Cheating husband won't sign a postnup

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Vera,

 

I am so sorry...

 

I hope you kicked his butt to the curb. If not do it today.

 

He was just using you until he could get his ducks in a row. He does not get to live at home while he is making his escape plan.

 

Get up...dust yourself off. Call some lawyers and make some appointments. Start the divorce process.

 

Bag up his stuff in hefty bags and put them in the yard.

 

Find out who the woman's husband is and contact him too.

 

(Mom hugs)

[It-is-what-it-is.]

It just crashed me when I found out that he is still writing to her and lying to me. We live far away from any of my friends and family. I left my family, career, my entire life, and moved to his he town to be with him.

Now I have a job here and my baby. I have several friends too but it's not the same as friends who knew me for many years.

I have no support other than this forum.

What I did yesterday was so wrong and crazy it's not like me at all.

And I can't believe he called cops just to stop me from talking to him.

He doesn't care about me at all.

I am going to file for divorce ASAP. I am very busy at work for the next 10 days and don't have time to do it, but I will immediately after my job assignment is over

 

Call a friend to come and help you get through the next couple days.

 

Keep posting

[vera345]

I texted him this morning apologies for what I did last night and told himThat we are done and i am filing next week

[vera345]

I just lived with this man did 10 years thought we loved each other and had no clue about cheating at all until d day. I was a good wife to him.

A lot of things changed after baby was born he demanded for attention but didnt really help much so yes I started to ignore our relationship. But frankly I don't see how we could have fulfilled sexual life when I was taking care of baby on my own every night and then went to work. He was having an ea at that time

And now he blames me for ignoring him. I feel this is such a bull****. If you wanted to change something you could at least help me with night feedings. But all I hear how busy he was too

[vera345]

I am getting divorcedNow I don't know what to do with myself. I can stay here or move home

I only have him here and my job. At home I have my parents, friends, big extended family.

When I discussed it with him he gets really angry bc he sees my idea to move back home as an attempt to separate him with his child.

But if I stay here I will be here by myself with no help from anyone.

He even told me I need to go back home and leave my child with him. This I'd not hapenning.

I don't want to hurt my child but I feel like I need to think about myself here. I am in a place where I won't have any support from anyone if I stay in town where we live now. Just him and he will be with his ow soon

[scatterd]

Got this from him We're divorcing because you won't accept me back without a post-nup. I'll never sign one ever. Not for anyone, at any point in my life. Never. I cannot love a person who makes me sign one. I would forever hate that person. That's how I'm built. That's the choice I make for my own life. I won't do it for any person on this planet. Not because I don't trust myself. Because I cannot love a person who would make me sign. I'm at the apartment now.

 

Were divorcing because you cheated and wont sign .I will not take this from anyone, at any point of my life. Never. I cannot love a person that cheats on me. Thats how I'm built. This is the choice I make for my life. I wont take this from any person on this planet. because I love myself. I can not love a person who wants me for what we have.

Edited August 22, 2013 by scatterd

[vera345]

He is not staying at the house, he left on his ownMy mom is here she was visiting and helping him

[It-is-what-it-is.]

If he is going to move to her country it doesn't matter where you live.

 

Just stop talking to him.

[scatterd]

I am sorry you are going through something so painful. It takes time to heal and trust again. Take care of yourself and stay busy. Big Hugs

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Vera,

 

The pain is so great right now. I am so sorry. I know you said you are busy with work, should you let your employer know you need some time off for a family emergency?

 

You can have your mom start calling attorney (or do you have one?) and getting you an appointment with a therapist.

 

I do not understand the statement that your mom was helping your STBXH move?

 

So your mom is there. She can help you for the next bit. And get the process started.

 

You need to not worry about the moving or not, when you talk to your attorney you can let him know that you are interested in moving back near family and that your husband is likely going to move to whatever country his AP lives.

 

Don't worry about that stuff now.

 

Just take care of yourself.

