if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[frankvega]

Barky If you ever have a chance please take a quick look at my thread it would really mean a lot to me the advice you give.

 

Believe it or not with the amount of clout you have here in the forum I have you up there right next to the that guy from the commercial in " The most interesting man in the World" LOL

 

Please take a look.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487048-i-want-get-back-ex-wife-11-month-breakup-9-year-relationship

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487700-using-nc-get-back-ex

[Requiem4Dreams]

Barky,

I see your posts are everywhere and you seem to have experienced a lot of the relationships that most people tend to find themselves in now.

 

Here is a link to my personal demon, and I would really like your take on it.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/488107-engaged-left-another-man

[hurts2death]

barkyyyyyyyyyy man i am going with my best friend to beach this saturday my ex will be there with her new guy . what to do? omg what a luck.

[barky2]

barkyyyyyyyyyy man i am going with my best friend to beach this saturday my ex will be there with her new guy . what to do? omg what a luck.

 

That's simple.....

 

DONT GO!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Barky

[chris9210]

Bro your situation is so similar to mine that it freaking scares me. Please let me know how things worked out for you. I will take your advice to avoid mistakes. Thank you.

 

Hello Frank, I'm glad (in a sense) that your situation is similar, its nice to know that other people know how I feel, and I have them to talk to as my family and friends, although supportive, cant really appreciate where I'm coming from. Anyway, you said you would like to know how it all worked out.

 

The fact is, it hasn't yet, I'm still hurting from the break up, still wake up having dreams about her and being absolutely devastated over my loss, but I did notice that while I was distracted doing my training course for work, I didn't have time to think of her, and I started speaking to a girl as a result and now we talk everyday.

 

So what Barky says is 100% accurate, I never imagined that I would find another potential interest but I did, and that happened when I had stopped thinking of my ex and trying to live my life. I wouldn't say I was over her yet, but I'm getting there.

 

I've also changed how I look quite a lot and now I seem to be getting more female attention, I started working out and that does really help to make you feel good and take your mind off things. I've changed things that needed changing about myself and now people actually want to spend time with me, I'm actually enjoying life at the moment for the first time since the breakup.

 

I haven't spoken to her in a few months, and although it hurts like hell, it has allowed me to grow as a person so that I can go in to my next relationship and be able to make it work. I'm still keeping a bit of hope alive for reconciliation with my ex, I'm just not making it my main focus anymore, my advice would be to listen to what Barky has to say and work on yourself, forget about your ex and live life to its fullest, they may come back when you least expect it, or they might not, but you will be able to deal with any of those situations when they arise if you just follow the advice of Barky and some of the other members here. If you ever want someone to speak to who knows what you're going through and is currently experiencing it, feel free to drop me a pm. I know i don't give good advice lol but I am a good listener. If you ever need to vent you know where I am, I think it would be a good idea for both of us to have a buddy, to help each other through hard times and share our experiences. Just a thought

[redbaron005]

Plus side is...I asked my gf to marry me this weekend as she said yes

 

Sorry might not want to hear that, but figured I'd share because I'm over the moon.

 

A bit late, however, congrats and best wishes!

[furby58]

Hey Barky,

 

Finally gone full NC /cut ties with my ex last night .its been on my mind for quiet sometime but i guess i just needed that final push...my ex has finally pushed me beyond my limit. We met up yesterday and in the car on the way to the shop he said to me that if i see him and his new h0 in public please dont talk to them , she gets antsy about that ( well she should have thought about it before flirting her slutty ass with him whilst we were together and yes she knew about me at the time ).i didnt tell him that of course i just said ok. At the shop he paid for the parts we needed for something that i was working on and refused to let me pay ( i am now questioning if i should transfer that money back to him ).

