My ex-girlfriend was just raped

[chados]

lollipop i dont know wether you have some hatred towards men regarding to your other posts or if you actually think that probably half of the world are predators but i bet you wouldnt put your own son in jail for something like this.

 

 

card you said, "I only like you as a friend" thing happened the night before.

 

 

this is telling me that he was being honest with her. she as stated before are having hard time getting rejected because of her age and because of her mental problems. this is just my guess. but i think that her friends helped her to kiss him by playing a game because they knew she liked him. girls talk you know.

 

she went with him to the bathroom or some other room and did what she did. and was getting rejected again. i do not believe this story. ive seen it before more then ones

[lollipopspot]

Why do you need so much clarification about this from me? Do legislators all hate men because they made statutory rape laws?

 

15 and 19 is a sizable age and maturity difference. They're not in a relationship, the guy shows predatory behavior.

[amaysngrace]

Unload this story onto her mom and let her mom deal with it.

 

You said she's already on meds which means she is seen by a head doctor.

 

This is her mom's job...not yours.

 

A rape allegation against a person has the potential to ruin his life.

 

Her mom wants you out of the picture. So tell her mom and then jet.

[card]

@chados

 

I see what you mean. I'm still having a little trouble fathoming that she made a lot of the story up but it seems kind of likely now. I wish she would just open up to me about all of this instead of shutting me out.

 

 

@amaysngrace

 

I really don't want to involve her mom in this. My ex is mad at me as it is and I don't want to somehow screw things up further, even if the intentions are pure. If she's really hurt by this I trust that she'll tell her mom, but she seems to be fine right now judging by her facebook posts with makes me question the legitimacy of her story more.

Edited February 16, 2014 by card

[chados]

Why do you need so much clarification about this from me? Do legislators all hate men because they made statutory rape laws?

 

i dont need it. i just want to understand how you can call it predatory behaviour. because then a lot of people would be in trouble. more then you can ever imagine. maybe even someone in your family. its not uncommon. and in many countries it is legal at younger age then in america. and no they do not all hate men. but do you think all of the other people who made laws in other countries are predators?.

 

do you think the people who made the laws in america think that all that breaks them even the slightest are predators?

 

15 and 19 is a sizable age and maturity difference. They're not in a relationship, the guy shows predatory behavior.

 

 

it is very often a big difference yes. but girls are definitely more mature then guys at younger age. and i find it hard to believe that this guy is some einstein. what difference does it make if theyre not in a relationship? does that automatically mean that hes taking advantage of her? because then even more people should watch out for the cops

[amaysngrace]

@amaysngrace

 

I really don't want to involve her mom in this. My ex is mad at me as it is and I don't want to somehow screw things up further, even if the intentions are pure. If she's really hurt by this I trust that she'll tell her mom, but she seems to be fine right now judging by her facebook posts with makes me question the legitimacy of her story more.

 

Then why are you saying it here then by starting a whole thread dedicated to a lie?

 

Unfortunately there are actual survivors of rape that will see your post. Did you ever think about that??

[lollipopspot]

what difference does it make if theyre not in a relationship? does that automatically mean that hes taking advantage of her? because then even more people should watch out for the cops

 

It can happen that someone older and younger get to know each other, and eventually it becomes sexual. This guy was looking for sexual contact. Yes, he is predatory at 19, going after sex from a 15 year old. Should the police be called? I don't know. Would it be good if a trusted adult or counselor at her high school knew, and could help her? Yes.

 

Then why are you saying it here then by starting a whole thread dedicated to a lie?

 

Unfortunately there are actual survivors of rape that will see your post. Did you ever think about that??

 

Of course he's not thinking about it. He can be convinced that the girl is lying just by someone saying so. He doesn't have a compass about this at all.

[chados]

Then why are you saying it here then by starting a whole thread dedicated to a lie?

 

Unfortunately there are actual survivors of rape that will see your post. Did you ever think about that??

 

 

 

because he probably believed it at first. and i think if anything he was trying to protect her. it takes life experience to understand things youve never seen before.

