My ex-girlfriend was just raped

[somedude81]

I'm gonna quote her...

"Well I had a dare to kiss ---- so I was like ok fine a quick kiss. then he didn't stop kissing me and pushed my head down and made me... you know and I couldn't breathe I was choking I was scared he never asked me if I was okay with it he just pushed my head down. he touched me everywhere"

 

I think I may have left out the touching part... sounds like rape to me.

OK, so it does sound like she was sexually assaulted, but not raped. They did not have vaginal or anal sex.

 

She sounds like a scared little girl who got herself into a situation she had no business being in. She made some very bad judgement calls, but she's only 15.

 

Having sex, smoking and using MJ at 15 are signs of a very troubled person.

 

I don't know if you are into these things or not, but in my opinion it is something you should stay away from.

[card]

Oral rape is a thing.

 

And I'm not into those things...I've had sex once but I'm not doing it with anyone who offers. I got her to stop smoking while we were together but this guy goes out and buys the stuff for her. Seems like a real class A citizen.

[card]

Another maybe important thing I forgot to mention is how she just kind of latches onto guys for attention and companionship. She doesn't even seem to care what the guy is like, just as long as she isn't alone. She's told me before about how she's really afraid of being alone. I've been thinking she kind of did this to me...She was dumped by some guy (Who was a really horrible match for her) and thought I was cute so we started talking, and then we got together. I've always stressed her out somehow (I'm not even sure how) and at one point she said something like "Why does our relationship suck? Should we just break up?" at which point I felt awful and said "Well if we're always arguing and you're stressed then maybe we're not meant to be". That lead to a really painful 24 hours where we kept talking but she was really upset at me and was crying a ton, and I kept telling her how I thought it was what she wanted and that I didn't want it (I really didn't but she seemed unhappy being with me). The next morning I called her and we talking and got back together.

 

It's sad but that's in the past and it's partially why I've gotten over her. Now I'm just worried she's latching onto this guy, who obviously is not a good person and is buying her drugs and wanting sex.

[somedude81]

Now I'm just worried she's latching onto this guy, who obviously is not a good person and is buying her drugs and wanting sex.

Of course she is.

 

She sounds seriously messed up.

[chados]

okey listen up.

 

weve already been through this. we talked about her sleeping around way back. we talked about her might be bipolar. that she wants attention. are you even following this thread or do you only remember what you want to?

 

all youre doing is making her believe she got raped because you dont want to see her with that guy. wether its for your own needs or because you really want her to feel better i dont know. but im starting to think more and more that you really haven gotten over this girl. and youre leaving things out again. you said earlier he was buying her cigarettes

 

 

 

this is your story from the beginning.

 

 

1.

 

the relationship was bad yet you wanted it back. she wanted to leave. that she cried about breaking up has nothing to do with this story. people cry all the time. she did it because she was actually sad about being alone maybe? or cause of your response?.

 

2. the first thing you do is to get her back the next morning. what happened after that then? her mom broke you up? see a pattern? she didnt wanna be with you and you instead manipulated her the next day. i dont know if you did it on purpose and this girl might have some problems with her emotions so im not gonna say you did. but what im almost positive about is that the mom broke you up because she couldnt herself.

 

 

3. she asks a guy if he likes her and he says no according to you. you tell her dont get hurt. she then texts you "i got hurt". i think you knew how she was and the only reason you texted her was because you didnt want her to sleep around. if you actually did text those words we will never know. but i dont think he said no. i think he said yes i do like you. thats why he is still around her. they ended up having sex and yes she might been feeling bad about it. but he is still there

 

 

4. she tells you that she had sex with him. in detail? well if this happened im sorry that you had to hear it. but what you did was telling her she got raped. and she actually started to believe it herself. or at least use it to get attention.

 

 

5. you tell her mom. her mom responds we as a family are gonna talk about it , dont worry. what you did was accusing the mom that probably already understands shes sexually active. its not exactly the first time someone has sex at 15. you said that the mom did nothing. and you wanted help on what to tell her to make it worse.

 

 

6. youve said that you didnt wanna get him to jail just because of the age difference. but you are positive that he forced her to be raped. you dont want him in jail because you know that he hasnt done anything to force her. . you are using this as a coverup so that people here can help you out to break them apart.

 

 

 

7. you leave out things from the story. that she called it a rape. but it was actually you that used that word. that he was buying her cigarettes and later it was drugs. i remember telling you that she changed her story, you said no. and i was wrong.. she didnt. it was you all along that changed the story.

 

 

even at the first page i could tell that you werent telling the truth or actually that she wasnt. but it wasnt her story. but how could i know that?. people have been trying to help you out telling you to help her. accused a guy to rape her by force.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Originally Posted by chados View Post

new details again. you leave the most important things out. and this is by far the most important. you told her she got raped?.

