Update and decisions

[Journee]

No. HPV *can* cause cancer, depending on the strain. Way worse than "vajayjay warts", IMO. Also, HPV can just go away. The mild forms just "go away" on their own after time and nothing has to be done to them except keep an eye on it. It's the more serious strains that are a concern.

 

Colposcopy is what I had to have. Thanks for filling in that blank for me Journee. That was such a scary time and I totally blanked it out now.

 

Exactly. I was not aware of the cancer causing strains. I had only ever heard the stories about the warts or herpes strains. There are several other strains that can start to make trouble without any noticeable signs. They begin to change the healthy cells causing lesions that can turn cancerous. This sounds like what you and I both dealt with. It was so scary Bentley. I am glad you are healthy and fought the virus off as I did! My normal pap was an answered prayer.

[Journee]

could not edit but I meant to express how little I knew about HPV. Herpes is not a strain of HPV. I had always thought they were one in the same. I apologize if my phrasing was misleading.

[ladydesigner]

peaksandvalleys you rock! Please do update with the outcome. I so wished I could have done the same. I think I tortured my WH and MOW enough, but I like your style better

[Journee]

Herpes is not the same virus as HPV but genital warts arise from HPV. Genital herpes arises from the virus 'herpes simplex' which also causes cold sores. I hope this is helpful in elaborating on the condition.

 

Yes, thank you.

 

I was unaware before my own dealing with HPV. I am now more familiar with the statistics and pathology than I had ever wanted to be.

 

Thankfully it resolved without further progression.

[ladydesigner]

At least you acknowledge it. The way you are acting isn't going to make you feel better - at least, not in the long run. You will regret acting out like this - especially when your kids realize what you did and how you acted (not sure how old they are?). You will be embarrassed by your behaviors. You are taking a bad situation and in some false sense of control making it worse - but only for you really - well, and your children.

 

Oh please, she is doing the best thing by giving her WH his walking papers. He needs a big boot up the a** and the MOW could use a little shock treatment too.

 

Right now she IS protecting her kids, it is her WH who has endangered them. I'm sorry I totally disagree with your post WTHF, but that doesn't surprise me.

[ladydesigner]

WHAT? This is ALL about the OP TRYING to get control of a situation that she cannot control. This is crazy drama and weirdness. This is a whole lot of energy put into being jealous and weird - and putting her children at risk in the meantime. This is not admirable at all from where I stand. Having her two friends deliver information is also illegal (check out the laws about that type of stuff). So, acting like a jealous scorned wife makes her a hero? I doubt it - and the proof will be in the pudding years down the road when her kids are always side eyeing her because they think she is a petty and immature person who has to make everyone miserable in an attempt to soothe her own misery (and after admitting that she helped ruin the marriage at that!). This is all going to end badly I'm afraid -and OP is bringing in people that she has no idea about and stirring up the drama - I hope that her children are not harmed, but I would NEVER put children in danger for my own satisfaction.

 

Again the OP is protecting herself and her children. Her WH and the MOW should have thought of this outcome before embarking on their lovefest. Affairs are designed to end marriages plain and simple!

[Journee]

Why are betrayed folks expected to make rational decisions in the face of irrational circumstances? To take the high road regardless of any wrongdoing against their well being. If OP isn't in control then surely her wayward and his AP are not either.

[bentleychic]

Exactly. I was not aware of the cancer causing strains. I had only ever heard the stories about the warts or herpes strains. There are several other strains that can start to make trouble without any noticeable signs. They begin to change the healthy cells causing lesions that can turn cancerous. This sounds like what you and I both dealt with. It was so scary Bentley. I am glad you are healthy and fought the virus off as I did! My normal pap was an answered prayer.

Thank you, Journee and likewise. I never knew details about it until I was IN it and, of course, doctors and people that haven't been through it just look at the statistics and act like b/c it's so common, it's okay. My dr. was so nonchalant about it, I just wanted to shake her. "You want to take pieces of my WHAT out with WHAT and WHY?!?!" LOL (I can laugh now. Not so much at the time.) Well, anything that CAN cause cancer, is not something to take lightly, in my book.

 

I know Michael Douglas blamed his throat cancer on HPV due to his wife's...ummm...activities. Now whether that was truly the reason or not, I don't know, but the C word scares the beejeebus out of me.

[ladydesigner]

Why are betrayed folks expected to make rational decisions in the face of irrational circumstances? To take the high road regardless of any wrongdoing against their well being. If OP isn't in control then surely her wayward and his AP are not either.

