How did they get caught?

[Speakingofwhich]

Have to share this experience. It was an obvious D day for someone(s) but I still don't know the circumstances of their R.

 

A friend of mine set me up on a blind date with a client of hers. He took me to lunch for the first date.

 

I wore a dress and we sat across the table from each other, first time I'd ever laid eyes on him and all I knew about him was that he owned a particular company.

 

As we were eating woman came in and acted as if she casually happened upon us. I could tell she was faking it. When he saw her he said something like, "Ohhh, noooo." but not sure it was those words exactly.

 

She sat down next to him (we were in a booth) and chatted us both up while he sat there sweating like crazy and totally humiliated. She took digs at me the whole time, which didn't bother me at all. One thing she said was that she had a dress just like mine but she would never wear it. She was quite animated, talkative and fakey.

 

To me the experience was comical. I went out with him once more but wasn't really attracted to him so didn't continue the R. Never was sure about the other woman. He told me she was someone he'd broken up with, but who knows? I think they actually ended up married!

[LilGirlandOW]

My MM has me in his phone as my name, in the begining he used a mans name, I didnt like that as things evolved... I complain about little, but that errkk'd me.

[yellowmaverick]

The Verizon rep was nice enough to point out that we needed more minutes since the one phone had a crazy number of texts and calls to and from a particular phone number. It's funny, because I wasn't really focused on what he was saying, and I was telling him "no, we don't really need more minutes". When he became more insistent, I listened. And looked. And my life changed forever.

 

I truly believe that Verizon rep was my guardian angel.

[AloneNow]

Totally devastated. I just walked in on my fiancee cheating two days ago but neither of them saw me. I haven't told her yet but I'm staying with my male cousin for now.

 

I couldn't stand it and walked away fast and in silence with the ring she left on the dinning table.

 

Now I'm alone, hence my screen name.

[anne1707]

..... but that errkk'd me.

 

 

Sorry LilGirl but you "errkk'd me" irked me back

[Speakingofwhich]

Totally devastated. I just walked in on my fiancee cheating two days ago but neither of them saw me. I haven't told her yet but I'm staying with my male cousin for now.

 

I couldn't stand it and walked away fast and in silence with the ring she left on the dinning table.

 

Now I'm alone, hence my screen name.

 

I am so sorry to read this, AloneNow. I'm so glad you have a male cousin to stay with. Surely she knows something is up by now since she hasn't heard from you? How will you handle it with her?

[ladydesigner]

WH forgot to delete his texts one night and I looked at his iphone before he woke up. There was enough there to say they were heavily enamored with each other. Many months later I did more digging and was able to get deleted texts off WH's iphone and I had the proof I needed right there. He couldn't deny what was staring him in the face.

[waterwoman]

Texts. Apparently OW kept telling him to delete them regularly but he didn't think I'd ever check. I only did so because he told me about some 'absurd' rumours going around their workplace about them. I just stewed and stewed for 24 hours then I checked his phone - first time in all our lives together.

[road]

Sorry LilGirl but you "errkk'd me" irked me back

 

 

The Spelling Nazi's and Grammar Gestapo are ruthless.

[samsungxoxo]

Wow i admire your composure. Wouldn't you have felt better if you had made a scene about it? I am a very passionate person who could not imagine staying silent.

I know right. I wonder how he managed to refrain himself from clobbering the OM.

Or maybe some people get into extreme shock that they just don't blow up right away but afterwards.

 

But I have to agree. That would be a WW scene for most people.

Edited September 8, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[Daisy2013]

My MM does not send me explicit messages as he is not a texting man. But certainly the calls would be pretty obvious. I mean every day. It is the first place anyone should look and also for a secret phone. It is impossible when you are involved with someone not to talk regularly.

 

Calls and texts would not be obvious if they have a non-contract phone/pay as you go. There is no log kept of these calls. If that is their regular phone, then no secret phone needed.

[HopingAgain]

Even if it was the intent for evil. Does not matter because BS are given advice on how to catch their WS on here. And dday discoveries are reported here in detail all the time.

 

How many people can keep a secret?

 

Two people can keep a secret.

 

When one of them is dead.

