My EX wants me back.

[Romaks]

Also, yeah she's 17, but I like to think she's a very mature gal...I wouldn't have been with her otherwise. It's clear by the way she writes that she's mature for her age since she's able to articulate her emotions well.

[RespectfullyAlone]

I had my own experience with a mature gal. She was 19. She worked for Hugo Boss, dressed amazingly, spoke with such confidence and elegance, exuded style and sophistication. Yet at the end of it all... she was no better than a 9 year old. She didn't even give me a reason why she left me. Not a single one. She had to have her Dad try to explain things and even he didn't know, or wouldn't tell me.

 

So in the end, she was still only 19, and it turned out a very immature 19 year old girl.

 

When we were together, she was so sure of what she wanted too. And like you, I said to myself I was only with her because she was mature. I was 10 years older at the time, but she looked in her early to mid 20s, so we didn't look that much apart.

 

Unless you grew up with a girl since kindergarten, I honestly don't think a women knows what she wants until her 30s. I know that is different, and everyone here has a story to tell that probably makes what I write look stupid, but from my own experience, maturity comes with age and experience, not how well they speak, or carry themselves.

 

Just be care ok, because she's 17, and has already slept with 3 people including yourself. And you were apart from what was it 1-2 months? There's simply no way she's grown to the point you think she has.

 

I see alot of posts on here from people saying they have changed and worked on themselves etc., and the time frames are so short it's simply in my view not possible for lasting change to occur. 2 weeks, 1 month? That is a very short amount of time.

 

Anyway, as I said be careful. I know your heart is probably saying go for it, grab that chance because she wants you back. And no one here will think any worse of you if you do, since most of us want that so much ourselves with our exes.

[Romaks]

Yes, I understand the dangers of this believe me... nor do I think I'm some special case.

 

Just to clarify, she only hooked up with one guy who took advantage over her, so I'm the only other one. She was trying hard to get over me, but it just couldn't happen for her. She thought being single was for her, but she realized she wants companionship over meaningless encounters.

 

It's a week away from being 3 months after the break-up

[RespectfullyAlone]

I would take her saying she was taken advantage of with a huge grain of salt.

 

Unless someone dropped a roofy on her, she put herself in that situation. It sounds more to me like she's make excuses or trying to defend her behaviour.

 

I'll give you an example. Some of my ex's have talked really badly about their exes to me. Yet they still cheated on me with them, and went running back to be with them, a few even marrying them.

 

It's not what she says, it's what she does that should be of importance to you right now.

 

If the breakup was 3 months in length, whose to say she didn't sleep with alot more people that you know about. One thing I know about women... they will only tell you what they need to, or only enough to have you convinced. And if they've been busted doing something, they might spill the beans on that, but stay completely silent on something you don't know about.

[Romaks]

You're definitely right on all accounts. Since she was single, desperate for a rebound, and went with the guy that was there first, should I be mad? I mean, I myself would have jumped at the chance to have sex with another girl after the break up, but it's little more difficult for a guy to get nsa sex, but otherwise I would have.

 

Really try to look at what I'm asking without biases. I could go on all day about how I should never trust a girl, and question EVERYTHING that comes up, but that just gets exhausting.

[Simon Phoenix]

Her youth makes me a skeptical hippo about all of this. I could see her getting what she wanted and losing interest pretty quickly. That's typically how it goes at that age. And a "mature 17" is still immature. That being said, you are young too and that youth is going to cause you to throw caution in the wind and go for this. So good luck and be prepared, it's going to be filled with drama.

[Romaks]

Now that I'm terrified, it sure will be

[Am4Real]

She's only 17...yowser.

 

This is young love, subject to change and change and more change.

 

Wouldn't you better off using all of this as an experience and enjoying your youth with all the young opportunities out there.

 

Com'on man....live large!!

[RespectfullyAlone]

There's no harm in being friendly with her, and taking things very very slowly. But, and I put myself in this category as well, if you end up sleeping together very quickly again, you'll find yourself in a state where you go, oh I had nothing to worry about, all is well, she's back!!!! And then BAMMM, she hits you in the heart when you least suspect it and she's gone.

 

I wouldn't sleep with her for quite awhile if I was in your situation no matter how much you feel it or want it. If she's serious she'll understand. She'll also test you, and try to break you down, tease you etc.

