if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[newenglandkid]

Re read what I've wrote, I've pointed out where her interest is..in herself.

 

I'll break it down again, what she's doing is this.

 

She's giving you as little as possible to keep you hanging around incase her life gets flipped upside down.

 

Get it?

 

That's why when you backed off, she pushd even harder.

 

It's a game to her.

 

She's not thinking about you or you're heart.

 

She's doing it for her own selfish reasons.

 

 

Stay strong.

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Damn that's so messed up, but reading that makes me feel even better about not responding yesterday. Hopefully now she realizes that this isn't some game. But for now I should just keep on with NC, and ignoring all the messages I get from her unless it's something along the lines of "I messed up I wanna try again?" Right??

[barky2]

Damn that's so messed up, but reading that makes me feel even better about not responding yesterday. Hopefully now she realizes that this isn't some game. But for now I should just keep on with NC, and ignoring all the messages I get from her unless it's something along the lines of "I messed up I wanna try again?" Right??

 

Even if she writes that sometime soon, you give it time because if you're easy to get, she'll leave you on your ass just as fast.

 

Trust me.

 

If you ever get that, post here, myself or another poster will lead you in right direction.

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Even if she writes that sometime soon, you give it time because if you're easy to get, she'll leave you on your ass just as fast.

 

Trust me.

 

If you ever get that, post here, myself or another poster will lead you in right direction.

 

 

 

Barky

 

Alright awesome, I'll keep everyone posted!

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok, I guess the way that I'm seeing it is that I essentially have given her an ultamadem of him or me. Like I said earlier, at this point I'm done playing these games of trying to figure out what she means by this or that, and I'm done talking with her unless I hear something significant about getting back together. It's been 3 months since the BU and I've accepted that she may never come back, but I'm glad I drew the line in the sand.

 

Just because you give an ultimatum doesn't mean she wants to abide by the terms of it. She figures all she has to do is sent a few text messages, you'll cave like you always have, and she can put you right back in the friend zone box where she loves having you. She's not rethinking anything -- you have to get that out of your head because it's what keeps you down.

 

If she's truly rethinking things, she'll make it known without you having to do a single thing to prompt it. That's why you need to stay silent. Every time you've caved, nothing has happened toward reconciliation. All you've done is keep yourself in a state of limbo. At the very least, you need to be moving forward. So please keep with this this time.

 

I would encourage blocking her. It takes away the temptation to respond and if she really wants to try again, it's not going to stop her.

[newenglandkid]

Just because you give an ultimatum doesn't mean she wants to abide by the terms of it. She figures all she has to do is sent a few text messages, you'll cave like you always have, and she can put you right back in the friend zone box where she loves having you. She's not rethinking anything -- you have to get that out of your head because it's what keeps you down.

 

If she's truly rethinking things, she'll make it known without you having to do a single thing to prompt it. That's why you need to stay silent. Every time you've caved, nothing has happened toward reconciliation. All you've done is keep yourself in a state of limbo. At the very least, you need to be moving forward. So please keep with this this time.

 

I would encourage blocking her. It takes away the temptation to respond and if she really wants to try again, it's not going to stop her.

 

Right on I'm agreeing with you and like I said at this point the ball is in her court and to be honest I'll be happy either way, I'm not interested in being in the friend zone or being kept on the sidelines.

 

A few weeks ago I would have already caved but now I'm done, putting my foot down and ending this "game" she's playing.

[johnson_j]

Right on I'm agreeing with you and like I said at this point the ball is in her court and to be honest I'll be happy either way, I'm not interested in being in the friend zone or being kept on the sidelines.

 

A few weeks ago I would have already caved but now I'm done, putting my foot down and ending this "game" she's playing.

 

The only way you "win" is to walk away and leave her blocked.

[Atticus9292012]

I really needed to read this thread tonight. Most of my exes have all come back at some point or another. It's interestingly mainly been the ones that treated me the worst. It's ironic how it always happens. It's been years or months later in the times it has happened. Even guys that I didn't even have an actual relationship with have come back later and wanted to be with me. By the time they did, I didn't want them anymore. It's like they somehow know you've moved on. You really have to make yourself well. I got a divorce and had two really awful and self deprecating dating experiences because I wasn't ready and didn't love me first. I was looking to other people to fix me and made desperate choices.

 

I'm really struggling with a situation I just had to end and it's all I can do to not beg and plead him to change his mind....but I know there is nothing I can do. Begging doesn't work. I met someone that I have no doubt I would have probably ended up with for a long time maybe even married. He concurred with this. The connection was just there. Only problem is he moved and even though he supposedly loves me, can't pursue it further. He just can't handle the distance. He wants to stay friends and I told him that I wasn't willing to accept the crumbs. He made a choice to proceed without me. So that is what he gets, without me. We have a lot of mutual friends so when he visits I agreed to be civil....but that is it. It sucks. Being rejected is a horrible feeling.

