My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful "only when I dress up for special occasions"?

[todreaminblue]

no it wouldnt be a deal breaker for me...i dont need a guy to tell me that i am beautiful......because i dont believe them anyway.becaue most of the time its perfuctory on them thinking i need to hear it and its shallow thought...if a guy tells me he loves me and i can see it in how he treats me and what he says indirectly by action and thoughts when my hair si a mess and i am smiling at him and loving him without saying a word...... that is far more important...what si a deal breaker is when a guy is standing next to me and checks out other women in plain sight..deb

[kiss_andmakeup]

OP, here's a quick rundown of the threads you've made about this guy in your short 8-month relationship:

 

My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful "only when I dress up for special occasions"?

He loves me but isn't 'that' attracted to me?

Boyfriend never pays for me even though he earns loads and I don't?

Boyfriend wants to leave me "for my good"??

Boyfriend never seems interested in what I say?

When a guy has started to love you less, can you put the love back?

 

Come on!! The writing (YOUR writing) is on the wall.

 

I hate to break it to you, but this is the honeymoon phase! This is when attraction, lust, passion, intimacy, and romance is at an all-time high in a relationship. If it's already so bad that you've started nearly a thread per month about your issues, where is there to go from here??

 

It seems extremely obvious that he's just not that into you. I'm sure he does care about you, and I'm sure he loves you on some level. But you are his "Ms. Right Now". You're a good enough place holder until something better comes along. If you are hoping to settle down and have a long-lasting relationship with a future, then this is not the right relationship for you to be in.

[camillalev]

I would be insulted. He should think you're beautiful in your natural state. Maybe it's a lame question, but he should never have given you the answer he did.

 

I say break it off. It's been said and now you both know it. You'll think about it when you're with him and not all made up.

[camillalev]

OP, here's a quick rundown of the threads you've made about this guy in your short 8-month relationship:

 

My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful "only when I dress up for special occasions"?

He loves me but isn't 'that' attracted to me?

Boyfriend never pays for me even though he earns loads and I don't?

Boyfriend wants to leave me "for my good"??

Boyfriend never seems interested in what I say?

When a guy has started to love you less, can you put the love back?

 

.

 

Crikey really?? OP why the F are you with this guy?

 

Jeebus.

[Leigh 87]

Hey guys,

 

I appreciate your views on this but my boyfriend isn't the kind of person who would deliberately hurt anyone, I know him well. He is someone who says exactly what he thinks without any kind of filter, even to his girlfriend. It's just a shame that he truly doesn't feel I'm much of a catch. I don't know if you've read my other recent thread but one of his friends hit on me and my boyfriend didn't believe for a second that this guy could be attracted to me.

 

I know I need to get out of a relationship where a man makes me feel this way. It's just that most other things like his kindness are so nice that it's hard to find that again, I've been with other men before.

 

 

 

 

 

LOL. Excuses excuses..... Are you scared to be alone?

 

My boyfriend is VERY blunt and to the point. His friends and his mother even told me " yeah, One thing about ___, is that he is very blunt. Don't take it the wrong way!"

 

When I get out of the shower or I first wake up in the morning, he often tells me " you are so beautiful". And let me tell you, I am NOT conventionally good looking. Especially not in the morning first thing.

 

I do not think this man is in love with you. If he was, he would be blinded by love and he would absolutely think you were beautiful, without "dressing up:sick:", in your natural state.

[somedude81]

OP, here's a quick rundown of the threads you've made about this guy in your short 8-month relationship:

 

My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful "only when I dress up for special occasions"?

He loves me but isn't 'that' attracted to me?

Boyfriend never pays for me even though he earns loads and I don't?

Boyfriend wants to leave me "for my good"??

Boyfriend never seems interested in what I say?

When a guy has started to love you less, can you put the love back?

 

Come on!! The writing (YOUR writing) is on the wall.

 

I hate to break it to you, but this is the honeymoon phase! This is when attraction, lust, passion, intimacy, and romance is at an all-time high in a relationship. If it's already so bad that you've started nearly a thread per month about your issues, where is there to go from here??