 

 

In my final message i thanked him for everything that he has done and that he gave me a wonderful 2 1/2 years of happy and sad memories.he doesnt have to make sure im ok etc ,ill be okay.all i ever wanted was for him to be happy and im glad to see that she does just that.i ended it by telling him that i will not contact him anymore not because i hate him or have any ill feelings towards him but more so respecting his wishes. I also mentioned that we know we cant be friends and as sad as it sounds we are just simply two strangers who once shared a happy life together ..and said my goodbye.

 

Immediately after i sent the message via whatsapp i blocked him . At 11pm he sms'd me"hi did you block me ?" ( in the past i wouldve replied to this but i guess its true when they say not to push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a f). I didnt reply and blocked him off my phone sms and calls. He called me several times this morning of course calls have been blocked .i went to my old workplace to get some stuff and my staff mentioned to me that a guy called this morning asking for me and where i am -luckily she didnt tell him (he knew i worked there previously but i have moved division since ). I thought i was clear in my final message and i dont know why hes calling me and so desprately trying to get in touch .ive basically now blocked him off every possible thing i could think of .

 

I do feel a great sadness like as if its the second break up ,except im the one who did it .i feel so so sick about it .

[newenglandkid]

this ones for barky or anyone who wants to chime in:

 

So haven't been on in a little while, maybe a month or so...things are going good for the most part but I have a little puzzling situation that I wonder if you could give me some insight.

 

So like i've posted before, ex broke up with me back in may after a year and a half together (both in early 20s). Then about 2 weeks post BU she ends revealing that she met some guy already..while I was crushed I kept moving forward. Ending up meeting this cool chick fourth of July weekend, and we've been sort of hooking up/hanging out a few times a week. The ex has seen me out with this new girl, and I've seen her out with her new guy. It sucked I'm not gonna lie but I did my best to not freak out and act like a maniac, I just kept cool and had NC/LC going. If you want the whole story look back at my previous threads from may/june/july...

 

Anyway, lately she has been texting me more frequently about jobs (her job sucks and wants to quit, and then I just got a new job). She asked if we could meet up and run (like we usually did as a couple) to talk "just as friends"..I said sure and went along with it. So like I said lately she's been texting me about jobs and just other stuff in general but not about our past..so she asks me last night how things were going with me and my "new" girl, and I tell her that were not together just friends etc. I then ask the same about her new guy friend and she said things are going okay I guess. When I asked her what she meant by the I guess part, she really didn't answer the question and tried changing topics...

 

So aside from me breaking no contact which I know is the first thing your gonna tell me...I guess I want to know why she has kept texting me, and asking about this "new" girl, and why she didn't answer the question I asked her???

 

thanks barky

Edited August 21, 2014 by newenglandkid
SP

[erklat]

You want to end up in the friendzone or waht?

 

Cut her off bro, you're just validating her with your behavior

So she doesn't feel guilty she broke your heart.

[newenglandkid]

You want to end up in the friendzone or waht?

 

Cut her off bro, you're just validating her with your behavior

So she doesn't feel guilty she broke your heart.

 

Ya I've been going back and forth about cutting her off only because a few of my friends who went through a similar situation said they remained in contact with there exs and they eventually got them back.

 

I'm just not sure what to do

[barky2]

this ones for barky or anyone who wants to chime in:

 

So haven't been on in a little while, maybe a month or so...things are going good for the most part but I have a little puzzling situation that I wonder if you could give me some insight.

 

So like i've posted before, ex broke up with me back in may after a year and a half together (both in early 20s). Then about 2 weeks post BU she ends revealing that she met some guy already..while I was crushed I kept moving forward. Ending up meeting this cool chick fourth of July weekend, and we've been sort of hooking up/hanging out a few times a week. The ex has seen me out with this new girl, and I've seen her out with her new guy. It sucked I'm not gonna lie but I did my best to not freak out and act like a maniac, I just kept cool and had NC/LC going. If you want the whole story look back at my previous threads from may/june/july...