[card]

Of course he's not thinking about it. He can be convinced that the girl is lying just by someone saying so. He doesn't have a compass about this at all.

 

Thank you, but I'm not at all convinced that she's lying...I still believe that what she said actually happened but I'm just acknowledging that some parts are a little suspicious.

[card]

Then why are you saying it here then by starting a whole thread dedicated to a lie?

 

Don't be so aggressive please, I was just looking for advice. I completely believed her when I started this thread, and I still mostly do.

[chados]

It can happen that someone older and younger get to know each other, and eventually it becomes sexual. This guy was looking for sexual contact. Yes, he is predatory at 19, going after sex from a 15 year old. Should the police be called? I don't know. Would it be good if a trusted adult or counselor at her high school knew, and could help her? Yes.

 

 

 

Of course he's not thinking about it. He can be convinced that the girl is lying just by someone saying so. He doesn't have a compass about this at all.

 

 

just like you get convinced that he actually violated her?. rape is serious. ive said it in the begining to him to always remember to treat it for what it is. but its not okey to treat her like a victim and him like a predator just because they werent together. even though he said i dont want you before they had sex

 

 

if its right or not to go with a 15 year old is one thing. but she was most likely just as guilty when it came to actually trying to make it happen. thats not what predatory behaviour is like

[card]

she was most likely just as guilty when it came to actually trying to make it happen.

 

well the whole statutory rape thing revolves around people under a certain age not being able to make these decisions properly

[lollipopspot]

I'll just make the statement without any qualifiers to make it clear. A 19 year old going after a 15 year old for sex is predatory behavior. I haven't seen anything in this thread that modifies this case.

[card]

I'll just make the statement without any qualifiers to make it clear. A 19 year old going after a 15 year old for sex is predatory behavior. I haven't seen anything in this thread that modifies this case.

 

Legally, yeah. It's not right and I do think that it shouldn't happen but it's not nearly as bad as generic rape if both parties are giving consent...And if the age difference isn't too extreme.

[chados]

well the whole statutory rape thing revolves around people under a certain age not being able to make these decisions properly

 

i do get that. but i dont think a 19 year old would be able to say no to a 30 year old hollywood star either. that wouldnt be rape. im not defending his actions in that way. im just saying that the age difference and how the story to me looks like. i cannot call him a predator. i would never let my daughter date him at 15. but i cannot in any way believe this is a rape case. and by rape i mean that he forced her to do anything.

[card]

while there is decent evidence that parts of her story might be altered or completely untrue (being forced to do whatever) I still really do think she's being truthful here. I know her really well and you'll just have to trust me when I say that she wouldn't make this up.

[amaysngrace]

Don't be so aggressive please, I was just looking for advice. I completely believed her when I started this thread, and I still mostly do.

 

Sorry for being aggressive, as you put it.

 

Maybe using the word "rape" in the title triggered me and maybe placing it into the abuse category triggered me too.

 

People are here to offer help to legitimate crisis. Not your bogus made-up crap.

 

You've already said that you were hijacking another thread. Come on now...do you think people are stupid or something? Do you think we can't pick up on attention-seeking behavior or something?

 

Think again...

[card]

Sorry for being aggressive, as you put it.

 

Maybe using the word "rape" in the title triggered me and maybe placing it into the abuse category triggered me too.

 

People are here to offer help to legitimate crisis. Not your bogus made-up crap.

 

You've already said that you were hijacking another thread. Come on now...do you think people are stupid or something? Do you think we can't pick up on attention-seeking behavior or something?

 

Think again...

 

The thread I "hijacked" was my own. I was adding onto other issues I was having with her but I felt like this definitely needed it's own thread; And how could you accuse me of seeking attention? I'm looking for legitimate help here. Almost certain that nothing I've stated is "bogus made-up crap", by the way.