[newenglandkid]

another text tonight "cold shoulder much?"

[Simon Phoenix]

another text tonight "cold shoulder much?"

 

I think you should block her at this point.

[newenglandkid]

I think you should block her at this point.

 

 

what if i still want hope to get back together with her

[Simon Phoenix]

what if i still want hope to get back together with her

 

Blocking won't stop that. If anything, it might make her take you seriously. But if she really wants you for real instead of just yanking your chain like she has been, you blocking her won't have an effect. Plus, you won't have to obsess about the meaning of all of these messages because you won't be able to see them.

 

I just don't think you'll be able to hold out without doing it. I can already tell you are trying to psychoanalyze. Unfortunately, you're terrible at it.

[newenglandkid]

Blocking won't stop that. If anything, it might make her take you seriously. But if she really wants you for real instead of just yanking your chain like she has been, you blocking her won't have an effect. Plus, you won't have to obsess about the meaning of all of these messages because you won't be able to see them.

 

I just don't think you'll be able to hold out without doing it. I can already tell you are trying to psychoanalyze. Unfortunately, you're terrible at it.

 

I'm not trying to "psychoanalyze" anything, just doing like others have said on this forum and post instead of texted or contacting the ex. I said the other day, I told her how I truly felt and now I'm at the point where if she wants to be with me she's going to have to work at it. I'm done caving after a few days, I'm done playing the mind games. If she wants it (like I do) she's gonna let me know like countless others have said on here.

 

I know its only been 2 days since I messaged her, but I have more then enough confidence that I won't cave in for anything less then "I want to get back together"

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

How do her texts o'crumbs possibly give you hope? They should give you "reality". It's real she doesn't want anything but an ego stroke.

 

If some day she wants you back, ain't no mountain high enough to keep her from you. Yeah, it's a song line. Cus it's true. I've read your posts. You are feeding off her crumbs as if they are home made cakes. They're not. And they will tear you down. You're holding on. Let go or be dragged.

[newenglandkid]

How do her texts o'crumbs possibly give you hope? They should give you "reality". It's real she doesn't want anything but an ego stroke.

 

If some day she wants you back, ain't no mountain high enough to keep her from you. Yeah, it's a song line. Cus it's true. I've read your posts. You are feeding off her crumbs as if they are home made cakes. They're not. And they will tear you down. You're holding on. Let go or be dragged.

 

You're right for the longest time her breadcrumbs gave me a lot of false hope. Reality hit me across the face when last week I realized that I was being used as a safety net. It wasn't really anything anybody said, I just took a step back and looked at the big picture at everything that was happening.

 

So while yeah, it sucks cause I still want to be with her. I know nothing aside from "I want you back" is worth responding too. You guys are all right, in the past I caved even after I said I was going NC. But honestly guys, last week Reality hit me in the face and I can now see everything with a little better vision.

[barky2]

I really needed to read this thread tonight. Most of my exes have all come back at some point or another. It's interestingly mainly been the ones that treated me the worst. It's ironic how it always happens. It's been years or months later in the times it has happened. Even guys that I didn't even have an actual relationship with have come back later and wanted to be with me. By the time they did, I didn't want them anymore. It's like they somehow know you've moved on. You really have to make yourself well. I got a divorce and had two really awful and self deprecating dating experiences because I wasn't ready and didn't love me first. I was looking to other people to fix me and made desperate choices.

 

I'm really struggling with a situation I just had to end and it's all I can do to not beg and plead him to change his mind....but I know there is nothing I can do. Begging doesn't work. I met someone that I have no doubt I would have probably ended up with for a long time maybe even married. He concurred with this. The connection was just there. Only problem is he moved and even though he supposedly loves me, can't pursue it further. He just can't handle the distance. He wants to stay friends and I told him that I wasn't willing to accept the crumbs. He made a choice to proceed without me. So that is what he gets, without me. We have a lot of mutual friends so when he visits I agreed to be civil....but that is it. It sucks. Being rejected is a horrible feeling.

 

Honestly, long distance relationships take more of a toll on you, then good.

 

You might think that you could've been happy, but in time, you wouldn't have been.

 

Heal, give yourself time, and move on.

 

Honestly he did you a favor.

 

You deserve someone there every night.

 

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

another text tonight "cold shoulder much?"

 

Didn't see that coming. Lol

 

I'm going to be blunt.

 

So say in a perfect world her next text is baby I want you back.

 

Want the killer?

 

You don't take her back.

 

Not yet.

 

She needs to get over the relationship she's in now, and your previous relationship.

