Author Compulsive Musician Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Neither did CD. I think Spark summed it up best. Affair sex is less about performance or any such nonsense. It's more like teenagers in the back of a truck. It's fun, new and exciting. Forbidden. The other stuff (equipment, technique, etc) none of that matters (well, I'm sure there's a lower limit on acceptability. lol). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChooseTruth Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 ChooseTruth ----------------------- Music=fun. It was really weird at the darkest points of depression. I didn't want to play. Anything. At all. And it didn't phase me. This is WAY outside my norm. I stopped recording and writing for like 6+ months which was massively strange for me. Though I did have to finish one project on D-Day night (for my daygig). That was weird. I got up because I couldn't sleep and recorded something...cheerful sounding with me singing on it. I can't believe that product shipped with my voice on it...front and center. But I always play, I improvise a lot. I did some piano improvisations that would scary any goth kid. Such a release. I wish I had recordings of those... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Neither did CD. I think Spark summed it up best. Affair sex is less about performance or any such nonsense. It's more like teenagers in the back of a truck. It's fun, new and exciting. Forbidden. The other stuff (equipment, technique, etc) none of that matters (well, I'm sure there's a lower limit on acceptability. lol). I know I said I wouldn't comment on CM's thread, but I would like to point out that in one particular area, H is giving me too much credit. I DID trickle-truth him. Not for long (less than a month?), but there were a few REALLY BAD THINGS that would've made him LOSE HIS $H]t, and it took us a few weeks for me to be truly 100% honest about those things. After that, no, I have not lied. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Compulsive Musician Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 You did trickle truth, hence the qualifier of 'since February', to alleviate confusion. We started that (series of) conversation(s) at Walmart (of all places), getting new tires for your car. And you're right, knowing how I handled everything in retrospect, it's hard to imagine I could've safely dealt with that much earlier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 You did trickle truth, hence the qualifier of 'since February', to alleviate confusion. We started that (series of) conversation(s) at Walmart (of all places), getting new tires for your car. And you're right, knowing how I handled everything in retrospect, it's hard to imagine I could've safely dealt with that much earlier. So you are happy that she trickle-truthed you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Your initial post seemed like you were still harboring a lot of pain and anger toward your wife and how she manipulated you, and your posts since then have seemed a little too happy with the situation, like you couldn't be happier with your wife, even to the point of thanking(?) her for wisely trickle-truthing you, because you couldn't have handled the truth any earlier. How you feel in your more recent posts seems to be somewhat of a contradiction to how you felt in your first post. Are you still riding the rollercoaster? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miguelcervantes Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I have read what is a very erudite and eloquent description of what went down between CM, CD and Douche. I still fail to understand how CM can still be with CD or even stand to be around her. Baffles me to no end. This goes way beyond forgiving and being in love. No real explanation for this in the entire thread - sure there is stuff about "choosing to be with CM" (but not why) and "loving CM" (but not why in view of what she has done). Very hard to understand and CM is probably a stronger and more balanced person then I could ever be. I would want to move continent leave alone state to stay away from such a deceitful and evil person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
miguelcervantes Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Sorry that should be "choosing to be with CD" (but not why) and "loving CD" Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) Everyone IS different. And it could blow up tomorrow. haha. That's how it goes. Everyone is unique Everyone is unique. In their own unique way. But while individuals are made of their unique mix, everyone lives under the umbrella of human nature. This is why laws and rules exist and why most can understand why they apply. So we are different, but the same. We are unique, but have enough in common to clearly see the differences. Because of natural forces, we all face the same eventual consequence for any given action. Hot burns, cold freezes, kindness is accepted and liars aren't trusted. In your case and perhaps in the case of your spouse, it is your response to these past events that set you apart. A wise saying: "Life is 5% of what happens to us, 95% of how we react to it". I'm not saying your choices are healthy or unhealthy, but you clearly do not want to go through it again and consider such an action a waste of time. You have established a boundary and frankly, you must. It's something we all must do. Again, I also think it's important to stress that I don't believe anything she's done is 'right' or 'wrong' in a universal sense. Certainly I think it sucks and I would say it's 'wrong' because I hate what happened. However, anyone can live their life the way they want to. Don't buy into that liberal garbage CM. There is a right and a wrong and anyone who denies that lives in denial. Because so many hate the idea of judgement, it has become a natural progression to lump those who believe in infallible right or wrong with those who wish to control or deny people their inherent right to choose. I can try to talk a jumper off the bridge, but I can't go inside their head and make the decision. No law or judgement will stop people from making bad decisions. We will only make good, healthy choices if we desire to. That's not just critical for CD, but for all of us. Edited October 12, 2013 by Steadfast Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 I know I said I wouldn't comment on CM's thread, but I would like to point out that in one particular area, H is giving me too much credit. I DID trickle-truth him. Not for long (less than a month?), but there were a few REALLY BAD THINGS that would've made him LOSE HIS $H]t, and it took us a few weeks for me to be truly 100% honest about those things. After that, no, I have not lied. BS always finds a reason to not be open and honest about details; those details that would prove they are truly willing to do ANYTHING to repair the damage they have done. I think CD is still holding back to "protect" CM, although she will vehemently deny it and he will reject my suggestion. I think it took you