Update and decisions

[sweet_pea]

Way to passivly slam people who choose discretion and age appropriate conversation with their small children.

 

I think their is a huge difference between

 

"your mother was having an affair"

And

"your mother is a lying whore, who doesn't love anyone but herself"

 

And you know what, there are BS who have done the last part. Probably not on here but it isn't so uncommon. I know of a few cases where the bs said something of that like.

 

Uh... I wasn't passively slamming anyone in particular, and certainly not people who choose discretion/age appropriate conversation (which I actually encouraged in my earlier post...) If that's what you took away from my post, that's cool. I was just kind of making a point, which I guess you missed, that it's up to the individual in how they handle disclosure.

 

As far as the other things you said... I agree there is a difference and have never encouraged anyone, especially children, being told the latter. But yeah, there probably are BS' who have said things like that. Just like there have been WS who have said nasty things as well as OW...

[Furious]

It was from a post directly related to handeling the offspring knowing in as healthy of a way as possible. And her reply to it. And then other posters seeming to think once a ws cheats then the bs spouse can bash, name call and make a line in the sand. (i don't know if they really meant that but it is what was implied). A bs is responsible for their own decisions. And one decision that is clearly wrong is to put any child adult or male in the position where they feel like they have to choose.

 

I am sure peaks won't do this, but as she admittidly was struggling in that area i think it is useful to point out why "being the better person" when it comes to offspring is important.

 

 

It appears PAV has shown great restraint and since her children are adults and being adults they will decide for themselves as to their feelings and relationship with their father.

[Gagirl]

I'd go with option one. It would be awesome if you picked a game that was huge rivalry and it was a highly stressful game where the team that he just can't stand wins in the last few seconds of game because of a bad call by the ref!! Oh think of the joy of handing him those papers at the end of a game like that!!! Or, pick a game where his team literally gets their asses handed to them for the entire game. That's a good one too!

[William]

The report read:

 

"Emotions running high here. Civility and on-topic check?"

 

Moderation concurs and, since the thread starter hasn't been seen in over a day, we'll close this up pending their return. Thanks!

[peaksandvalleys]

I had a long one typed out and lost it. I will redo it.

[peaksandvalleys]

1)I would like to address all concerns about my actions and behaviors. I have been fortunate enough to be able to consult and hire some of the best people in business. This time in my life is no different. I have been able to check the credentials of my doctor and my lawyer and they are excellent. I can't check the credentials of strangers on the internet so I put very little stock in the opinions of those who post as if they professionals of several fields.

 

2) I have consulted with my lawyer every step of the way. I have done nothing illegal in my county, city or state. I have obeyed all laws and made sure of this before all actions were taken. My lawyer is a respected divorce attorney in my state and he has also made sure that I deal with a very competent tax and business attorney.

 

3) I accept all my decisions as my OWN. I am prepared to accept all consequences as my OWN. I won't be embarrassed, ashamed or regret these choices. I am not that kind of person. I make a decision and live with that choice. My parents taught this to me and I have lived my life by it.

 

4)I have not given all the details about my life here because I have chosen not to. I haven't given the details of what strand of HPV I have, what my general health is, the ages of my children, their maturity level or where I live. I am a fairly intelligent and competent person. I have handled things to the best of my ability while alternating between extreme anger, hurt, grief and just plain confusion.

 

5)I am in control of MY LIFE. There is no delusion, no sense of falsehood, or denial. I control what happens next in my life. I have decided that trying to keep some people from being miserable is NOT high on my priority list and I am more than happy with that choice. I am not jealous but I am scorned and I don't mind letting the two people who helped me reach that state of emotion feel and see their handy work first hand.

 

6) My children and I have a great relationship. They won't look at me sideways, feel as if I am crazy or view me as immature. They know me. They know what I have been through in my life. They are strong, smart and independent. They are great kids and I am a lucky woman. I never said in any post that I would dog their father. What I said.......

 

"I wish I could say I won't. I don't know if I can contain what I feel right now."

 

And I still feel that way.

 

7) I am not asking anyone to agree with my decisions. It is my life I am in control and I don't need anyone's approval to make decisions about it. I hope that clears up the questions that were asked in my absence or the scenarios that were proposed without the knowledge of the details. If I can answer a question I will. Thank you for the support.