 

At the end of the day she's 17. Being 17 in 2013 is not the same as it was 10 years ago, 20 years ago or 30-40 years ago. It's almost frowned upon now for people to get married really young, where as in the past it was the norm. Now, it's expected for people to just sleep around for years, and finally maybe settle down. I don't agree with that at all, but it seems like the norm in today's society.

 

Thus she's most likely got many many years of "experimenting" to do, seeing what else is out there so to speak. I would be very surprised if she truly at the end of the day actually ended up doing in action what she said in her wonderful email to you.

 

It could very well be that the experiences with these other guys were not great, and thus yes she misses you big time, but as soon as the next hunk walks past, she'll be going hmmm.

 

And it could also be that those experiences truly did show her, her choices were wrong, and that she did miss you.

 

But I don't trust a 17 year old girl period, and one that says she knows what she wants is rarer than hens teeth. It just doesn't exist in my view. She obviously wants you madly, deeply right now, but that's all girls of that age think of, the right here and now, no consequences to my actions at all kind of mentality.

 

Don't mean to scare you, only want to help prepare you with experiences and knowledge that you may not have yet discovered yourself.

Edited December 4, 2013 by RespectfullyAlone

[Romaks]

Yeah, I understand, and I'm really trying to put this advice to work.

 

I have no interest in intimacy with her, and I told her that I don't even want to touch her.

 

I guess I was always drawn to her because she was always such a romantic. She's always wanted to be with one guy all of her life like her grandparents and she's from a decently conservative family.

 

I'll be honest, I see her faults, and I can't help but forgive her for what she does. I love her more than anything, and that's why I'm being really harsh and tough on her even though it hurts me. This girl is really something special to me, and is the only one that I'd even consider being the mother of my children.

 

I feel trapped... It's a lose-lose..whether I'm with her or not.....

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like she slept with a random dude and now regrets it and wants to run somewhere "safe", which is why after banging him she felt this surge of emotion. This doesn't show progress, this is the same immaturity from before only aimed at you instead of other guys. She will run away from you and say "getting back together was a mistake" just as fast as she ran to you after this surge of emotions from meaningless sex.

 

You're not lose-lose. With her you are trapped and insecure of whether or not she is going to bounce again and whether you can trust her. If you decide to drop her and move on with your life you have the freedom and control (I can't stress this enough) to take your life where you want it to go.

[lylat333]

Despite the dilemma, you're a hero in my eyes, Romaks. I can't imagine how I would feel if my ex started saying things to me like your ex has been to you. Wow, just... wow.

 

My opinion is I think she really is sincere, but you are taking all the right precautions.

 

I think as long as you don't make it easy for her and allow yourself time to see how you feel w/ her after the dust clears you will be able to make the right decision, whatever that may be.

[Am4Real]

It's a long shot from a 17 year old -- playing with fire. Likely scenerio: LINK

 

 

Despite the dilemma, you're a hero in my eyes, Romaks. I can't imagine how I would feel if my ex started saying things to me like your ex has been to you. Wow, just... wow.

 

My opinion is I think she really is sincere, but you are taking all the right precautions.

 

[highlight]I think as long as you don't make it easy for her and allow yourself time to see how you feel w/ her after the dust clears you will be able to make the right decision, whatever that may be[/highlight].

[organizedchaos]

There's no harm in being friendly with her, and taking things very very slowly. But, and I put myself in this category as well, if you end up sleeping together very quickly again, you'll find yourself in a state where you go, oh I had nothing to worry about, all is well, she's back!!!! And then BAMMM, she hits you in the heart when you least suspect it and she's gone.

 

I wouldn't sleep with her for quite awhile if I was in your situation no matter how much you feel it or want it. If she's serious she'll understand. She'll also test you, and try to break you down, tease you etc.

 

At the end of the day she's 17. Being 17 in 2013 is not the same as it was 10 years ago, 20 years ago or 30-40 years ago. It's almost frowned upon now for people to get married really young, where as in the past it was the norm. Now, it's expected for people to just sleep around for years, and finally maybe settle down. I don't agree with that at all, but it seems like the norm in today's society.

 

Thus she's most likely got many many years of "experimenting" to do, seeing what else is out there so to speak. I would be very surprised if she truly at the end of the day actually ended up doing in action what she said in her wonderful email to you.

 

It could very well be that the experiences with these other guys were not great, and thus yes she misses you big time, but as soon as the next hunk walks past, she'll be going hmmm.

 

And it could also be that those experiences truly did show her, her choices were wrong, and that she did miss you.

