Am I being too sensitive or does he have issues communicating properly?

[Titania22]

I think I give up.

 

Please give up or at least blow him off for Saturday. You are coming across as too available. A little distance will give him the chance to miss you (if he cares enough too).

[Gottabestrong]

 

Him: I'll let you know tomorrow if we're doing something on Saturday

 

Wow, that is pretty rude and presumptuous of him! He will let you know if you are doing something Saturday? You are supposed to just wait around and see if he is willing to give you some of his precious time?

 

Personally, when I date someone, I like to make plans in advance, especially for the precious weekend time, and not wait till the last minute to see if nothing better comes up for him.

 

Sorry Starry, I get that you really like this guy, but his behavior towards you is really less than stellar. I'd suggest you decide on some boundaries for yourself (e.g. makes firms plans at least two days in advance, treats me and my time with respect, makes me feel like he is excited about spending time with me, etc.) and stick to them.

 

If you want to continue dating him, I'd suggest you tell him face to face the next time you see him what you don't like in his actions towards you. If we give him the benefit of the doubt, he might really like you, but just be socially inept. If we don't, he might just not be that interested in you and but be willing to 'hang out' when he has nothing better to do.

 

Either way, you deserve better!

[starrynightz45]

Wow, that is pretty rude and presumptuous of him! He will let you know if you are doing something Saturday? You are supposed to just wait around and see if he is willing to give you some of his precious time?

 

Personally, when I date someone, I like to make plans in advance, especially for the precious weekend time, and not wait till the last minute to see if nothing better comes up for him.

 

Sorry Starry, I get that you really like this guy, but his behavior towards you is really less than stellar. I'd suggest you decide on some boundaries for yourself (e.g. makes firms plans at least two days in advance, treats me and my time with respect, makes me feel like he is excited about spending time with me, etc.) and stick to them.

 

If you want to continue dating him, I'd suggest you tell him face to face the next time you see him what you don't like in his actions towards you. If we give him the benefit of the doubt, he might really like you, but just be socially inept. If we don't, he might just not be that interested in you and but be willing to 'hang out' when he has nothing better to do.

 

Either way, you deserve better!

 

 

Well, I kind of started another thread about this NEW issue..but basically, he called me on Sunday and asked if I was free Tuesday and/or Saturday. I said I was free Tuesday, and since it was only Sunday, I hadn't made plans for Saturday yet either. He said let's go out Tuesday, and maybe Saturday, we'll see. On Tuesday during the date, he asked if would "maybe" want to seee a movie on Sat. I said sure. He said great, and that he would let me know for sure if Saturday would work. Tonight, Thursday, he texted me saying he would let me know for sure tomorrow (Friday) whether we were still on for Saturday. I kind of feel like he's waiting to see if anything better comes along, but I could be wrong. I don't know.

[NoMoreJerks]

Well, I kind of started another thread about this NEW issue..but basically, he called me on Sunday and asked if I was free Tuesday and/or Saturday. I said I was free Tuesday, and since it was only Sunday, I hadn't made plans for Saturday yet either. He said let's go out Tuesday, and maybe Saturday, we'll see. On Tuesday during the date, he asked if would "maybe" want to seee a movie on Sat. I said sure. He said great, and that he would let me know for sure if Saturday would work. Tonight, Thursday, he texted me saying he would let me know for sure tomorrow (Friday) whether we were still on for Saturday. I kind of feel like he's waiting to see if anything better comes along, but I could be wrong. I don't know.

Yes, he is. Of course he is. I mean, that doesn't take genius to realize.... What else would he be waiting for? Unless he might have a work shift on Saturday and he doesn't find out until Friday, he is playing the field and seeing if he can get something better. I'd kick this one to the curb ASAP.

[runningfar]

I don't think he's playing games or is a narcissist.

 

I think he's socially awkward.

 

If you've been friends for a year you know which fits him best.

 

If you continue dating him you'll just have to be clear with communication what's acceptible and what's not.

[jolie_baby]

I've just stopped responding to the texts until I decide whether or not this is worth continuing.

 

Plus, I'm still annoyed that another female student was a-ok to attend, but I was strongly discouraged until after I complained about it. Something doesn't feel right.

 

Please just confront him about the whole thing; be assertive direct and clear, and tell him you think this is not normal and NOT OK.

