Husband Left Suddenly & it's been pretty bad.

[Misadventure]

This comment scares me. Isn't that what nearly everyone suggests we do here. Isn't this part of the "No Contact"?

 

This is what I am trying to do with my ex even though when alone I cry every day.

 

Well, that was his aim so probably, he is the one who instigated everything. He HAD no emotion. In my personal opinion, I don't think he felt much if anything at all.

 

Your story really touched me, mostly because I've been there and I felt exactly the same... And I had the same financial issues. I would love to hear that you are back to normal life, and that everything is OK!

 

Divorce is next Wednesday not sure how I am doing....

[jakrbbt]

Vla I am so so happy for you. I can HEAR your confidence. Good for you.

 

Trippi- TY!

 

Well, I ended up calling the courthouse since could not get a hold of my lawyer, he is going to use my work records against me basically (that I did not apply for a better position at my current company). This is true, I applied many other places that are not an hour away since I have unreliable transportation (in fact it died in June). I work the PT job I had and I have another PT job, but BOTH are not something I can live on, on my own and pay the bills and survive, I need financial help, and I also have been applying to other positions closer to me. The jobs I am qualified for at that company have the same pay grade category and I have looked consistently since January 2014. Why am I going to apply for the same pay grade area if I cannot survive on it? I have had several interviews, and one with animal services I thought I was a shoe in.. but nothing.

 

I was a mess the 1st 6 months. If you all could be my witness at court LOL. I was barely functional though, and I asked my doctor to write a statement and going to call my therapist that I had back then also to write something up to my mental state. At deposition, it was asked if I had applied to my current company for other positions. I honestly thought I had in the 1st 6 months sometime, I remember adding them in my job cart and the rest was a haze. I was on autopilot trying not to meltdown. So I know his angle now so I need to talk to my lawyer to amend and rehabilitate and maybe he can ask me these questions beforehand so I can take away their ace card and shove it up his two tone small appendage and stick it in his face.

 

In other news...yes, I have tried to date..and although some may like me.. after the first few sentences unless they say something dazzling, I am bored to pieces and don't see a point. I do, however, see occasionally the one guy I met back in March and we have gone out several times but I friendzoned him.. he knows it, never "tried" anything but I do like being around him and always said phrases like "Well, as your friend...."..

 

A couple weekends ago we went to dinner...after the waiter left, he said something along the lines of "Well, since we have been out several times and obviously its not going anywhere romantic...since you are not getting any.. and I am not getting any... what do you think of a friends with benefits scenario?"

 

I started laughing uncontrollably... do you watch Game of Thrones.. remember the scene where the hound and Arya have traveled such a long way to go to her aunt's castle and then when they get there, they get told she is dead, and then she starts laughing uncontrollably. ...Well, yeah, that was me. :bunny:

 

I give him mad props for being vocal in the middle of a restaurant, that takes balls.

 

So he didn't get offended actually, I just kinda let him know.. I actually WANT him in my life so it's better not to do any of that.

 

That was HIS turn to laugh.

 

It's honest though.

 

My sister's wedding is this weekend... I am excited. NOT SAD for myself at all. I feel like my wedding happened to someone else.. in some ways it did. I will never get that kind of innocence back but I do look forward to one day being truly excited about someone.. just had not happened yet.

 

So LOTS of family members in town from out of state, and my male cousins made me feel like the beginning of that movie Must Love Dogs (love the movie btw and I think that is pretty much where I am). Male cousins showing me pics on their phone "Do I have a friend for you!.. hey, sis, don't you have a friend for (my name)?" Yes, I was an after school special.

 

My biological dad and stepmom are here and they reminded me of so many things that I was blind to have seen. He was white toast they said.. plain..nothing to him.. bland.. white toast. They had tried several times to make conversation and know him through the years but was like forcing him. He came from such a damaged background in his family that not ONE blood relative came to the wedding, with his own sibling living less than 30 minutes away. You would think I would have red flags, but did I? SMH! And my stepmother pinned it....she said.. "You were in rescue way before you were in animal rescue.. he was your first big dog...he didn't have a family, your family welcomed him.. he didn't have love in his life from a female and limited female experience.. you gave that to him... he didn't have anyone rooting for him to further his education and career goals.. but your family and you did that.." Wow...how did I not see this?

 

Court date is the end of Oct....I can go to Halloween as a single gal. So many stresses and concerns...where will I go..what will I do...what if the judge falls for his BS about me. Am I perfect? No way. How am I culpable? I trusted him and put him first.. his needs, his education, his career...and I sat back and figured that I could save animals, have a pt job, try and have the child he so wanted, and go with it... and I forgot about me really.

 

Well, I am remembering me... I now have 3 professional credits on IMDB and 2 are paid. But the rest?? I am working on it.. I pray...sometimes..and I am just hoping that something positive in the job market will happen or the judge will see that I have been trying, despite the "self authenticating" records.

 

 

What do you think?