 

 

I didn't realize I left this out... And yes, I told her. I said it to give her a good (VERY good) reason why she shouldn't hang out with this guy.

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[card]

1. She didn't want to leave.

 

2. I never manipulated her...she wanted to get back with me the whole time we were apart. Her mom broke us up over a month later.

 

3. You're assuming things that probably didn't happen again.

 

4. She didn't "start" to believe it, I used the word in our first conversation about what happened and she accepted it.

 

5. I didn't accuse the mom of anything...and what do you mean I wanted to make it worse?

 

6. It's not just the age difference, I'm just generally scared of putting someone in jail, and plus she would hate me forever for it. I said this earlier.

 

7. I didn't change anything about the story. Maybe I forgot to add details but it's all the same. Also, in my first post about him buying her cigarettes I also said he bought weed. Weed = Drugs.

 

 

And about getting over her...Sure, I think about her a lot but if I were able to get back together with her I wouldn't. I realize she isn't right for me and I guess I'm not right for her. I still care about her and I want her to find a guy that's a good influence on her and doesn't let her throw her life away.

[chados]

1. She didn't want to leave.

 

2. I never manipulated her...she wanted to get back with me the whole time we were apart. Her mom broke us up over a month later.

 

3. You're assuming things that probably didn't happen again.

 

4. She didn't "start" to believe it, I used the word in our first conversation about what happened and she accepted it.

 

5. I didn't accuse the mom of anything...and what do you mean I wanted to make it worse?

 

6. It's not just the age difference, I'm just generally scared of putting someone in jail, and plus she would hate me forever for it. I said this earlier.

 

7. I didn't change anything about the story. Maybe I forgot to add details but it's all the same. Also, in my first post about him buying her cigarettes I also said he bought weed. Weed = Drugs.

 

 

And about getting over her...Sure, I think about her a lot but if I were able to get back together with her I wouldn't. I realize she isn't right for me and I guess I'm not right for her. I still care about her and I want her to find a guy that's a good influence on her and doesn't let her throw her life away.

 

1. she told you the relationship sucked. you wanted her back the next day. then her mom breaks you up

 

2. you told her she got raped and her response is, he didnt know it was rape. then she hans out with him. she says that she told him no to sex and he accepted it. her mom accepted him in the house.

 

 

3. asuming things that "probably didnt happen"? explain

 

4. why do you think she accepted it? it doesnt look like she accepted it. shes having donuts with him. this girl is no good. she might be nice as hell but she has problems and you know this. and what do you do? you were sayin that she told you she was raped. you told her she got raped.

 

5. you are accusing her mom for not doing anything about it. what do you think she told her mom? you are saying that you know she was raped. yet you got absolutely no proof to it except that she said sure i guess i was raped. because you told her. you started this not her. she is 15 and shes an addict of attention and she sleeps around. you said this yourself. she has bad depressions maybe cause from being bipopular. and you think you can just tell someone like that they got raped.

 

 

6. the agedifference might be one thing. but youre saying that youre scared of putting him to jail. scared of what? of him? you say you are texting her mom and her about it. so the chance of him getting to know about it might be big. if youre not gonna do anything about it, yet being 100% sure she was raped. then why ask for advice?. you know that nothing would happen to him. if this comes out and he would be guilty. he would probably go to jail anyway. so go ahead and tell someone that can put him to jail.

 

 

7. i will give you the weed. you said that. no its not the same. this whole time youve made it clear she told you she got raped. but you told her that. then you say i said it to make sure she wouldnt stay anywhere near him.

 

 

 

when stories are changing they are almost never true. and your desperation of breaking them up. the way you explained everything from the beginning. her parents reactions. her way of dealing with it. the way the guy you call a rapist handle it. her being extremely unstable with her emotions. her age. nothing makes sense in this story

[janedoe67]

Chados, I don't know how old you are, but as a rape survivor myself I have to say your posts are clueless. It is not your job to call a 15 year old stranger a liar

[chados]

Chados, I don't know how old you are, but as a rape survivor myself I have to say your posts are clueless. It is not your job to call a 15 year old stranger a liar

 

 

old enough to know that this isnt true. no they arent clueless, are you kidding me? im sorry for whatever happened to you but that doesnt justify someone making up a story. and by the way. im not saying shes a liar. im saying that he is making this up. and if you cant see that then i can just say, believe whatever you want.

[card]

I'm not making this up... lol why would I?

[chados]

why would you? maybe you dont want her with him. maybe you want her back. i have no idea. there must be a reason. cause i cannot imagine that anyone that would read this story would think that you actually believe this yourself.

