should I ask this one out? :))

[BluEyeL]

In any case, you are too highly educated to have a thread titled "should I ask this one out?". At our ages, dating should be simpler, not more difficult. .

I should stop posting threads. But I'm still a woman, a bit crazy, and like to talk things to death, education or no education

[Star Gazer]

I'm missing the part where this guy would be different enough to break your rule.

 

He's local, and you share some interests, but you don't really like him physically? Generally I think that slavishly following rules in dating is foolish, but just this once I'm thinking you should re-read your rule and the reason for it (handily quoted above) and then stick to it.

 

Ditto x100.

[candie13]

I didn't believe in common interests before, but OMG, having someone who shares your hobbies can improve the quality of your relationship to such a high extent!

 

I like your fair answer, I also agree that part of understanding if you're on the right track is by walking the road. best of luck... and be careful with these other two new guys... you may get more than what you've bargained for, haha !!!

[BluEyeL]

I give up :laugh:

 

And promise to stop posting freaking threads like this one.

[candie13]

naaaah, it's fun!!! don't stop!

 

I'm dying to know how the 2 other guys were !

[BluEyeL]

naaaah, it's fun!!! don't stop!

 

I'm dying to know how the 2 other guys were !

 

I'm sorry, but I'm too highly educated, that's why I can't post stupid questions anymore. I'll have to stay in the Ivory Tower and pretend I'm smart and know what I'm doing

[BluEyeL]

I'll PM you about the other two guys if you want:p. One is tonite, one is Friday at lunch.

[MidwestUSA]

I should stop posting threads. But I'm still a woman, a bit crazy, and like to talk things to death, education or no education

No, no, don't stop! Like you, I analyze, sometimes to death too. Crazy? In a good way!

[MidwestUSA]

I'll PM you about the other two guys if you want:p. One is tonite, one is Friday at lunch.

Oh sure, go all secret and undercover with us, LOL! TBH, your dating "schedule" would exhaust me. I remember being able to handle one date per week, and it usually had to be on a Saturday, unless it was a simple meet and greet. Being an introverted homebody with fibromyalgia didn't help.

[BluEyeL]

I don't like to meet on Saturdays, I have a menage a trois arrangement for that day of the week Kidding lol I'm meeting friends Saturdays. Sometimes I have dates, but they get in the way. I'll take a break next week, unless something else continues from this week. It is exhausting. I haven't been on match since April 16, and I've been on OKC for 3 days two weeks ago, but never a dull moment I don't know...

[BluEyeL]

No, I wouldn't ask him out. I wouldn't pursue this any further. But that's me.

 

It wasn't the best email, but it didn't say, not interested. It was neutral, which given that you aren't attracted to him, should come as no surprise. We tell people how we really feel in lots of little ways even when we try to hide it.

 

Has this been your only communication with him since the date? How did the date end? Has he picked up the phone and called at any point?

 

My read: You're not interested. He's not that interested either. You're both ambivalent at best. That's a bad combination. Guys (shy or not) are very aggressive in their pursuit after a date, even if you give them nothing, if they really like you. They can't help themselves when they are very interested IME. Think Mr. ONS without all the innuendo about coming over for sex right now.

 

You can send this guy a flirty email or text if you like. That might net you a second date, but I'd be a little surprised if it goes much further than that.

 

There will be no confusion or struggle when there's a real connection. I'm not a fan of wasting time with Mr. Ambivalent, trying to finagle him into more dates. It still goes nowhere. Have you ever had it turn out differently when he didn't seem to care? There are opportunity costs associated with pursuing guys who are barely interested, the biggest of which is that it distracts you from finding someone who is a good fit and who is genuinely interested in you. You don't have to get everything "just right" when there is genuine interest.

 

Let us know how it turns out in a month.

 

I'll do that. If anything, I'll use this as a way to test the two opposing views on the board, so this will be an (empiric) experiment:

 

1. Things only go well if he is HIGHLY interested and pursues relentlessly, no matter what (shy, not shy, blown off/get neutral message or not). Also, men who are interested give you saturday night dates, not Th night dates. This is what the large majority of the dating books say too.

