I believe in second chances..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

ugh, I just don't want to care anymore.

[BC1980]

I feel your pain. I used to get so angry with my ex for ending it like he did. That's the thing with relationships. It really has jaded me because this guy was so good with his apparent acting.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

ive been reading a lot of inspiring stuff about moving on, letting go and what not. eases some of the anxiety I have been having, but not much, it comes in waves it seems, certain stuff trigger it, its comes, then goes..

 

really need a new fxking job!

[BC1980]

You will be fine one minute, then something will remind you. I got really sad this weekend when I found out my cousin is having another baby. Happily for her of course, but sad because I was supposed to be living that family life with my ex. I get so made because I feel like he waved all of that in front of me then snatched it away. I just feel wronged by him when I think about it. Ah well, I'm missing what we used to have. It could never be they way again. Hopefully, I can find someone without all the stress my ex gave me, stringing me along for 3 yrs. I guess I blame myself as much as anyone for staying so long, but he was pretty darn convincing.

[TaraMaiden]

thought i'd tell ya she finally emailed me this morning, saying sorry she didn't get a chance to come up and get the rest of her things this weekend, said she will come by this Friday in the am, if that's ok with me.

 

I just said "k" back and that's it.

 

really starting to hate the b--tch now, that's good right?

 

No, it's not.

 

"Hating someone with all your heart, makes you cling to them emotionally just as much as if you loved them with all your heart."

 

You need to practise and develop genuine benign indifference.

 

Be happy for yourself, and be ok about her - neither hot nor cold, neither love nor hate. Neutral. Meh. 'So what'.

 

And yes, you're absolutely right.

 

You DO need a new Fxcking job.

[BC1980]

Hating is just as bad because you are still thinking about her, draining your life away.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You will be fine one minute, then something will remind you. I got really sad this weekend when I found out my cousin is having another baby. Happily for her of course, but sad because I was supposed to be living that family life with my ex. I get so made because I feel like he waved all of that in front of me then snatched it away. I just feel wronged by him when I think about it. Ah well, I'm missing what we used to have. It could never be they way again. Hopefully, I can find someone without all the stress my ex gave me, stringing me along for 3 yrs. I guess I blame myself as much as anyone for staying so long, but he was pretty darn convincing.

 

I feel your pain, probably not to the same extent in some cases, but I feel it. Whole lotta "what could have been".. Or "what will be" going through my head all the time now, and it's only been a month, I don't know how I'm gonna make it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

No, it's not.

 

"Hating someone with all your heart, makes you cling to them emotionally just as much as if you loved them with all your heart."

 

You need to practise and develop genuine benign indifference.

 

Be happy for yourself, and be ok about her - neither hot nor cold, neither love nor hate. Neutral. Meh. 'So what'.

 

And yes, you're absolutely right.

 

You DO need a new Fxcking job.

 

I just have so many emotions running rampant right now, just trying to cope, I've been all over the place past few weeks, I really have to take a breath and try and figure out who the fxck I am again.

 

And finding a new job will be sweet relief for me in a whole lot of ways.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. Keep working at it...

 

Any suggestions?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

1). Pure, unadulterated, full-bore, NC. But you work with your ex. So get another job and in the meantime, unless it's work related, no conversations with her.

 

2). Meetup.com - schedule 1 night a week where you join a group to meet new people. Try a few different groups and surround yourself with new people not connected to your current social circle.

 

3). Occupy your mind. Take up a new skill/hobby, or rediscover a new one. I play guitar.

 

4). Healthy body, healthy mind. No booze, not too much junk food, plenty of water, plenty of exercise. Meditate for 10 mins in the morning or evening.

 

5). Time. Give it time. You have to limit your interaction with her as much as possible, which you haven't really been doing up until now. It's time to start. There's penty of advice about LC out there.

 

Thanks for this, I'm starting to feel a bit stronger already, and when I really think about it, she really isn't all that great, looks or personality wise, and we really didnt have much in common to begin with...not even sure now how we lasted this long... lol

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Life is funny, so I made a pof profile just to try and start atleast talking to other girls, and I already started to click with one lol one that has alot of the same interests and things in common (& nice blue eyes!), matter of fact we chatted back and forth past couple days and I already got her number lol she actually asked me if I wanted to text her instead of pof, and gave me her number. Pretty sure she isn't a catfish either lol and all I had to do was be my old confident self. Of course I'm not trying to jump into anything but it helps mend the ol' ego a bit.

