if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[isurvivedyoucantoo]

Hey barkey, Im trying to deal with my breakup and move on. We met in the fall during college and had a great relationship all up until the summer. She lives in a different country and we were going to be separated for 2 months. Conversations between her and I became less and less, as she stopped putting forth the effort. Eventually I asked her what was up and she dropped the bombshell I was not expecting. She first blamed it on herself for having mixed emotions etc. etc. Eventually I wen LC and I was eventually able to get her to admit that she broke up with me after thinking about cheating on me. She says just thinking.....but I doubt that was the case.

 

Anyways we are back at school now and she refuses to talk to me. I gave her back her things and havent talked to her since, which was about a week ago. I dont know I just feel really weird. I feel as if I should wait for her to realize what she gave up and come back, but at the same time I know that Im just torturing myself with that thought. It also doesnt help that whenever I see her around campus my heart drops and I feel sick to my stomach. I just hate it and I want to feel better. We share the same group of friends which sucks, because I keep having to choose random times to hangout with them when she is not around. :/

[DG13]

Hi Barky! This thread has been a life-saver..

 

So these are my two posts on what I'm going through now..[/url]

On a Break after 4 years

Seeing the ex on Saturday..

 

Any advice would be lovely! Long story short; I'm seeing the ex at a football game on Saturday (we have season tickets next to each other).. Been NC for almost 2 months, minus one breadcrumb from him at the beginning of August.. I'm really bugging out about it, but I don't want to skip the game.. I've been doing really well up to now.. Going out, seeing friends, moving, working on me really. Do I ignore him or is that petty? Do I keep it friendly? Am I overthinking it?

[Onlyafterdark]

Sorry to jump in on this thread ive been follwing all the stories

And Barky you are fantastic you help so many ppl

 

To update my story: this is what she said

Which really confuses me, can we build up any kind of

Friendship up for the kids sake, i dont want you out of my life

Uve been a big part of it. Then when i say do you

Think its fair on me to be around you as pals when i have

Such strong feelings, i cant just switch off those and goto

Friends wtf. But when i suggest il just let her go she

Then says stuff like im so angry why cant you just accept being

Friends blah blah.

She seems to try to draw me back in if i give anything that il

Just move on ! I dont know which way to turn i cant

Switch to just Nc she keeps my attention using

Various ways the kids or watever.i know what you all say

About going nc

[hurts2death]

keep a bussiness relationship and work on your selft going as far as fast everway you can

Sorry to jump in on this thread ive been follwing all the stories

And Barky you are fantastic you help so many ppl

 

To update my story: this is what she said

Which really confuses me, can we build up any kind of

Friendship up for the kids sake, i dont want you out of my life

Uve been a big part of it. Then when i say do you

Think its fair on me to be around you as pals when i have

Such strong feelings, i cant just switch off those and goto

Friends wtf. But when i suggest il just let her go she

Then says stuff like im so angry why cant you just accept being

Friends blah blah.

She seems to try to draw me back in if i give anything that il

Just move on ! I dont know which way to turn i cant

Switch to just Nc she keeps my attention using

Various ways the kids or watever.i know what you all say

About going nc

[newenglandkid]

So ya boy turned 23 today, and while I was at work I got a Happy Birthday text.

 

Should I keep nc or just say thanks

 

Have been nc 10 days I think maybe a few more

[JunkYardDog]

Ugh, why cant people understand what NC is? It doesnt mean that YOU are not contacting them, its NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER with them. Yes, that means when they call, text, email, honk when they drive by and you hear it, you are breaking no contact. Cut them off and out of your life completely or else you are just prolonging the pain and suffering. Block every avenue. They know where you live and if they really want you back they know where to find you and let you know, but dont hold your breath, its a cowards world and they just dont do that.

 

It aint easy, nope, not the least bit but what it comes down to is you and the ONLY ONE who has YOUR back when its all said and done.....the only one is you. Watch that balloon fly away. If they dont like what YOU bring to the table, by all means eat with someone else. Embrace the pain, swallow the pride, heal and move on. It is the only way people, the only way. I wouldnt say this if it wasnt proven over and over and with 100% certainty.

