faux Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 It sounds like your boyfriend asked you to marry him for the wrong reasons. It sounds that you are dissatisfied with the ring for silly reasons. The thought counts. Then again, I don't think the thought really counted that much, and I think your hatred for the ring shows that you do, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Marisa Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Hi all, Well just a quick note here... My finance has not brought the subject of marriage up and as for shopping for an engagement ring together( that has not happened yet) Engaged for 5 months now and no ring, nothing! I don't feel mad, sad or glad.. just don't feel anymore. The magic is gone, the happiness of finding out that I would be spending the rest of my life with the man that I love more than anything else in the world has all but fizzled. I don't bring the subject up because I don't feel we are ever going to marry. The only thing I know in my heart is that I will have to move on with my life whether I want to or not. I guess I am somewhat relieved ( if that is the right word) that this 'problem/issue' we have with the engagement ring and all have surfaced because it really made me aware of what kind of a man I am dealing with here. The only thought I hold in my heart is that I am not worth it to him. A man who won't at least try to make their signficant half happy says so much. Says so much more than words can ever say. He doesn't want to see me happy even the slightest thing that I have ever wanted, I know I will never get. I am not worth it. It's plain and simple. So simple to understand now.. I no longer have to analyze things to death. All I wanted to say was that I am over it. That does not mean that I feel discouraged about everything that life has put forth for me... it just means 2 people weren't meant to be. Life is too short. If you love someone and they won't love you back in return, it's best to leave. I believe it's just part of life... and the best thing of it all is that you LEARN from it so you don't make the same mistakes again. Having such a bad experience and having your heart broken by a guy you spent so many years with has only strengthened me. I am no longer thin skinned. I have formed much thicker skin and am able to handle things much better now. so there is a happy ending to this sad story. Marisa Link to post Share on other sites
tiredofbeingtheother Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 men are very prideful creatures. and you broke his pride by not accepting. i would have taken the ring and tried to talk him into another later down the road. who knows maybe he was TESTING you to see if you really loved him enough to marry him if he was poor.[color=blue][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Allakola Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 My husband (a multi millionaire) didn't give me any engagement ring. In my country, it's not a big tradition. However, as I am living in the US, I went through a lot of humilation by not having it. I was asked to show my ring probably 200 times. What do I say? "I forgot to put it on again" and smile, while I actually want to cry. And I know that everyone knows... Unfortunately, the dimond itself and the size of the diamond is a social stereotype in this country. And unfortunately, we have to live with these stereotypes. I believe, your fiance should have been smart enough to understand what situation he is putting you in by giving you a ridiculously tiny ring. And I very well understand you fear of being asked to show your ring and being embarrassed because we all know what they will be saying behind your back. He is wrong in this situation because he intentionally or not is sacrificing you comfort for the sake of his principles. Link to post Share on other sites
Hero Posted November 27, 2005 Share Posted November 27, 2005 Leave him and don't look back. If he's not willing to make you happy now, he certainly won't be looking to do so in the future. As far as the other "ladies" who responded in defense of him-- take a long walk in her shoes and think again. Drop that zero, get with a hero. Link to post Share on other sites
stephanie98 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 It sounds to me like he purposely got a ring he knew you wouldn't like to use as an excuse not to marry you, counting on you reacting in such a way and thus everything spiraling down until you no longer want to marry him and he's off the hook (maybe even making you look like the bad guy in the end and him the innocent guy who just wanted to marry you, when he already made quite clear he doesn't). He made it clear he isn't interested in marriage and thus won't take it seriously. I don't think this is about money or rings at all, but just a facade to use as an excuse to avoid doing something he doesn't want. He should be eager to spend the rest of his life with you and have a family (since that's what you want), not marry you just so he won't lose you. You should marry someone with goals compatible with yours, or neither of you will be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Marissa, you are not materialistic at all. Your boyfriend should have gotten you a decent engagement ring in the first place if he honestly wanted to marry you. Reason 1: Diamond rings are a symbol of your love, kind of like a "deposit" on you until you guys are married. He's proposed to you, just to "not lose you" right? So, he must figure that if he buys you a tiny ring, that doesn't cost that much, he won't lose so much if you guys DO happen to break up before a wedding occurs. Reason 2: If this is a test of your materialism, you should be glad you went and returned his ring, why would you want to marry someone that is always "testing" you, that would have been a very unhealthy relationship. Reason 3: Lot's of folks are saying that your relationship is not about a ring, it's about how happy you two are together. Well, if your boyfriend loved you enough, then he would want to see you happy, he would have bought you the ring of your dreams, UNLESS he is super broke, no job, no income, 6 months behind on child support kind of guy, then that's a different story. However, the mere fact, that he could have afforded it and didn't buy it, there is seriously something wrong. I know you can't put a monetary amount on love, but to see the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with gleam with happiness, and have tears of joy running down her face, and that sparkle in her eye, (and her finger) THAT my friend, is also very priceless! Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 This is a pretty crazy story, I'm curious about what ended up happening. The whole engagement ring issue has been posted about here countless times, and I think people are too quick to say that a woman who is dissapointed with her ring isnt worth marring. Yes, being worked up about a diamond not being big enough is tacky and shallow, but it is a woman's engagement ring and a huge deal to her, so it is important that she loves the ring. I don't want an expensive rock, but it is very very very important to me that I love the ring. Link to post Share on other sites
iron_m Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 I wish he were posting here asking for advice. Probably the unanimous comment would be: drop the girl! He does not want to marry. he marries because you are pressuring him (he fears he will lose you) and he even has to deal with the ring price thing... very bad start. It is obvious that with such a different vision of what means a life together, you two have more to worry about than the price of the ring. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 I wish he were posting here asking for advice. Probably the unanimous comment would be: drop the girl! He does not want to marry. he marries because you are pressuring him (he fears he will lose you) and he even has to deal with the ring price thing... very bad start. It is obvious that with such a different vision of what means a life together, you two have more to worry about than the price of the ring. good luck Who did you write this to? I don't think the OP has posted on this board since 2005. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 She may have. Maybe check the Divorce section. Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnne Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 That's a crappy thing to say... I hope since 2005 great things have happened for Marisa and i'm curious to know what has happened since Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 She may have. Maybe check the Divorce section. Ha. I wouldn't doubt it. People that shallow are never happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Capatinacen Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Lol! This was funny. She went from I deserve better in a ring to them not getting along, family issues, is he cheating, and all the way to whether or not she is worth it. What the heck? I'm curious too. Wonder if it did work out. Hum... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 You know, you boyfriend sounds like an ass. Seriously, is .07 of a carat that big of a deal to not only embarress you in public and to go against your wishes? thank god I have a guy, who takes real pleasure in bring a smile to my face... Whether it be silly huge inexpensive balloons instead of $$ roses for Valentines day because they were what I perfered...... to warming up some left overs for me when I come home late from class, he'll tell you.. he lives to take care of me and to make every wish possible. and the ring.. well.. he makes a little less than 1/2 what I make, but knowing that the engagement ring symbolized so much, he saved for nearly a year, spent months looking, and spent 17k Why are you settling for a guy who cares more about a few hunder bucks than a ring that symbolies his love, devotion and life together? Seriously .. rethink this.. I've been in a relationship that resembled this.. and thank god i got rid of him.... because the way he treated me made me very very bitter towards him.. and.. for all those who think that I am spoiled.. let me tell you.. Knowing that my boy would do anything for me..... I'm the one he gets 36 roses with chocolate delivered to HIS office on V-day.. Who buys that silly video game he wanted.. or spontaniously treats him to a massage at a upscale spa... yeah, I love to be spoiled and taken care of.. but I also love to spoil him back. Link to post Share on other sites
davkyun Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 ... Of course it must've hurt him to hear that the ring he had purchased for you wasn't 'good enough'... but there's two sides to every story, and I could certainly understand both. When I purchased my engagement ring, I was pretty concerned with what you were thinking... how my girlfriend woud like it and really wanted her to have something she'd enjoy wearing, for a LONG time. So we went out and looked at rings so I could get some sort of idea of what she liked. I then went out, did my research, and got the best price for what she wanted. The thing that most people have to realize is that Brand name shops are only that...Brand name shops. I think, and hope, this is simply a petty misunderstanding that will go away for the both of you. It's most important just that he knows that you love him and he loves you. That's eternal. Btw, I have a friend who is in the diamond industry. If you know what you want, I can surely connect your bf with my friend to get you a piece you want for the budget that bf has. I learned this industry is pretty crazy with pricing and was GRATEFUL to find someone who was in it. Please drop me an email if you guys would like some help: [email protected] Take good care... Hi, I have a question about engagement