 

Feeling better already.

[jerryh]

How you feeling now mate?

[BC1980]

Anything new? I'm interested to see how you are doing.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

hey guys, sorry its been awhile, I got to the point where I felt this site was preventing me from fully letting the girl go because the only reason I was on here was to deal with the heartache she caused me, but I've come to realize that I just cannot let this girl control my life, my thoughts, my head, because in reality she just isn't worth it.

 

she didn't value the relationship we had

 

she didn't want to work things out

 

she basically cut me out of her life

 

& after another futile attempt to try and establish the "connection" on my part started with an accepted date, to her cancelling on me last second & basically sent me a novel of a text message basically saying she has put herself out there and hung out with other guys, and said she didn't want to hold me back or prevent me from moving on...

 

bottom line: she's over me (kinda knew that from the start but didn't want to accept it)

 

so after reading that text, I never replied back, deleted her and her brother's number, rounded up all the V-day, b-day cards, the "book" she made of all our pictures together and memories over the past 7 years, put it in a trash can, doused it with lighter fluid and set it ablaze, standing along with my dad, my little bro and my best friend. had a few beers and metaphorically did my best to let her go at that point.

 

its been straight NC past 6 days, its been hard, im obviously not over her and today was the first day I've seen her at work since last Friday (called out Monday and was off tues/wed) good thing is she is on vacation starting tomorrow and I will be going on vacation before she gets back, so we wont see each other another 2 weeks after today. (again we haven't talked/emailed, nothing)

 

I am coping, progressing, doing my best to hate her before I can move on to indifference, because well, you gotta love, then hate, then indifferate.

 

I do have a date with a nice 23yr old philipina English teacher next weekend =) met her off POF, got her number, we've been texting back and forth past 3 days, really down to earth girl, and drop dead gorgeous!

 

"so I guess ill keep a walking, with my head held high, ill keep moving on, and only god knows why" =)

 

this should probably go back into the break-up forum lol

Edited July 11, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

she still has a computer desk and photo albums of her own pictures at my house, im debating to break that **** up and burn that all too, I don't want her ever at my house again, and I told her when this all started that if she wanted to see someone else, or if she was seeing someone else, or started to see someone else before trying to reconcile, well that I would be gone forever...

 

there is one real dealbreaker for me when it comes to reconciling, even in the future, and that's being with someone else after me, once that happens, the bitch is dead to me..

 

its one thing to be with other people BEFORE you meet/hook up with them, but once you've been there, and then someone else has been there... there is no going back after that for me.. just isn't.

 

one door closes another one opens.

[TaraMaiden]

Dismantle the desk and bind it together with duct tape.

Put the albums into a box.

 

label the lot :

 

"FAO *her name*".

 

have someone else deliver them to reception (where you work) and leave them there.

 

Then, when she gets back (you'll be on Holiday), the problem of getting them out of reception, and back to her place - will be HER problem.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Dismantle the desk and bind it together with duct tape.

Put the albums into a box.

 

label the lot :

 

"FAO *her name*".

 

have someone else deliver them to reception (where you work) and leave them there.

 

Then, when she gets back (you'll be on Holiday), the problem of getting them out of reception, and back to her place - will be HER problem.

 

I kinda hummed the photo albums at the wall & floor, they are kinda fxcked up now lol she actually had to glue the desk because it wobbled when she put it together, it will be ruined if I dismantle it.

 

I think im gonna just burn the ****, its been like 2 months, fxck her.

[BC1980]

I've been wondering what happened to you. I feel for you because I did exactly what you did several years back with an ex. It's hard to watch someone else, but sometimes experience is the best teacher.

 

It will get better with NC over the next few months. It's gonna be really hard, but there is a light somewhere. Going on vacation is always a good distraction, so good that you are going.

 

It's still gonna be hard to work with her.

[BC1980]

Also, this site really helped with my recent break up. Just reading what other people are going through. Knowing you aren't alone has been a big help to me.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I've been wondering what happened to you. I feel for you because I did exactly what you did several years back with an ex. It's hard to watch someone else, but sometimes experience is the best teacher.

