CarrieT Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Personally, I would send the letter to her work - registered and certified - so that she is the one that will have to sign for it and see it personally. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 How exactly are you going to make sure she signs for it? Our mail room signs for all our mail/packages. I don't think she has to personally sign for it - but if she does, it's bad enough what the letter says...now she is going to have everyone in the office gossiping about who would send her a certified letter. Yes, she deserves to know....but sending it to her work is not cool. Since you know her work location, why not call her at work and ask to meet her? Or ask her for her personal email? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 How exactly are you going to make sure she signs for it? Our mail room signs for all our mail/packages. I don't think she has to personally sign for it - but if she does, it's bad enough what the letter says...now she is going to have everyone in the office gossiping about who would send her a certified letter. Yes, she deserves to know....but sending it to her work is not cool. Since you know her work location, why not call her at work and ask to meet her? Or ask her for her personal email? Makes no difference. Everyone at work will know what is going down within a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 How exactly are you going to make sure she signs for it? Our mail room signs for all our mail/packages. I don't think she has to personally sign for it - but if she does, it's bad enough what the letter says...now she is going to have everyone in the office gossiping about who would send her a certified letter. Yes, she deserves to know....but sending it to her work is not cool. Since you know her work location, why not call her at work and ask to meet her? Or ask her for her personal email? Because she lives on the west coast, and I'm on the east coast. Also, I do not want to meet her. Letter is sent. It will be signed by her. Personally, I'd rather receive something like that at work than home around my kids. I'd rather be upset around my adult peers and have time to calm down before being around my children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm glad you're going to send it. I'm SO Sad His Wife is going to get the news at work in the middle of her day. Ugh, that turns my stomach. But if it's the only way to give her the truth and for you to have closure (even though you want to hurt him*), then it should happen. Best of luck moving on. Yeah, well...what is done is done. No great place to receive bad news. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Not cool. You should mind your own business. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Send it, but leave out the part where you said that you were working with a distorted reality, because this just weakens the apology. I actually think it's really important to make clear that the spouse is lying about the marriage. It will answer a lot of questions and make it harder to focus her anger on you. It needs to be on him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm a little sick in my stomach thinking about what the next few months may hold for both you and his wife. As you recall way up in the thread I did something similar. I regretted it for a while. It took time for the whole scenario to play out. Get ready to weather a storm of emotion. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SarahJames Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I personally don't see why a good amount of people are against sending this letter. I mean, I understand why some people are against telling the BS the truth in general, but what's so bad about a letter? I can think of worse ways of finding out...like a phone call for example. Sure, call me tell me my H is cheating on me while I'm at the grocery store, and bam there goes a jar of tomato sauce all over my louboutins. Wouldn't it be worse to get that call at work? Or while playing with your kids? Or perhaps while at a parent-teacher conference? I totally get not wanting to see her in person, especially since the distance, and of course the awkwardness. Is it unfortunate that she gets it at work? Yes. But I don't think I would be able to think of a better way myself. Seems like the best option. I hope sending this letter brings you peace within yourself, your mind, and your life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
uneek74 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) I am trying to wrap my head around you sending the letter, especially since the two of you have had no contact for a year or more. I know that he sent you a letter, and you got angry that he brought up old feelings and emotions. I understand getting angry and upset and wanting to lash out at him, not the wife. What is bothersome is that you two live on different coast! when I read that I almost fell out of my seat. This makes it more cray cray! You don't even know for sure if the two of them are still together. I feel you are going to be emotionally bankrupt from this incident for a while. Your sending the letter to this lady's work, has really bothered me. I would have rather you taken a plane to the west coast to her job and spoke with her in person, since you want to do the right thing and let her know. This was wrong on so many levels. I don't mean to offend, just trying to understand. Edited February 27, 2014 by uneek74 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 I am trying to wrap my head around you sending the letter, especially since the two of you have had no contact for a year or more. I know that he sent you a letter, and you got angry that he brought up old feelings and emotions. I understand getting angry and upset and wanting to lash out at him, not the wife. What is bothersome is that you two live on different coast! when I read that I almost fell out of my seat. This makes it more cray cray! You don't even know for sure if the two of them are still together. I feel you are going to be emotionally bankrupt from this incident for a while. Your sending the letter to this lady's work, has really bothered me. I would have rather you taken a plane to the west coast to her job and spoke with her in person, since you want to do the right thing and let her know. This was wrong on so many levels. I don't mean to offend, just trying to understand. We've haven't seen each other in nearly a year. We've had no contact since September, broken on several occasions by him. If you are seriously "bothered" to the extent you seem to be by my posts, perhaps you need to take a nice break from reading this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Update... I did get an email from her this afternoon. She didn't say much, other than she had her suspicions. She asked me for the dates and places when/where we saw each other in 2012/2013. I sent her the information. That is it. Thank you to all who have listened to my back and forth over the past year. It has not been an easy process. I am feeling better and am now going to force myself to move on...and that includes from this place. I can no longer give him any of my head space. Wishing you all the best. May you make good decisions and heal from whatever has brought you here. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Good for you, Goodbye! Link to post Share on other sites
uneek74 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Because you haven't had contact is why it I am having concerns with what you did. I get that you all haven't communicated. I don't comment or come to LS that much. I have been home sick a few days and was bored. So, yeah maybe you are right I should skip over your thread since I am bothered by it. Without giving TMI, I have professional reasons why it is wrong on so many levels. Good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
NotOW35 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Professional reasons? For what? Thinking the OW shouldn't send a letter? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Update... I did get an email from her this afternoon. She didn't say much, other than she had her suspicions. She asked me for the dates and places when/where we saw each other in 2012/2013. I sent her the information. That is it. Thank you to all who have listened to my back and forth over the past year. It has not been an easy process. I am feeling better and am now going to force myself to move on...and that includes from this place. I can no longer give him any of my head space. Wishing you all the best. May you make good decisions and heal from whatever has brought you here. Good, hopefully this will put an end to him reaching out to you once and for all. And, give you (and his wife) some peace. Though as betrayed and upset she probably is, you confirmed her suspicions, probably making her feel more sane and now knows the truth. Take care and be happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Because you haven't had contact is why it I am having concerns with what you did. But she did! Despite demanding NC in September, he was still trying to get ahold of her in December. Without giving TMI, I have professional reasons why it is wrong on so many levels. Many of us have recommended that she DO send the letter. Maybe you should elucidate why your professional reasons are more valid than ours? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Good luck Goodbye, I hope this brings you the peace you need xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WishfulThinking74 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Good job. Did the wife seem angry? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Update... I did get an email from her this afternoon. She didn't say much, other than she had her suspicions. She asked me for the dates and places when/where we saw each other in 2012/2013. I sent her the information. Really? In your OP you said you had already outlined that info in the original letter: It is a pretty cut and dry letter. I open by saying it is my understanding from her H that she already knows of the affair, but if she doesn't, I am very sorry to be telling her this way. I outline our time together...when and where we met up...no other details. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lord of the Flies Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I wish you good luck in your situation. You have to do what you need to do to bring a resolution to the situation. Sending out lots of love and hugs your way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hopefully, you can now walk away and put all of this behind you. Here's to a great new life Ahead! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Really? In your OP you said you had already outlined that info in the original letter: Maybe his wife asked for more specific dates. Link to post Share on other sites
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