Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 How old are the kids? They are out of the house but we are very close. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I wouldn't warn the kids. But as soon as the papers are served I would sit down with them and let them know why you are divorcing their father. I wouldn't give all the dirty details, just that he cheated and you cannot stand beside someone that could value your marriage so little. Let them know that it was hard to hide, but you could not let him and his AP become aware of what was to come. They may not understand right away, but the will later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Also, do your best not to knock their father. Just the facts and let them decide. You might find that they are not surprised at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Also, do your best not to knock their father. Just the facts and let them decide. You might find that they are not surprised at all. I wish I could say that I won't. I don't know that I can contain how I really feel right now. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Just do your best. I wish I could give you a hug. Be sure to keep us updated. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they are served. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Update on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Holding pattern. It will be soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 The papers will be served some time this week. So I have decided to have all involved receive their packets of emails, texts, pictures and the info from the investigator. They will be hand delivered to the OW and her BS by two good friends who I will contact the minute I hand my darling husband his. We have planned this down to me waiting for both of them to be in position before I hand WS his packet so as no one can warn the other. The divorce papers will just be the icing on the cake. I have made sure to be an extremely attentive and accommodating so that he will be as blind sided as I was. I am actually on pins and needles and I am looking forward to the shock they both will get. I have actually thought about asking my friends to take a picture of OW when she opens the packet, but that might be a bit too much. Will update as soon as I can. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 The papers will be served some time this week. So I have decided to have all involved receive their packets of emails, texts, pictures and the info from the investigator. They will be hand delivered to the OW and her BS by two good friends who I will contact the minute I hand my darling husband his. We have planned this down to me waiting for both of them to be in position before I hand WS his packet so as no one can warn the other. The divorce papers will just be the icing on the cake. I have made sure to be an extremely attentive and accommodating so that he will be as blind sided as I was. I am actually on pins and needles and I am looking forward to the shock they both will get. I have actually thought about asking my friends to take a picture of OW when she opens the packet, but that might be a bit too much. Will update as soon as I can. I hate to say this but... You go, girl! That's awesome. Are you going to have his things packed for him? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 I hate to say this but... You go, girl! That's awesome. Are you going to have his things packed for him? No. I am not his maid. He will pack his things himself. I don't want him to say I destroyed, got rid of or took anything of his. I won't touch it. Plus most of my things are already packed. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 This whole situation is stressing me right out. The wait is killing me. I like, feel bad for the OW...I have no idea why. I mean, I feel like you deserve to stick it to your husband, but for some reason I'm really feeling bad for her...I know..I know... makes no sense. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 This whole situation is stressing me right out. The wait is killing me. I like, feel bad for the OW...I have no idea why. I mean, I feel like you deserve to stick it to your husband, but for some reason I'm really feeling bad for her...I know..I know... makes no sense. Good luck. I can't muster the same feeling. She had a contribution and I think she should be paid for services rendered. They both should. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 I do not feel bad for her. I feel bad for her BS. He is the other innocent here. Peaksandvalleys - you are AMAZING!!!! You're an inspiration and a role model. This is exactly how DDay should be handled. I wish I'd had my wits about me when I saw what I saw on my H's phone. I fell apart. You, p&v, are really fantastic! I don't feel like an inspiration. I have grown angry, petty and pretty damn vindictive. I don't like this person. But it is this or..... I feel like crap and I feel like it is going to be this way for a long time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I can't muster the same feeling. She had a contribution and I think she should be paid for services rendered. They both should. I know, rationally I completely agree with you. Part of me though, feels like your husband is at fault because he has ruined YOUR marriage. It could have been with anyone. But again..I know, she deserves what she has coming, I know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 I know, rationally I completely agree with you. Part of me though, feels like your husband is at fault because he has ruined YOUR marriage. It could have been with anyone. But again..I know, she deserves what she has coming, I know that. I understand your point of view as well. I am of the belief that he didn't ruin our marriage. We did. But he made a choice to involve a third party without my knowledge. And that decision for me can't be dealt with. I also agree it could have been anyone and I can promise you that person would receive the same treatment as this one. It is a mistake that she made by choosing to be that person that will haunt her for a long time. She probably will think of me not too pleasantly either. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I am on pins and needles for you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Its good that someone feels bad for the MOW....because I can't. The MOW blew her own marriage up along with the help of peaksandvalleys's WH. MOW took a chance and should have known better. No sympathy here!!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 The only person I feel sorry for is MOW's BH. He is going to be slapped upside the head by his wife's poor choice and will have never seen it coming. I don't feel sorry for peaksandvalleys because she has taken the bull by the horns. She is an amazing and strong woman who realizes that she is worth so much more than her POS husband deserves. I do feel bad that this happened to her, as I do every BS. I am just glad she found all this out and can move on with her life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Well one can't say you don't do things with panache. I hope you are in IC as well. Please understand that there may be a break down period for you after the events happen, as you have been holding it together up to this point. Have a place for you to go for some r and r and help with the grieving process. ((((peaks)))))) Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Since I have had the same doctor for more than 25 years, he is licensed physician, and I know him I believe he and I a better judge of how I contracted HPV. So thank you for your suggestion but it means nothing in this context. I get to decide what is inconsequential in MY life and what MY real issues are. It was NOT inconsequential for me. I had to go have a very painful biopsy (3, actually). Thank goodness it was a low level # so it was okay, but I'll have to have a pap yearly now for a certain # of years and hopefully that's as much as I'll have to worry about it in the future. If you are with the same partner for years, you can pretty much tell whether you yourself had it or not. As for sending the mail, send it certified and restricted, not registered. If you send it restricted, ONLY the person that the mail is addressed to can sign for it. Good luck, wishing you peace and healing. Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 This whole situation is stressing me right out. The wait is killing me. I like, feel bad for the OW...I have no idea why. I mean, I feel like you deserve to stick it to your husband, but for some reason I'm really feeling bad for her...I know..I know... makes no sense. Good luck. The OW is passing a baby that may not potentially be BS's child off as his. If that is not the most evil thing to do to a man, what is? OW is not innocent in this. Seems she is not thinking about BS or her kids. Only of herself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 PeaksandValleys, I hope your post is read by many. This is using logic instead of being emotional. You have potentially guided a few women into using your example. Cheaters love to control the situation. They love to be the one who is in the know,the one who has all their ducks in a row in case they do leave and leave BS's in confusion. You took that option away from WS and MOW. A good example to all on how to have at least a bit of control when they throw "crazy" at you! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) Just an aside, something like 95% of all people have the HPV virus, and most have immunity that will overcome it. It's not a death sentence by any means, it hardly ranks as even an inconvenience. It's a wonder, honestly, you've made it this far WITHOUT having it. So, although it's not a pleasant thought, don't let that one get you down - it could have been MUCH worse, and you are lucky in that aspect. Also, you may have already had it and given it to him - that happens often as there are no symptoms and most women carry it. Good luck with it all - but my suggestion is let the HPV thing go, it's pretty inconsequential in comparison to the real issues that you are dealing with. It still can be very scary for someone that has never had an abnormal pap. I had my first while pregnant with my 10 month old. I had to have several biopsies and colposcopies. H was sleeping with MOW during this time. I cannot pinpoint when I contracted the HPV strains that can be cancer causative. I do know that my H is a serial cheater over several years. It's hard not to connect the dots. I was terrified about the thought that the lesions would progress into severe dysplasia. Then into cancer. That I had no control over what my body was doing. That certain procedures were not safe with pregnancy and I was worried it would get worse. I got my first normal pap a couple of months ago and I wept with relief. It may not be consequential for some but I was scared and I was alone. OP, I have been following your story. Good luck to you. I wish you health and sanity through all of this. Edited October 16, 2013 by Journee 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 The OW is passing a baby that may not potentially be BS's child off as his. If that is not the most evil thing to do to a man, what is? OW is not innocent in this. Seems she is not thinking about BS or her kids. Only of herself. Oh no. So OW's BH is going to know this is a possibility ? and his wife is a cheater. Oh no....my heart goes out to him I could care less about the WS's - they got whats coming to them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Wait...what? Isn't the HPV virus the one that causes Vjayjay WARTS?? I wouldn't call that STD that you can never be rid of inconsequential Peaks, You have my admiration and awe! Good luck and I wish you all the happiness in the world. BK No. HPV *can* cause cancer, depending on the strain. Way worse than "vajayjay warts", IMO. Also, HPV can just go away. The mild forms just "go away" on their own after time and nothing has to be done to them except keep an eye on it. It's the more serious strains that are a concern. Colposcopy is what I had to have. Thanks for filling in that blank for me Journee. That was such a scary time and I totally blanked it out now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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