 

It seems extremely obvious that he's just not that into you. I'm sure he does care about you, and I'm sure he loves you on some level. But you are his "Ms. Right Now". You're a good enough place holder until something better comes along. If you are hoping to settle down and have a long-lasting relationship with a future, then this is not the right relationship for you to be in.

 

And yet, I don't think she will break up with him any time soon.

 

She actually reminds me of another member whose name starts with P, that I know is still with her less than stellar boyfriend.

 

I really wish I knew why women choose to stick with these guys.

[Leigh 87]

Hey guys

 

This thread's been dormant for a while but I thought I would add an update.

 

Now it's got to the point where my boyfriend doesn't even make me feel pretty when I do wear a nice dress. We've been together to a few special occasions these last few weeks where I've put a real effort into my appearance to impress him, and it's more often than not ended in my heart sinking. He never notices, let alone looks at me. Last night was the Summer Party at his workplace where you could bring a partner, and I spent ages getting ready for the party, feeling excited what he would say when he saw me. He wasn't too impressed when he saw me, instead pointing out a scar I had on my face which he hadn't noticed before.

 

We have been together for almost 11 months, but now I really can't see this relationship lasting much longer.

 

 

 

 

Good Lord.

 

Look, it is SO clear that you are just not it for him.... When a guy meets "the one", the girl he truly falls hard for, he DOES NOT act in this way.

 

It is 100% certain that this man is NOT that into you.

 

I know you are attached - I even had dogs with my ex that I have had to say goodbye to. It gets better, it really does....

 

Your story is eerily similar to me and my ex and I - although even my ex told me that I looked nice and beautiful a few times.

 

Just he way my ex acted towards me and the way this guy acts towards you....... My heart would also sink because I could SENSE deep down that I just wasn't "it" for my ex. Just the way he looked at me wasn't..... that of a man who was truly in love, head over heels for me.

[USMCHokie]

I'm curious...do women (or even men, for that matter) feel (or even expect) that their partner should think they are the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter the circumstances...?

 

It seems a little outlandish to me...

[Leigh 87]

Oh I have brought up my feelings on this with him, and all he says in reply is "I wouldn't be with you if I didn't find you attractive". Something that I've always believed is that actions speak louder than words and for that I have never felt he truly means it. It often leads to arguments between us where he feels I criticise him too much

 

 

 

My ex was attracted to me but I could tell that I didn't exactly take his breath away:lmao:

 

You can just tell by the way a guy looks at you.

 

My ex would study me -- because he thought I was weird and studied my strange mannerisms. There was not a look of adoration in his eyes. He just really liked me as a person and thought I was interesting to look at.

 

Current boyfriend showed me what it is to have a guy glance at you "adoringly". He just sits and stares at me in the " you are so beautiful" kind of way.

 

 

You have highlighted that you can tell a difference between the way your " boyfriend" looks at you, in comparison to the way his best mate stares adoringly at HIS "hot" girlfriend. YOU KNOW something is off but you are too scared to leave him for good.

 

You are too weak at this stage to ignore his " but I miss you, come back" if you WERE to leave him.... you sound like you would get sucked right back in AS I DID with my ex:lmao:

 

Sigh. If only you knew that in a years time, you could be over this jerk and onto a much better prospect, or single and waiting for a guy who truly dos think you are beautiful.

[Els]

I've read most of your threads. In one of them (notably the one where he said you should go for your teaching course), I think you are overreacting. In the rest of them, I think he's being immature and insensitive at the very least. Either way it's quite clear this R is going pretty badly and you two aren't compatible.

 

Go for your teaching course, and start a new life without him.

[Leigh 87]

I'm curious...do women (or even men, for that matter) feel (or even expect) that their partner should think they are the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter the circumstances...?

 

It seems a little outlandish to me...

 

 

 

 

 

It is definitely true that, when a guy is THAT in love with you, he knows very well you are not a super model but to HIM you are the most beautiful woman.

 

It happens. It is when men are head over heels in love.

[Noproblem]

Dealbreaker for me

 

DO you know how many guys like this one I encounter everyday

 

they stare and look, like they have no woman or girlfriend beside them!

 

How disrespectful must that be!