 

2. Women need to stop playing "high school games" and show interest, otherwise men will interpret that as just being used for attention. There are real life circumstances when lack of communication/misunderstandings and different personalities warrant more female action than in no 1. case, and in general "rules" are not set in stone, they don't always have to guess your script. And interest is not always "hot" at first sight, but can continue to develop from a base level.

 

Right now, I'll bet on #1, but I'll report in one month (June 15, I'll put it on my outlook calendar). Promise not to start a new thread:p

Edited May 15, 2013 by BluEyeL

[FitChick]

Not always a good idea to have a guy pick you up at your place unless you plan to invite him in when he drops you off.

 

For me, attraction generally grows when I get to know someone. He has to be my basic type but sparks don't have to fly initially. I have to like him as a person first.

[candie13]

I'll do that.

 

Right now, I'll bet on #1, but I'll report in one month (June 15, I'll put it on my outlook calendar). Promise not to start a new thread:p

 

pfffff, I'm secretly hoping you'll give in before, hahaha!

[BluEyeL]

OK, I've got to tell you this. I've been on the first date with this guy tonight. At the end of the date.....he said bye bye and.....walked straight into a pole. I laughed in the car, all the way home :laugh::laugh: I'm sorry, don't want to be mean, but it was just extremely freaking funny. The most entertaining part of the night

Edited May 16, 2013 by BluEyeL

[MidwestUSA]

You know what this means, don't you? HE'S THE ONE! The one you will be sitting around with, in your rockers, "Honey, remember our first date, when you walked into that pole? Or was it me who walked into the pole? " He's it, I'm telling ya! Too funny.

[pcplod]

You know that when I first thought about messaging him, reading that post about girls not giving a chance to awkward guys, one reason was that I thought about EXACTLY the fact that I said "enjoy the summer" and he might have interpreted it as "hasta la vista baby"??? funny you said that. Really funny! You're throwing me off here lol

I suspect, no more than that, that as a shy guy, you may have put him off. You could have dropped a stronger hint about seeing that movie with him without laying yourself bare. Maybe you subconsciously didn't because you weren't actually keen enough. Ambivalence will do that. But if you don't like him look-wise or like his inhibited nature, is it worth pursuing any further in any event?

[BluEyeL]

You know what this means, don't you? HE'S THE ONE! The one you will be sitting around with, in your rockers, "Honey, remember our first date, when you walked into that pole? Or was it me who walked into the pole? " He's it, I'm telling ya! Too funny.

 

That would have been dreamy, he asked me out for next weekend at the end of the date and texted as well, but I sent him a rejection email this morning. He was just mean spirited and bad mouthed former dates, as well as bragged how he harmed his ex-wife's former lover's career. Bleah. Above all, what I'm looking for is a man who is kind and has a good heart.

[BluEyeL]

I suspect, no more than that, that as a shy guy, you may have put him off. You could have dropped a stronger hint about seeing that movie with him without laying yourself bare. Maybe you subconsciously didn't because you weren't actually keen enough. Ambivalence will do that. But if you don't like him look-wise or like his inhibited nature, is it worth pursuing any further in any event?

 

I'm actually going out with him tonight. I have my own criteria, and he does fit a lot of it to warrant a second date in my book. I very rarely fall in love with someone's looks at the first sight, and he has a lot of potential, as well as he doesn't repulse me look-wise (tall, nice eyes). Doesn't mean it will work out, but I want to learn more about him and see if he loosens up a bit. Isn't learning more about the other the purpose of dating? The last night guy didn't deserve a second look, this one does.

[MidwestUSA]

That would have been dreamy, he asked me out for next weekend at the end of the date and texted as well, but I sent him a rejection email this morning. He was just mean spirited and bad mouthed former dates, as well as bragged how he harmed his ex-wife's former lover's career. Bleah. Above all, what I'm looking for is a man who is kind and has a good heart.

It sure makes it easy to hit the reject button when they show themselves so clearly on a first date. I don't tolerate bad mouthing of exes, or even criticism of random people out and about. Sounds like he deserved the pole! Glad you didn't waste too much time on him.

[curlygirl40]

Sounds like he deserved the pole!