 

But I don't trust a 17 year old girl period, and one that says she knows what she wants is rarer than hens teeth. It just doesn't exist in my view. She obviously wants you madly, deeply right now, but that's all girls of that age think of, the right here and now, no consequences to my actions at all kind of mentality.

 

Don't mean to scare you, only want to help prepare you with experiences and knowledge that you may not have yet discovered yourself.

 

Hell, my ex is 33 and she STILL doesn't know what she wants. Can't imagine what it's like to be a teenager dating these days.

[Never Again]

Hell, my ex is 33 and she STILL doesn't know what she wants. Can't imagine what it's like to be a teenager dating these days.

 

HA!

 

I'll jump in on this - mine's 27 and hasn't the faintest idea of where she wants her life to go or what she wants in the end.

 

OP, no matter her reasons, you've got to be guarded.

 

Her age is a concern, but immaturity can strike any age.

 

If she's bouncing all over the place and is indecisive, then you stand to get hurt again, big time.

[Romaks]

Let me ask you guys this...Now I know the age thing is a huge factor, but what could she have possibly said to sound more decisive...or at least decisive enough? She keeps repeating that she wants me and only me for the past few days. This doesn't seem like the talk of someone with any doubt at all. I know I'll probably get destroyed for the last sentence lol

[Philosoraptor]

Let me ask you guys this...Now I know the age thing is a huge factor, but what could she have possibly said to sound more decisive...or at least decisive enough? She keeps repeating that she wants me and only me for the past few days. This doesn't seem like the talk of someone with any doubt at all. I know I'll probably get destroyed for the last sentence lol

The thing is, these are nothing but words. She's saying what she needs to reel you back in. I couldn't care less how old she is, it's truly irrelevant. She's not a mature person nor is she a committed person. It wouldn't matter if she was 17 or 37. She has no idea what she wants.

 

Has she told you how she has matured for the better? The lessons she has learned from the experience? How she will respect boundaries in the future or why she won't be tempted?

 

Because you hang onto to this "she only wanted to be with one person like her grandparents" and how she's such a romantic... but you know that's a lie as not only did she bounce from you but she banged away.

 

Seems like your mind is made up though, so take her back already and get screwed over again. Convince yourself this was just a momentary lapse of her "better" judgement and that she's not going to blindside you with the same sort of behavior in the future.

[Romaks]

Philos, I want you to know that last night, I told her to beat it and I really gave it to her over the phone.

 

I feel like I've really dodged a bullet there, but it's a shame because I really did love her very much.

She never claimed to have changed, but she admitted to being wrong and is really sorry for her mistakes...it's a little too late though and I'm not going back to that.

[Philosoraptor]

Glad to hear that man, glad to hear it. Because there is no reason to trust her there is no reason to even consider taking her back.

[Romaks]

Once again, I appreciate the advice from all of you...and if you think this story doesn't have a happy ending...then you're wrong.

 

Maybe we'll reconnect years from now when both of us have REALLY matured, but in the mean time, I'm going to live my life with some new lessons learned and 20lbs lost

[lylat333]

Strong move, Romaks... strong move. Just make the decision for the right reasons.

 

Everyone was getting so hung up on her age, and while I think it's a valid point to an extent I think it was getting blown out of proportion.

 

I believe in her mind she is as sincere as she can be. But we're all human. And if you let someone off too easy, it's human nature to be taken advantage of. If it were me I probably would have given it some more time and see where my heart was but obviously Romaks gut is saying get out now. I think that is a decision you will not be very likely to regret. But it does mean letting her go, and you can't say she didn't try.

 

Best wishes to you Romaks, I know this must be a crazy time.

[Mariposa10]

Thanks for keeping us posted, and good luck!

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Good luck Romaks I think I would of done the same in your situation. Maybe we will see your ex around these parts as a dumpee?

[Trick1004]

Romaks,

 

Been following this thread and nice work cutting it off. You've learned a valuable lesson at a young age about relationships (all kinds) that will do you extremely well in the future.

 

Trick

[RespectfullyAlone]

Wow Romaks, that is a very bold move. I know alot of us on here talk crap sometimes, but I can't say I would have had the power and strength to do what you did myself. I'm still in love with my ex. Could I honestly do what you did if she wrote me a wonderful note like your ex? I don't think I could or would turn her away.

 

I hope you are deep down satisfied with your decision. If she is genuine, also note she might not give up on you either. So be prepared for that. If she's hooking up and sleeping with guys very soon, then that is validation your move to cut her off was the right one.