 

Each time a married or guy in a relationship stares at me, I don't mean just staring and that's it ..I mean the way a single guy would stare and smile ...

 

I feel disgusted and I feel sad for the women who trust them enough to let them go by their own...

 

Sometimes their woman can be standing right beside them and guess what she'll end up hating me instead of her loser husband or boyfriend ..

 

 

I am sad this is happening to you, yes I agree girls should look their best when ever it's possible and yes you should dress up for him, not just for other strangers, but for your boyfriend.

 

However, for him to say that you are not that attractive and to look at other women in front of you !

 

THis is just ewwwwwwwww

Edited July 27, 2014 by Noproblem

[Emilia]

I'm curious...do women (or even men, for that matter) feel (or even expect) that their partner should think they are the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter the circumstances...?

 

It seems a little outlandish to me...

No but you would expect attraction. They might objectively view someone else as more beautiful but you know when a person is attracted to you rather than picking at your - perceived - flaws.

[Emilia]

Hey guys,

 

I appreciate your views on this but my boyfriend isn't the kind of person who would deliberately hurt anyone, I know him well. He is someone who says exactly what he thinks without any kind of filter, even to his girlfriend. It's just a shame that he truly doesn't feel I'm much of a catch. I don't know if you've read my other recent thread but one of his friends hit on me and my boyfriend didn't believe for a second that this guy could be attracted to me.

 

I know I need to get out of a relationship where a man makes me feel this way. It's just that most other things like his kindness are so nice that it's hard to find that again, I've been with other men before.

Well my ex is the worst for filter, partly because he has ADHD and that's like 'woooooaaaahhhh say what you think why don't you' territory. But I've never had doubts over his attraction to me. He has been always very clear on that. Physical attraction isn't the reason why we aren't together, that's for sure. He has never made me feel that I wasn't much of a catch either. This sort of thing isn't normal in a relationship that's based on mutual respect and attraction.

[Emilia]

Interesting that you suggest Aspergers, since I've been thinking the same in the past few months due to his inability to communicate. I can never talk to him about anything, even day to day stuff; his eyes just wander away from me and glaze over. The lack of communication has made me lose interest considerably and he is trying to improve it, I've spoken to him about my needs not being met in this field.

 

I know it might be the wrong relationship for me, I just can't let go at present. I'm going away to start a course at the end of the summer (not that far just a 2-hour train ride away) so distance will help me to make a decision in due course.

It's not Aspergers. He has no respect for you, it was very clear in your thread about finances. Incidentally, his respect for you would grow if you dumped him because he would see you as someone who is capable of asserting yourself.

[irc333]

Of course, the canned response from a married or taken man is, "Hey, I'm married, but I'm not dead! LOL!"

 

Sometimes the wives thinks it's normal for their husbands to be checking out the women on occasion and they get a laugh out of it.

 

Dealbreaker for me

 

DO you know how many guys like this one I encounter everyday

 

they stare and look, like they have no woman or girlfriend beside them!

 

How disrespectful must that be!

 

Each time a married or guy in a relationship stares at me, I don't mean just staring and that's it ..I mean the way a single guy would stare and smile ...

 

I feel disgusted and I feel sad for the women who trust them enough to let them go by their own...

 

Sometimes their woman can be standing right beside them and guess what she'll end up hating me instead of her loser husband or boyfriend ..

 

 

I am sad this is happening to you, yes I agree girls should look their best when ever it's possible and yes you should dress up for him, not just for other strangers, but for your boyfriend.

 

However, for him to say that you are not that attractive and to look at other women in front of you !

 

THis is just ewwwwwwwww

[kiss_andmakeup]

I'm curious...do women (or even men, for that matter) feel (or even expect) that their partner should think they are the most beautiful woman in the world, no matter the circumstances...?

 

It seems a little outlandish to me...

 

No, of course not. But there is quite a bit of gray area between being made to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and being made to feel barely attractive enough to date.

[USMCHokie]

No but you would expect attraction. They might objectively view someone else as more beautiful but you know when a person is attracted to you rather than picking at your - perceived - flaws.

 

No, of course not. But there is quite a bit of gray area between being made to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and being made to feel barely attractive enough to date.