 

Because honestly he sounds like taking you for granted or not genuinely interested in a serious relationship. Just be direct, ask for an explanation, then decide if he sounds genuine or playing games. After that explain to him what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Give him another chance. If he does any of this sort again just drop it. Good luck

[Eternal Sunshine]

This reminds of a guy I dated last year. He would always make maybe plans and would always let me know later. He came through 50/50 of the time. I confronted him and he told me that he is unsure and is iffy about commitnent. I got tired of it and walked away.

[tbf]

Every time this guy does something weird, you take it. The two of you aren't even in a relationship. Stop responding to him. Flake and walk away.

[2sunny]

When you are a guy's priority - he will never suggest "maybe" plans.

[starrynightz45]

I don't think he's playing games or is a narcissist.

 

I think he's socially awkward.

 

If you've been friends for a year you know which fits him best.

 

If you continue dating him you'll just have to be clear with communication what's acceptible and what's not.

 

He admitted to me that he's only been in 1 "relationship" and that it lasted 3 months (he's 24 years old). I asked him if he had ever been in a serious relationship, and he genuinely thought that 3 months comprised of a serious relationship. I think it's a combination of him being inexperienced, socially awkward with women, and a bit of a narcissist. There are so many things about his personality and energy that I enjoy in person, but all these behaviors are slowly turning me off. I'm just stuck because I'm not sure if it's worth it to wait and kind of try to slowly send him the message that his behavior isn't ok, or if I should just run.

[stillafool]

I think if someone wanted me to travel, find a friend to eat dinner with, then invite us to only stay a few minutes, I would just decline. Whew! too much work for just a few minutes.

[undergroundlife13]

He continues to act like this because you allow it. If i were you id stop acting like his doormat

[RedRobin]

He admitted to me that he's only been in 1 "relationship" and that it lasted 3 months (he's 24 years old). I asked him if he had ever been in a serious relationship, and he genuinely thought that 3 months comprised of a serious relationship. I think it's a combination of him being inexperienced, socially awkward with women, and a bit of a narcissist. There are so many things about his personality and energy that I enjoy in person, but all these behaviors are slowly turning me off. I'm just stuck because I'm not sure if it's worth it to wait and kind of try to slowly send him the message that his behavior isn't ok, or if I should just run.

 

The minute you feel the urge to make a guy a project... that is when you know it isn't going to work. This is way too early to be feeling this way...

 

Maybe if this feeling started to occur after a long period of happiness with him... yea, it's worth investing time with... After four dates?? heck no.

 

I'd suggest you let this one go and date someone else you are more compatible with. At the very least, don't make him a priority or hold your time in reserve for him.

[starrynightz45]

UPDATE!!

 

SO I didn't want to start another thread entirely and annoy everyone with my constant questions about this guy, so I'll continue here. After a few more conversations, he subtly sent me the message that he didn't want me at his art show because, in nicer terms, he didn't want to have to "babysit" me. This is why he wanted me there with a friend, so I could do my own thing essentially. I guess he wanted to focus more on talking to attendees and selling his work. This makes sense because he DOES tend to be really temperamental about his artwork/shows.

 

Anyways. We went on a 5th date. Like I said in a previous thread, on our second date he asked what I ws llooking for. I said a relationship. He said "yea, I just take a little time to get there and decide." I THOUGHT he meant he took some time to decide whether he wanted a relationship WITH ME, which makes sense. BUT he actually seems to have meant that he needed time to decide if he even WANTED a relationship in general. So, a horrible miscommunication and I was unknowingly strung along for the past month.

 

Yesterday, he called me. He said: "I told you I needed some time to think. Well, I feel like if things keep going the way they are, that I'll be getting what I want, which is spending time with you (aka, the possibility of having sex I assume is what he meant), but I won't be able to give you what you want - which is a relationship. Before things go any farther, I just want to tell you that I don't think I can commit to anything. You may feel that I have wronged you..."

 

Since I was kind of shocked and not expecting this, all I could get out was "Oh. Well, it would have been nicer to know this a little earlier. But ok, that's fine."

 

Then he said: "Well I really needed some time to think about it. I DO like you as more than a friend. I will always.....(trailed off, paused)...I enjoy spending time with you. I also got you a birthday present (I had mentioned that my birthday was in 2 months). And I hope you'll come to my art show on Saturday."

 

All I said was "oh ok." And we ended the conversation. He seemed genuinely sad on the phone, but who knows. I'm really hurt and confused to be honest. I know he sounds terrible from everything I've said, but when we talked in person I felt a connection with him that I haven't felt with other guys I've dated. I think this is why I'm just unable to let go of it.

[miss_jaclynrae]

UPDATE!!

 

SO I didn't want to start another thread entirely and annoy everyone with my constant questions about this guy, so I'll continue here. After a few more conversations, he subtly sent me the message that he didn't want me at his art show because, in nicer terms, he didn't want to have to "babysit" me. This is why he wanted me there with a friend, so I could do my own thing essentially. I guess he wanted to focus more on talking to attendees and selling his work. This makes sense because he DOES tend to be really temperamental about his artwork/shows.

 

Anyways. We went on a 5th date. Like I said in a previous thread, on our second date he asked what I ws llooking for. I said a relationship. He said "yea, I just take a little time to get there and decide." I THOUGHT he meant he took some time to decide whether he wanted a relationship WITH ME, which makes sense. BUT he actually seems to have meant that he needed time to decide if he even WANTED a relationship in general. So, a horrible miscommunication and I was unknowingly strung along for the past month.

 

Yesterday, he called me. He said: "I told you I needed some time to think. Well, I feel like if things keep going the way they are, that I'll be getting what I want, which is spending time with you (aka, the possibility of having sex I assume is what he meant), but I won't be able to give you what you want - which is a relationship. Before things go any farther, I just want to tell you that I don't think I can commit to anything. You may feel that I have wronged you..."

 

Since I was kind of shocked and not expecting this, all I could get out was "Oh. Well, it would have been nicer to know this a little earlier. But ok, that's fine."

 

Then he said: "Well I really needed some time to think about it. I DO like you as more than a friend. I will always.....(trailed off, paused)...I enjoy spending time with you. I also got you a birthday present (I had mentioned that my birthday was in 2 months). And I hope you'll come to my art show on Saturday."

 

All I said was "oh ok." And we ended the conversation. He seemed genuinely sad on the phone, but who knows. I'm really hurt and confused to be honest. I know he sounds terrible from everything I've said, but when we talked in person I felt a connection with him that I haven't felt with other guys I've dated. I think this is why I'm just unable to let go of it.

 

 

 

 

 

He doesn't sound horrible. I honestly don't think a month is by long, it is a decent amount of time to evaluate a potential partner.

 

 

He was honest and I think he handled things well when it comes to ending things with you.

Sorry it didn't work out but at least he seems like a cool guy! Now get back on that horse and keep in touch with him if you want! I love art shows! Lol

[Titania22]

Thanks for giving us the update. It's nice when we get to find out how the story ends. Sorry that you feel you were strung along, but at lease he told you now and not much later.

[starrynightz45]

Thanks for giving us the update. It's nice when we get to find out how the story ends. Sorry that you feel you were strung along, but at lease he told you now and not much later.

 

I just don't know if I should hold out any hope at all, if he meant that he genuinely does like me as "more than a friend," or if he was being nice. The birthday present thing kind of surprised me.

 

Now I guess I'm debating whether or not I should text him on Saturday to tell him good luck and that I won't be able to make it to his show, or if I should just not bother. Urgh. This is depressing.

[Star Gazer]

I just don't know if I should hold out any hope at all, if he meant that he genuinely does like me as "more than a friend," or if he was being nice.

 

It means he's attracted to you. A guy can be attracted to you, and not want to be in a relationship with you - which is what he told you.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I just don't know if I should hold out any hope at all, if he meant that he genuinely does like me as "more than a friend," or if he was being nice. The birthday present thing kind of surprised me.

 

Now I guess I'm debating whether or not I should text him on Saturday to tell him good luck and that I won't be able to make it to his show, or if I should just not bother. Urgh. This is depressing.

 

 

 

Hold out for what?

It is possible to like someone and not be looking for a relationship...

I don't know why it matters whether you text him or not.

 

 

If you don't feel like you can handle just being friends then cut contact.

[jolie_baby]

I just don't know if I should hold out any hope at all, if he meant that he genuinely does like me as "more than a friend," or if he was being nice. The birthday present thing kind of surprised me.

 

Now I guess I'm debating whether or not I should text him on Saturday to tell him good luck and that I won't be able to make it to his show, or if I should just not bother. Urgh. This is depressing.

 

Sorry but he said he does not want a relationship with you... please just let it go...

 

Unless you want to stay friends, AND YOU ARE SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT, then text him or whatever. Otherwise please just drop the whole thing and find someone who will and can make you happy... you deserve to be happy...

[Titania22]

I just don't know if I should hold out any hope at all, if he meant that he genuinely does like me as "more than a friend," or if he was being nice. The birthday present thing kind of surprised me.

 

Now I guess I'm debating whether or not I should text him on Saturday to tell him good luck and that I won't be able to make it to his show, or if I should just not bother. Urgh. This is depressing.

 

I agree with the others. And I wouldn't even bother trying to be friends, I would just let him go.

[Gottabestrong]

 

Yesterday, he called me. He said: "I told you I needed some time to think. Well, I feel like if things keep going the way they are, that I'll be getting what I want, which is spending time with you (aka, the possibility of having sex I assume is what he meant), but I won't be able to give you what you want - which is a relationship. Before things go any farther, I just want to tell you that I don't think I can commit to anything. You may feel that I have wronged you..."

 

 

Hi Starry,

I am sorry things did not work out the way you hoped, but I would take it as a learning experience. He did a few things that made you feel he was not that interested in you or a relationship with you. Guess what? Turns out your intuition was right! So next time you date a guy and you feel that things are not going the way you want them to, accept it and move on. Or at least distance yourself emotionally.

 

About the guy in question, I don't think he meant to say that he was not sure if he wanted a relationship, but that he needed to see if he wanted a relationship with You. Don't feel led on. It takes time to get to know someone and see if you would like them as your girlfriend.

 

My advice is to not try to stay in touch with him. It sounds to me like you like him as more than a friend, but he is only being polite. He might be attracted to you and interested in hooking up casually, but that is not what you want. So let it go!

 

Good luck!

[starrynightz45]

WHY would you be surprised? The guy's been acting like you're his buddy - when he's got TIME for you. Otherwise, he acts as though you're a nuisance, and you kept passively jumping every time he told you to.

 

People here have been TELLING you to stop being so needy and available and you keep ignoring them, choosing to kiss up to this social misfit over and over and over.

 

How you can POSSIBLY be surprised by this tool telling you he's not into a relationship with you is beyond me. The writing was CLEARLY on the wall from the first post.

 

Move on and next time, stop acting like a doormat.

 

I appreciate your response. You know, this IS an advice forum, where people come to ask for advice. There is no agreement that what anyone tells me is accurate, inaccurate, that I will follow it, or that I won't. If you find it so frustrating, feel free to simply avoid my threads and not respond to them.

 

There is no need or point for you to insult me or anyone else simply because to YOU it seems to obvious. You are not in my shoes, and all you have is the couple paragraphs of text I've typed out. I'm no doormat. I sincerely hope that if you ever end up in a situation where you have feelings for someone you have known for over a year, and where things become confusing, that nobody you ask for advice responds to you so annoyed and rudely. Take care and thanks again for your time.

[starrynightz45]

It is extremely obvious to me' date=' and i have a friend exactly the same who is an artist also. He does not want you to cramp his style, not necessarily by hanging on to him like his girlfriend but he wants to be free to mingle and talk about his work. He wants to enjoy the glory without having to explain who you are, that is why he suggested you brought a friend, and plus, he is covering himself if there is actually no one there. He is trying to tell you that he wants to see you, but not in the way, as it were.[/quote']

 

I did actually end up talking to him, and he kind of subtly got the message across that this was exactly it- he was worried about having to kind of entertain me since I wouldn't know anyone else there, when he really wanted to focus on selling his work. And he's extremely touchy about his art. Plus, he told me that he was also bummed out because not many people ended up showing up. Not that it matters anymore, but I believe his intentions weren't as bad as I initially thought with trying to discourage me from going

[starrynightz45]

Hi Starry,

I am sorry things did not work out the way you hoped, but I would take it as a learning experience. He did a few things that made you feel he was not that interested in you or a relationship with you. Guess what? Turns out your intuition was right! So next time you date a guy and you feel that things are not going the way you want them to, accept it and move on. Or at least distance yourself emotionally.

 

About the guy in question, I don't think he meant to say that he was not sure if he wanted a relationship, but that he needed to see if he wanted a relationship with You. Don't feel led on. It takes time to get to know someone and see if you would like them as your girlfriend.

 

My advice is to not try to stay in touch with him. It sounds to me like you like him as more than a friend, but he is only being polite. He might be attracted to you and interested in hooking up casually, but that is not what you want. So let it go!

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks, this is what I plan to do.