 

This is true, but it still is not a good feeling to think you (general you) may be contributing to keeping a BS in the dark.

[road]

This is true, but it still is not a good feeling to think you (general you) may be contributing to keeping a BS in the dark.

 

 

You need to do some reading comprehension work. Because I do not know how you got that about keeping the BS in the dark.

[HopingAgain]

You need to do some reading comprehension work. Because I do not know how you got that about keeping the BS in the dark.

 

Perhaps you should take your own advice. I was referring to a BS that may feel that way in giving out that type of info about how their WS got caught to an OW.

[Realist3]

This is true, but it still is not a good feeling to think you (general you) may be contributing to keeping a BS in the dark.

 

Huh? This works both ways. The information shared here can help a BS discover methods. The number of active WS posting here is so few your concerns seem unfounded.

[HopingAgain]

Huh? This works both ways. The information shared here can help a BS discover methods. The number of active WS posting here is so few your concerns seem unfounded.

 

Yes, I understand that info here can help BSs who are looking for discovery methods. That said, when you have an OW posting asking how a WS got caught, it can lead a BS to think they are gathering info to avoid discovery themselves. It's just not a nice thought for a BS to have, in thinking that they could be offering ways to those engaged in infidelity to continue to deceive the BS in their scenarios. I don't know how to put it any more clearly than that.

[Realist3]

You can google "How to keep an affair secret" and a thread here pops up from this very board.

[SidLyon]

You can google "How to keep an affair secret" and a thread here pops up from this very board.

 

My fWH did all sorts of things to keep the affair secret. This included a secret (from me) credit card attached to a secret bank account with the statements sent to a secret post office account. He also had female names in his phone book as similar male names - sometimes people whose names I knew, and knew he would have reasons to have them.

 

He also engaged in a deliberate pattern of deception that included a form of grooming me to accept deception. For instance he would tell me he was at one place when he was really at another (quite legitimately). Another example was telling me he was at the gym when he really went to work (and I could verify). Then at other times he would tell me he was at the gym when he was with her. Then if I found out he wasn't at the gym he would say he was at work.

 

Another example he would switch days and say he drove the car to a certain place when really he was with her, but he went to the place the next day, so if I found out he would just confuse the days. Whenever I found out, I would also find out that he was at the other place and no obvious reason for him to lie. It got very convoluted as you can imagine.

 

This sort of groomed me to accept that he wasn't always honest about where he was, and what he was doing. This enabled him to conduct the affair because my past experience would tell me he was "genuinely" somewhere else. This of course is very manipulative behaviour and also of course I felt a fool for being so duped by him after d-day. It also made unraveling what he had actually been doing very difficult for me even when he wasn't actually doing anything wrong.

 

I don't mind saying this on here as while it may help a WS to do something similar it also lets BS know the sorts of things that can be done.

 

Ultimately though my fWH got caught because he became careless and I caught him. This is often how many WS are caught because certainly it's possible to easily deceive somebody that trusts you. It doesn't make the WS a smart person at all, just an abuser in my opinion.

[AloneNow]

I am so sorry to read this, AloneNow. I'm so glad you have a male cousin to stay with. Surely she knows something is up by now since she hasn't heard from you? How will you handle it with her?

It's ok, I've already dumped her. I've gotten 2 sobbing calls from her asking for another chance.

 

I'm moving on and hopefully will one day meet a woman I can trust and won't cheat on me. I still want to get marry and have kids but I think I'll now pay attention to early signs before opening my heart again.

[road]

We had the A bomb. It was a secret. A lot of countries now have an A bomb. Some secret.

 

Every time a BS comes onboard to a infidelity site they are told their WS based on the way he/she is acting is having an affair. Then they are told how to gather intelligence to catch their WS.

 

And some people here are worried about this thread teaching WS's on how to not get caught.

 

Unless the WS and AP are co workers so no need to and never any communicate except in person. Work with each other. Have an office where they can lock the door and have "lunch" Monday through Friday so there is no trail left anywhere they still will leave evidence.