 

Ok...I guess I just find that cliché to be just that...cliché...you can't possibly think a woman who expects it from her man is being serious, and you can't possibly think a man who says it is being sincere...

 

 

I'm still on the fence about this "take me as I am" vs. "I want to offer the best of myself"...maybe it's just a matter of differing personalities...but if my SO suggested that I had a flaw which could use improvement, I'd certainly welcome it with open arms, because it can help me improve myself for me and make myself a better person for her. I don't understand why I wouldn't want to know about my flaws. We're constantly growing and learning, so why would I insist on being stagnant?

 

 

I still feel like it all comes down to how we were raised and whether we were put up in little pedestals by our parents and taught that we could do no wrong and that we were perfect the way we were...pure entitlement complex...

 

 

So I don't know...

[kiss_andmakeup]

Ok...I guess I just find that cliché to be just that...cliché...you can't possibly think a woman who expects it from her man is being serious, and you can't possibly think a man who says it is being sincere...

 

 

I'm still on the fence about this "take me as I am" vs. "I want to offer the best of myself"...maybe it's just a matter of differing personalities...but if my SO suggested that I had a flaw which could use improvement, I'd certainly welcome it with open arms, because it can help me improve myself for me and make myself a better person for her. I don't understand why I wouldn't want to know about my flaws. We're constantly growing and learning, so why would I insist on being stagnant?

 

 

I still feel like it all comes down to how we were raised and whether we were put up in little pedestals by our parents and taught that we could do no wrong and that we were perfect the way we were...pure entitlement complex...

 

 

So I don't know...

 

It's a cliche to expect that your romantic partner is actually attracted to you? In my experience, no, it isn't. I don't date people I don't find attractive. There is a difference between making your partner feel desired, attractive, and sexy, and telling them "you are perfect from head to toe, the most beautiful specimen in the world."

 

Would I expect my SO to be honest with me if my weight was getting out of control, if my hygiene was becoming sloppy? Absolutely. Would I expect them to point out an unattractive scar, a crooked nose, a prominent forehead, or other features that I've always had and likely will always have, and make me feel unattractive for those things? Of course not. If they really found my natural features so unappealing, I would prefer that they not date me.

 

I think you're reading way too deep into this. I expect that my fiancé finds other women attractive; some (or maybe even many) more attractive than he finds me. I don't expect him to idolize me and tell me that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. I DO expect, that if he is with me, and nothing that is in my control (weight, hygiene, fashion sense) has changed, then that implies that he is attracted to me.

 

I love to tell my partner how handsome and sexy he is. And I'm not blowing smoke up his ass when I say it...I truly am crazy about him. I also loves that he conveys the same feelings toward me, and I think that assuming that that is due to some kind of cliche or "entitlement" is just plain silly.

[SpotyLove]

I recommend reading this article for an objective read on attractiveness:

 

Being Beautiful or Handsome is Easier Than You Think! | Psychology Today

 

Obviously, we aren't all born with the same genetic code. Some people are more fortunate to be naturally physically attractive, but...who gives a crap!

 

I think there are certain things that can look universally attractive or unattractive, regardless of your body type. Grooming and clothing can and do make a huge difference. Who really looks hot with messy hair, loose fitting dirty clothing, and bad breath? Lets be honest with ourselves people.

 

If you want more proof, go to a strip club. The women who don't have plastic surgery look exactly the same without clothes as my girlfriend does(or worse). The point being is bodies are all pretty similar.

 

Again, I'd read the tips in the article. Even if you are a huge nerd, just make sure your Star Trek t-shirt fits appropriately and you should be good to go.

[USMCHokie]

It's a cliche to expect that your romantic partner is actually attracted to you? In my experience, no, it isn't. I don't date people I don't find attractive. There is a difference between making your partner feel desired, attractive, and sexy, and telling them "you are perfect from head to toe, the most beautiful specimen in the world.".

 

The cliche I was referring to was the "most beautiful specimen in the world" compliment...not simply you are attractive...

 

My apologies for not specifying...thought it'd be implied based on context...

[kiss_andmakeup]

The cliche I was referring to was the "most beautiful specimen in the world" compliment...not simply you are attractive...

