happydate Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 (edited) im just a bit overwhelmed by this all, i really am, i am doing my best to keep it together but i am sick and tired of feeling this way. i wish i never met her. she has turned my life upside down. now im all fxcked up, its been over a month and im still fxcked up. my head is fxcked up, my heart is fxcked up, i hate everything, i dont know what to do. thank god i have a vacation coming up in the next week & 1/2, but even then, its my first vacation in 7 years alone, im not going anywhere, and all my friends will be working, its fxcked up. fxck everything. i have such bad anxiety man. every dam day. Let me give you a useful piece of advice here. 1, Take a REAL vacation and go somewhere (Vegas/Palm Springs) 2, Restore your self-esteem (you lost some because of her manipulative nature that drove your esteem lower than hers) 3, Get back with your lost friends and dump your guts out (your real friends do miss you and can help you) 4, Get your life back and do the things you love before you met Miss Trainwreck! 5, Never jump into another relationship too soon until you are healed and that you had your self-esteem restored back to 7 years prior. Remember that when you were with her, you were doing everything for her so she had programmed you to be guilty. Everything is your fault. Obviously she's not and won't be feeling as guilty. Women who dump you usually contemplated dumping you months or even years earlier. Just that, she had probably found someone, got banged, felt good and then find you useless. I'm sorry man, but I've been there myself. Best way to resolve this is not to hate her. You can not remove her from your life because she will always be a part of you in memory! You can return her stuff and erase her physically, but not mentally. Forgive and accept her flaws for what she's done is the best way to accept closure. In fact, forgiveness = closure. That's the best way that I have done with my exes and move on. You'll heal quicker, cause it's unfair for you to retain baggage and then make your next girlfriend suffer for it or start questioning your relationship because of fear, fear that you might end up being dumped again like this Miss Trainwreck! Edited July 12, 2013 by happydate 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 She was looking for a man to complete her life and so she can be really self-centered "DOMINANT" and selfish in a way. Once you served your usefulness to her, then you're just like a used product thrown to the side ready to be recycled. But these ARE NOT the majority of normal woman. If this is the girls you seemed to be stuck dating with all your life, then perhaps you have some unresolved issues within you that are attracting these girls. Good self-esteem girls do not do this. They really appreciated your company and they remember you as long as you treat them like a princess. If it's just a one-off thing, then I guess next time recognize her M.O. Girls who do stuff like this all have similar M.O. i got burned, fxck her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Let me give you a useful piece of advice here. 1, Take a REAL vacation and go somewhere (Vegas/Palm Springs) 2, Restore your self-esteem (you lost some because of her manipulative nature that drove your esteem lower than hers) 3, Get back with your lost friends and dump your guts out (your real friends do miss you and can help you) 4, Get your life back and do the things you love before you met Miss Trainwreck! 5, Never jump into another relationship too soon until you are healed and that you had your self-esteem restored back to 7 years prior. Remember that when you were with her, you were doing everything for her so she had programmed you to be guilty. Everything is your fault. Obviously she's not and won't be feeling as guilty. Women who dump you usually contemplated dumping you months or even years earlier. Just that, she had probably found someone, got banged, felt good and then find you useless. I'm sorry man, but I've been there myself. Best way to resolve this is not to hate her. You can not remove her from your life because she will always be a part of you in memory! You can return her stuff and erase her physically, but not mentally. Forgive and accept her flaws for what she's done is the best way to accept closure. In fact, forgiveness = closure. That's the best way that I have done with my exes and move on. You'll heal quicker, cause it's unfair for you to retain baggage and then make your next girlfriend suffer for it or start questioning your relationship because of fear, fear that you might end up being dumped again like this Miss Trainwreck! hard not to hate her when she just threw me away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 hard not to hate her when she just threw me away. You're at the anger stage. It's perfectly normal and acceptable to be feeling the way you are -- means that the breakup is registering and you are actually starting to move forward. It sucks to go through, but what you are going through shows that you are starting to evolve past it. Eventually the anger will lessen, but be pissed if you want to be pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) hard not to hate her when she just threw me away. Yes, but you need to forgive as quickly as you can. You hate her so much because you've felt used and abused and the sex and her pleasant demeanour kept you from leaving . This is completely normal and is a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship. Well, let me say that it's lucky you guys didn't have any kids. I found that the only upside going out with these women is that, they're only good for a bang or two or more if that's what you are looking for. For long term reliable relationships however, they won't serve you. In fact, you can count yourself lucky if you meet a woman who has finally learned her lessons that a man can not complete her, but a man can complement her life and she to him. Rest assured that if she continues this quest of using men for her own benefits, other men will use her as well. She's not getting any younger and when she's in her 40s and 50s, finding that knight in the shining armour will be extremely difficult, because younger women will have their day. This gives her the reflection of remorse that she should had kept you and cherished you. Some day, she will realize this. I had slept with some of these train wrecks, and oh man you won't believe how damaged goods they are and that's why I knew. They weren't willing to fix their problems when they had the chance and they longed for their exes they dumped and yet can't fathom to love a new person!! But then they will always live unhappy lives. Move on and be happy and heal!! Trust me, there is a great woman out there that will treat and love you for what you are. Soon, you'll say why did I spent 7 miserable years