Author MightyHeracross Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 I'd say to definitely give it a go when she comes around. By "giving it a go" do you mean to hook up with her or go out with her again? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 By "giving it a go" do you mean to hook up with her or go out with her again? lol I mean to go out with her. Take her to an entertaining event. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 I mean to go out with her. Take her to an entertaining event. Alright. I plan on it BUt what is there for me to do for the next 9 months?? How should I tell her how I feel? EDIT-- I realized that 9 months makes it sound like I got her pregos and I'm waiting for a baby haha. Nope, shell be back in about 9 months. hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Find another girl to date for 8 months, then start worrying about this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 Find another girl to date for 8 months, then start worrying about this one. Lol thanks, but I can't just not stay in tough with her. If you remember from my original post, she told me that this guy who went to our high school was the only one who really stayed in touch with her and she really liked that Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Alright. I plan on it BUt what is there for me to do for the next 9 months?? How should I tell her how I feel? EDIT-- I realized that 9 months makes it sound like I got her pregos and I'm waiting for a baby haha. Nope, shell be back in about 9 months. hahaha You've got lots of time to plan a fantastic series of dates. Just let her know that she's important to you, in a non-romantic way. Let her know how much you value and cherish your friendship with her. Make sure she knows that you really want to take her out for an awesome time and spend it together. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 I think the answer is self-evident: Stay in touch with her. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 I remember when a girl I was absolutely crazy about left the country. I'm still not really over it. Even though I'm pretty sure she never felt the same way about me. So, I feel your pain OP. The good thing for you is that you're young, and this girl sounds like she can keep in touch. So keep in touch, but don't close yourself off to other opportunities that might come up closer to home... Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Lol thanks, but I can't just not stay in tough with her. If you remember from my original post, she told me that this guy who went to our high school was the only one who really stayed in touch with her and she really liked that While you're waiting for her she will be dating guys in her current country. Sure you can keep in touch but you'll be far better off if you stop drooling over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 While you're waiting for her she will be dating guys in her current country. Sure you can keep in touch but you'll be far better off if you stop drooling over her. Its not that I'm drooling over her. Im not only attracted to her sexually, I really just enjoy spend my time with her, and I'm always happier even when I'm just texting her Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Its not that I'm drooling over her. Im not only attracted to her sexually, I really just enjoy spend my time with her, and I'm always happier even when I'm just texting her If you do start a relationship with this girl, than that would probably win her over or at least make her appreciate you even more. Integrity and decency I'm sure goes far with any girl pretty much regardless of her background. Is she also sort of like a good friend? Someone besides blood family you can trust and confide in? And its a good thing you aren't drooling over her, that is a tiny bit excessive...LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 If you do start a relationship with this girl, than that would probably win her over or at least make her appreciate you even more. Integrity and decency I'm sure goes far with any girl pretty much regardless of her background. Is she also sort of like a good friend? Someone besides blood family you can trust and confide in? And its a good thing you aren't drooling over her, that is a tiny bit excessive...LOL. She's a friend right now, but no one good. I mean we didnt hang out alone this summer, except for when we went to the concert. I wouldn't really call her a confidant. Im not really sure what I would call her... maybe just a family friend with whom I've gone out with. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 She's a friend right now, but no one good. I mean we didnt hang out alone this summer, except for when we went to the concert. I wouldn't really call her a confidant. Im not really sure what I would call her... maybe just a family friend with whom I've gone out with. I'd say focus on building a bond with her when she comes back next time around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 I'd say focus on building a bond with her when she comes back next time around. Well how would you say to build a bond without getting friend zoned? To be honest, I don't think it really exists. A girl likes a guy because he's sweet, and isn't being BF/GF just being glorified best friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 (edited) Well how would you say to build a bond without getting friend zoned? In all truth, I really don't get the "friend zone" thingy. Why wouldn't you be able to build a bond with a girl you like? I'm not talking about playing beer pong with her, taking her out to football games with your faces painted like tribal warriors and screaming like neanderthals - I'm speaking about stuff that is special to you two, basic things like going to a movie you are both interested in seeing, heading down to a nice, relaxing park and talking about yourselves and views on things, and learning more each other, maybe doing some window-shopping at the mall or in a classy shopping plaza, taking her out for breakfast or lunch, or asking her what her favorite activities