Edited September 6, 2014 by JunkYardDog

[Missy0724]

It is hard to go NC when kids are involved. You can't do that. Unless there was abuse or something serious, where you, kids in danger, etc.

 

You must co-parent together, for the best interest of the kids.

 

The key to that is to have LIMITED contact and keep it all business. And set new boundaries! Get a spine! You are divorced! So that means you are NOT friends! You can be friendly, amicable. But that is much different that being "friends". Friends hang out, do things together, laugh, have fun, talk about their day, share stuff, etc. Do you guys do that? Do you want to? Tell her this.

 

It's BS. She is manipulating you. To make herself look good. For herself, her family, the kids. So it looks like she is being "the bigger person." And turning it around on you, making you the bad guy if you don't want to be "friends". Shaming you into it. DO NOT ALLOW THIS. If you truly don't want that, believe in that!

 

Tell her, NO. Pretty simple, powerful word. Tell her you are more than happy to be amicable and friendly. That is what will work for you and make you happy. And best for the kids. You don't "need" to be "friends" for the kids! She is trying to brainwash you... That may actually confuse your kids, if they are young. They will be confused, mixed signals. Might think Mommy and Daddy getting back together... NOT GOOD. Not fair to them!!! Not in their best interest at all!

 

You are divorced. You are not friends. Maybe years down the road, but doesn't sound like that now... But I don't know your full story. Just giving my advice and opinion...

 

I'm a divorced mom of three boys. Been there... :-) As many of my friends have...

[newenglandkid]

Welp I made the mistake of checking exs FB profile for the first time in a few weeks, and found out she's now in a new relationship. Very bummed about this, I knew I shouldn't have looked but just sucks to know that.

[rosycheeks]

Well I think I messed up my chances of him ever coming back if it were to happen :/

 

Its been a week so far and within the first week we chatted until I sent him a long text saying that I need time away from him to heal, how I felt about him, and that if he wanted to talk there was nothing left to talk about unless he wanted to work things out with me.

 

I still haven't gone complete NC yet seekg that iI still have him in social media as does he. I have however begun to delete any pictures we might have in instagram, which I think is a small improvement.

[Bella2]

Barky, I need a man's point of view on something, if you have time to respond: thank you so much.

 

BU 3 weeks now (he was no longer in love). Two weeks after the BU he saw me with another guy at a restaurant (that was all it was, having dinner with somebody). Afterwards he sent me mails (he was never the first one to contact me, but now he knew how to find me). He was shattered, feeling sick to his stomach, hurt!!!, how COULD i already go out with some guy after TWO WEEKS?? He was so upset, that he didn't even go to work for 1 day, because he broke down on his way there and started crying because he missed me sooooooooo much. (i know, it's all about his ego)

 

Anyway, BU 3 weeks now, and it seems 3 days after all his drama he has started a relationship with the girl that he found attractive before breaking up with me (and he was upset about me having dinner with someone after two weeks, ha!)

 

Just to understand a guy's mind... How the hell is it possible that he is sick/sad/hurt and doesn't go to work etc, and three days later he starts a relationship???

 

(it's not about getting him back, I just don't get it)

[rosycheeks]

Hey Barky.

 

I would appreciate it so much if you read about my situation.

 

It's the only thread on my page, and I really need some Barky motivation and advice.

 

Thank you so much in advance.

[johnson_j]

Barky, I need a man's point of view on something, if you have time to respond: thank you so much.

 

BU 3 weeks now (he was no longer in love). Two weeks after the BU he saw me with another guy at a restaurant (that was all it was, having dinner with somebody). Afterwards he sent me mails (he was never the first one to contact me, but now he knew how to find me). He was shattered, feeling sick to his stomach, hurt!!!, how COULD i already go out with some guy after TWO WEEKS?? He was so upset, that he didn't even go to work for 1 day, because he broke down on his way there and started crying because he missed me sooooooooo much. (i know, it's all about his ego)

 

Anyway, BU 3 weeks now, and it seems 3 days after all his drama he has started a relationship with the girl that he found attractive before breaking up with me (and he was upset about me having dinner with someone after two weeks, ha!)

 

Just to understand a guy's mind... How the hell is it possible that he is sick/sad/hurt and doesn't go to work etc, and three days later he starts a relationship???

