Titania22 Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 UPDATE Well, I sent him a text saying I had other plans and wouldn't be making it. Him: Ok well if your plans fall through you could always stop by for a bit if you want. Me: Oh well thank you but honestly I was kind of unsure whether it was really ok for me to come or not. Plus with all the driving/parking etc I think I'll just try to make it to the next one. But good luck and let me know how it goes. Him: I'm sorry about that my fault. Oh of course it is. But I was just trying to give you an idea of the scenario. Yea thats why I was trying to get at. So up to you. I will thanks. ....? To me this is such a weird way to construct a message. To answer your original question, he has issues communicating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 To me this is such a weird way to construct a message. To answer your original question, he has issues communicating. He also just made a post about the show on facebook (which starts in a couple hours) and another female student from our class commented asking if she could attend. He said "Of course!!!" Funny, she didn't have a time restriction imposed on her or multiple suggestions that she not go because parking/driving is an inconvenience. I'm not saying he's interested in her or that he isn't, but I find it strange that I was repeatedly discouraged while she's free to go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I think I would pull back now, and let him make some effort, show you his interest. If he doesn't just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 I think I would pull back now, and let him make some effort, show you his interest. If he doesn't just move on. Thank you for your advice. It's been about 30 minutes since his last text and he has started texting me again. He's telling me about the gallery, that not many people have arrived so far, etc. As if I never brought up anything about him not wanting me to go. I don't think a guy has ever confused me so much. I think I will maybe not respond to the texts for a while, not sure what else to do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) Is this guy just socially inept? Why is he so adamant about me not staying? I'm not stupid, I heard and accepted his initial explanation that the space was small. So why keep repeating it? I've decided I'm not going to the show, but what should I tell him tomorrow? And am I right to be upset? he is totally inept. But on the other hand, I can understand him repeating it severl times because some women dont listen. If he tells them they should only stay a couple minutes, I'd guess its because he cant give them full attention. So if they go to the show, and get mad that he couldnt hang with them for long, they dont care that he warned them, or they might have forgotten that he warned them, and it becomes a problem. Heres another scenario, he might have had a show, didnt invite the date, and when he mentioned it afterwards they squawked at him. "Why didnt you invite me?? I wanted to see your gallery...." etc etc. Cant explain to someone who wants to be unreasonable that he wouldnt be able to hang. So he is probably avoiding those two scenarios. You did the right thing by blowing him off. No more galleries really. Edited June 14, 2013 by Eddie Edirol Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 (edited) he is totally inept. But on the other hand, I can understand him repeating it severl times because some women dont listen. If he tells them they should only stay a couple minutes, I'd guess its because he cant give them full attention. So if they go to the show, and get mad that he couldnt hang with them for long, they dont care that he warned them, or they might have forgotten that he warned them, and it becomes a problem. I think thats why he repeats it so much. Heres another scenario, he might have had a show, didnt invite them date, and when he mentioned it afterwards they squawked at him. "Why didnt you invite me??I wanted to see your gallery...." etc etc. Cant explain to someone who wants to be unreasonable that he wouldnt be able to hang. So he is probably avoiding those two scenarios. next time he invites you to a place that he cant hang with you, tell him you'll wait for the next time. This makes sense too. I was totally understanding that he couldn't hang with me the whole time, and i was planning on only staying briefly. It's just that he not only repeatedly suggested leaving quickly, but then tried to discourage going entirely because of driving/parking. It makes no sense because all other attendees will also be driving and parking. And I am capable of driving and parking. He also didn't seem to appreciate the fact that I even had an interest in going, which kind of hurts to be honest. And even after what I said, he is continuing to text me and tell me about the gallery, the crowd, etc, as if I never mentioned basically being kind of upset at him. Strange. Edited June 14, 2013 by starrynightz45 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 UPDATE: Good lord. I'm about ready to throw my phone off a cliff, lol. NOW he won't stop texting and keeps suggesting that I stop by. What the hell!!?? Him: It's pretty quiet here right now, just a few people walking around. Me: Hmm makes sense, it just started. It will probably get busier in a few hours. Him: Yea so now would be a good time if you're still thinking about stopping by. I also have a fun story to tell you later. *Throwing phone off cliff* Link to post Share on other sites
jukeboxromeo Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Weird. I'd guess he's pretty inept socially as well. Does he speak this way in person too? He also seems to put the ball in your court by saying stuff like "you could...if you want.", and "Up to you" like he needs your approval of him inviting you somewhere. Plus, if I were dating someone new, I would invite them to places where I could socialize with them, not somewhere I'd be distracted by other people around us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Weird. I'd guess he's pretty inept socially as well. Does he speak this way in person too? He also seems to put the ball in your court by saying stuff like "you could...if you want.", and "Up to you" like he needs your approval of him inviting you somewhere. Plus, if I were dating someone new, I would invite them to places where I could socialize with them, not somewhere I'd be distracted by other people around us. In person, he's still relatively blunt in his communication style, but not in such an offensive manner. He's definitely worse through texting. He does almost always put the ball in my court, which at times leaves me frustrated because I can't tell if he actually WANTS me around or is being polite. Bleh. Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Maybe turn off your phone tonight, so you won't be bugged by the messages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Dunno why he is so adamant about you not staying. It's like that because the art exhibition is his work, he needs to be able to talk to potential buyers and not chat with a girlfriend - which is fair enough. However, he seems altogether too casual and not very welcoming. The thing about dinner is too vague and sounds uncaring. I think I'd have been put off by now and given him up as being too self-important for my liking. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Instead of dealing with him texting in the gallery, tell him "have fun, good night, talk to you tomorrow" so he can stop buggin you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amkxoxo Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 My boyfriend used to do similar things like this when we were dating. He would be going to a party and not invite me but would encourage me to hang with other people. He would love it when I went to the same party with a girlfriend, because he did seem to want me there. In my opinion it seems like he doesn't want to feel obligated to cater to you all night so he doesn't really want to make it a date, because he might not want a date to this event. He probably just wants to chill and socialize. Be careful though, he seems to know what he's doing, by the way he's texting you. He doesn't want you to stay at this event, but he makes you feel bad when you don't respond. Sounds like he's playing games a bit. Watch your back, but to me it might only be this one time. Hopefully he will want you to come other times. He does sound like he really likes you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Next time he communicates the same message more than once - simply respond "I heard you the first time". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 You told him you had other plans... so turn off your phone. Do something else with your evening that is more enjoyable. Notice that he got YOU to spend your time on HIM without him actually having to commit to spending time with you. This guy is leading you around by the nose. Stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 I've just stopped responding to the texts until I decide whether or not this is worth continuing. Plus, I'm still annoyed that another female student was a-ok to attend, but I was strongly discouraged until after I complained about it. Something doesn't feel right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Way too much drama for 4 dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I don't know if I should really go and stay the whole time in such an apparently small place to keep an eye on him, especially when he's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want me there long. Well, like I said, at the last show I stayed for 2 hours and was with him the entire time talking, but again - the show was an open bar so the vast majority of attendees were drunk and not paying attention to the artwork. He had just been standing around doing nothing before I got there. I was not planning on doing the same this time. Even if I had been planning to do the same, his first mention of me not staying long was clear enough. Ugh. Frustrating. Send a friend, and let her stay the whole time and observe for you.... that's if you're so obsessed with this guy. Frankly, though, I'd say there's something suspicious and you don't need to spy on him to realize that maybe you should start running for the hills. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 UPDATE: Good lord. I'm about ready to throw my phone off a cliff, lol. NOW he won't stop texting and keeps suggesting that I stop by. What the hell!!?? Him: It's pretty quiet here right now, just a few people walking around. Me: Hmm makes sense, it just started. It will probably get busier in a few hours. Him: Yea so now would be a good time if you're still thinking about stopping by. I also have a fun story to tell you later. *Throwing phone off cliff* This is the non-sex version of a booty call, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 This makes sense too. I was totally understanding that he couldn't hang with me the whole time, and i was planning on only staying briefly. It's just that he not only repeatedly suggested leaving quickly, but then tried to discourage going entirely because of driving/parking. It makes no sense because all other attendees will also be driving and parking. And I am capable of driving and parking. He also didn't seem to appreciate the fact that I even had an interest in going, which kind of hurts to be honest. And even after what I said, he is continuing to text me and tell me about the gallery, the crowd, etc, as if I never mentioned basically being kind of upset at him. Strange. Sounds like a self-obsessed narcissistic douchebag. Maybe he's embarrassed by you (narcissists think people who do not worship them are not good enough to enjoy their company and qualify as "friend", gf, etc.) and doesn't want anyone he knows to know that he's dating you? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I've just stopped responding to the texts until I decide whether or not this is worth continuing. Plus, I'm still annoyed that another female student was a-ok to attend, but I was strongly discouraged until after I complained about it. Something doesn't feel right. It may not be right...but remember this is his work. The idea is to sell his work. His time there should be spent promoting his work so he can make money and gain exposure. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Narcissists also totally lack tact, and this guy seems not to care about your feelings or the fact that you are quite capable of understanding what he told you the first time, etc. He deems himself to be too great and important to spend all his time talking to you, even when there's not much else going on. More red flags on this one than there are in China, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 UPDATE Well, I sent him a text saying I had other plans and wouldn't be making it. Him: Ok well if your plans fall through you could always stop by for a bit if you want. Me: Oh well thank you but honestly I was kind of unsure whether it was really ok for me to come or not. Plus with all the driving/parking etc I think I'll just try to make it to the next one. But good luck and let me know how it goes. Him: I'm sorry about that my fault. Oh of course it is. But I was just trying to give you an idea of the scenario. Yea thats why I was trying to get at. So up to you. I will thanks. ....? So, basically, he told you AGAIN that he did not want you to stay long if you came. What was this, the 250th time? Link to post Share on other sites
jolie_baby Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 For me it is not about having the gallery too small because is he wants buyers then priority goes to those who are buying the art work not just occupying some space so I would understand. What is not nice is that he repeated it again and again. Also, he initially suggested you go for dinner then changed his mind. Hmmm.... not sure thats a good sign. My initial reaction is not to go. But thinking a bit about it, just go without approaching him to see what is going on there and maybe it will help you understand why did he make all the fuss about, like if there was someone else or he is just being weird- for your own peace of mind. And dont let him know you are there when you first get there just observe... Link to post Share on other sites
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 So, basically, he told you AGAIN that he did not want you to stay long if you came. What was this, the 250th time? Exactly. The texting is getting a bit annoying, but he did just text again Him: Well I was definitely right about it not being worth it for you to come. Me: Oh why? Him: Long story, I'll tell you later. I'm gonna get some sleep for work. I'll let you know tomorrow if we're doing something on Saturday (he told me on Tuesday that we might do something on Saturday). Again, that annoys me. It's not like he has other plans on Saturday, so he really has no reason to cancel unless he just doesn't want to see me that day and chooses to make other plans instead. Which, after knowing he was a dick today, seems like the sort of thing he might want to do if he really cared to see me. I just don't think I'm very high on his priority list/important to him at all. I think I give up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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