rings? I am not a materialistic person and I have never been one but over the holidays my boyfriend proposed to me. Marriage is very important to me so he asked me to marry him even though marriage is not of great importance to him. He did it because he cared and didn' t want to lose me. The ring that he picked out for me was nice but the diamond was really really small. It was a .13 caret diamond. I know that I shouldn't be fussy about this but I would have to wear this ring my whole life and I really wanted something that I liked. He has no idea what style of ring I like. The store that he purchased the ring is a very well known store and has a reputation for being very pricey. I know he can afford a nicer ring because he said before he presented me with the ring that "you haven't even seen the ring yet, it's not spectacular and I'm a cheap guy".. I am not even asking for a giant rock but one that is of average size. He makes pretty good money and could easily buy me something that is average size but his refusal to buy me something that I like concerns me. Somehow I can't help but to think that he doesn't love me enough to get me something that he knows I will like more. So I told him that I wanted to pick out my own ring. I told him I liked that ring he got me but I wanted to look around for something else. He agreed and said that the sales lady at the jewlerry store even said that most men would go with their fiancee to pick out a ring and that it was perfectly fine with him. I know he wasn't too happy with me but what was I supposed to do??? We went back to the store the next day and returned it. I looked at other selections in the store but he was dead set on getting me a ring that costs no more than what he had paid. Because we both live in seperate provinces, it would be difficult to go shopping for rings. Since having returned the ring, he has not mentioned anything about finding another ring for me. I am worried and feel like I am not even engaged to this man. Was I wrong in doing this?? I don't know what to do. I have not brought up this issue with him over the phone because I am scared it will ignite another argument. Now I feel like a bad person for asking him to return the ring. He accused me of being materialistic and that made me cry. I don't understand him?? Maybe he doesn't love me enough and I am not worth it. I don't know but that's how he made me feel. HE said that I am not from a rich family and he is not rich either and we don't need to spend so much money on the ring. He went as far as to say that I wanted to show off the ring, which I do of course. Any women I know would do that too. They would love to show their family and friends their ring.. Could someone please advise me because I don't even know what's going on now. Thanks, Marisa Link to post Share on other sites
MTBN Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Marisa, Please dump the guy. He's not worth it. .13 carat is a diamond chip....no one is this generation would buy an engagement that size anymore. Don't take crap gfriend! And don't settle for crap! Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 The argument about love mattering more than money is neither here nor there; if you love a girl you spend money on her, that's how things works, duh! Especially with a thing like an engagement ring. Of course the OP wouldn't like to parade around her bf's niggardness, it would be humiliating. (For the bf too, IMO, but that's his problem) It sounds to me like he's just trying to hold on to her, but have no intentions to marry her. And please no facile protests about false values and what love is really about and such. He can afford a decent ring but gives her crap. After 5½ year relationship! 'nuff said! I say drop him, but if you really want to hang on to this guy, try this: buy yourself a nice ring, tell your bf that you understand his viewpoint but that having a decent engagement ring really means a lot to you. Hopefully he will see the error of his ways. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 The argument about love mattering more than money is neither here nor there; if you love a girl you spend money on her, that's how things works, duh! Especially with a thing like an engagement ring. Of course the OP wouldn't like to parade around her bf's niggardness, it would be humiliating. (For the bf too, IMO, but that's his problem) It sounds to me like he's just trying to hold on to her, but have no intentions to marry her. And please no facile protests about false values and what love is really about and such. He can afford a decent ring but gives her crap. After 5½ year relationship! 'nuff said! I say drop him, but if you really want to hang on to this guy, try this: buy yourself a nice ring, tell your bf that you understand his viewpoint but that having a decent engagement ring really means a lot to you. Hopefully he will see the error of his ways. If you love a girl you spend money on her..... Gee no wonder so many men think women only care about money....... Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 If you love a girl you spend money on her..... Gee no wonder so many men think women only care about money....... You should wonder more, why money works every time; **** up, take grief from GF, give her a nice necklace, have great sex for the next two weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Asafan Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Ahh, true love and undying affection. This should be a very short marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 You should wonder more, why money works every time; **** up, take grief from GF, give her a nice necklace, have great sex for the next two weeks. Guess I am just weird then. A nice necklace wouldn't do anything for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 I have this cute kitten... Link to post Share on other sites
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