 

(it's not about getting him back, I just don't get it)

 

Men do this because we are marking "our territory". He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you. When he felt you were moving on, he was stunned, sent you that emotional note, and now has started another relationship in order to show himself that he is still "desirable" and can counter anything you're doing.

 

 

Note that in his letter he didn't talk about getting back together. And highly doubtful this new relationship will last either.

[Bella2]

Men do this because we are marking "our territory". He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you. When he felt you were moving on, he was stunned, sent you that emotional note, and now has started another relationship in order to show himself that he is still "desirable" and can counter anything you're doing.

 

Note that in his letter he didn't talk about getting back together. And highly doubtful this new relationship will last either.

 

Thanks Johnson. It all sounds so primitive, these ways of reacting.

 

I know he doesn't want me (yet "he loves me"! haha), he's now with the girl that chased him at the end of our relationship. But I agree, don't think it will last.

[johnson_j]

Bella - I deer hunt and it's exactly the same - marking territory over the females. (so yes very primitive).

 

 

I know it hurts, but you deserve more. You can make yourself NOT AN OPTION for him, but only YOU can do that.

[furby58]

Barky, I need a man's point of view on something, if you have time to respond: thank you so much.

 

BU 3 weeks now (he was no longer in love). Two weeks after the BU he saw me with another guy at a restaurant (that was all it was, having dinner with somebody). Afterwards he sent me mails (he was never the first one to contact me, but now he knew how to find me). He was shattered, feeling sick to his stomach, hurt!!!, how COULD i already go out with some guy after TWO WEEKS?? He was so upset, that he didn't even go to work for 1 day, because he broke down on his way there and started crying because he missed me sooooooooo much. (i know, it's all about his ego)

 

Anyway, BU 3 weeks now, and it seems 3 days after all his drama he has started a relationship with the girl that he found attractive before breaking up with me (and he was upset about me having dinner with someone after two weeks, ha!)

 

Just to understand a guy's mind... How the hell is it possible that he is sick/sad/hurt and doesn't go to work etc, and three days later he starts a relationship???

 

(it's not about getting him back, I just don't get it)

 

Sounds very familiar ! My ex lost it when he thought i was sleeping with some one else a month after our break up ..got teary, told me how much i broke his heart and all yet i found out later he was running around with another ( i would call her a girl if she was not a home wrecker ) lets stick to Ho. I agree with others .. its the whole i dont want you but no one else can have you.

[Bella2]

Sounds very familiar ! My ex lost it when he thought i was sleeping with some one else a month after our break up ..got teary, told me how much i broke his heart and all yet i found out later he was running around with another ( i would call her a girl if she was not a home wrecker ) lets stick to Ho. I agree with others .. its the whole i dont want you but no one else can have you.

 

Yep. It's ridiculous, the way they react. Even if you feel that way, don't go telling the person you dumped!!!

 

My ex is - as far as I know - still happilly with this woman. I hope it's a rebound that's not gonna last, I hope she's gonna show her true coulours and lots of character flaws really soon, I hope the passion will fizzle out soon too and that my ex will regret soooo soooo much that he dumped me (no, I don't want him back), well, as you can see: I do not wish them the best Nope.

[Targetlock]

dealing with heart-break these past two weeks so sudden and shocking, she didn't even do it my face and cant believe it is over. trying to move on and let go but it is very hard at the moment, considering today was supposed be our anniversary

[EuTuBrute]

I'm back here on LS to share my story:

 

I followed barkey's advice and "let go and leaving it to a higher power and got myself happy again."....

 

And guess what, my ex gf did come back. I was very happy! I got my second chance!....

 

BUT GUESS WHAT. WE BROKE UP AGAIN.

 

If it didn't work out the first time. It is not going to work a second time. The same problems that were there the first time are going to be there the second time!

 

Now i'm experiencing a heart break for the second time from the same girl!

 

Please people don't follow my path. Let go and find someone else. Your ex is not worth it. You just love the idea of your ex or the idea of a relationship.

 

It might take a while to find the right person, but please don't waste any more of your time like i did channeling all my energy and power into someone that will not reciprocate. It is mentally draining and will only put you back to square one.