a few weeks to realize the $hit was going to be revealed anyway so better for you to sugar-coat it to the extent possible before finally dropping it on CM. Both of you have shared enough for me (and others) to come to conclusions about your story. Even if you are both lying or one of you is posting both sides, the essence of the story has been revealed and people in tune to it can begin to see the true dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 The only thing I didn't tell my H was positions and hiw many times i had an orgasm. And he actually stopped me and told me hose details were not necessary for him. So not all waywards hold back. Now if he had wanted details I couldn't have ealked hik thru strp by step because first. I was always drunk enough to make certain things hazy. And contrary to popular belief time can make for some people the memories to get confused and maybe not exactly what happened. Also, those that had to use compartments to have an affair, often view it in the third person. Not fully there. Like watching a show about sailing vs actually sailing. One gives us a fuller experience, the other is trying to recall what we watched, and finer details just do not exist. If we recall memories that are positive, we often do not see ourselves in the memory, its the faces of those with us, the smells, the sights, the atmosphere, however...we do not see ourselves...just how we felt. Many victims of sexual abuse report viewing it from above, because they "leave", to protect SELF. I think this is often true for WS as well. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Also, those that had to use compartments to have an affair, often view it in the third person. Not fully there. Like watching a show about sailing vs actually sailing. One gives us a fuller experience, the other is trying to recall what we watched, and finer details just do not exist. If we recall memories that are positive, we often do not see ourselves in the memory, its the faces of those with us, the smells, the sights, the atmosphere, however...we do not see ourselves...just how we felt. Many victims of sexual abuse report viewing it from above, because they "leave", to protect SELF. I think this is often true for WS as well. I don't believe my wife when she gives me the "I don't remember" stuff. It seem preposterous to me that a WW would climb into bed with OM and have passionate, brand-new-lover sex and then not remember the details. I would think this would be the kind of thing that is burned in their memory forever no matter how they feel about what they did later on. It was still a huge romantic thrill at the time. And I understand that victims of sexual abuse would emotionally "leave" and therefore not remember details, but that really doesn't have anything to do with cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 It is preposterous. Any WS that says they don't remember details is lying their arses off. They remember. They just don't want to fess up or talk about it. Feel free to mind read. I wrote out for H every single thing I could remember, but no, I did not remember every breath and sigh and how many kisses blah blah You have NO idea what another human being thinks or knows. Unless there is some mind-reading device I have not heard about yet. And honestly, once I looked the horribleness of what I had chosen to do square in the eye, I TRIED to erase as much of it as possible from my mind. I didn't WANT OM or any memory in my head at all. Now it is true that we cannot erase our memories, but I would be willing to bet no one here can recall every second of their wedding day or every contraction of their labor either, and those are pretty dignificant things. Oh, and yes, because I haven't had a chance to put it in my sig line yes: Cheating is always wrong and those of us who do it are always bad, world without end, amen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 (edited) Regardless of the details she still did what she did, one time, five times, anal, threesome, with a woman, ten couples watching her perform fellatio on O/M at a swingers club. What you should focus on is her brokenness, can she with professional help ever be the woman you want as your wife? Can you ever feel safe with her again? Will you need to give your child a DNA test when she has your first child? Will you both put the time in required to fix this? Do you have doubts that she will stay interested in you so she will never cheat again? Will the imbalance that she is still the only lover you have ever had and that you are no longer her only lover, that she did this by breaking her bond to you cause you future problems? If you can never overcome these hurdles than don't waste anymore time on something that can never be fixed. You are the only one with that answer. Edited October 14, 2013 by aliveagain 3 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Nope, not true. I could probably give enough details when we had sex. But depending on how long ago... It gets blurry. And i the wayward engaes more than one time? Seriously, anyone who thinks every sexual encounter is recorded forever on someone's mind has a way better memory then me. And all the conversations leading up I try toget as good as I can but i know off the top of my head things have been mixed up. Did that happen then or then? Basically depending how long after the fact DDay happens I can very much see not remembering everything. Or even how many times if we are talking an affair that lasted years. Specially if the wayward ended the affair and tried to pu it from their mind. The first time we had sex I actually had to confirm with ow/bw and xMm what happened because the night was hazy and dreamlike due to the amount of booze I had had. Some things I thought I dreamt. So most of what happene I remember because I was told. The second time I wasn't as drunk but their are peices missing. The last time I had sobered up a fair bit and do remember it a lot clearer but even the order of events I don't really know if I remember right. So, yes, you can have passionate, lust filled sex and not remember every detail. This is not a disagreement of your intent, just having fun with your words... I don't think the above bold and "miller time" work out that way. or if beer is not your thing like me... too much scotch or a martini gone too far... Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 CM, I am sorry you are having to go through all of this pain. On some wys you remind me of my husband in your writing. He is an interesting and kind of fun combination of methodical and creative. I also have to say, it sounds like you are a man with character, and I hope that CD gives you the reassurance and safety you need and that the two of your can come through this and build a really strong marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) Thread starter, if you would like this re-opened then alert on this post and we will do that for you. Thanks Edited October 15, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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