 

MisA, forgive me for reading only chunks of your long thread, and please tell me to go back if I'm missing something. I feel for you! You have a final order coming out this Wed huh? You must be apprehensive. Whatever happens, you will weather it. You have no kids with the man, unless i'm missing something. That gives him FAR less ability to continue affecting your life for longer than you want him to.

 

It sounds like things are not great for you financially. You sound intelligent, dogged, at at least somewhat responsible (if not very responsible) from your postings. You'll get to a position where you're making your own money. Wouldn't it be great if it did not matter what happened with the final order because you don't need him at all, for anything, including money-- even if it would be unfair not to have a financial settlement? Wouldn't it be great if you didn't need him in order to move on-- if, whatever happens here, however he thinks he can stab you with his motions and the final order, you were plain-old happy, thriving YOU, only with some more depth from the human experience of having been through this hell, and you moved on the same as if you'd gotten everything you asked for?

 

You want a plan B for in case the legal outcome is disappointing for you. I"d hate to see you depending on anything involving this guy-- including a legal outcome in a case-- for your happiness and wellbeing. From where I sit, you've got a bright future no matter what happens, because you are strong and intelligent and you don't have HIM around.

[Yasuandio]

You will do great. Dress sharp. Look beautiful. Say very little. Do not look at him. Do not react to negative statements or evidence. Be honest and truthful. No jewelry. Little bit of make-up, natural beauty.

 

Most important technique in answering questions:

 

Do not ever agree with a GENERALIZATION.

 

Make attorney be specific, to the point, about a particular thing, event, or topic. Such as some examples:

Cross Examination Question 1

 

Opposing Council: Isn't it true, Ms. A., that your husband has always been a good provider in the marriage?

 

Ms. A.: Huh? Good provider.

 

OC: Yes, good provider.

 

Ms. A: Provider of what? I'm not sure I understand the question? Can you be more specific? Do you mean, money?

 

OP: (getting frustrated). Didn't Mr. A work, and contribute to the household expenses.

 

Ms. A: OH! I UNDERSTSTAND! YES. Mr. A. Worked just as I did, and paid half the household bills just like I did. And that helped..........

 

OC: Next question....

 

Ms. A: Wait, wait, I didn't finish my answer Judge. We both worked! The money from both of our jobs helped provide for OUR household that we both enjoyed, or I thought he enjoyed. (Tehe).

 

MORAL OF STORY

 

In this example, the attorney was going to set you up to agree that Mr. A was supporting you, by tricking you into agreeing with that "generalization," that he is a good provider.

 

If you had answered "YES," then the cross-examination could later include a question like:

 

A. "Isn't it true, Mr. A was supporting you some point? Yes or No?"

 

B. "Ms. A, you have already testified that Mr. A the provider in the household. Is it actually true that you believe you justified to depend on Mr. A to continue to provide for you when you are perfectly capable of providing for yourself after this divorce? Yes or No?

 

See, it is a set-up, to make you look bad.

 

DON'T EVER RESPONSE TO A GENERALIZATION. Inquire, ask for more detail, even if you have to ask for clarification 10 times. My favorite response was "huh?" Stop the attorney from interrupting you. Ask to finish your answer, slowly and completely, in detail, to make sure the false implication gets cleared up.

 

I'm not sure you are being questioned, so I put this down just in case. Good luck Wednesday. If you need other tips, PM me, I have some sites I can direct you to. XO. Yas

 

 

PS

 

When I was being cross-examined, the OC was trying to implicate that my earnings were substandard to my husband's, and my actual financial contribution to the business wasn't that significant.

 

He posted a chart with a comparison mine and husband's social security reports of income. It contained numerous errors. Some by social security, where both of our incomes were list under my number, and visa-versa, some showing no income for me at all, some entries of course, showing zero income for me since I have received disability for over a decade. Now the attorney is circling certain groups of the data, and asking me to evaluate and conclude that my husband's earnings were higher than mine during the "selective" periods OC wanted to circle.

 

As a former empirical researcher, and expert in methodology and data analysis, I thought these comparisons were INSANE. In reseach, you cannot make ANY conclusions or compatibles about two sets of data, when the data is suspect for inaccuracy, and obviously skewed (as there is a decade of zeros in my column that do not reflect my rather large UNTAXED disability income. On that basis, as an expert, I objected to each question due to the faulty foundation of the data base from which the questions were formed.

 

The Judge finally told him to move on.

 

You know, I don't think he understood my point at all.

 

You have to listen very carefully to OC quetions.

 

I messed up on one or two. It is not easy with the pressure, and being medicated. I threw up in the bathroom after that line of questioning. It appeared I was being obstinate, but I was not. I was using my expert knowledge, I would have been considered a complete idiot in my field if I agreed to analyze and draw conclusions from a group of suspect data such as that. And you cannot just make arbitrary comparisons of data to just fit your position, that is unethical research analysis. So all that totally went against my grain. I don't know why I wrote this.