[vera345]

He is not moving to another country. He was going there to visit her. He has no plans to move there. I work as an attorney so I don't really need one. I can't ask for time off at my work I have several cases that are heading to trials and I can't dump them and clients bc of personal problems.

 

 

There is one more thing. He can't really bring ow here until he is divorced. I wanted to take high ground and let him be with her but I am not so sure now. She can't come here as a tourist, they will have to get fiancée visa or get married. He won't be able to do it until we are divorced. And he can't go and live there bc he invested 20 years in a job where he is now and won't leave it for any woman. So if I don't file for divorce or keep it going for 2-3 years he won't be able to be with ow for a long time and most likely she won't wait for him so long.

If I give him an easy divorce he is probably going to bring her here soon and from what I read and saw I don't trust her around my child. She is a liar and manipulator. I work long hours and she won't be able to work for about a year after she gets here bc of immigration paperwork. If I divorce him and he marries her she and he will be raising my child for many hours during each day. I don't want her around my child at all and I won't have any choice if I divorce him immediately.

 

 

I am thinking about not giving him an easy divorce and stopping her from coming here and being part of my life. I have ability to do it.

 

 

I am not talking to him at all right now. I am just putting all my thoughts here

[vera345]

Mom is here on a short visit. I misspelled she wasn't helping him. She is visiting and helping me with a baby

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Ok.

 

So I think the best thing to do is lawyer up so you don't have to TALK to him. Let him know you are serious and that you will not let emotions hinder you from getting what you and your child need.

 

You can do some things to control the visiting situation...but I think getting the ball rolling is in your best interests. Even if it drags out for a while.

 

I would not bet that he does not move there...or go there to visit a lot cause he is completely nutters...

 

Take care of yourself.

[vera345]

I talked to several friends and they all tell me just to get divorce ASAP and let ow come here or him do whatever he wants

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I talked to several friends and they all tell me just to get divorce ASAP and let ow come here or him do whatever he wants

 

I can see that Vera. You can scrap this nonsense and start over with your child and meet someone who doesn't treat you like crap.

 

I agree.

[tbf]

I talked to several friends and they all tell me just to get divorce ASAP and let ow come here or him do whatever he wants

Considering how many members have already told you this, I'm uncertain why this would be new news.

[oldshirt]

Where is this chick from?? Is she one of those mail order brides or is she one of those impoverished prostitutes that find some lonely sap in American and get them to bring them to the US and then once they are here, divorce the man and work the streets to send money to their pimps and traffickers back home?

 

This is starting to smell worse and worse.

 

I think the one that's going to end up broken on the street is your husband when this woman that's been promising him the moon turns out to actually be some trafficker setting him up to get some Somalian or Filipino hooker into the country.

[vera345]

Russia. She says she is a big businesswoman.But she lives with her mom and doesn't even have $500 to pay for visa. She also has a daughter who is 14 and wants him to pay for her college.

He is going to be broke within a year

But he thinks they have real love for each other and real attraction something that he never had with me

I guess I just didnt notice it for 10 years of marriage

 

 

By the way she knows he had sex with me while they were having this relationship as recently as 2 weeks ago. And she still wants him. She is either a doormat or manipulator. I am think the last is the truth.

 

 

Bit it's not my problem anymore. I will fine for divorce next week. Already talked to a lawyer friend who will handle it for me.

[oldshirt]

OK Vera, I want you to know that I am 6'4", a professional athlete as well as a very accomplished classical pianist and travel the world performing on big-ticket sellout stages during the off-season. My earnings plus all my endorsements bring me several million $s a year. I am very muscular with a rock-solid 6-pack and I don't want to sound like I'm bragging but I am also a full 11 inches and as thick around as a beer can.

 

I have a real soft spot in my heart for wives who's hearts have been broken by wayward husbands and I'd like to fly you out to my yacht that is currently anchored off of Crete and have my personal crew and massage therapists pamper you and take care of you until I can join you and we will cruise the Mediteranian together until your heart heals.