 

And I am sure there are some AP's that fit this criteria. Though there will be the person that will notice that the office door is locked when they are alone. Two plus two, and the secret is still out if that person has a grudge. Say the AP got the promotion, or never gets the hard jobs. Someone that has an axe to grind now has something to grind it on.

[Mint Sauce]

when she returned from a work trip, she spoke of "our hotel room". What do you mean, "our"?...

[threelaurels]

Cheating Boyfriend #1: Left his email open, I saw that he had been posting and responding to Craigslist ads seeking NSA sex with men. I don't know if he ever met with anyone at that point. I confronted, he promised he'd stop. Later, I found more emails doing the same thing, including emails that confirmed he had indeed met up with some people at this boyfriend.

 

Cheating Boyfriend #2: Invited the OW over for a threesome. She thought we were in an open-type relationship because that's what he told her. She let it slip that they had done things previously when we were talking afterwards. She holds no blame because he intentionally mislead her into thinking I was fine with the whole thing. It was all on him. I stayed with him because I was an idiot.

 

I later ended up cheating on Cheating Boyfriend #2. I had an EA and when it became physical, I felt so guilty about it afterwards that I called him within hours, confessed, and broke it off with him. I eventually ended up with the guy I cheated on him with, and I am still with him.

[Spark1111]

he had her disguised as a male co-worker on his phone and I thought how wonderful to have a mentor on the new job.

 

he also travelled to a job site where there was no cell reception. I knew because he took me there first.

 

So I agree with grooming the BS to accept deception. It's not hard to fool someone who loves and trusts you.

 

We followed up a weekend away to a tropical island with our children arriving to HIS family reunion in another state.

 

She must have been upset, because his phone would blow up and he'd run to the bushes to have an angry conversation. He claimed job stressors and I believed him.

 

he left for the airport to pick up our children and accidentally grabbed my phone. So I went and got his in case the kids called.

 

Andd there was the text that would change my life.

 

In retrospect, I believe he wanted to be caught and have mommy end it for him.

 

It worked. She blames and hates me.

 

Doubt he ever told her I wished them well when I threw him out.

[Betterthanthis13]

My fWH did all sorts of things to keep the affair secret. This included a secret (from me) credit card attached to a secret bank account with the statements sent to a secret post office account. He also had female names in his phone book as similar male names - sometimes people whose names I knew, and knew he would have reasons to have them.

 

He also engaged in a deliberate pattern of deception that included a form of grooming me to accept deception. For instance he would tell me he was at one place when he was really at another (quite legitimately). Another example was telling me he was at the gym when he really went to work (and I could verify). Then at other times he would tell me he was at the gym when he was with her. Then if I found out he wasn't at the gym he would say he was at work.

 

Another example he would switch days and say he drove the car to a certain place when really he was with her, but he went to the place the next day, so if I found out he would just confuse the days. Whenever I found out, I would also find out that he was at the other place and no obvious reason for him to lie. It got very convoluted as you can imagine.

 

This sort of groomed me to accept that he wasn't always honest about where he was, and what he was doing. This enabled him to conduct the affair because my past experience would tell me he was "genuinely" somewhere else. This of course is very manipulative behaviour and also of course I felt a fool for being so duped by him after d-day. It also made unraveling what he had actually been doing very difficult for me even when he wasn't actually doing anything wrong.

 

I don't mind saying this on here as while it may help a WS to do something similar it also lets BS know the sorts of things that can be done.

 

Ultimately though my fWH got caught because he became careless and I caught him. This is often how many WS are caught because certainly it's possible to easily deceive somebody that trusts you. It doesn't make the WS a smart person at all, just an abuser in my opinion.

 

I think that is the first time on LS I've read a description of a WS who went to such exteme, extraordinary lengths of manipulation and cover up , besides the poster you quoted, to come close to rivaling my xbf.

[dichotomy]

I will try to summarrize. Wife went through "a crazy phase" between the end of her first marriage and mine. She tried to hide it, but because she could not fully break from it - she kept ties - some open and some in secrete. Then suspicions from me - then an email account left open, then a call from a friend of mine who knew something, then the questions coming fast and furious from me for a while - and then trickle truth responses, including a trickle/minimizing confession on the OM she still kept a hidden emotional relationship with.