 

 

the whole story doesnt make any sense even from the start. combined with everyone that was involved responding in a way that is completely redicilious. her mom and dad should definitely go to jail for letting a rapist stay with their daughter right?. violate her again? the fact that the guy raped her with her friends in the same house without anyone even questioning. or that they still keep contact with him going to her parents house like nothing ever happened.

 

 

 

not to mention that you said this.

 

Originally Posted by chados View Post

new details again. you leave the most important things out. and this is by far the most important. you told her she got raped?.

 

 

I didn't realize I left this out... And yes, I told her. I said it to give her a good (VERY good) reason why she shouldn't hang out with this guy.

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[card]

You're taking that quote too seriously. I didn't make it up, I was saying it to her to emphasize what he did to her so that she realizes what kind of a person he is.

 

There's still no point in making it up...it's not like I would be personally tricked into thinking it's real if it isn't. And I think her parents let him stay because maybe they confronted her after I told her mom and she said stuff to make it seem less bad than it is, or denied it.

Edited February 23, 2014 by card

[chados]

You're taking that quote too seriously. I didn't make it up, I was saying it to her to emphasize what he did to her so that she realizes what kind of a person he is.

 

There's still no point in making it up...it's not like I would be personally tricked into thinking it's real if it isn't. And I think her parents let him stay because maybe they confronted her after I told her mom and she said stuff to make it seem less bad than it is, or denied it.

 

 

and why should i not take that seriously? it sounds about right reading the story. you didnt want her with him. she had guilt doing what she did and you told her she was abused. that her friends were right there doesnt make this sound better.

 

well most likely she did that. makes sense that her mom confronted her about it. and that she told her that nothing happened. and her i guess believed her just like that? she breaks you up, but lets her stay with the guy who might have raped her. now that doesnt make you look good at all. and it makes her mom look like the worst mom in the world.

[card]

I don't think she felt guilty about doing it... and idk what else to say. That's the story, believe it or not.

[almond]

Card: you are attracted to the drama and stress surrounding/being generated by this girl to an unhealthy degree.

 

You are a young man, and should be focusing on other things. Stop worrying about her - you need to worry about yourself right now. Your level of ongoing involvement and inability to step back is troubling.

 

Speak to your parents about this. You need help to let go of this mess.

 

This is no longer about her...it's something in you that needs working on...like a moth to a flame...

[card]

Yeah, you're right... I'm not really sure why I care so much about what she's doing with her life.

[card]

I was looking into it more and I'm almost certain she has BPD... Should I tell her?

It would help her a lot in the long run but I'm afraid she might lash out if I suggest that she has it.

[chados]

why would you tell her that? you said that you already talked to her about it. and if i remember correctly she was on medicin? if so , then shes already taking something against her problems. the only difference between someone with bpd or someone that acts like they have it is that the one thats diagnosed can use medicin. doesnt always help. i dont think since you believe she got raped telling her she has bpd is gonna help her. leave all of this behind you and move forward. if you want to be her friend thats fine. but dont push her problems any further. leave that to her family and a doctor

[card]

I said previously that I didn't mention BPD to her. I just think it might be useful for her to know for her other relationships just in case she does have BPD. It would probably help her a lot if she could be properly medicated for it.

[chados]

id say stay out of this. its not your job to put a diagnose on her. whatever happene between you two. dont you at least feel that when she send pictures of a guy to you should be enough to get the hell out of there. i wouldnt care if i loved the girl, jealous or not. i think thats really stupid and disrespectful.

[Zahara]

I said previously that I didn't mention BPD to her. I just think it might be useful for her to know for her other relationships just in case she does have BPD. It would probably help her a lot if she could be properly medicated for it.

 

In order to be medicated, she first has to realize and then accept that she has a personality disorder. Then she has to want to see a professional in hopes that therapy and medication can help her curb and understand her disorder. It has to come from her own introspection.

 

You need to let this go. Most times people with personality disorders don't want to hear you point out that there is something wrong with them.

[card]

Yeah, you guys are right.

 

 

I shouldn't care anyway...She's pretty mean to me. I nicely asked her to stop sending me things about this guy because it hurts and she told me to "stop bitching".

[Zahara]

Yeah, you guys are right.

 

 

I shouldn't care anyway...She's pretty mean to me. I nicely asked her to stop sending me things about this guy because it hurts and she told me to "stop bitching".

 

Why aren't you blocking her?

[card]

She got really upset when I tried that once, even after explaining that it wasn't her fault.

[Zahara]

She got really upset when I tried that once, even after explaining that it wasn't her fault.

 

So you would rather be treated like shytt rather than have enough self-respect and dignity to block and walk away? She just dismissed your feelings and told you to stop bitching because she doesn't give a damn about how her actions affect you, YET you're being considerate of how she feels?

 

Are you reading what you're writing?