[ladydesigner]

1)I would like to address all concerns about my actions and behaviors. I have been fortunate enough to be able to consult and hire some of the best people in business. This time in my life is no different. I have been able to check the credentials of my doctor and my lawyer and they are excellent. I can't check the credentials of strangers on the internet so I put very little stock in the opinions of those who post as if they professionals of several fields.

 

2) I have consulted with my lawyer every step of the way. I have done nothing illegal in my county, city or state. I have obeyed all laws and made sure of this before all actions were taken. My lawyer is a respected divorce attorney in my state and he has also made sure that I deal with a very competent tax and business attorney.

 

3) I accept all my decisions as my OWN. I am prepared to accept all consequences as my OWN. I won't be embarrassed, ashamed or regret these choices. I am not that kind of person. I make a decision and live with that choice. My parents taught this to me and I have lived my life by it.

 

4)I have not given all the details about my life here because I have chosen not to. I haven't given the details of what strand of HPV I have, what my general health is, the ages of my children, their maturity level or where I live. I am a fairly intelligent and competent person. I have handled things to the best of my ability while alternating between extreme anger, hurt, grief and just plain confusion.

 

5)I am in control of MY LIFE. There is no delusion, no sense of falsehood, or denial. I control what happens next in my life. I have decided that trying to keep some people from being miserable is NOT high on my priority list and I am more than happy with that choice. I am not jealous but I am scorned and I don't mind letting the two people who helped me reach that state of emotion feel and see their handy work first hand.

 

6) My children and I have a great relationship. They won't look at me sideways, feel as if I am crazy or view me as immature. They know me. They know what I have been through in my life. They are strong, smart and independent. They are great kids and I am a lucky woman. I never said in any post that I would dog their father. What I said.......

 

"I wish I could say I won't. I don't know if I can contain what I feel right now."

 

And I still feel that way.

 

7) I am not asking anyone to agree with my decisions. It is my life I am in control and I don't need anyone's approval to make decisions about it. I hope that clears up the questions that were asked in my absence or the scenarios that were proposed without the knowledge of the details. If I can answer a question I will. Thank you for the support.

 

 

This deserves a standing O-V-A-T-I-O-N:bunny::bunny:

 

(((peaksandvalleys)))

[jlola]

This is beyond acceptable. A BS is standing up for herself and you are trying to tear her down? You are the ONLY person that feels the way you do. Maybe you should learn something from that.

 

And how on earth is delivering something illegal? It is NOT illegal to knock on a door and hand someone a package.

 

Stop trying to make every BS feel like doing anything but crawling in a hole and hating themselves is 'a bad idea'.

 

Honestly, I don't know why you post on this board. You have nothing to offer any BS and you were an OW for 8 years. Perhaps that board is better for you. Most people can handle posting on both. You can't.

 

OP is doing something and she IS taking control. She is deciding when she stops being betrayed. She is deciding when OW's BH learns of OW's betrayal. She is deciding what will happen to her home, her business, her life. These things are no longer in the hands of two cheaters. Of course you see none of this because you can only empathize with cheaters.

 

Bye.

 

Well said!

[rumbleseat]

OP,

you don't owe anyone an explanation. You are handling you life, taking car of yourself and your children, which is more than what you ws did.

 

It doesn't sound like you are acting vengeful. vengeful would be sending evryobne she knows copies of explicit texts or emails that she sent to your husband and saying " look at what so and so wrote".

 

You didn't do that. You took back control of your life, you gave her bs control of his life, and how he chooses to handle that is up to him. You acted with honesty and itegrety, which seems to be sorely lacking in the two individuals at the center of this ( your ws and the ow). They lied, engaged in hurtful actions, disrupted your family, put your health at risk, for years, and now that you have said 'enough is enough" they are suddenly bent out of shape?

Bah!

 

You sound like on tough lady, and alos like you are willing to fight for what you think is right. Your husband will be losing the greatest thing he ever ad ( you), and when that sinks in, what a mess his life will be.

 

I think most people can understand your actions. those that can't will only accept turning someone else's life upside down when it bennifits them.For them, it's okay if the actions of the ws and ow/om ruin the bs life, because they are in "love":rolleyes: