should I ask this one out? :))

[MidwestUSA]

Right. To prove once more that I was right that he's mean spirited, he just texted me his address and asked if I can reimburse him for half of the dinner bill, total $46.00, since I declined to meet again. Now that's nice. I actually offered to split it last night anyway, but he declined. Anyway, again, that's super chivalerous, I'll send him 23$, although my order was just 15, he ordered something more expensive LOL

 

I think that so far the advice I was getting from cutiepie is right on the money. I'll have to work on being less tolerant of people.

OMG, I don't believe it! Well, okay, I do. Agree, only give him your share. Make him meet you somewhere, preferably in the vicinity of a lot of poles! What a douche!

[MidwestUSA]

Give him all one dollar bills and suggest he go see some pole dancers.

[BluEyeL]

OMG, I don't believe it! Well, okay, I do. Agree, only give him your share. Make him meet you somewhere, preferably in the vicinity of a lot of poles! What a douche!

:laugh::laugh:

 

I just don't want to meet him. Great idea with just 1$ bills, I'll do it.

[BluEyeL]

Well, this is sort of deserved on your part. With how your expectations are heaped on men and the chase, it sort of displays how willing you are to dip to that level.

 

In any case, I find it humorous you bothered replying. Why?

 

Replying to the request for 23$? Idk why, I'll just send him 23$.

[BluEyeL]

Well, this is sort of deserved on your part. With how your expectations are heaped on men and the chase

And I still don't get your objections. I get the objections that cutiepie, stargazer, ninjapajamas, and others have. I just don't get yours.

[candie13]

Replying to the request for 23$? Idk why, I'll just send him 23$.

 

15$ !!! what's fair is fair!!! if he's looking at your pocket, you have the right to be looking in his mouth !

[BluEyeL]

15$ !!! What's fair is fair!!! If he's looking at your pocket, you have the right to be looking in his mouth !

ok, 15$.

[BluEyeL]

ok, 15$.

Or should I substract the babysitting fees from this?

[curlygirl40]

Right. To prove once more that I was right that he's mean spirited, he just texted me his address and asked if I can reimburse him for half of the dinner bill, total $46.00, since I declined to meet again. Now that's nice. I actually offered to split it last night anyway, but he declined. Anyway, again, that's super chivalerous, I'll send him 23$, although my order was just 15, he ordered something more expensive LOL

 

.

 

OMG. I know people over use LOL so I'll just spell it out, I seriously laughed out loud when I read this. That's hysterical!! See, if nothing else you got a good story.

 

And I have to give you credit for giving this a chance even when you had your signs. In the future you'll listen to those signs and be tougher with your weeding out approach but in the meantime, this seriously made my whole day.

 

I say you send him an invoice. 1/2 the bill, minus your babysitting, minus how much you make per hour but spent your time having to sit there and listen to him even when you were done with your date. I think he owes you money.

 

I hope this guy likes being single because he's going to be single for a good long while

[BluEyeL]

OMG. I know people over use LOL so I'll just spell it out, I seriously laughed out loud when I read this. That's hysterical!! See, if nothing else you got a good story.

 

And I have to give you credit for giving this a chance even when you had your signs. In the future you'll listen to those signs and be tougher with your weeding out approach but in the meantime, this seriously made my whole day.

 

 

Absolutely, I'll get better at weeding out. I wasn't distressed, and at least I'm glad he walked into the pole :laugh:

 

I'm actually pretty excited (cautiously excited lol) about the date tonight, I like that it is not a boring sit and eat date, and it involves walking. Nobody did this before. I once tried to suggest to one guy to do something else other than eating for our supposedly third date and he replied: "we can do THAT too":laugh:

[BluEyeL]

My objection to needing men to chase you is because you're fulfilling some internal issue by making men do so. A validation issue, perhaps, or an empowerment one.

 

From the posts you've made, it seems you're unwilling to reciprocate real and genuine interest, and instead, you're stringing guys you aren't attracted too along, all in the hopes of them chasing you. That is my objection. Instead of cutting your losses, you're attempting to push some of these men into running after you, hoping you'll acquiesce to their attentions.

 

Aha, I get it now. OK, you are entitled to your opinion and thanks for contributing, it could be a real danger. I'm denying the allegations though I know my interest is never instantaneous, not before I get to know that person. I usually first want to see them in person once I know age, location, education. I never moved beyond the first date with someone I was truly not interested in. When I'm really not interested, I send rejection letters, like I did to the pole dude from last night. I rarely, if ever, do the fade. If I see some potential, I accept a second date, true, even if there are no sparks on the first date, but if the date is decent/OK at least. Because people project one image at the first date, but second they show more of themselves. I once advanced to third date with someone I was REALLY interested in.

 

But what i'll do following both others and yours inputs, plus my experiences is offer less first dates based on red flags that sometimes I did choose to ignore (i.e. pole guy was full of red flags but I found excuses and "maybes", so the bad first date story is fully deserved on my side in fact). Also, I'll lower my age bracket to 49 and refocus on meetups for a while, instead of OLD. Trial and error here.

[todreaminblue]

I seem to post a lot of threads, oh well... I'm going to cite another poster, who got me thinking about a guy I've been on a date with last Saturday. The OP who made me think said:

 

"I think thats the huge problem for us guys who arent smooth right away and may not make every right move or decision women seem to pick apart approach ton of voice mannerisms etc t odeath

 

Girls seem to overanalyze every move early on and if you make one mistake it can cost you your chance and is why some of the smoother guys who may not be great guys get women because they pass every social test in the begining."

 

So I've been on one date with a guy last Sat. He had a lisp (that's how you call it? ok, that's not attractive, I admit), and he seemed shy, not the typical outgoing guy. The conversation wasn't really smooth, he looked into his plate at times, seemed self conscious about eating. However, we have a lot of common interests: same movies, reading, activities (except I don't drink, he does and goes to these beer festivals etc.), he has a Ph.D. in Chemistry (I have two degrees in Chemistry as well), he is local. We mostly discussed movies, books etc. I think he liked me physically, because his eyes lit up when he saw me and kinda kept being lit up, but beyond that, I couldn't read him. So Monday he emailed:

 

"Hi Blu, It was nice to meet you on Saturday. Did you have a good weekend? Catch any movies? I thought of going to Iron Man 3 but I think I'll just wait til the crowds for it thin out. I was also considering The Place Beyond the Pines though I'm not sure if it will be in theaters this coming weekend."

 

I replied:

"It was also nice to meet you on Saturday, thank you again for lunch! This weekend it was my Easter. I'm Greek Orthodox. After meeting you, it was extremely busy with preparations and meeting people. No time for reading or movies, although I watched Hitch on amazon. I actually really want to see The Place Beyond the Pines. It is in theaters. I'll see when I can catch it. I'm at Panera now, before going to the office. I hope you have a good day and a good week and enjoying the summer"

 

After that nothing. My rule is that I never ask men out, because that doesn't lead anywhere, even if they said yes. Could it be that this one is afraid I'll reject him, or "he's just not that into me?". I don't really like him physically, but like the OP said, I'd like to get beyond the first date "lack of game" get to know him better, due to similar interests, maybe he'd open up more. He is local (important, I live in the middle of nowhere). Should I suggest we go to see one of those freaking movies, or just let it go? We both mentioned that we go to the movies by ourselves. I could just say to go as friends, or not mention "as what" we'd go, or just drop it.

 

 

he is an introvert who doesnt like crowds......it is not normally a thing to wait for crowds to run thin before seeing a movie unless you are not comfortable around crowds,and or he doesnt like waiting in lines......he asked you out once, i dont understand why you dont ask him out now.....a reciprocation thing....he sounds interested in you....if you really like him seeing how he broke the ice......break it right back..it would take the pressure off him and he may relax a little bit more.....seeing that you are truly interested in him........and i wish you well....deb

[BluEyeL]

Deb, I did just what you said. I'll see him in two hours and excited about what he planned.

[todreaminblue]

Deb, I did just what you said. I'll see him in two hours and excited about what he planned.

 

 

 

yaaaay.......updates please......go girl go........smilin....deb

[BluEyeL]

Ah, and ED, I still am of the opinion that the man will need to do the bulk of the chase. It really is not for validation. It just doesn't work when the woman is doing the chase. It doesn't. Ask ninja, honeybadgerdontcare, and other men, they'll testify that a woman chasing is not so good. You might be different, but from what I gather, most of the time, a woman in full pursuit is a turn off for men. I chased before, they ran. I'll stay a "hints" girl and when I make a mistake (hints not strong enough), I'm willing to correct and give additional encouragement, but that's all I think I should do.

[MidwestUSA]

"Pole dude", bwahahahaha!

[BluEyeL]

OK, it was a good second date, maybe one of the better (I can't put it as being the best, but maybe third place), I enjoyed it, three hours. He took me from place to place downtown, we've been to three places, ordered drinks, appetizers, desert, walked around, sat at two bars and one patio outside. I picked up the bill at the third place, I felt I should offer, he said OK. He was a lot more lively, talked a lot, knows a lot about the downtown, knows all places, all owners etc. It's a small town, but it looks like I don't know much about it.

 

Downside: he didn't ask too many questions, as usual lately with my dates, I was kinda driving the conversation, talked about surface topics only. I attribute this to still social awkwardness. I think he enjoyed it too, but we'll see if I'm reading it right.

 

If he asks again, I'll continue.

Edited May 17, 2013 by BluEyeL

[curlygirl40]

 

Downside: he didn't ask too many questions, as usual lately with my dates, I was kinda driving the conversation, talked about surface topics only. I attribute this to still social awkwardness. I think he enjoyed it too, but we'll see if I'm reading it right.

 

If he asks again, I'll continue.

 

First, Yay!! Go you.

 

My one question after reading this part, is I'm wondering if it's a coincidence since it seems like a common theme.

 

Do you think maybe you intimidate guys?? I wonder just because it does seem like they let you 'lead' in the conversation a lot. And I don't mean intentionally intimidate or that you have a strong personality, I just wonder if because of your degree or your job that they feel intimidated? Hmmmm

[BluEyeL]

I don't know if I intimidate them, but they damn sure should be intimidated :laugh: (kidding).

 

I didn't listen to the advice here (of course, I ask for advice, then do whatever I want anyway:laugh: ) and let him pick me up from home, I thought maybe that's an encouragement for him. I do not worry about safety in this town, everyone knows everyone, and we'll catch him:laugh: Can't invite him in anyway at drop off, because I live with my son and the babysitter is here too. On the trip downtown, I sat quiet on purpose, as to allow him to talk/ask/drive the conversation. It didn't happen, so I gave in and started asking questions to start the conversation. From the guys I dated, I drove the conversation with the guy from Pakistan last month, this guy (both on the shy side), and the pole dude (who was self-absorbed, not shy). The best at conversation of all my dates were the guys (three of them) who clearly just wanted the sex, including my no 1., who was actually the best. The ones that don't have such good social skills just don't know how to do it. This one was trying to impress me with his knowledge about different things about the town, that's what I felt, and I think he's too shy to go into personal details. He is still shy, he was still nervous. In contrast, my No 1 asked me a lot about sex, talk about "not shy". I don't think this guy will do that anytime soon, although he was a bit too obvious when he was checking me out Could have hidden that better

[BluEyeL]

In terms of strong personality, I'm a listener. Unless they ask the questions. When they do ask a question, I answer short and simple, I noticed that if I talk too much they lose focus LOL The shy ones don't ask too many questions unfortunately....what can you do huh? Eye contact with this one was good, and he touched me on my arm several times.

Edited May 17, 2013 by BluEyeL

[ja123]

OK, it was a good second date, maybe one of the better (I can't put it as being the best, but maybe third place), I enjoyed it, three hours. He took me from place to place downtown, we've been to three places, ordered drinks, appetizers, desert, walked around, sat at two bars and one patio outside. I picked up the bill at the third place, I felt I should offer, he said OK. He was a lot more lively, talked a lot, knows a lot about the downtown, knows all places, all owners etc. It's a small town, but it looks like I don't know much about it.

 

Downside: he didn't ask too many questions, as usual lately with my dates, I was kinda driving the conversation, talked about surface topics only. I attribute this to still social awkwardness. I think he enjoyed it too, but we'll see if I'm reading it right.

 

If he asks again, I'll continue.

 

Was this the guy with a lisp who is also into chemistry?

 

P.S. I love your stories!

 

What a weird guy to have asked you to pay 1/2 the bill after the fact. Are you going to, for real?

[BluEyeL]

Was this the guy with a lisp who is also into chemistry?

 

P.S. I love your stories!

 

What a weird guy to have asked you to pay 1/2 the bill after the fact. Are you going to, for real?

 

Yes, this is the one with the lisp, but I didn't notice the lisp today anymore

 

The pole walking guy was mean spirited, not a good person. Yes, I sent him the cash, because he is not a good person, and I'm afraid of him harassing me. I just want to be left alone and I'm willing to pay this protection fee, he can take the cash and shove it up his arse.

 

I'm glad I can entertain

[ja123]

OK, I hope you didn't put your return address on the envelope. I'm creeped out now by the thought of harassment.

 

Hey, I'm glad it went well with the now-non-lisp guy (maybe he was just particularly nervous the first time you met.)

 

Any plans to see him again?

[BluEyeL]

OK, I hope you didn't put your return address on the envelope. I'm creeped out now by the thought of harassment.

 

Hey, I'm glad it went well with the now-non-lisp guy (maybe he was just particularly nervous the first time you met.)

 

Any plans to see him again?

 

No, I didn't put the return address and I sent cash, not check.

 

As for plans to meet him again, all he needs to do is ask He really did make an effort today, I hope he'll ask.

[BluEyeL]

Forgot to say that we shared the food and I drank from his glass(es) of beer, because I don't drink alcohol, so it wasn't worth it for me to get one beer on my own. I did have a glass of Riesling at the last place, where we shared the desert.