 

I know right I was wondering this very same thing. Sheesh!

[Journee]

Thank you, Journee and likewise. I never knew details about it until I was IN it and, of course, doctors and people that haven't been through it just look at the statistics and act like b/c it's so common, it's okay. My dr. was so nonchalant about it, I just wanted to shake her. "You want to take pieces of my WHAT out with WHAT and WHY?!?!" LOL (I can laugh now. Not so much at the time.) Well, anything that CAN cause cancer, is not something to take lightly, in my book.

 

I know Michael Douglas blamed his throat cancer on HPV due to his wife's...ummm...activities. Now whether that was truly the reason or not, I don't know, but the C word scares the beejeebus out of me.

 

 

 

I know what you mean. I even asked my doctor if she was going to put me to sleep for my first biopsy lol She looked at me like I had three heads. It sounds super painful though! I didn't know lol

 

That was probably the most out of control time in my life. Being pregnant ,separated ,finding out about MOW then the HPV. Good golly.

 

I heard about what Michael Douglas had said. He could be right ? My mom said that .

she heard that there are studies going on to see if scrotal cancer is caused from HPV.

There seems to be a lot of research going on with this virus. We might all be surprised by the findings.

[bentleychic]

I know what you mean. I even asked my doctor if she was going to put me to sleep for my first biopsy lol She looked at me like I had three heads. It sounds super painful though! I didn't know lol

 

That was probably the most out of control time in my life. Being pregnant ,separated ,finding out about MOW then the HPV. Good golly.

 

I heard about what Michael Douglas had said. He could be right ? My mom said that .

she heard that there are studies going on to see if scrotal cancer is caused from HPV.

There seems to be a lot of research going on with this virus. We might all be surprised by the findings.

Yes, it can definitely cause throat cancer. I don't know if they can tell how the cancer originated, though and he is a smoker (was?) so there's some question about that. It's definitely scary stuff and not something to scoff at just b/c it's common.

 

Sorry for the t/j!

[GorillaTheater]

Purporting that the HPV virus is 'inconsequential' is a flippant presumption,and lacks insight into exactly what the virus consist of, which of course is expected of those who have no real knowledge of its components and actions. The virus has many faces. Approximately 80 + and many are as you allude, relatively harmless.

 

However, there are a handful of sexually transmitted strands of the virus that create complications which require carefully managed medical intervention.

 

Suggesting that HPV is inconsequential is wreckless to say the least. Until results give an indication of which of the viruses many facets is present, one should err on the side of caution.

 

My apologies for the t/j.........

 

Apologies for mine as well: I'm thinking this is something of a parody. If so, it's a damn good one.

[jlola]

This is concerning. Are you saying that you speak badly about their father and share adult matters with your children? I would strongly advise against that for the well being of your children. Adults HAVE to contain how they really feel sometimes, especially for children.

 

From a child of infidelity I will say "SHE ROCKS!". I wish my mother had this map to follow and would have used it!

 

If their father(WS) cared so much about what his children thought, then he would have put a condom on and possible affair child would not be born. How was he going to hide that from kids long term? It is very humiliating for a child who's parent had love child with affair person. I know, I have a half sister born from an affair.

 

If he cared so much for his kids and what they thought, he would not be having OW over to their home while BS is out of town.

 

I have read so many post showing the disrespect of WS's. Some even flaunting OW in front of friends and family. Meanwhile OW think nothing of this behavior, they see it as a badge of honor.They cannot see how it is not only disrespectful to the BS. But the children also. A huge betrayal.

 

Spending "family money " on OW, talking about the "babies" they will have. All this is ok for WS to do. But IF the kids find out about the affair by BS. Than BS is the devil.

 

BTW, I found out about my father's infidelities through other people. Not my mother. He was the kind who flaunted it around, but did not expect anyone to talk or tell his kids.

 

Yes, many WS's live in the world of delusion. Children are not as dumb as they think. They are very nosy. You would be surprised at what they hear and know about. Much more than you think.

[Journee]

BS get a lot more leeway in behaviour and understandably so... But at the end of the day, adults always have to take responsibility for their own actions. Just as a WS has to and is demanded on here to, so does a BS. I do think the thing about the kids is concerning. Telling her kids their father is a slimeball, and continueing to do so daily is a choice she will be 100% responsible.

 

When you get betrayed you get your world shattered. But it doesn't mean you aren't responsible for your actions.