 

It will get better with NC over the next few months. It's gonna be really hard, but there is a light somewhere. Going on vacation is always a good distraction, so good that you are going.

 

It's still gonna be hard to work with her.

 

yea I tried to purge, and I really think im just gonna break down that desk and burn it along with her other ****, I don't really care at this point,

 

and lucky for me I have an interview next Friday for a similar job closer to where I live =) WISH ME LUCK (oh plz oh plz oh plz)

[BC1980]

yea I tried to purge, and I really think im just gonna break down that desk and burn it along with her other ****, I don't really care at this point,

 

and lucky for me I have an interview next Friday for a similar job closer to where I live =) WISH ME LUCK (oh plz oh plz oh plz)

 

I really hope you get this job. It's setting you back miles to see her everyday. Not good for your emotional well being. It sucks, and it isn't fair to have to change jobs. . . . but what other choice do you really have?

 

My most recent ex and I met at work. I thank my lucky stars he actually changed jobs while we were still together. Man, I dodged that bullet and didn't even know it at the time. There is no way you can look at her everyday and move on. It's like opening the wound over and over again. I feel for you, and I'm sorry you have to change jobs. Try to stay positive. New beginnings.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I really hope you get this job. It's setting you back miles to see her everyday. Not good for your emotional well being. It sucks, and it isn't fair to have to change jobs. . . . but what other choice do you really have?

 

My most recent ex and I met at work. I thank my lucky stars he actually changed jobs while we were still together. Man, I dodged that bullet and didn't even know it at the time. There is no way you can look at her everyday and move on. It's like opening the wound over and over again. I feel for you, and I'm sorry you have to change jobs. Try to stay positive. New beginnings.

 

i would just like to get off this emotional roller coaster, and yes your right, i was doing well past 5 days, hadnt seen her or spoke with her, and bam, come yesterday, i feel like ***** again (though i did my best not to look, talk or communicate with her at all).. tho not as bad as before, but it does kill me seeing and being around her...

 

what really bothers me is how apparently little she valued the relationship.. after 7 years she straight cut me out of her life in a month and is already hanging out with other guys...it really just boggles my mind, almost like the past 7 years didnt happen.

 

*daggers*

[BC1980]

what really bothers me is how apparently little she valued the relationship.. after 7 years she straight cut me out of her life in a month and is already hanging out with other guys...it really just boggles my mind, almost like the past 7 years didnt happen.

 

Remember that she starting detaching probably months before you, so she is in a different place. I'm sure she did value the relationship, but she had a jump start on moving on. You also don't know how she feels on the inside. She may feel terrible on the inside but is putting up a show on the outside.

 

However. . . . none of it matters. It's about you now. Keep pressing forward.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

im just a bit overwhelmed by this all, i really am, i am doing my best to keep it together but i am sick and tired of feeling this way.

 

i wish i never met her. she has turned my life upside down. now im all fxcked up, its been over a month and im still fxcked up. my head is fxcked up, my heart is fxcked up, i hate everything, i dont know what to do.

 

thank god i have a vacation coming up in the next week & 1/2, but even then, its my first vacation in 7 years alone, im not going anywhere, and all my friends will be working, its fxcked up. fxck everything. i have such bad anxiety man. every dam day.

Edited July 12, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[happydate]

i would just like to get off this emotional roller coaster, and yes your right, i was doing well past 5 days, hadnt seen her or spoke with her, and bam, come yesterday, i feel like ***** again (though i did my best not to look, talk or communicate with her at all).. tho not as bad as before, but it does kill me seeing and being around her...

 

what really bothers me is how apparently little she valued the relationship.. after 7 years she straight cut me out of her life in a month and is already hanging out with other guys...it really just boggles my mind, almost like the past 7 years didnt happen.

 

*daggers*

 

She was looking for a man to complete her life and so she can be really self-centered "DOMINANT" and selfish in a way. Once you served your usefulness to her, then you're just like a used product thrown to the side ready to be recycled. But these ARE NOT the majority of normal woman. If this is the girls you seemed to be stuck dating with all your life, then perhaps you have some unresolved issues within you that are attracting these girls. Good self-esteem girls do not do this. They really appreciated your company and they remember you as long as you treat them like a princess. If it's just a one-off thing, then I guess next time recognize her M.O. Girls who do stuff like this all have similar M.O.