 

My apologies for not specifying...thought it'd be implied based on context...

 

Ah, okay, I mis-understood. Since you were directly replying to my quote, I assumed that you meant that my point itself was a cliche.

 

I think the OP is extremely insecure and craves constant attention and validation from her partner about her looks. However, I also feel that her guy is completely crass and careless in his comments and actions toward her and other women. They simply aren't a match, as exemplified by her myriad threads. He'd probably be happier with someone he's more attracted to, and she'd definitely be happier with someone who's more attracted to her.

[USMCHokie]

Ah, okay, I mis-understood. Since you were directly replying to my quote, I assumed that you meant that my point itself was a cliche.

 

I think the OP is extremely insecure and craves constant attention and validation from her partner about her looks. However, I also feel that her guy is completely crass and careless in his comments and actions toward her and other women. They simply aren't a match, as exemplified by her myriad threads. He'd probably be happier with someone he's more attracted to, and she'd definitely be happier with someone who's more attracted to her.

 

Agreed. Poor delivery on his part and poor reception on her part. Simple incompatibility...

[beach]

Thanks for all your replies so far guys, I really appreciate it.

 

I know that it might have seemed immature for me to ask my boyfriend if he thinks I'm pretty. The truth is that I felt the need to ask him because he normally doesn't make me feel like he is all that attracted to me, and also because I have issues with insecurity.

 

At school I used to be bullied about being ugly, this was partly because I was a little overweight back then but I don't think it was the only thing. Having people constantly tell you you're ugly while you're going through your crucial teen years does unfortunately have a long-term effect and it does make one insecure. As a single adult when I would go out with girl friends, I was always the one to be left in the dark while my friends were being hit on by guys. This is why I am still quite insecure about my appearance.

 

And for my boyfriend of all people to tell me I'm not hot- I fear that being with him will destroy me in terms of taking away my self-esteem. No matter how good a guy is to you, I believe that he needs to make you feel confident and good about yourself. I am not saying that my boyfriend should be dishonest with me, I am saying that I might be better off with a guy who does find me hot. But as I said, my boyfriend shows me more love and care than all my previous boyfriends put together. He is just an honest guy who said what he thinks. I really don't know what to do

 

 

You obviously do know what to do or you wouldn't have posted here - follow your gut.

 

And then deal with your deep seeded insecurities so that you never settle again.

 

A man should honor and respect you. He shouldn't leave you wondering if you're good enough for him - he should lift you up and make you think you're better than you are.

 

This guy isn't a good match.

[Emilia]

I'm still on the fence about this "take me as I am" vs. "I want to offer the best of myself"...maybe it's just a matter of differing personalities...but if my SO suggested that I had a flaw which could use improvement, I'd certainly welcome it with open arms, because it can help me improve myself for me and make myself a better person for her. I don't understand why I wouldn't want to know about my flaws. We're constantly growing and learning, so why would I insist on being stagnant?

I would find it offensive if a man picked me as a work in progress to mold me to his preferences. Plenty of people do this but I see this as either their not being able to attract whom they really want or they are simply being controlling to the extent that they don't accept anything outside their tightly set preferences. I see both of those as character flaws

 

Neither would be an ideal partner for me. I think that a person should try to accept you as you are when you meet, otherwise the two of you have no business being together.

 

There is also of course the question whether the other person knows better what is or what isn't attractive on you. I mean... who are they to decide that you aren't good enough in your current form?

 

Now if changes happen - as they will long term - to someone that's under their control, then that's a different matter. You know my views on putting weight on for example. That's quite different from constantly evaluating someone's looks and personality as if we were in school.

 

It is also a slippery slope since you will never be perfect, no matter how you try. It's the same thing as those guys training purely for looks. Never happy...

I still feel like it all comes down to how we were raised and whether we were put up in little pedestals by our parents and taught that we could do no wrong and that we were perfect the way we were...pure entitlement complex...

 

So I don't know...

I feel I'm entitled to find someone who likes me and attracted to me for who I am because I strive to do the same. There is something very special about feeling that the person loves you and finds you attractive as you are as opposed to some puppet they want to mold you into because they can't find anything better.