 

In the case of adult kids, just tell them and they will do with it what they feel. I know someone who went off the deep end when her spouse cheated and tried to create sides with her kids, who did not appreciate it at all (adults) because they felt like she was making them choose. And a spouse in D can do this anytime whether BS, WS, or any. Neer make your children, adult or child, choose.

 

I guess I just see a lot of shock at what someone who is hurt would do in the aftermath. There are just so many different reactions that can be had. Yes, we are all responsible for our actions. You can do whatever you want to do , just be prepared for the consequences. This is true for everyone.

[jlola]

WHAT? I doubt it - and the proof will be in the pudding years down the road when her kids are always side eyeing her because they think she is a petty and immature person who has to make everyone miserable in an attempt to soothe her own misery (and after admitting that she helped ruin the marriage at that!). This is all going to end badly I'm afraid -and OP is bringing in people that she has no idea about and stirring up the drama - I hope that her children are not harmed, but I would NEVER put children in danger for my own satisfaction.

 

Are you kidding? The kids will understand what to do when someone messes with you. She is not screaming or going postal, she is not begging or threatening. She is calmly using the law. That is admirable.

 

I guess the kids will not be looking sideways at cheating dad who may have a "love child" I guess the kids will not be looking sideways at a father who is a liar,manipulator,a cheat.A self entitled A**hole who is willing to let the neighbors know what he is about by bring his OW in their home. his is all ok. Kids ill be on his side.

 

WRONG!! The kids will have trust issues because dear old dad, the man who told them right from wrong, was the biggest hypocrite of all.

[ladydesigner]

BS get a lot more leeway in behaviour and understandably so... But at the end of the day, adults always have to take responsibility for their own actions. Just as a WS has to and is demanded on here to, so does a BS. I do think the thing about the kids is concerning. Telling her kids their father is a slimeball, and continueing to do so daily is a choice she will be 100% responsible.

 

When you get betrayed you get your world shattered. But it doesn't mean you aren't responsible for your actions.

 

In the case of adult kids, just tell them and they will do with it what they feel. I know someone who went off the deep end when her spouse cheated and tried to create sides with her kids, who did not appreciate it at all (adults) because they felt like she was making them choose. And a spouse in D can do this anytime whether BS, WS, or any. Neer make your children, adult or child, choose.

 

I never involved my kids and I agree kids should not be dragged into this, unless they are old enough to understand and then be told of the A in an adult manner.

 

My daughter had intercepted texts from MOW and also heard us fighting on DDay. She put two and two together and asked if daddy cheated? I answered her like an adult. When she asked who it was I told her it was MOW. She still loves her dad. Her dad will always rise and set in her eyes, she's a daddy's girl.

[whichwayisup]

This is concerning. Are you saying that you speak badly about their father and share adult matters with your children? I would strongly advise against that for the well being of your children. Adults HAVE to contain how they really feel sometimes, especially for children.

 

Why are you picking at this poster? It's a pattern for you when you reply to people in infidelity section.

 

Her life is hell and many of your replies have a tone to them. If you have nothing to add except subtle comments that are meant to come off a certain way, then why bother trying to help? This is her life and she knows best how to handle it and her kids.

[sweet_pea]

OP, good luck! I think you have handled this situation well and to the best of your ability. Of course there will be those who will not like how you've chosen to handle things, but oh well. You finally get to make choices in a situation where they were taken away from you time and time again. Good for you. I hope it all works out well! We're here for you! *hugs*

[goodyblue]

From a child of infidelity I will say "SHE ROCKS!". I wish my mother had this map to follow and would have used it!

 

If their father(WS) cared so much about what his children thought, then he would have put a condom on and possible affair child would not be born. How was he going to hide that from kids long term? It is very humiliating for a child who's parent had love child with affair person. I know, I have a half sister born from an affair.

 

If he cared so much for his kids and what they thought, he would not be having OW over to their home while BS is out of town.

 

I have read so many post showing the disrespect of WS's. Some even flaunting OW in front of friends and family. Meanwhile OW think nothing of this behavior, they see it as a badge of honor.They cannot see how it is not only disrespectful to the BS. But the children also. A huge betrayal.

 

Spending "family money " on OW, talking about the "babies" they will have. All this is ok for WS to do. But IF the kids find out about the affair by BS. Than BS is the devil.

 

BTW, I found out about my father's infidelities through other people. Not my mother. He was the kind who flaunted it around, but did not expect anyone to talk or tell his kids.

 

Yes, many WS's live in the world of delusion. Children are not as dumb as they think. They are very nosy. You would be surprised at what they hear and know about. Much more than you think.