 

There see how easy it was for me to say that on a computer??? Don't I sound like a great catch???

 

 

Want me to send you a picture? Let me see if I can find one on some male modeling site to send you.

 

 

My point in all of this is anyone can say anything on a computer. This "woman" that he is in love with may not even be a real life female. It could be some human trafficker trying to soften him up to have a 17 year old prostitute sent to the US.

[vera345]

Old shirt, you made me laugh That woman is real, he talks to her on Skype, they see each other and she calls him every day. She tells him that she will be with him no matter what and that she views him as a husband.

When I read all of this, I though they both lost their mind and crazy. But when I tried to explain it to him he gets really defensive and tell me that he has very strong physical attraction to her and that she understands him and she stands there with open arms waiting for him

At the same time I am beeching controlling and angry wife who just wants to slap him and tell him which an ******* he is.

 

 

By the way, I am slim attractive woman who works hard for her family and has abeautiful child. I am a good person and don't deserve **** like that. None does. I didnt let myself go after a baby. I dress nice and take care about myself.

[vera345]

Looking at his phone records he just ordered another visa

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Old shirt, you made me laugh That woman is real, he talks to her on Skype, they see each other and she calls him every day. She tells him that she will be with him no matter what and that she views him as a husband.

When I read all of this, I though they both lost their mind and crazy. But when I tried to explain it to him he gets really defensive and tell me that he has very strong physical attraction to her and that she understands him and she stands there with open arms waiting for him

At the same time I am beeching controlling and angry wife who just wants to slap him and tell him which an ******* he is.

 

 

By the way, I am slim attractive woman who works hard for her family and has abeautiful child. I am a good person and don't deserve **** like that. None does. I didnt let myself go after a baby. I dress nice and take care about myself.

 

So some site I was on recently this exact thing happened. The woman was a Russian hooker. She hooks more than one guy, pleads money issues and after they get wiped out she dumps them, they know exactly how to hook stupid desperate men...I would bet the farm on it. Old shirt you are always so right.

 

You need to secure your credit and financials before he goes down in a big ball of flames.

 

Let him go and get roughed up by her pimp, in Russia. For crying out loud.

 

Just make sure you are not financially liable for his nonsense.

 

S he has a new visa. Whatever. He has been taken over by zombies. No sense in talking to him ever again.

[oldshirt]

Yeah my point is that what they have is not "real". My human trafficking scenario may be a bit on the extreme side but as this all plays out and all the chips fall into place, the reality is probably going to be even more extreme in some ways.

 

Their relationship is a combination of fantasy and smoke and mirrors that have all gotten out of hand. It's not built on anything of substance and there's no relevance to the real world here.

 

Simply put, your husband has lost his grasp of reality. It doesn't matter that you are slim and attractive and a good mother, educated professional and a good person, he has bought in to an illusion and has let a fantasy take over his higher reasoning ability.

 

This is all going to come crashing down:(

 

Your best move in all of this is to protect yourself, protect your daughter and protect your assets and resources.

 

You need to conduct yourself as if he has gone stark-raving mad because for all practical purposes he has. He has gone off his rockers. Put as much insulation between you and him as you possibly can because this is going to turn out badly.

 

this is not a case of a man falling in love with his secretary or the hot chick down at the gym. He has bought into and fallen for an illusion and probably some form of intentional deception and fraud.

 

She may be a flesh and blood biological female but what is seen is only the tip of the iceberg. There is something bad festering here.

[oldshirt]

Looking at his phone records he just ordered another visa

 

Words mean nothing, actions mean everything. He is what he does.

 

What he says doesn't mean a thing but his actions broadcast his intentions.

 

You have lost him:(

 

Protect yourself. Protect your child. Protect your assets.

[vera345]

today is a 10 year anniversary of our marriage. this hurts so much bc I still love this man and I don't know how to stop.

 

I never thought in millions years that he would go so crazy and do what he is doing now. I really had no clue about cheating

 

I was working on divorce documents last night. Going to give it them him this week end and ask to sign