 

Oh, I know why. After Judge told him to move on, OC got a smart mouth. He started inquiring about how Social Security got all these numbers wrong. I told him my Mother was an Accountant and notice a mistake in the mid 90's, that we brought to the attention of the accountant. And all these other mistakes I was not aware of. Then he asked me:

 

"Well, is it possible Mssssss. Yas, that you made false reports to the IRS?"

 

Oh, man. I spoke up. I said to Judge, where is the proof for OC to make such an outrageous claim, I want to see that RIGHT NOW. Let us see it right now Mr. ATTORNEY. I am perfectly to answer any IRS concerns you might have."

 

He says: "I withdraw the question."

 

I'm still hacked off about that till this day. Be very careful. I should have demanded that be stricken ed from the record, and that he be sansioned. Actually, that was my attorneys job, but obviously, she was incompetent.

Edited October 24, 2014 by Yasuandio

[trippi1432]

Help, help what does this mean -

 

Motion FOR SANCTIONS AND EXCLUSION OF EVIDENCE AT FINAL HEARING FILED BY PETITIONER

 

 

(He is the petitioner)

 

 

Hi MisA, this is the only thing that I could find on Legal Zoom on sanctions, it's very broad actually. What Are Sanctions in a Divorce Case? | LegalZoom: Legal Info

 

 

How is your counsel and the opposing counsel in their legal relationship? From the article, I gather that sanctions and exclusion can happen due to bad behavior on either yours or your attorney's behalf. However, he has asked YOU to pay HIS attorney's fees hasn't he?? More than likely, this is the case. In most family court cases where there are little assets and no children, I honestly doubt you will have to pay his fees.

 

 

I'll send the rest of my post in PM. Hugs!!

[intricate]

Bumping this, hope you're doing fine, Miss A!

[Misadventure]

Hi guys... number one.. I LOVE YOU ALL... cause you have been my sanity in this gray storm chaos.

 

I dealt with alot this week and needed to focus so I didn't write on here. His attorney motioned for Sanction fees and also to exclude evidence saying that my lawyer did not put additional information since May and June.

 

I freaked but my lawyer explained that my financial situation has not changed so there was nothing to change, except that my car was not functional. MY ex husband's last affidavit was December 2013.

Trial was Today

 

I am still reeling... I feel like a trauma victim. I don't feel different. I thought once the judgement was made after the trial I would feel this weight being lifted.. this cloud go away. Not yet.

 

 

Ok so what happened? Well last night I could not sleep... kept worrying about my dogs, money, where will I live, what if I get nothing etc...

 

Trial started at 9am...Judge said that we should give it one last go to try and settle amicably amongst ourselves...his offer was the same as before... 6 months $500 no settlement and have to leave in 30 days. PASS

 

So then we trade sheets on division of household goods/belongings.. seeing as I could not sleep I made a sheet for goods in house that was pre-marital, gifts, marital, what I wanted that was marital, and what I was willing to leave behind that was MY pre-marital. My goal was the dogs especially and the TV I worked hard to pay off as I don't make 67k like he does to easily replenish. Top of his sheet were missing items from the house- pinstripe suit (only cost $100 btw at kohls) and his leather jacket (which I got off ebay brand new for $50)...lets just say words were spoken, he tried to shush me and I told him "Oh.. no.. you will not be silencing me ever again." His lawyer saw me say this and said "I'm not trying to silence you (the one time he was nice this trial btw)" I said "No.. not you. Your client"... and I sat down.

 

Trial then began... lasted til 3:30.... It was like a mine field. On some areas we did well... some we did not. I reiterated that I have applied for 721 jobs in the last 18 months via monster.com alone ..had several interviews...several jobs sites as well as City and county job boards all over the area. His attorney naturally tried to object since not introduced as evidence but I was allowed to use info to refresh my memory.

 

What ended up being my Achilles heel is that I had turned down the one job offer I had because pay was too low and 45 minutes away (low pay, not able to be financially independent on, and my car had just died in June).

 

His lawyer did his role as a first classless arse. There is no coincidence when clients and attorneys find themselves in the other. He did everything he could to paint me as someone who was "lazy", depressive, a liar, and could not have kids since we tried for 5 yrs and nothing came of it. Now Ex H talked about how at lunch he went by the house and the grass was to his ankles and the house looked dirty needed to be pressure washed. THIS is true. My brother was in a car accident this past weekend (he is ok thank God) but he has been doing my lawn.. and I was told a long time ago to not invest money in pressure washing or painting the house etc. My lawyer did not broach this and I wish he had.

 

My lawyer did well in defending me... 2 PT jobs... animal rescue.. interviews.. plus having applied for at least 721 jobs in the last 18 months...But still no FT job that could financially support me.

 

Their goal= no alimony and me out in 30 days, division of household goods, 1 dog, transfer of car titles, no settlement, no attorney fees.

 

My Goal= Full canine ownership of both dogs, alimony for 6 months to a yr for Bridge the Gap (asking alot since only 5 yrs I know), settlement, attorney fees, my maiden name, transfer of titles even for broken car, division of household goods and 90 days in the house.

 

Outcome= Originally the judge was going to say AS IS for me to stay in house for 6 months but I guess there is a case that rebuttles that... he gave ex h the choice... 6 months alimony at $1063 a month (and I have to leave in 30 days) or 2 months in the house out by Jan 1 and 4 months beyond that with alimony at $1063. Settlement of $12k to be paid within 20 days. No attorney fees to either party beyond what he has already paid towards mine ($1k). Full Canine ownership of both dogs to me, Broken car title, Division of household goods.

 

 

I am in Zombie mode right now... I have no idea if this is good or not or if we failed... my lawyer seemed bummed and that I did not get more for alimony but I know we tried so hard. What do you think?

 

 

And...still not feeling the lift of it all yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Misadventure]

Yas-

 

Yes... he was that kind of arse lawyer...btw he must have been in his 30's..smart arse.. almost bald and Half his forehead and top of head in red pimples... I was distracted. I KNOW I should not be like that but was distracting. His cross of me....he would say things like that - generalizations, and I would ask for clarification...

 

He would also end his questions sometimes with "Am I right?" I would say "No thats not what I saying".

 

On questions that I did not know the answer to, I would say I don't know, don't recall and if I would pause in saying I don't know he would stutter goad me (like basically goading me to get the answer out, like is something wrong me with my throat). He was Jacka$$ aggressive. He would then tell the judge I am unresponsive.

 

Sometimes when I said I didn't know or didn't remember as we started this 15 months ago.... he would ask "Do you have a memory problem?" My first instinct was to say "is that a real question or is that to insult me?" ...but I opted for a delayed..."Not that I know of".

 

His closing statement was basically a big collage of excrement aimed at how lazy I was...could not have kids...depressive...made my husband so miserable that he wanted out and to have another life.

 

I saw my ex H's attorney bill as of September 2014 $10, 091 and $9000 of that is paid.. NOT counting a full day today and for travel.

 

My Ex is stupid... if only he could have been reasonable. Spending thousands of dollars to get me out of a house in which I retained for 15 months $1,063 each month...2 more months.. and then alimony for 4 months at $1,063 ...all to avoid paying me any alimony.

 

I needed a lawyer because I needed someone to represent and fight for my financial interests- NOT for greed.

 

_________________

 

Jak, I am actually REALLY looking forward for the day that I no longer will have him in my life in any way... Having him sign some checks to me before that I have to say will feel pretty good.

 

I have been interviewing... ALOT. Only one offer though and turned it down which hurt me in court.

 

I did have one interview for 2 jobs yesterday... ironically with the same court system I was at today. I WANT this job (technology for either county) so badly.. and I can do it.. I just need the chance.

 

Having someone let me have the chance is the hard problem.

 

It was a panel interview and I think I did well but so many applicants...HOPING they pick me. PRAYING.

______________________________

 

Wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you.....

 

Without many of you this yr I think I would be a bug splat squashed by my Ex.

 

Ooooo I get to say EX HUSBAND.

 

What a full circle... I am happy to say that description EX HUSBAND.

 

I have to say....There was no feeling when I saw him except dislike and just that the situation is sad... two people battling it out. He has hateful, bitter, and exuded like a big pile of angry steam. If his eyes could turn red and throw lasers I feel I would have been zapped. I may have had a rough yr but I am going to work to get happy and move on because I DESERVE THIS....but the kind of anger, hatred that was coming out of him... thats something that is going to be there embedded in his personality from now on I think.

 

Let's be honest... no one wants to have sex with a lava hate monster of excrement with a spotted pen!s....

Edited October 30, 2014 by Misadventure

[Yasuandio]

Sounds like you did fine. It is what it is. In a divorce, No one ends up happy, Ms. A., I'm sorry to tell you that. It is behind you now, that is the best part! You projected yourself as confident, and didn't turn into a mass of emotional, quivering, green jello, like he was hoping!!! Hahaha!!!!!

 

You are young enough to have a full new life. Feel that you came out a winner, if only for this! But you achieved so much more with you strength. You controlled the OC very well from your description. You cannot do it perfectly, because OC has the advantage of his line of questions and agenda unknown to you. All you can do is be honest, and not get tricked! You passed with flying colors there!

 

And, Ms. A., I promise you, when you made his council embarrassed by calling him out on his insult of you, you through him of his game - and concentration. I gauentee you, he had to go to the Men's room and privately hit his dick a few times after session.

 

Bravo honey, bravo. Yas

[intricate]

You did wonderful, MissA. Yes, isn't it freeing now that you can officially call him your ex husband? I agree with Yas, divorce is hardly a bed of roses and most of the time, both parties come out burned and paying a significant amount of money in the end. I would highly advise you to join a divorce group therapy of some sort, meet other people who have been through what you went through so you don't feel alienated. We are also here for you!!

[trippi1432]

Hi MisA - You did well when handling his attorney, good job!!

 

The best part...you get to keep both dogs and you are free of this mess of a man. Good for you telling him he has no right to silence you ever again....I remember when my divorce was final, my exH still thought he had the right to call me up and talk to me like I was shiot on the bottom of his shoe...it was so liberating to say "I'm not your wife anymore and you shouldn't talk to me like that to begin with..." ("click"). I'm sure your Ex is seething right now and stewing in his own shiot, he caused his own situation....for $10k he could have bought a "butterfly" farm. :lmao:

 

I agree with Intricate, we are always here, but looking for a group where you can interact with real people would be beneficial as well. I used Divorce Care when I was dealing with my situation, they are free and they don't aim everything at religion, but are typically found as meeting groups at local churches. You can find a local meeting online by searching for Divorce Care.

 

Ooooo I get to say EX HUSBAND.

 

What a full circle... I am happy to say that description EX HUSBAND.

 

I have to say....There was no feeling when I saw him except dislike and just that the situation is sad... two people battling it out. He has hateful, bitter, and exuded like a big pile of angry steam. If his eyes could turn red and throw lasers I feel I would have been zapped. I may have had a rough yr but I am going to work to get happy and move on because I DESERVE THIS....but the kind of anger, hatred that was coming out of him... thats something that is going to be there embedded in his personality from now on I think.

 

Let's be honest... no one wants to have sex with a lava hate monster of excrement with a spotted pen!s....

 

This ^^^^ is a good bullet dodged for the rest of your life. YOU deserve much more than this excrement in your life....there is only one path now, onward and UP!! Praying you get that job!!! :bunny:

[Misadventure]

Well...so, some stuff happened since I last wrote on here.

 

The bad... Ex H wrote me an email about making sure I pay all utilities over next 60 days and make sure nothing is in his name until after I leave. To also send him a key so he can have access to the house at anytime "per the judges order".

 

A$$ is going to get me fired.... I hate him on so many levels.

 

 

The good... I had put in a video audition to AGT. I got a call back to go audition in my town this weekend with my registration number, appt time, etc. I had to sign some stuff including signing video rights away.

 

I went yesterday to live auditions and got to sing in front of producer and then he asked me back in to sing another time. Told me JanFeb is when they announce, latest April..but I can tell you.. competition was huge... over 12k auditioned. Hey, I am just happy I have made it as far as I did.

 

The bad... no new job.. no idea yet where I will go etc.

[trippi1432]

Good for you MisA, a friend of mine here did the audition with AGT, he got pretty far in the audition cycle. My daughter wants to try out for The Voice for next season, you never now until you try. Sending you the best luck I can call up that you will get good feedback and a return audition.

[patriciasex]

I have heard so many people say that they would rather their partner leave than cheat. This may be what he is doing.

 

Some would argue that this it the more noble thing to do - although it hurts like hell. I am surprised that a man is doing this though - men seem to cheat more, women seem to leave more.

 

That's just my take on it.

 

 

Let him go. As hard as it is, you are not likely going to get closure on this.

[mr.blond]

Well...so, some stuff happened since I last wrote on here.

 

The bad... Ex H wrote me an email about making sure I pay all utilities over next 60 days and make sure nothing is in his name until after I leave. To also send him a key so he can have access to the house at anytime "per the judges order".

 

A$$ is going to get me fired.... I hate him on so many levels.

 

 

The good... I had put in a video audition to AGT. I got a call back to go audition in my town this weekend with my registration number, appt time, etc. I had to sign some stuff including signing video rights away.

 

I went yesterday to live auditions and got to sing in front of producer and then he asked me back in to sing another time. Told me JanFeb is when they announce, latest April..but I can tell you.. competition was huge... over 12k auditioned. Hey, I am just happy I have made it as far as I did.

 

The bad... no new job.. no idea yet where I will go etc.

 

good to hear about someone getting on with life. I too still feel like a trauma victim, feels like I have PTSd from the whole ordeal. Its been a little ove a month for me and progress is so dam slow for me.

[intricate]

MisA, how are you doing so far? I hope all is well with you. It is almost Christmas and I know how hard it is to spend your first holidays post break up/divorce. I am sending you my love!!

[Misadventure]

Hi Guys!!! I was decompressing and freaking for a while cause packing up my entire house is HARD!!

 

So....

 

12/11/2014Final Judgment OF DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE 12/11/2014Case Status set to CLOSED

 

effing FINALLY.

 

My ex H is now sending emails on how my alimony will be sent after he sees the house is in order.... THE BS doesn't stop!

 

Ok so the skinny on me....

 

Still interviewing like mad.... everyone "loves" me but won't hire me.

 

Putting my animal rescue on hiatus until my life is together but I will still help from afar.

 

It dawned on me I have been seeing that one guy (who I like but can't imagine taking his clothes off who wants FWB) since march... wow.. he told me, I had no idea.

 

I had a garage sale as I am packing stuff up to move this weekend and then again move stuff weekend after Christmas.. I sold alot of his tools... some was worth $$.... I wonder if this will backfire on me... he did NOT list this in court as wanting it or that it even existed. As far as I know, the garage door was up several times throughout the last 17 months and he has come here several times.. "I have no idea about tools, so don't know what you talking about Willis"... Additionally, ex H has not paid out to me from his 401k yet and its been since Oct 29th.... Azz. His name is Aaron. Yes, I said it cause I seriously feel that every spotted appendage should have the name Aaron attached to it from now on... if you see a spotted appendage... think of Aaron.

 

Azz.

 

So....

I am moving in with my parents for now..

 

At first I felt like a failure.

 

Bigtime...

 

But then I realized... I have no idea where my next real job is coming from and this gives me flexibility to move. I still have my two PT jobs.

 

I also realized... I actually would really like this family time. It's nice being alone, having solitude but it's also nice to have family dinner.. not have to look at my watch to come home.. but just go to the apt downstairs.

 

I need to sit and write and tell you about the last couple months. Lemme move in first and I will write away. ((hugs to you guys))

 

Let me know what you think of this ' have to see if the house is in order before giving you the 1st alimony check'.

[Misadventure]

So... be ready to laugh....

 

I was walking in the post office parking lot around 5pm and tripped on something, stepped wrong and fell.... spraining my left ankle pretty badly.

 

It looks like a rendition of the elephant man.

 

And its very very painful, black, blue, growing.. I started to freak thinking it was fractured.

 

So at this point...ice...ace bandage... but I can hardly get from room to room..mind you I am in midst packing and movers coming Sunday 4pm...I started to have a w-t-f moment and freak.. and cry.

 

Yes.. cry...shh.

 

So the only way I can fathom getting through all this is with crutches... which I have never used...

 

On facebook we have a large community for my county for posting wanted/forsale etc... I have been selling alot on there lately.. so I explained what happened and asked if any crutches I can borrow or buy.

 

Its midnight about this time.

 

People answer but no way in hell I can go anywhere...

 

One lady literally lives 5 mines from me... she offered to bring to me.. I am thinking great.. I am going to die...but man I am in pain.. what the heck... I gave her my address...she turned out to be a med tech...even sized the crutches she had for me to borrow.. and we sat and talked for a while.. she looked at my ankle and said prob not broken but bad sprain. She wrapped my foot the right way..

 

I took a chance...

 

And an Angel loaned me and even delivered crutches and made me have faith in people again.

 

Turns out she has been unemployed for awhile, was fired because her child was sick and she took time off. She even offered to come and help me pack if I need it because my movement is limited.

 

I will definitely do what I can to help her find a new job, she has children, but most importantly, she has a heart the size of my ankle.

[Misadventure]

Hi guys! There is alot still....

 

I am moved... temporarily for now with family...NONE of the money has come in or settlement.

 

I actually am quite content here, I feel I should have moved earlier now instead of holding onto that coffin of a house. I realize now how much better I feel and I should have shredded myself of it long ago.

 

I think a big part of me wanted to stay there because it denied him the right to live there and due to all the money he took in the beginning I felt it was a good trade off.

 

But I think as far as "moving" on.. I should have long ago.

 

Ok... so just because I AM READY and doing the steps to move on....

 

...the a$.$ keeps on....he emailed me saying he is wanting to press charges for items missing from the household such as a bicycle, garden tools, and tool box...

 

He then tried to submit a "trade" saying he will not send one month of alimony in replacement of items.

 

Can some girl pls just distract him so he can seriously be done????

[MJJean]

Hi guys! There is alot still....

 

I am moved... temporarily for now with family...NONE of the money has come in or settlement.

 

I actually am quite content here, I feel I should have moved earlier now instead of holding onto that coffin of a house. I realize now how much better I feel and I should have shredded myself of it long ago.

 

I think a big part of me wanted to stay there because it denied him the right to live there and due to all the money he took in the beginning I felt it was a good trade off.

 

But I think as far as "moving" on.. I should have long ago.

 

Ok... so just because I AM READY and doing the steps to move on....

 

...the a$.$ keeps on....he emailed me saying he is wanting to press charges for items missing from the household such as a bicycle, garden tools, and tool box...

 

He then tried to submit a "trade" saying he will not send one month of alimony in replacement of items.

 

Can some girl pls just distract him so he can seriously be done????

 

I spent last night before bed and this whole morning after I dropped my kids off at school reading your thread between laundry and dogs (I'm a Crazy Dog Person, too). Part of the reason I read these threads is I have been divorced. Part is that I am happily remarried to a man I love very much and want to look for ways to "divorce proof" our marriage. And part is that my beloved Pit Bull rescue, Rita, passed away a week ago today and I am trying to keep my mind distracted. I have 3 other dogs, happy and healthy, so at least I am not dogless. (I only added that bit because I know you'll understand. Dog people get it.)