are and partaking in them with her - that kind of stuff. A girl likes a guy because he's sweet, and isn't being BF/GF just being glorified best friends? A girl can like a guy because he's sweet, and: -Because he treats her like a queen, with respect, consideration and sympathy as well as interest in her overall. -Because he is intelligent, knowledgeable, polite, and reassuring. -Because he is willing to be her friend, to help her in varieties of ways, and encourage her. -Because he is not really like the more stereotypical male (you know the type). And no, being boyfriend and girlfriend is not really "glorified best friends". I think this comes down in large part to individual opinions on the matter but one thing I am sure most will agree on is the being best friends with a girl is somewhat paralleling being boyfriend and girlfriend but only to a limited extent. There are certain interpersonal traits being shared but its not the same as an actual, full-blown relationship. Friendships are deep and important things, but so are relationships obviously. However, I tend to think of them in separate categories with some overlapping similarities to varying degrees as I said above. One has romantic factors involved, the other doesn't. Edited August 19, 2013 by Skyraider829 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 In all truth, I really don't get the "friend zone" thingy. Why wouldn't you be able to build a bond with a girl you like? I'm not talking about playing beer pong with her, taking her out to football games with your faces painted like tribal warriors and screaming like neanderthals - I'm speaking about stuff that is special to you two, basic things like going to a movie you are both interested in seeing, heading down to a nice, relaxing park and talking about yourselves and views on things, and learning more each other, maybe doing some window-shopping at the mall or in a classy shopping plaza, taking her out for breakfast or lunch, or asking her what her favorite activities are and partaking in them with her - that kind of stuff. A girl can like a guy because he's sweet, and: -Because he treats her like a queen, with respect, consideration and sympathy as well as interest in her overall. -Because he is intelligent, knowledgeable, polite, and reassuring. -Because he is willing to be her friend, to help her in varieties of ways, and encourage her. -Because he is not really like the more stereotypical male (you know the type). And no, being boyfriend and girlfriend is not really "glorified best friends". I think this comes down in large part to individual opinions on the matter but one thing I am sure most will agree on is the being best friends with a girl is somewhat paralleling being boyfriend and girlfriend but only to a limited extent. There are certain interpersonal traits being shared but its not the same as an actual, full-blown relationship. Friendships are deep and important things, but so are relationships obviously. However, I tend to think of them in separate categories with some overlapping similarities to varying degrees as I said above. One has romantic factors involved, the other doesn't. Well doesn't one kind of evolve from the other? I mean its not like you're going to find a complete stranger and ask her to be your GF... you have to be friends with the girl first... right? Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 Well doesn't one kind of evolve from the other? I mean its not like you're going to find a complete stranger and ask her to be your GF... you have to be friends with the girl first... right? It depends on the people involved. Some people believe in jumping straight into dating and climbing up the relationship ladder right off the bat, and others don't. I would say its always best to be friends first. Yes, sometimes it evolves from a friendship to a romantic relationship and yet other times it doesn't. And it can work the opposite way, devolving from a romantic affair to a friendship. A guy could meet a girl, and they can become acquaintances for some time but then one of them or both realize they have an attraction to each other and progress from acquaintanceship to relationship. Or it may go from acquaintances to friends and only that. Or it might go further. But you need to have a decent bond with her first if you plan on having some sort of relationship between you two, where feelings and respect are mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 It depends on the people involved. Some people believe in jumping straight into dating and climbing up the relationship ladder right off the bat, and others don't. I would say its always best to be friends first. Yes, sometimes it evolves from a friendship to a romantic relationship and yet other times it doesn't. And it can work the opposite way, devolving from a romantic affair to a friendship. A guy could meet a girl, and they can become acquaintances for some time but then one of them or both realize they have an attraction to each other and progress from acquaintanceship to relationship. Or it may go from acquaintances to friends and only that. Or it might go further. But you need to have a decent bond with her first if you plan on having some sort of relationship between you two, where feelings and respect are mutual. I feel like if you just become acquaintances and decide you have mutual attraction for each other, then its basically only sexual, and Id like to build my relationships on more than sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 19, 2013 Share Posted August 19, 2013 I feel like if you just become acquaintances and decide you have mutual attraction for each other, then its basically only sexual, and Id like to build my relationships on more than sex. My point exactly. You don't want just a sexual relationship with her. You want something with her; personally, mutually, emotionally and physically. That's why it is important be friends and let it grow from there, if that's where it is going to go with you two. A guy and a girl typically have a much stronger and solid ground in their relationship if they begin as friends who develop