with this wreck? Then you will realize sex is not that keeps the relationship going only. You will become wiser! Edited July 14, 2013 by happydate Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 In my 32 years of experience, I have found that I am constantly rewriting my life. What I mean is that you truly do not know what the future holds. You have plans, and you think you know. But the reality is that things change all the time. I have switched careers in the last 5 years, and I can look back at so many instances that changed the coarse of my life. I never anticipated many of them. You cannot put your happiness in other people because they are always going to disappoint you. I'm sure I have disappointed some people along the way myself. It is just a part of life we accept. One day you have it all mapped out, but the truth is that anyone or anything can come by and disrupt it. You will get through this, and you will learn from it. Maybe not this minute, but there is a light somewhere you will see one day. You've just gotta hang onto it when you find it, and you can make it through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 hey guys, wanted to check in & give you guys an update on things. yesterday was my first day back to work after a 10day vacation and first time I've had to see my ex at work (she had vacation the week before, and I only saw her one day the week prior to that) it wasn't easy, I still get the butterflies (or maybe its better described as nausea at this point) when I see her but we didn't talk, email, make eye contact, nada, & I did my best to avoid even walking by each other but there was one instance where she was outside on the phone (im assuming with the new guy) and I went out to my car and turned the corner and there she was, but again we didn't even make eye contact, when she saw me she sort of turned away and I just walked by. the interview I had on friday the week before sort of bombed, never got a call back, and I was planning to hopefully never have to come back to this job or see my ex again but that plan failed. it just sucks, I know I have been progressing, taking myself out of my comfort zone, going out often with friends, I don't feel that crushing anxiety I felt for weeks before, but I still love her, I wish I didn't, I wish I could just turn off the feelings, but I am staying strong, and sticking to NC. its been around 3 weeks since that last text and I plan to keep it going unless the 180 comes around (which i'm not sure at this point will ever come). I read somewhere 60days of NC does wonders, its almost been a month, so after another 5 weeks or so, im hoping the feelings I have for her will keep diminishing slowly, because I know I have been making progress because I don't long to contact her like I did before, but it still hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 btw my birthday is tomorrow.. 26 1st one in 7 years without a gf. weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 *update* ex sent me an email asking if she could come by on Saturday to pick up her desk and the very last **** she had at my place I just replied "ya" she replied back saying she would try to come in the am and coordinate with her dad to use his truck or whatever but would keep me posted, and then said hope all is well with you. I didn't reply back after that. keep calm & life goes on! Link to post Share on other sites
jerryh Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 onwards and upwards man, if she does come back ya have a decision to make, if not lets just live our lifes and have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 onwards and upwards man, if she does come back ya have a decision to make, if not lets just live our lifes and have fun! yea I hear ya man, its just that the ascent takes forever, and its slow & painful, like trying to climb out of a hole filled with maple syrup & shards of glass Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 im kinda just venting on here today, because today has been difficult for me emotionally, yesterday wasn't that bad and it was the 1st day ive seen her in weeks, today is really hurting. maybe its because she sent me this little nothing ****ing email about picking up her goddam desk on Saturday, and "hoping all is well" bs. man I hadn't had ANY contact with her for the past few weeks and all it took was a stupid email to make me feel like crap again.. im pretty sure shes with someone else already & if they aren't exclusive, they definitely have been "talking", but man how I wish she would come back, I know its delaying my healing thinking like that and holding on to hope, despite how real or unreal the hope is. It just kills me. & she goes on with her day, smiling, acting as if nothing is wrong. Her personality is naturally flirty, and she talks to everyone at the office, but me. *daggers*! I have to give myself props for not saying anything other than "ya" to that email, and I plan on leaving the desk outside along with a bag of her stuff on Saturday because I really don't want her inside my apt again or do I want to see her. plus my f'n birthday is tomorrow AND I have to work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) another update if anyone is interested. ex sends me a simple "Happy Birthday" email at work today, written just like that. I reply back "Ty", just like that. no further contact though I sometimes feels like she makes a few extra trips to that water cooler throughout the day just to walk by desk. sigh. this bday sucks balls. Edited July 31, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) im kinda just venting on here today, because today has been difficult for me emotionally, yesterday wasn't that bad and it was the 1st day ive seen her in weeks, today is really hurting. maybe its because she sent me this little nothing ****ing email about picking up her goddam desk on Saturday, and "hoping all is well" bs. man I hadn't had ANY contact with her for the past few weeks and all it took was a stupid email to make me feel like crap again.. im pretty sure shes with someone else already & if they aren't exclusive, they definitely have been "talking", but man how I wish she would come back, I know its delaying my healing thinking like that and holding on to hope, despite how real or unreal the hope is. It just kills me. & she goes on with her day, smiling, acting as if nothing is wrong. Her personality is naturally flirty, and she talks to everyone at the office, but me. *daggers*! I have to give myself props for not saying anything other than "ya" to that email, and I plan on leaving the desk outside along with a bag of her stuff on Saturday because I really don't want her inside my apt again or do I want to see her. plus my f'n birthday is tomorrow AND I have to work! She's just doing herself and you a favor by not talking to you. She's trying to heal, so you should let her be. If