,compared to previous of 36 hours), turning 30 she may be questioning herself and where she is in life, or a combination of things including a potential affair. She did say that sometimes women do evaluate their lives and make crazy decisions. For my feelings---It is what it is and there is no going back to fix it at this point. All I can do is move forward and try not to look back.....She has currently moved in her grandparents house--Where it's her two grandparents,mom,dad and brother and now will be her and my daughter too....She admits that this is not where she wants to go or if she even wants this in general, but said that she will never know if she doesn't go and will resent me for staying without wanting to. As far as custody, she has always said that i'm a great husband and Dad and she wants us to still be civil and if we can "friends" It will be joint custody and I will get my daughter on my 4 nights off and my 2 nights (work 3rd shift--work 8 nights to get 2 off and then 7 nights to get 4 off) Anytime she closes the store (manager at Kohl's) I will get her for that night and any other time she is working dayshift If i wanted her I can go and get her. My mom and Step Dad will still get her on Saturdays and Sundays as they were. I'm just glad that she isn't making me have to fight for time with my Daughter, Because after all she is the most important person in all of this. I feel this schedule is actually pretty damn good based on the circumstances.

[oldshirt]

I know this isn't what you wanted or the life you had planned but you are actually doing pretty well all things considered.

 

 

One thing you need to do be aware of is physical separation is a good stepping-stone on the way to divorce and a new life. It is not a good stepping stone towards reconciliation.

 

 

If she is saying she doesn't have special feelings for you anymore and that she wants out and she is putting in the effort to pack her stuff, make child care arrangments and move out - that pretty much means divorce is imminent.

 

 

My recommendation is to stop focusing on what she wants and what appeases her and stop trying to cater to her in any manner. Start focusing on what is in your best interests and doing what is best for your well being.

 

 

Unfortunately that means being as proactive as you can in protecting your assets, your resources, your home and your relationship with your child. It also means you have to get serious, get your sht together, get to your lawyer and file yourself.

 

 

She is making her bed and trying to feather her nest piece by piece at her own speed and her timetable and according to her comfort levels and so far you have been accommodating that. You need to stop that right now and take the bull by the horns and start taking action for your own well being and survival.

 

 

Get to the lawyer ASAP tomorrow morning and get everything in order and file on her immediately. She is the one that has left the family home so if you can file first, you stand the best chance of coming out as well as you possibly can.

 

 

I'm not heartless, I know this SUCKS! But it is what it is and she has clearly shown her intentions and where she is going with this. She is just wanting it to be easy on her and at her pace. Fck that sht up. From now on do everything that's in your best interest and do it at your pace which at this point should be get the bitch out and off your back and move on with your own life as quickly and as efficiently as possible.

 

 

This is game over.

[oldshirt]

I've checked email,facebook,instagram and even her cell phone records and not one strange person or number AT ALL.

 

 

At this point it doesn't matter if she's cheating or not. It's over regardless. Don't waste anymore time or energy looking for other men. Get your sht together and get your wagons circled up and get a lawyer ASAP, get papers drawn up and file and get ready to go to war for your home, resources and child.

 

 

That is all water under the bridge now because I told her she had to leave (what she wanted for a while). We finished packing and she left yesterday. We were going to try to make it work for 6 months to see if it got better, but living in the same house with someone you love, but is going to act like a stranger is torture.

 

 

I agree. good move. It's over and done. it ain't gonna get better. The only thing that's going to get better is your life in general the sooner get through all this and get it put behind you and move on.

 

 

 

 

I've spoken to a therapist and she happens to think that it may be due to many things----stress of a new job(50 hours a week,compared to previous of 36 hours), turning 30 she may be questioning herself and where she is in life, or a combination of things including a potential affair.

 

 

That's pure bullcrap. People have job stress and turn 30 every frickn day and don't leave their homes and spouses. She's doing this because she's checking out and moving on. she doesn't want to be with you anymore and this is the route she is taking to leave you.

 

 

She did say that sometimes women do evaluate their lives and make crazy decisions.

 

 

A better way to put it is people do crumby things at times.

