DG13 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Hi everyone, Full story is here: On a Break after 4 years, but short version: My bf dumped me at the end of July. "I don't know if this is what I want.. I need space.." All of the usual "break" stuff. We were 'supposed' to talk at the end of August, but I've been looking at it as a break-up and moving on and he hasn't tried to contact me. So far so good! Get a little sad about it sometimes, but I don't so much miss him as much as the life/friends I had while I was visiting him - we only saw each other on weekends and it was usually me going to him. About a month into the breakup he called me right before a business trip to tell me he was in a motorcycle accident. Very minor, no big injuries, but he wanted to tell me before I 'heard it from someone else.' Pretty sure this was a breadcrumb cause nobody was going to call me about a fender bender, but I kept it cool. "Thanks for telling me, glad you're ok, have a nice trip." I think he expected more, but I wasn't going to give that to him. Two weeks ago he put up "our song" on his FB. No contact or anything, just the song. If you've never heard The Girl by City and Colour check out the lyrics. Ugh. WTH? So we have season tickets next to each other for our college football team and the first home game is Saturday.. What do I do? I'd like to be friends eventually, which is pretty much what our relationship had turned into anyway.. I don't want to get in touch with him first, but I don't want it to be awkward for the friends we sit with? Do I keep NC? Thank you guys! Reading these threads has been a life-saver.. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 You sit with friends, next to him? Switch with a friend so you're not next to him. In fact as far away as possible. Arrange it with the friend in advance so it's not awkward on the day. Just walk up, sit in your new seat and ignore him. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Two weeks ago he put up "our song" on his FB. No contact or anything, just the song. If you've never heard The Girl by City and Colour check out the lyrics. Ugh. WTH? Dumpers have to go through their own withdrawals from a break-up as well. It doesn't mean anything other than he's probably melancholy about it as well but not earth shattering enough where he wants to reconcile. I've had ex boyfriends do this with songs, letters, etc. In the end, it was just them going through their stages of detachment. So we have season tickets next to each other for our college football team and the first home game is Saturday.. What do I do? I'd like to be friends eventually, which is pretty much what our relationship had turned into anyway.. I don't want to get in touch with him first, but I don't want it to be awkward for the friends we sit with? Do I keep NC? It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Just switch tickets with a friend before the game, and sit as far away as possible. You can be friends, but if you're putting so much thought into this, maybe "friends" in it's true meaning isn't where you are really at for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DG13 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 You can be friends, but if you're putting so much thought into this, maybe "friends" in it's true meaning isn't where you are really at for now. Yeah, I know I'm definitely not there yet! I've been working on me and things are MUCH better, but I'm nowhere near ready to be friends with him. That's not even a question. Link to post Share on other sites
Lalocket Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 i'd say be the bigger person and say HEY how are you doing (nothing more, nothing less)and sit down (whether is be next to him or not). I would suggest not to initiate contact before or after. It will be likely that he will see you and think about what a mistake he made. then you will get more than breadcrumbs and you will be laughing! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Yeah, I know I'm definitely not there yet! I've been working on me and things are MUCH better, but I'm nowhere near ready to be friends with him. That's not even a question. Then sit as far away from him as possible. There is no reason then to break NC. Your friends will understand the switch and they can be the barrier you need while being in close proximity with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Well, if you have no other choice BUT to see him at the game. You have to put on an Oscar worthy performance. You need to show him that you're doing great without him and life is good (even if you're dying a little inside). If he talks to you, be polite and keep your answers short. Then, just enjoy the game and move on wen it's done! Link to post Share on other sites
h20-50 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 i'd say be the bigger person and say HEY how are you doing (nothing more, nothing less)and sit down (whether is be next to him or not). I would suggest not to initiate contact before or after. It will be likely that he will see you and think about what a mistake he made. then you will get more than breadcrumbs and you will be laughing! I agree. When an ex goes out of her way to act distant we as guys know that we still get to her. I've always found it best being on both sides of the dumper/dumpee scenario that if you run into an ex kill them with kindness and don't let them know it bothers you. It will drive him crazy and give him the feeling that he lost you and your gone/over it. If you go out of your way to avoid him especially at such close proximity trust me he will know he still gets to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 If you are with a block of people you don't have to sit next to him, or even that close to him. Plus when the game happens, you'll have something to distract you anyway, so it's like he isn't even there. For the most part I couldn't care less about who I sit next to at a sporting event of a team I really like (like my college football team) because I'm focused on watching the game. If you are a college student, you might be able to sit in a different seat than your ticket says depending on the school. Do you have other friends you can sit with at the game that are in close proximity to where your tickets are? When I was in college, I don't think I ever actually sat in the seats where my tickets were. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DG13 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 It's another couple and us. We're all late 20's so I'm not trying to sit in the student section.. I get the whole kill him with kindness thing. I'm just petrified that all of the good progress I've made over the past 2 months is going to go out the window when I see him again. I know I don't want to get back with him. Not at all. But I don't want to see him either. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 It's another couple and us. We're all late 20's so I'm not trying to sit in the student section.. I get the whole kill him with kindness thing. I'm just petrified that all of the good progress I've made over the past 2 months is going to go out the window when I see him again. I know I don't want to get back with him. Not at all. But I don't want to see him either. Well, not to be a Jackass here; but, I guess you have some choices to make here. Do you want to go to the game or do you want to sit this out? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 It's another couple and us. We're all late 20's so I'm not trying to sit in the student section.. I get the whole kill him with kindness thing. I'm just petrified that all of the good progress I've made over the past 2 months is going to go out the window when I see him again. I know I don't want to get back with him. Not at all. But I don't want to see him either. You could always sell your ticket on StubHub and then buy another ticket in another part of the stadium? Or maybe split them between you and your ex to where you go to half of the games with a friend and he can do the same -- though you'd have to communicate with him to do that. I've done the sporting event with an ex thing -- went to a weekend baseball series with her, her sister and her sister's husband (my best friend) six weeks after we broke up. I wasn't against it at the time because I was under the delusion that all I had to do was show up, be my charming self and she'd fall right back into my arms. That didn't happen, though what did was me sitting on one end of the block of four seats talking to my buddy while she sat on the other end talking to her sister. Between that and the game going on I didn't really care, though it was awkward on the ride to and back from the game. Either way, during the game it's not going to matter because you are watching the game. Maybe you can tailgate with someone else, sit with your friends/ex during the game, then go your separate ways afterward? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I know I don't want to get back with him. Not at all. But I don't want to see him either. You're not obligated to go if you don't want to go. I don't buy the whole pretending facade because at the end of the day it comes at the expense of adding more pain and possibly a resurgence of negative feelings. A risk not worth taking. Seeing that the only thing standing between you and him is a couple, personally, I'd sit this one out. The best thing to do is to avoid -- when you're doubting yourself and when your gut is telling you that it may cause you issues. There's nothing wrong with giving yourself more time to gain more confidence and emotional stability. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DG13 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Okay, so I'm pretty sure I'm over-thinking this.. I found another group to tailgate with. I'm going to be nice if he says anything, but I'm going to sit on the other side of the friends. I've had 2 months to go over all of the reason why this breakup was the best thing to happen for both of us. It just wasn't a good relationship. I was sacrificing too much for him and letting him dictate what I was going to do. Screw that. It's the home opener. He is not taking football too. lol! I'm going to have to see him eventually, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Then keep your distance and be civil/cordial if he makes an attempt to talk to you. You don't have to go out of your way to communicate with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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