feelings for one another versus getting each other's number's one evening and deciding to just hit it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 19, 2013 Author Share Posted August 19, 2013 My point exactly. You don't want just a sexual relationship with her. You want something with her; personally, mutually, emotionally and physically. That's why it is important be friends and let it grow from there, if that's where it is going to go with you two. A guy and a girl typically have a much stronger and solid ground in their relationship if they begin as friends who develop feelings for one another versus getting each other's number's one evening and deciding to just hit it off. Alright thanks. Now, how do I make sure she sees me romantically, and not only as a friend? I thought taking her on a date to that concert was a good move, but neither of us called it a date. When she asked me how much the tickets were, I told her it was my treat before she left, and she was like "ooooh how sweet thank you so much"-- or something like that. But it was never called a date, and we didn't kiss (I can't remember if I've already posted that or not lol). I did put my arm around her and she was fine with it. Ive got no dating experience before this, so its all foreign to me lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Now, how do I make sure she sees me romantically, and not only as a friend? First thing to know is you cannot make someone see you in a specific way. You put in half the work, the rest is up to her to discern. What I do suggest is that, since she sees you as a friend right now, do not make a black and white transition from "nice male friend" to "I wanna be your lover boy, baby" the next time she comes back. She may not know what to think of that. She might think its adorable, or she may think its ridiculous. I had to throw that in for good measure. I did put my arm around her and she was fine with it. I've got no dating experience before this, so its all foreign to me lol. Good sign. She's comfortable with you. Did she anything to you when you did it? Has she every pointed out any qualities in you that she favors, like how kind you are, how thoughtful you are, or other such things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 First thing to know is you cannot make someone see you in a specific way. You put in half the work, the rest is up to her to discern. What I do suggest is that, since she sees you as a friend right now, do not make a black and white transition from "nice male friend" to "I wanna be your lover boy, baby" the next time she comes back. She may not know what to think of that. She might think its adorable, or she may think its ridiculous. I had to throw that in for good measure. Good sign. She's comfortable with you. Did she anything to you when you did it? Has she every pointed out any qualities in you that she favors, like how kind you are, how thoughtful you are, or other such things? She hasn't pointed out that stuff, at least not that I can remember. she did ask me to take pictures with her at the concert. Also, when we were up north together, we walked down to the beach, and unfortunately she had a friend with her, but we were talking about basically our sex/romantic life. And she was telling me who she had gotten with, and she kept asking who I at least found attractive or who I was seeing. I just told her that I don't like getting involved with someone if Im not going to make something out of it because I don't like creating drama for myself. If her friend wasn't there, I probably would've said, "you, I really like you." But that didn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 She hasn't pointed out that stuff, at least not that I can remember. she did ask me to take pictures with her at the concert. I guess she wanted to have something to remember you by and form a nice memory. Also, when we were up north together, we walked down to the beach, and unfortunately she had a friend with her, but we were talking about basically our sex/romantic life. And she was telling me who she had gotten with, and she kept asking who I at least found attractive or who I was seeing. I just told her that I don't like getting involved with someone if Im not going to make something out of it because I don't like creating drama for myself. If her friend wasn't there, I probably would've said, "you, I really like you." But that didn't happen. Missed opportunity, huh? Oh well. They always come back around. What do you think she would've said (wishful thinking aside) if you told her that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MightyHeracross Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 I guess she wanted to have something to remember you by and form a nice memory. Missed opportunity, huh? Oh well. They always come back around. What do you think she would've said (wishful thinking aside) if you told her that? Im not really sure, especially because her friend was there... NOw, this friend, though, was very quiet and shy, so Its not like she was a whore or bratty or anything (those kinds of girls have rude attitudes, which would've probably affected what she would've said). Maybe she would've said "Im not sure what to say." I really have no clue what she would've said lol. Mind you, this was before we went to the concert... about a month before. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Im not really sure, especially because her friend was there... NOw, this friend, though, was very quiet and shy, so Its not like she was a whore or bratty or anything (those kinds of girls have rude attitudes, which would've probably affected what she would've said). Maybe she would've said "Im not sure what to say." I really have no clue what she would've said lol. Mind you, this was before we went to the concert... about a month before. I see. Circumstantial factors will have an effect. That's why its always best to get the information in a more private way. No peer pressure. I hope you don't mind me asking but what got you so into this girl? Link to post Share on other sites
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