she wants to get back, she'll let you know, but really why would you since you guys are not together anymore! You definitely do not want to be like one of my ex-girlfriends who was really really screwed up. Divorced her hubby of 12 years and then went on a GIGS maneuver for another 15 banging guys so she can replace her ex-hubby and at the same time flirting with her ex-H! Both were running and still today a competition who's going to get married. It's a like a personal vendetta to punish each other for the fault they did 27 freaking years before! Thankfully though, she dumped me. While the sex was kind of good (unprotected always best), her personality is a flirtatious bomb girl who can pretty much getting any man's wand she wants considering she's in a her 50s. Sadly, her ex-hubby is competing with her, treating her girlfriends like chump change. Do you really want to end up like them; all screwed up going into your 50s, 60s or 70s? Don't. Tons of girls out there for the picking my friend that are better than your ex. There is a reason why your ex stays an ex!! Edited July 31, 2013 by happydate Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Big mistake, that "Ty"..... Link to post Share on other sites
jerryh Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Happy Birthday man! Just try ignore her and keep your head up, lets take comfort there is a lot of us in this together. if she comes back so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 She's just doing herself and you a favor by not talking to you. She's trying to heal, so you should let her be. If she wants to get back, she'll let you know, but really why would you since you guys are not together anymore! You definitely do not want to be like one of my ex-girlfriends who was really really screwed up. Divorced her hubby of 12 years and then went on a GIGS maneuver for another 15 banging guys so she can replace her ex-hubby and at the same time flirting with her ex-H! Both were running and still today a competition who's going to get married. It's a like a personal vendetta to punish each other for the fault they did 27 freaking years before! Thankfully though, she dumped me. While the sex was kind of good (unprotected always best), her personality is a flirtatious bomb girl who can pretty much getting any man's wand she wants considering she's in a her 50s. Sadly, her ex-hubby is competing with her, treating her girlfriends like chump change. Do you really want to end up like them; all screwed up going into your 50s, 60s or 70s? Don't. Tons of girls out there for the picking my friend that are better than your ex. There is a reason why your ex stays an ex!! I feel ya, I don't know if I could even deal with the fact she's been with someone else after me, its different when you first meet them and whatever happened before "us" is whatever, but once I've been "there" and then someone else has been "there" after me, I don't think I can go back. maybe that will help me heal faster as well, who knows. one thing for sure is I will never ever ever get any future girlfriends a job where I work, no way no how. lesson learned! its crazy we lasted almost 7 years total & 5 years working together, living together, together 24/7. I guess i did something right for it to last that long, but in reality it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, actually a majority of the time it was anything but.. still miss her though. even though its been almost 2 months, still feels like yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 Big mistake, that "Ty"..... I know, I seem to have a knack for ****ing up. but im still proud of myself, the only contact I've had with her in the past month has been replies to those two emails, and it was a total of 4 letters, "ya" & "ty, not even real words lol.. i'd consider that progress. finding a new job right now is a bit unrealistic and will take some time, so im just gonna do my best to muscle through and ignore her. its not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 Happy Birthday man! Just try ignore her and keep your head up, lets take comfort there is a lot of us in this together. if she comes back so be it. thanks bro. & yes, I realize there are millions of other people going through the same thing @ this same moment. I also believe things happen for a reason & that karma always comes back for ya. god help me lol Link to post Share on other sites
jerryh Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 i believe in karma too, for now we dont need any women, spend time with your friends, both still young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 i believe in karma too, for now we dont need any women, spend time with your friends, both still young. amen, however, I miss that closeness with a female lol platonic relationships only provide so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Big Sky Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 amen, however, I miss that closeness with a female lol platonic relationships only provide so much. be wary of what you just said... you said you miss the "closeness" of a relationship, possibly not the relationship itself. really think about why you want this ex back... is it because of that close emotional bond or something else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 be wary of what you just said... you said you miss the "closeness" of a relationship, possibly not the relationship itself. really think about why you want this ex back... is it because of that close emotional bond or something else? im sure its a mix of both, we where together 7 years, went through a lot of drama together, a lot of growing up together, did everything together etc.. I've come to accept that I will not be getting back with her anytime soon if ever. I will have to just man up and make it through the darkness to get to the light. I was just venting like a little bitch the pass few days cuz it was my birthday yesterday and Ive been on vacation and haven't had to be around her. I was doing good before this week! she was only on my mind for blurbs at a time. there was a time where I was happy, confident, carefree guy. that time will come again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 thanks bro. & yes, I realize there are millions of other people going through the same thing @ this same moment. I also believe things happen for a reason & that karma always comes back for ya. Holy crap, have you learnt nothing...?!? (See my signature, item 3! That should distract you for a while!!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeGoesOnMan Posted August 2, 2013 Author Share Posted August 2, 2013 Holy crap, have you learnt nothing...?!? (See my signature, item 3! That should distract you for a while!!) I just learnt that this whole situation is my own karma. Yay. Link to post Share on other sites
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