 

Deserved the pole. LOL

 

That's why she laughed so hard on the way home probably, it's like karma hit him after all of that badmouthing

[BluEyeL]

It sure makes it easy to hit the reject button when they show themselves so clearly on a first date. I don't tolerate bad mouthing of exes, or even criticism of random people out and about. Sounds like he deserved the pole! Glad you didn't waste too much time on him.

 

Right. To prove once more that I was right that he's mean spirited, he just texted me his address and asked if I can reimburse him for half of the dinner bill, total $46.00, since I declined to meet again. Now that's nice. I actually offered to split it last night anyway, but he declined. Anyway, again, that's super chivalerous, I'll send him 23$, although my order was just 15, he ordered something more expensive LOL

 

I think that so far the advice I was getting from cutiepie is right on the money. I'll have to work on being less tolerant of people.

[Gottabestrong]

Right. To prove once more that I was right that he's mean spirited, he just texted me his address and asked if I can reimburse him for half of the dinner bill, total $46.00, since I declined to meet again. Now that's nice. I actually offered to split it last night anyway, but he declined. Anyway, again, that's super chivalerous, I'll send him 23$, although my order was just 15, he ordered something more expensive LOL

 

Wow, what a douche!!!

[candie13]

Right. To prove once more that I was right that he's mean spirited, he just texted me his address and asked if I can reimburse him for half of the dinner bill, total $46.00, since I declined to meet again. Now that's nice. I actually offered to split it last night anyway, but he declined. Anyway, again, that's super chivalerous, I'll send him 23$, although my order was just 15, he ordered something more expensive LOL

 

I think that so far the advice I was getting from cutiepie is right on the money. I'll have to work on being less tolerant of people.

 

I disagree, girl. You should pay STRICTLY for what you've had. Nothing more, nothing less. If I were you, I'd actually make him come to see me in person, to get the money. MAke him spend some more money on gas again! Arrgghhhh, these guys are so getting on my nerves!

 

You shouldn't beat yourself up, you didn't know how the guy was, not your fault he turned up to be a sore loser! Sure, use your instincts, but I think the first five to seven dates, almost any man can give this impeccable impression. Sure, there are clues as to his real self, but you never know.

 

Bottom line: the more you date, the better you get at it and the easier you can read through them. Cheers and don't spend another second thinking about that loser!

[tricolors]

Right. To prove once more that I was right that he's mean spirited, he just texted me his address and asked if I can reimburse him for half of the dinner bill, total $46.00, since I declined to meet again. Now that's nice. I actually offered to split it last night anyway, but he declined. Anyway, again, that's super chivalerous, I'll send him 23$, although my order was just 15, he ordered something more expensive LOL

 

I think that so far the advice I was getting from cutiepie is right on the money. I'll have to work on being less tolerant of people.

 

Wow. Never heard of THAT happening before. Good grief. What is he, 16 years old and using money he saved up from mowing lawns?

[BluEyeL]

I disagree, girl. You should pay STRICTLY for what you've had. Nothing more, nothing less. If I were you, I'd actually make him come to see me in person, to get the money. MAke him spend some more money on gas again! Arrgghhhh, these guys are so getting on my nerves!

 

You shouldn't beat yourself up, you didn't know how the guy was, not your fault he turned up to be a sore loser! Sure, use your instincts, but I think the first five to seven dates, almost any man can give this impeccable impression. Sure, there are clues as to his real self, but you never know.

 

Bottom line: the more you date, the better you get at it and the easier you can read through them. Cheers and don't spend another second thinking about that loser!

 

Actually, he wasn't impecable even before the first date. He shot me a list of questions via text, interrogation style. And cancelled the date we were supposed to have on Sat, rescheduled it for yesterday. Those were big red flags. He was surely interested to continue with me, but he is just not a nice person. Talking about "nice guys", I made sure I didn't say "you are a nice guy" in my rejection email. Because the very reason I rejected him is that he is NOT a nice guy. So, anyway I'll start cutting men left and right from now on, that's what I'll get better at. And therefore clearing my schedule for unnecessary dates.

 

I'll still let the public know how the date tonight goes. I received conflicting advice on this one, but I'm pretty curious about him. If it turns out bad, I promise I'll turn into a full fledged "Rules" girl, f*** being "nice" and giving chances to shy and/or awkard guys who are unsure. It just doesn't work.