 

Anyway, lately she has been texting me more frequently about jobs (her job sucks and wants to quit, and then I just got a new job). She asked if we could meet up and run (like we usually did as a couple) to talk "just as friends"..I said sure and went along with it. So like I said lately she's been texting me about jobs and just other stuff in general but not about our past..so she asks me last night how things were going with me and my "new" girl, and I tell her that were not together just friends etc. I then ask the same about her new guy friend and she said things are going okay I guess. When I asked her what she meant by the I guess part, she really didn't answer the question and tried changing topics...

 

So aside from me breaking no contact which I know is the first thing your gonna tell me...I guess I want to know why she has kept texting me, and asking about this "new" girl, and why she didn't answer the question I asked her???

 

thanks barky

 

 

She asked because she wanted to see how far along y'all are, if it serious, if it's just a fling , bed buddies ect.

 

She didn't answer because she got what she was looking for.

 

Maybe her relationship isn't going as fast as she wants, so she wants to gauge based on yours.

 

Everytime you answer, everytime you agree, everytime you give her a second, you are refilling her emotional needs.

 

Make any sense?

 

She was asking you these questions for her own needs.

 

Your proper answer should've been " things are going great" and you would've seen her squirm.

 

Or she'd do the normal, " oh well mines better than yours!"

 

There's no need to talk to her.

 

Playing this game is just going to get you hurt.

 

Next time she asks if you want to run or talk, tell her it's not fair to the new woman in your life.

 

And go back to nc and have some fun with this new girl.

 

I have to stress, the next " fling " or relationship doesn't have to be forever after a break up.

 

There's a fine line between rebound and actually having fun with some and enjoying their company.

 

I'm sure everyone knows what a rebound is, and what it consists of.

 

But the next " relationship or fling" can also be for someone to truly enjoy someone's company, without any strings nor fear of being classified in a rebound.

 

Leave this girl alone, she's in a new relationship getting all the fun physical side, and using you for her emotional needs.

 

Obviously new guy isn't supporting her emotional needs, and she's coming to you.

 

Her questions were bait, and you bit.

 

Don't bite again.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[hurts2death]

barky you are the specialist i mean with thes explanation ^ you nailed it.

 

my ex is now oficialy in a relationship with the this guy but i still am getting calls from her.

 

why would that be?

 

she is with the guy for months now.

 

poor guy if he just could imagine that his girl is calling me behind his back.,

 

i ofcourse ignore. i expect her to give up now it is like a year post break up and nc.

[newenglandkid]

She asked because she wanted to see how far along y'all are, if it serious, if it's just a fling , bed buddies ect.

 

She didn't answer because she got what she was looking for.

 

Maybe her relationship isn't going as fast as she wants, so she wants to gauge based on yours.

 

Everytime you answer, everytime you agree, everytime you give her a second, you are refilling her emotional needs.

 

Make any sense?

 

She was asking you these questions for her own needs.

 

Your proper answer should've been " things are going great" and you would've seen her squirm.

 

Or she'd do the normal, " oh well mines better than yours!"

 

There's no need to talk to her.

 

Playing this game is just going to get you hurt.

 

Next time she asks if you want to run or talk, tell her it's not fair to the new woman in your life.

 

And go back to nc and have some fun with this new girl.

 

I have to stress, the next " fling " or relationship doesn't have to be forever after a break up.

 

There's a fine line between rebound and actually having fun with some and enjoying their company.

 

I'm sure everyone knows what a rebound is, and what it consists of.

 

But the next " relationship or fling" can also be for someone to truly enjoy someone's company, without any strings nor fear of being classified in a rebound.

 

Leave this girl alone, she's in a new relationship getting all the fun physical side, and using you for her emotional needs.

 

Obviously new guy isn't supporting her emotional needs, and she's coming to you.

 

Her questions were bait, and you bit.

 

Don't bite again.

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

 

Yeah no that makes perfect amount of sense now that I think about it...again I just believe more that if I'm out of sight then eventually she'll forget about me which is why I still keep contact.