 

And to piggy back off simon, he's right.

 

Blocking her number won't stop her from getting you back lol, not by a long shot.

 

There's email, fb,work, home..there's so many other outlets.

 

You're dying to write her back.

 

So reply this

 

" I cannot keep in touch with you anymore. I'm focused on myself and moving on to find the one I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with. Please stop contacting me as we're not friends, you're my ex gf who's now in a new relationship. If you want to try again let me know, if not leave me be so I can move on".

 

There you go.

 

Now if you ever do get the " I want you back text" you say I need to think about it and I'll be in touch when I'm ready and give it a solid month.

 

Most exs will tease you with the I want you back text...only to dump you back on your ass minutes later.

 

You have two choices.

 

Either write her what I told you, or ignore her and move on.

 

That's it, plain and simple.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[newenglandkid]

Didn't see that coming. Lol

 

I'm going to be blunt.

 

So say in a perfect world her next text is baby I want you back.

 

Want the killer?

 

You don't take her back.

 

Not yet.

 

She needs to get over the relationship she's in now, and your previous relationship.

 

And to piggy back off simon, he's right.

 

Blocking her number won't stop her from getting you back lol, not by a long shot.

 

There's email, fb,work, home..there's so many other outlets.

 

You're dying to write her back.

 

So reply this

 

" I cannot keep in touch with you anymore. I'm focused on myself and moving on to find the one I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with. Please stop contacting me as we're not friends, you're my ex gf who's now in a new relationship. If you want to try again let me know, if not leave me be so I can move on".

 

There you go.

 

Now if you ever do get the " I want you back text" you say I need to think about it and I'll be in touch when I'm ready and give it a solid month.

 

Most exs will tease you with the I want you back text...only to dump you back on your ass minutes later.

 

You have two choices.

 

Either write her what I told you, or ignore her and move on.

 

That's it, plain and simple.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

Man lot of good stuff right there, thank you. Alrighttt so with the two choices you gave me I'm a bit confused because all I've read and heard is to keep NC. But now your saying to text her that and then go back to NC, so which option should I choose then?

[barky2]

Man lot of good stuff right there, thank you. Alrighttt so with the two choices you gave me I'm a bit confused because all I've read and heard is to keep NC. But now your saying to text her that and then go back to NC, so which option should I choose then?

 

You also have another option...block her.

 

You won't heal or move on with her blowing you up.

 

So you need to put a end to it.

 

So either keep ignoring her ( nc ) , write what I wrote, or block her.

 

This is up to you.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[erklat]

Its better if you don't explain yourself to her.

[barky2]

I'm an advocate for leaving the ball in their court and walking away.

 

Some may not agree, which is fine.

 

I'm solely expressing my opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[LifeNomad]

hey Barky very inspiring man, im glad you worked it out with your girl. Im in a similar situation, been split almost 2 months, 1st months I begged and basically harassed her a bit

 

 

been together almost 13 years, 3 kids, a home, recently I changed it up and went NC, a few days later she texted basically breadcrumb, I went over to talk to her like the idiot I was and in the end she just said shes not sure yet of what she wants, she did let me get close to her and hug her which felt good, but soon as I left and drove home by myself I felt disgusted with myself for caving in, so im going back to NC.

 

 

It hurts cuz of our kids, I mean we still gotta keep in touch because of them, its just harder, when I go drop them off or pick them up and shes there, feels weird.

 

 

Anyways man, again thanks for your post its uplifting, right now im taking things the way they are coming.

 

 

Before I was wishing I could turn back time and do things better, but now i feel ill happily take them this way because this is how its meant to be.

 

 

Anwyays again I wish you the best in your relationship and to anyone else going thru a heartbreak remember your not alone...good luck all!!

[newenglandkid]

I'm an advocate for leaving the ball in their court and walking away.

 

Some may not agree, which is fine.

 

I'm solely expressing my opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Switched around a word or two but sent almost the exact same message you posted earlier.

 

I got the response "ok good luck NEK"

[johnson_j]

Switched around a word or two but sent almost the exact same message you posted earlier.

 

I got the response "ok good luck NEK"

 

Well there you go. Now you have shown your cards, and she has shown hers which is "right now I don't care". Hang in there man, she's trying to be strong but we know she's weak and why would you want her back anyways? Now YOU be strong and walk.

[newenglandkid]

I know she is weak, just by her actions in the past 48 hours.

 

But I'm trying to do something I haven't done since the BU, which is give up hope. That message gave me that push to just let go

[barky2]

Do you see what I mean?

 

You give her a inch and she drops you.

 

Push pull theory.

 

Good ball is in her court, now focus on moving on.

 

Now you know, it's over.

 

 

 

 

Barky