 

I knew you'd be ok when I first saw your posts. You didn't come across as a wimp. You just came across as hurting and a bit broken for a bit there. I get it. I'm generally a bitch on wheels. When my ex and I separated I was a mess. Thing is, I pretty much despised him years before the separation and subsequent divorce. And I was relieved to have the sham marriage over with. And I was talking to my husband during that time, so I wasn't all alone. Yet I was still a mess.

 

Took me years to realize what a number that first "marriage" did on me. I remember the first time I went grocery shopping and could get the healthy food i wanted. I remember the first time I could take off my jewelry and shower without worrying my ex would steal and pawn it like he did the necklace my grandpa gave me in his will. I still remember the first time I cleaned under the couch after he was out and realized I'd never have to pull dishes out from under there again because he wasn't there to shove them under there due to being too lazy to walk them into the kitchen.

 

Then there was the less obvious stuff. I still have trust issues. I am less confident and less secure than I was pre-first marriage. And I am completely unable to not hate the man even 15 years post divorce. He was a real piece of work. Physically and emotionally abusive, lied about lying, cheated like STD's don't exist, chronically irresponsible, a thief.. I could go on and on.

 

Anyways, your story made me remember that time in my life and I am so happy that you are coming out the other side of the valley in good shape.

 

If it helps, looking at my life now and back then is almost surreal. I'm married to a good man, we own our home, we may not have a lot of money, but we're able to pay the bills, eat, and occasionally go out if we're careful. It's a much better life personally, financially, and socially than I could have ever had with the ex. Hopefully, you'll get that good job you've been hunting, meet a good man, fall in lusty love, settle down together and have a carpet crawler or two.

 

As for the alimony and 410k, call your lawyer! Your ex is failing to comply wit a court order. If he continues to fail to comply the court will garnish his wages and could possibly freeze his assets. A good friend of mine also had an ex that refused to pay or tried to place conditions on it and once she reported the issue to her lawyer it was surprising how fast action was taken.

 

As far as the items go, "Whatchyoo talkin bout, Willis?" If they weren't part of the divorce inventory they don't exist. Tell him what part of your tushie he can kiss.

Edited January 12, 2015 by MJJean

[No Limit]

Can some girl pls just distract him so he can seriously be done????

 

No sane girl wants any part of a guy like that one. Guess he should have prepared himself with a willing OW before divorcing.

[Peter171234]

Wow !!!!!! It really hurts what he did to you !!!!!!!!!! Cannot imagine what will happen to my wife because i decided to leave her too !!!! But I will help her with money and rent as long as I can

[trippi1432]

MisA!!! Have missed you around here!! Was just thinking about you recently and meant to look up your thread, I see I've missed some updates. (Subscribed now so I don't miss any more. )

 

 

I like this post, it's like a fresh breath of air. It does take the "stuff" that's been hanging over your head take a back seat with a fresh start.

 

 

I actually am quite content here, I feel I should have moved earlier now instead of holding onto that coffin of a house. I realize now how much better I feel and I should have shredded myself of it long ago.

 

I think a big part of me wanted to stay there because it denied him the right to live there and due to all the money he took in the beginning I felt it was a good trade off.

 

But I think as far as "moving" on.. I should have long ago.

 

 

What you are experiencing now is actually normal....the "wishing you could have done things differently", but what you were doing at the time was justified. You didn't create that, he did.

 

 

...the a$.$ keeps on....he emailed me saying he is wanting to press charges for items missing from the household such as a bicycle, garden tools, and tool box...

 

He then tried to submit a "trade" saying he will not send one month of alimony in replacement of items.

 

 

Legally, I don't think he can do this, but he may try to bully you into agreement. Can't he be held in contempt if he doesn't pay his alimony? I'm not familiar with that topic, Yas knows a lot about it as she has had similar issues with her exH.

 

 

Do NOT let him bully you, I wouldn't respond to him at all, I'd simply print the email and subpoena him to court when he misses his deadline. Moving on Hun...is knowing that you owe him no response to his bullying ways. If he continued, I'd even be more apt to question why he's so angry....if he wasn't "attached" to his wife, the materialistic side of him is "attached" to a bicycle, garden tools and a tool box; however, I think you already see his various flaws....that was the past though, and you need to be the cold reminder of what the past was by ignore, ignore, ignore, you have court orders that speak for you.

 

 

You just need to get your power back....and now you are. This I like..."content". Anger isn't power and that is what he is trying to use, so take away his weapon of choice. That was a lesson I learned on my path to healing. <3

 

 

Hugs!!

[Misadventure]

MJ, thank you so much for taking time to read this "book". This thread really shows a yr and a half or more of a journey (that is still ongoing but better).

 

I am not that person I was on page 1 of this thread. Still "Me" parts but for the most part so many things have changed... I feel in some ways kind of in limbo, but at the same time.. ahead. I hope one day I reach real happiness. I think I am content... for now.. but so many things I am still unresolved and searching.