 

I never thought of it in the sense that this new guy isn't supporting her emotionally, so maybe next time she wants to talk or run I'll tell her I've got plans with this new girl and see how she takes that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah no that makes perfect amount of sense now that I think about it...again I just believe more that if I'm out of sight then eventually she'll forget about me which is why I still keep contact.

 

I never thought of it in the sense that this new guy isn't supporting her emotionally, so maybe next time she wants to talk or run I'll tell her I've got plans with this new girl and see how she takes that.

 

Honestly man, don't say anything, stop talking to her. You've allowed this girl to play you like a puppet because you don't have the self-control to not answer her. She thinks you are her platonic buddy because everything you do suggests that you are OK with being her platonic buddy. She'll never give you what you want because you she doesn't have to -- you don't have the self-control or the strength to make her re-think things.

 

She's not going to forget about you. Get that delusional thought out of your head and actually stick with No Contact. Stop giving your ex all the second helpings of cake that she wants.

[johnson_j]

Yeah no that makes perfect amount of sense now that I think about it...again I just believe more that if I'm out of sight then eventually she'll forget about me which is why I still keep contact.

 

I never thought of it in the sense that this new guy isn't supporting her emotionally, so maybe next time she wants to talk or run I'll tell her I've got plans with this new girl and see how she takes that.

 

No no and NO. The whole idea is NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. If you say nothing, she knows nothing and wonders about everything. If you say "I have plans with new girl" she's going to think "oh great I'll go bang my new guy and get back at him".

 

 

By saying NOTHING you hold the cards.

[newenglandkid]

Honestly man, don't say anything, stop talking to her. You've allowed this girl to play you like a puppet because you don't have the self-control to not answer her. She thinks you are her platonic buddy because everything you do suggests that you are OK with being her platonic buddy. She'll never give you what you want because you she doesn't have to -- you don't have the self-control or the strength to make her re-think things.

 

She's not going to forget about you. Get that delusional thought out of your head and actually stick with No Contact. Stop giving your ex all the second helpings of cake that she wants.

 

 

Dude your so right, she's stringing me along this entire time. Especially since she's seeing someone else. I just need to get that thought out of my head that she'll forget about me, once that happens I think NC will be A LOT easier. Trying to start that today, well see how it goes...

[Mary Oak]

NEWENGLANDKID....let's say she does forget you...then what?

[barky2]

barky you are the specialist i mean with thes explanation ^ you nailed it.

 

my ex is now oficialy in a relationship with the this guy but i still am getting calls from her.

 

why would that be?

 

she is with the guy for months now.

 

poor guy if he just could imagine that his girl is calling me behind his back.,

 

i ofcourse ignore. i expect her to give up now it is like a year post break up and nc.

 

 

Once again tugging on the rope to see if you're there.

 

And once again, probably not getting what she needs out of the current relationship.

 

Good job on not responding, you're doing exactly what you should..silence is golden right now.

 

Keep it up!

 

And...pull your chin up, knowing you're on her mind...but in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't mean much!

 

Barky

[barky2]

Yeah no that makes perfect amount of sense now that I think about it...again I just believe more that if I'm out of sight then eventually she'll forget about me which is why I still keep contact.

 

I never thought of it in the sense that this new guy isn't supporting her emotionally, so maybe next time she wants to talk or run I'll tell her I've got plans with this new girl and see how she takes that.

 

As others have replied before me, follow what they're saying.

 

Maybe I wrote it wrong, or you misunderstood, when I said to say that your new girl wouldn't like it, I ment you should've said it at that time, not in the future.

 

Do not have any form of contact with this girl.

 

 

The more you feed into her, at all, the stronger her relationship grows with the new guy.

 

You're the door mat right now.

 

Ignore times 10000!!!

 

 

 

 

Barky

Edited August 21, 2014 by barky2

[Onlyafterdark]

Hey Barky do you actually do this as a job?

Time after time i read all your post replies and they are bang on.

How can i pm you for some advice i have posted in here but not sure how to edit paste etc

[newenglandkid]

As others have replied before me, follow what they're saying.