[amaysngrace]

The thread I "hijacked" was my own. I was adding onto other issues I was having with her but I felt like this definitely needed it's own thread; And how could you accuse me of seeking attention? I'm looking for legitimate help here. Almost certain that nothing I've stated is "bogus made-up crap", by the way.

 

Then tell her to go to the police and file a charge against him.

[card]

Then tell her to go to the police and file a charge against him.

 

She wants to avoid conflict and pretend that this never happened. I've been trying to convince her that what happened isn't something you can just ignore but she's not listening to me.

[chados]

im not gonna force you to believe anything. im saying what i believe. and i cannot know anything for sure. but everything in your story makes me doubt, everything.

 

 

im gonna explain why this doesnt make sense one more time then i have to go to bed.

 

shes 15, she has depression and anxiety problems. she lack trust in guys. her mom dont want her to date. this is the first thing that isnt proof. but worth mentioning.

 

she sleeps around a lot. she asks the guy if he likes her, he says no. they hang out the next day. all of the sudden they kiss during a game. why did they kiss? there were other girls there. i think they wanted it to happen. and i think her friends knew this. something happened here. they went to another room. theres no way he dragged her there. there were people there. i mean if that happened then i believe it, but as far as i understand he didnt. she gave him oralsex. then she started changing the story. saying he chocked her and whatever the other thing was.

 

theres just nothing youve told me that makes me think she didnt do this on purpose. she want this guys, and im sorry to tell you. but his older, hes probably an idiot but she will understand when she gets older. and depression and anxiety dissorder. which makes her craving for attention and having a hard time when someone says no.

[amaysngrace]

She wants to avoid conflict and pretend that this never happened. I've been trying to convince her that what happened isn't something you can just ignore but she's not listening to me.

 

Then you have no choice but to tell her mom so that it can be addressed by her psychiatrist or counselor.

 

You don't want to upset her and that's understandable but if she needs help and you're her friend then you will do whatever is in your power to help her, right?

 

She reached out to you for a reason. She's expecting you to care enough to do what she is unable to do for herself.

 

Please tell her mom.

[card]

@chados

 

I'm thinking they went to a different room just to kiss, but it escalated. She never gave me the details on this part. I get why you're skeptical but there are a lot of minor things that make me think she's telling the truth. For instance, she didn't want to tell me at first but only said this stuff hours later after one of her friends consoled her. The night before I texted her "don't get hurt" and at two in the morning she texted me back "I got hurt". Idk, it makes more sense if you experienced it.

 

 

@amaysngrace

 

You're right...I really should tell her mom. I think I can push myself to do it but I'm worried now that the idea that maybe there's a slim chance that this didn't happen is in my head.

Edited February 17, 2014 by card

[chados]

@chados

 

I'm thinking they went to a different room just to kiss, but it escalated. She never gave me the details on this part. I get why you're skeptical but there are a lot of minor things that make me think she's telling the truth. For instance, she didn't want to tell me at first but only said this stuff hours later after one of her friends consoled her. The night before I texted her "don't get hurt" and at two in the morning she texted me back "I got hurt". Idk, it makes more sense if you experienced it.

 

 

you are speculating that they went to another room. first of all it doesnt matter. if any it makes more sense. they kissed and it escalated to sex.

 

and you said dont get hurt. then she says i got hurt. and you think that it sounds better? i think it sounds the opposit. i mean i bet someone in this world said, dont go to work and get killed and they did but its rare.

 

also sounds like the only reason she got hurt was cause of rejection. and no it wouldnt make more sense. i would take it more seriously. thats why i said take it seriously. you dont wanna tell her it didnt happen.

 

i just dont want to see a guy that maybe made a mistake sleeping with a girl that isnt legal get punished for life for it when hes almost the same age. especially not if she initiated it and he didnt use violence. the fact that the guy said i dont want you makes it harder for me to believe that he would rape her. when he could have lied and slept with her without raping her.

[card]

what should the gist of the message be? just "I don't think ---- has told you think so I thought I should. ---- told me that last night she was forced to perform sexual acts on one of the guys she was hanging out with last night. I'm really sorry."