 

Peter, don't know your situation but you helping with finances is at least something, and helping her to move on will help as well.

 

Trippi, I am so goad you wrote on here. THANK YOU. You have seen my writings since day one. I am okay today... I am actually better than ok today.. will tell you why in second but want to update on some things.

 

- Still in Animal Rescue just not as much but I do still run my rescue page (mainly cause no one has volunteered to take over and I cannot let animals down).

 

- I have started to work out two times a week (minus time off for sprained ankle).

 

- Playing Acoustic guitar and singing again, seeing where it goes.

 

- Jobwise, I am discouraged but still trucking ahead.

 

- Trippi, you are right, he was trying to bully me. My lawyer's assistant basically said nothing criminal can be charged it's civil and it's BS. If it's not in the inventory, it didn't exist. The bike was in the garage for many yrs and sitting there for almost 2 yrs, he didn't think to take it or list it or even take a pic of it, where are receipts of evidence of it's existence? Garden tools is laughable. What he did do is take a knife to the stuff I left and dumped it at the dump, he had written... I cared for that moment, I don't care anymore.

 

So... not sure if you remember through this book here how over the past yr I really tried to force myself back "on the market"... but either there was no connection or I really was just not ready.

 

Not sure at what point I became ready but a few weeks ago I pretty much did the "online" thing. Bad (and good I guess) I had a lot of emails and no idea how to weed through it all. I felt (and still do) a bit lost. I feel like I just took up sailing and I am in a boat.... all the people who know how to sail have jumped ship.. and I am learning how to sail... in a small storm... with my dogs looking at me wondering if they will have dinner soon lol.

 

After reading some messages, and then the back and forth... if I am actually serious now about dating... how on earth...

 

So about 2 weeks or so ago... someone emailed me..he had on a cowboy hat.. I was like Hmmm I am not into country really but lets read... He is an amazing person. Also divorce, no kids, loves animals.. and we have so much in common as well as just different things in life. After a few days he asked to get coffee...I said.. let's do the phone thing first... first phone call was 2 hours... almost every call after that was at least 45 minutes to an hour or more... Friday night we spoke for 3 hours... 3 hours! What on earth do you talk about for 3 hours.. but we did.

 

 

So we met last night and had a date.. he is a true gentleman.. and just a kid soul.. and handsome. I felt so nervous at first but then after 5 minutes it just flowed. Almost 4 hours together.. I have no way to gage though...

 

Before I was married, I think I was good at dating.. I was confident.. I knew how to date.. nothing really made me too nervous.

 

There were moments last night where we didn't talk and he just looked at me.. looked into my eyes.. and I felt he could genuinely see me. It freaked me out... I could not help but hold that stare but then I had to turn away... I had no idea what to do with it. W--T--F- is wrong with me?

 

I may be overthinking this.... I know I am actually.. but I feel like.. even though I have "dated" somewhat this yr... this date was genuine.. and a connection. Scared the hell out of me..Driving home.. I felt giddy.. hopeful... scared *****less.

 

When we left.. we walked to his car since it was closer than to mine, he hugged me and said "let's do this again". I said "Definitely! I am down".

 

That's how we left it.

 

I have no idea of the "rules" or what happens from this point on...I feel like a schoolgirl actually learning how to date for the first time lol.

 

It's been a very long time since I truly felt chemistry inside and outside... and the stare that bore into me was so intense... not sure what to do with it.

 

At the same time... since it has been such a long time that I felt any twinkle like this... afraid to also lose it or do or say something to lose it.

 

Fish out of water!

 

 

But it feels good to really start to move on.

[MJJean]

When I met my husband the way he "saw me" freaked me out, too. And I definitely over thought it all. I think that's normal after coming our of a bad marriage. Just try to relax and go with the flow unless you see some red flags. Then start over thinking again!

 

And make sure he likes dogs. A lot.

[Misadventure]

I think you are right! And yes, the way he looked at me.. so intense.. like he could see way down into me... I had no idea what to do with that. Also he has beautiful blue eyes..So I would grin kind of.. hold the stare for a brief second and then look down or away or somewhere cause I was not sure what it was.

 

I "think" he was trying to see if there was a connection or potential for connection...

 

Problem is today.. I have no idea what the rules are..ie dating etiquette. Texting I guess is "where it's at".. and I have received a few after I texted but nothing conversational. No idea what comes next.

 

I used to be so confident in dating... I never was "this" girl who questioned what does this mean, what does that mean... but for the first time in what seems forever, I FEEL something.

 

.... and I liked it. Now I guess am afraid that maybe it was in my head or I am imagining that connection lol.

 

Guys really do think so differently than women so.... IDK! But if a man really had a great time, he would let her know and lock down a second date. Or am I just so out of the loop lol.

 

 

And make sure he likes dogs. A lot.

 

 

Oh THAT is a given! (and he does... alot!)