 

Maybe I wrote it wrong, or you misunderstood, when I said to say that your new girl wouldn't like it, I ment you should've said it at that time, not in the future.

 

Do not have any form of contact with this girl.

 

 

The more you feed into her, at all, the stronger her relationship grows with the new guy.

 

You're the door mat right now.

 

Ignore times 10000!!!

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

right on boys (and ladies), between you guys and my friends at home I've gotten a lot of support today to finally stop her antics. I've let her have her cake and eat it too, but it stops now...I'll try to post daily updates as a way to ground myself or in case I start to faulter and want contact from her..thanks everyone..

 

(literally as I'm typing this, she likes a picture i put up on instagram!)

 

GOODNIGHT!!!

[elseaacych]

Happy Birthday to this thread!

 

Barky, your positive, uplifting advice has been invaluable to LS.

 

My ex broke up with me 9 months ago (3.25 year relationship), and was in a new relationship within 6 weeks. I haven't heard a peep from him.

 

Made the mistake of reading all the old mixtape playlists he made me while cleaning out my closet this morning. It was kind of surreal, then it was like getting punched in the heart repeatedly.

 

It isn't like I want to hear from him again. I'm nervous I may run into him in a few weeks, and I hope I don't. I just wanted to share this story. Helps me move along.

 

Here's to another year of good advice.

[barky2]

Hey Barky do you actually do this as a job?

Time after time i read all your post replies and they are bang on.

How can i pm you for some advice i have posted in here but not sure how to edit paste etc

 

Haha no this isn't my job, I could never charge someone for giving them advice..or a slap in the head to wake up.

 

I'll take a look around and see if I can find your thread.

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

Happy Birthday to this thread!

 

Barky, your positive, uplifting advice has been invaluable to LS.

 

My ex broke up with me 9 months ago (3.25 year relationship), and was in a new relationship within 6 weeks. I haven't heard a peep from him.

 

Made the mistake of reading all the old mixtape playlists he made me while cleaning out my closet this morning. It was kind of surreal, then it was like getting punched in the heart repeatedly.

 

It isn't like I want to hear from him again. I'm nervous I may run into him in a few weeks, and I hope I don't. I just wanted to share this story. Helps me move along.

 

Here's to another year of good advice.

 

 

Holy crap I can't believe it's been a year!

 

Thanks for point that out lol.

 

I'm sorry to hear what has happened, that's why it's always urged to get rid of all reminders and hide them big time, that way nothing will pop up unexpectedly.

 

What's in a few weeks?

 

Here to another year!!

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Onlyafterdark]

Barky, if you find my posts i need to update you

Since all that happened i went back at xmas seems she had a change oh heart.

Anyway i was back 2 months when her brother who she hadnt met in 20 plus years came into her life. I warned her i didnt want to be involved due to all the crap her toxic family caused us.

 

I got very paranoid during this period he was only her half brother same dad, they where going off out at night driving about (she said talking, gine for hours)

He was no good showing off with my kids and his lies was unreal kept changing what he was saying after each visit, hed sit at my house for hours.

Until one day id had enough had it out with her and she asked me to go.

 

This time i tried to listen to what ppl said on here i got a place and started to build myself up again, she kept in touch then when her brother dissapeared (which i was unaware of at the time) she came back to me.

We had sex and i thought we was ok again but then she started the im to needy crap, wasnt allowed to touch unless she was ok to. I know myself i was trying to hard, taking her out blah blah. I felt like a dog beaten down yet again hence my frustration of yet again not knowing where i stood caused me to have a go and im back single again.

 

I just dont know what this girl wants!

Keeps txting sometimes nasty then when i told her f@@k you im dating then

She was nice acting like she was now the victim which she seems to do around

Our friends etc. what i cant get my head round Barky is

If she doesnt want me why not just stop chatting to me its the same all the time

Please if anyone on here will take the time to read my story id really appreciate it

 

Ive come close to ending my life over this girl she is my world 14 years is a long time ive been honorable throughout it