 

Help me out here. Are you saying that it is acceptable for the mother to discuss adult issues with her children because the father didn't do the right thing? So, since he did some stupid things it is perfectly acceptable to further damage the children?

[sweet_pea]

Help me out here. Are you saying that it is acceptable for the mother to discuss adult issues with her children because the father didn't do the right thing? So, since he did some stupid things it is perfectly acceptable to further damage the children?

 

So, it's acceptable to lie to the children about the situation?

 

Yes, you can choose not to share that mom or dad cheated. That's totally fine. But, there ARE age appropriate ways to tell the kids that mom or dad cheated. I've seen ways in which mom/dad told the kids that, for example, "mommy or daddy had a boyfriend/girlfriend/relationship with someone else while married and that was not ok and it hurt mommy/daddy, so they are going to break up, but mommy and daddy still love you (the kid)," or something along those lines.

 

It sure beats having to bottle up emotions and act funny around kids. And I don't believe that it further damages the children.

 

But, that's just my opinion.

[jlola]

Help me out here. Are you saying that it is acceptable for the mother to discuss adult issues with her children because the father didn't do the right thing? So, since he did some stupid things it is perfectly acceptable to further damage the children?

 

Not saying that at all. I am saying if WS really cared about HIS kids he would never have disrespected them so much. By bringing OW into his home, neighbors may see. Neighbors may talk and kids may hear.

 

I have said time and time again my mother never told us about my father's affairs. Even with her BFF, for years I would ask about the BFf and she ould sort of brush it off. Other people told me. Also cousins knew. They heard parents talk.

 

Most of the people I know who's parents cheated did not learn from the BS. It is usually another source.

 

This is why it bothers me so much when OW discuss how they are meeting MM's friends or family. like they are dating. Or being in public where people who know them can see them together. Some OW even got pregnant. I am appalled they are not thinking of the children.

 

WS and OW need to keep their situation private and make sure there are no accidental pregnancies. If you think the` BS should not involve the kids, then make sure the kids are never in the position to hear gossip. People who gossip often have children. Most of us are unawre what children hear.

[Furious]

From what I understand Peaksandvally's children are adults and living on their own.

 

It's evident PAV is dealing with things within the law and is being quite levelheaded considering she has been denied her truth and has been recently diagnosed with hpv.

 

PAV is showing great strength and is in the driver seat in her own life.

[goodyblue]

Not saying that at all. I am saying if WS really cared about HIS kids he would never have disrespected them so much. By bringing OW into his home, neighbors may see. Neighbors may talk and kids may hear.

 

I have said time and time again my mother never told us about my father's affairs. Even with her BFF, for years I would ask about the BFf and she ould sort of brush it off. Other people told me. Also cousins knew. They heard parents talk.

 

Most of the people I know who's parents cheated did not learn from the BS. It is usually another source.

 

This is why it bothers me so much when OW discuss how they are meeting MM's friends or family. like they are dating. Or being in public where people who know them can see them together. Some OW even got pregnant. I am appalled they are not thinking of the children.

 

WS and OW need to keep their situation private and make sure there are no accidental pregnancies. If you think the` BS should not involve the kids, then make sure the kids are never in the position to hear gossip. People who gossip often have children. Most of us are unawre what children hear.

 

 

Thank you for clarifying. This does make a lot more sense. I'm not sure how I feel about telling the children. My guys kids know, but they are adults, so it's not nearly the same. They've handled it pretty well, even though they are hurt. They do understand that things have not been happy at home for some time and nobody knew about the affair. In fact, very few people know even now that we began that way. His ex hasn't told anyone but her parents and he hasn't told anyone but the children.

 

I really wonder about telling an eight year old "daddy has a girfriend"... I think it should be "These are grown up issues between mommy and daddy and we will handle it. We of course love you as much as ever and will be here for anything you need".

[jlola]

 

I really wonder about telling an eight year old "daddy has a girfriend"... I think it should be "These are grown up issues between mommy and daddy and we will handle it. We of course love you as much as ever and will be here for anything you need".

 

 

I understand that and agree. Unfortunately, many in affairs will introduce the 8 year old to their new "friend" before the ink is yet dry on the divorce papers. Then they are shocked when kids put 2 and 2 together when they are older. I am not saying everyone does this. But I have seen this.

[sweet_pea]

I was just giving an example of what I've seen, and it seems to have worked for those individuals. To each their own. If you don't want to tell, that's on you, if you want to lie, that's on you, if you do want to tell... that's on you, too.