 

 

Let me leave you all with a motivational quote.

 

"Let me tell you something that you already know, the world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life, but it ain't how hard you hit, it about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward!"

[LifeNomad]

Barky shuld have his own dear barky section in the forum

[barky2]

Hey yall!

 

Just checkin in, been a few months since I've been on. Overwhelming amount of messages and posts. As some may know, I was expecting my first child, he was born early September, happy and healthy and consuming all my time. Wouldn't change anything for the world.

 

I'm living proof when you finally let go, get yourself happy..truly happy, your world just opens up.

 

What I wrote on the opening of this thread I still stick by.

 

There is a one size fits all, and that's to just let go.

 

What's Ment to be, will be.

 

A lot of the questions im being asked were along the lines of " do they still think about me"

 

Trust me when I tell you, if you had any significant meaning in their life, you'll never be forgotten.

 

If it was a recent breakup, or 10 years ago, there's still things that come up daily that im sure you cross their mind.

 

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't mean anything.

 

I still even wonder what my first grade teacher is doing.

 

I promise youll be fine, I promise you'll get threw this crap and learn what to do, and not to do, in your next relationship.

 

People get back together everyday yall, I did.

 

If it's right , it's right. If it's not, it's not. Mine wasn't, I chose to take another path..and I was rewarded.

 

It's a different love, not less, not more, just different.

 

Oh and believe me, they always come back at some point.

 

But it's always when you don't care to even talk to them again, or see them.

 

I'll do my best to Pop in now and again to answer some questions.

 

 

Chin up yall, grit your teeth and get threw it, I promise you'll be fine.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[music_and_poetry]

Hi again Barky,

 

This doesn't have to do with getting back together but it does have to do with heartbreak. Do you have any advice for this situation?

[headinthecloud]

Congrats on being a baby daddy, Barky!!

 

Barky speaks from the heart and it's the truth.

 

When he says they always come back when you don't want them - it's so true. My ex reached out after more than a year of NC asking to meet for coffee. It turns out (a friend told me) his most recent RS (the one that he jumped into immediately after me) had ended so he was looking for an ego boost. It was an eye opener. I broke NC and responded by wishing him well in his life but that I wasn't interested. He doesn't love me and never truly did or he wouldn't have done what he did, but that's ok because the past is the past now and I've moved on. I vowed to always love myself more. It took me a year to recover from my broken heart but it did heal. I'm better and stronger for the experience so I'll always be thankful that it happened.

 

So chin up everyone and keep moving forward. You will get through this. It takes time for the pain to subside so don't give up. Be strong.

 

Thanks for the support and inspiration, Barky. I'm sure you're already an awesome Dad!

[barky2]

Congrats on being a baby daddy, Barky!!

 

Barky speaks from the heart and it's the truth.

 

When he says they always come back when you don't want them - it's so true. My ex reached out after more than a year of NC asking to meet for coffee. It turns out (a friend told me) his most recent RS (the one that he jumped into immediately after me) had ended so he was looking for an ego boost. It was an eye opener. I broke NC and responded by wishing him well in his life but that I wasn't interested. He doesn't love me and never truly did or he wouldn't have done what he did, but that's ok because the past is the past now and I've moved on. I vowed to always love myself more. It took me a year to recover from my broken heart but it did heal. I'm better and stronger for the experience so I'll always be thankful that it happened.

 

So chin up everyone and keep moving forward. You will get through this. It takes time for the pain to subside so don't give up. Be strong.

 

Thanks for the support and inspiration, Barky. I'm sure you're already an awesome Dad!

 

 

 

Rofl baby daddy!

 

Hahaha just made my night!

 

Thanks for the love HITC!!

 

Glad you're doing well!

 

Barky

[RLG]

Barky...What If I already made all the mistake possible after the break up!!..I am..literally madly in love with my ex.What Can I do?

[smellysocksuni]

Hey Barky

 

I like your attitude but I don't really agree with this thread... I've been hurt to hell by my ex and I have changed my email address and phone number. She was a narcissistic manipulative type of girl and not someone I'd want back... I'd just forget about someone coming back... sometimes it never happens and I think this thread is offering out the wrong advice...don't wait for your ex to come around. Find someone else, or find your own happiness.