 

 

 

 

For my feelings---It is what it is and there is no going back to fix it at this point. All I can do is move forward and try not to look back

 

 

Sad and heartbreaking, but true. Kudos to you for having the insight to realize that and the giblets to do what you need to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

.....She has currently moved in her grandparents house--Where it's her two grandparents,mom,dad and brother and now will be her and my daughter too....She admits that this is not where she wants to go or if she even wants this in general, but said that she will never know if she doesn't go and will resent me for staying without wanting to.

 

 

This just shows you the depths of her unhappiness and her resolve to move on.

To your benefit it also shows that she has abandoned the marital home. Get to your lawyer ASAP and file on her ASAP. He who files first wins.

 

 

 

 

As far as custody, she has always said that i'm a great husband and Dad and she wants us to still be civil and if we can "friends" It will be joint custody and I will get my daughter on my 4 nights off and my 2 nights (work 3rd shift--work 8 nights to get 2 off and then 7 nights to get 4 off) Anytime she closes the store (manager at Kohl's) I will get her for that night and any other time she is working dayshift If i wanted her I can go and get her. My mom and Step Dad will still get her on Saturdays and Sundays as they were. I'm just glad that she isn't making me have to fight for time with my Daughter, Because after all she is the most important person in all of this. I feel this schedule is actually pretty damn good based on the circumstances

 

 

Be warned she is going to change her tune real fast once things start getting real. She's been in the drivers seat so far so she is being all nicey-nice and cooperative. Once the paperwork starts coming in and once things start going on a different schedule than what her fantasy world has been dreaming all along, she is going to turn mean, nasty, vindictive and underhanded. Get your sht together ASAP and be prepared for war.

She may just want out so bad she'll roll over and let you have whatever you want just to get away but don't plan on it. Plan on her getting evil and vindictive and be prepared for that.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

responses above.

[hurts_so_bad]

Hello, I am new to this site. I have searched for help and reasons to help get me through this very difficult time in my life. My wife and I are both 30 years old with a 3 year old daughter and have been married for 5 years. We recently moved into a new home this past July. Before we moved our sex life was perfect, having sex at least once a week if not more, but now we have been fighting almost daily. She has never been one to communicate, so I usually have to be the one that talks. I knew this going in to our marriage and was fine with it. She says that she still finds me attractive and sexy, but over the past month or two, while still having sex probably 4-5 times it feels as if the passion is completely gone. We still love each other and have great times together, but she says its more of on a friend level since she has lost her interest in the bedroom. Recently the word "Divorce" has come up and it crushed me! I never thought that this would ever happen to me. She says we can work at fixing it, but not interested in going to a counselor. I love her so much and love our family. She says that she knows that she will regret a divorce because "I am everything she would dream about in a husband and father to her child" when she was growing up and wishes that her feelings for me would come back. I do not know what to do? We have date nights, go on trips, etc. and have a blast doing so. I for one do not want the divorce and starting to think that if it does not get better by not talking about it, because that seems to keep opening the wound that I would rather a trial separation rather than the divorce. It's so unfortunate that she does not communicate because we could talk about it and try and find/work at a solution. Sorry for the rant, but I'm just at a point where I do not know what do do anymore. My fear is that we are going to either stay together for our daughter or just out of convenience and I do not want that since we never had problems in the past. She says that she has been feeling like this since the fall 13'. Any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks

 

This may seem a bit counter productive to you but Im going to give you an idea..We all need to be our own people but sometimes you have to treat people how they treat you..In reading your post it appears that you are the talker and the one worried and probably the one splilling your guts all the time..Its not working for you cause if it was you wouldnt be posting here..My suggestion to you is to quiet down a bit! Dont force her to talk and act a bit more mysertious to make her wonder..

 

Sometimes when we get into situations like this we as men seem to lose our manhood in a sense and become grobbling and needy because we are afraid of losing what we have..Try acting toward her with NO FEAR.. No needy words etc..Give her what you are getting from her..I dont mean that in a bad sense but just act as if your no longer the one who wants to talk about it like you said she is..

 

When acting needy we sometimes give our significant other the power of knowing we are always going to be there which makes us look weak..In turn when you look weak the respect is lost as a man..When there is no respect from a women to her man there is no being in love..Love yes but love in a different sense..Women need to respect you as a man in order to be in love with you..The only way to get it is to act like a man..Try keeping your mouth shut about it for a few days and see if the tides start to turn...

 

Cant hurt to try! Good luck!