ja123 Posted May 11, 2013 Share Posted May 11, 2013 It's no loss: you're not physically into him. And for whatever reason, he's on the fence... probably has nothing to do with you. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted May 11, 2013 Share Posted May 11, 2013 Also, Ninja tends to give good advice. But, I like to break rules. I'll ask a guy to "hang out" (guys can be shy, too, you know), but I won't ask a second time ... after that, it's up to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 11, 2013 Author Share Posted May 11, 2013 Ninja is one of my favorites, he's usually spot on! Well, stay tuned, whether you want it or not, you are bound to get more of my stories Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 11, 2013 Author Share Posted May 11, 2013 I would never date a woman like you. No problem Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 He asked me out now for Thursday night. But I RSVP-ed to a comedy club at a singles event. What should I say? Should I ask him to come with me to the comedy club instead? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Seriously you need to ask us? Right, not really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 Another thing that I need to decide on, but don't need to ask you .... He offered to pick me up. Nobody picked me up before, I wonder if what I answer to "I can pick you up or we can meet there" makes any difference, i.e. if a guy would feel I was more interested if I answered that yes, pick me up, rather than "I'll meet you there". I'll need to answer that within a couple of hours. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Stop freating, YES; it's a good sign ! But you may be killing it, by thinking too much about it !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 Stop freating, YES; it's a good sign ! But you may be killing it, by thinking too much about it !!! No no, I wasn't asking if it's a good sign that he wants to pick me up, I was wondering if what I answer makes a difference. But I agree I'm overthinking it. I overthink everything. I have two other guys this week, I don't overthink those though hmmm... Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 well, in all honesty, after seeing those two as well, you'll gain in perspective and won't be obsessing over any of them - that's the effect multiple dating had on me, it made me gain perspective and stay objective about all of them. Mind you, as long as you don't get physical and stuff, you may even enjoy it ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curlygirl40 Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 No problem LOL This made my whole day. Just for safety reasons I wouldn't let this guy pick you up, and I would hope that he would understand that. If this puts him off, then it's a red flag to me. Have fun and report back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 LOL This made my whole day. Just for safety reasons I wouldn't let this guy pick you up, and I would hope that he would understand that. If this puts him off, then it's a red flag to me. Have fun and report back. Thanks, that's what I was leaning towards. Plus, I admit I don't want the neighbors to see different people picking me up from home. None of their business until I'm going steady with someone. Just don't want to provide entertainment and discussion topics Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 well, in all honesty, after seeing those two as well, you'll gain in perspective and won't be obsessing over any of them - that's the effect multiple dating had on me, it made me gain perspective and stay objective about all of them. Mind you, as long as you don't get physical and stuff, you may even enjoy it ! Yes, I know what are you saying. I always multiple date, it's the only way, otherwise, with my personality, I'd go a bit nuts. And I'm already a bit nuts, don't need more of that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 I have to say - your obsession with the chase is quite high school and preposterous. Assuming someone will chase you, initiating it, etc. reeks of a self centered mindset. We're to be equals. Before setting rules like "I never aska guy out" why not ask yourself how many men haven't been interested in you because of your absolute lack of interest? Those messages sent back and forth showed almost zero interest on your part, and I think, being a man, I'd have seen it for what it was: a phishing attempt, a nonsense approach to initiating me to chase you. I wouldn't have bitten either. Men and women speak on different levels. Men need blunt and honest replies. We don't catch your hints. You're expecting someone to put 100% effort into chasing you while you simply sit idle, dropping vague hints, and then come here for validation of those hints. Grow up. Ask him out. Or stop stringing him along. This is absurd. You came too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 Ah, and I chased a couple of men before. Problem is, I was running after them and they were running even faster than me Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Yes, I know what are you saying. I always multiple date, it's the only way, otherwise, with my personality, I'd go a bit nuts. And I'm already a bit nuts, don't need more of that same here! too bad I became familiar with this subject so late, in my life ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 It is always a fine line between showing not enough interest, and showing too much interest. I'm trying to learn, but so far, I didn't lose men due to my lack of interest. The couple of men that I've lost and that I was really interested in, I probably chased them a bit too much, if anything, and they kept running, like I said:p. After that approach failed, I decided to let them initiate more. But I'll see how to find a balance. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 I think what ED is trying to say something else... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 I think what ED is trying to say something else... Then, obviously I didn't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Don't have him pick up up, you may both go and each end up meeting someone else! You never know. If I can be honest (and since someone else pointed this out) you're over thinking to the point of obsessing. I recognize it, having been there, done it. You're a highly scientific, analytical person, so I get it. But there's no race, no clock (unless you're looking at your biological clock, but there are sperm banks for that!) Relax, girl! Enjoy your role as the ringleader of your new group, it's a great way to network and lead you into contact with more people who can then lead you to more people! Sorry, I just read back and saw how many times the word "overthink" has been used in this thread. Are we driving the point home? OT, what are your degrees in Chemistry? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 Don't have him pick up up, you may both go and each end up meeting someone else! You never know. If I can be honest (and since someone else pointed this out) you're over thinking to the point of obsessing. I recognize it, having been there, done it. You're a highly scientific, analytical person, so I get it. But there's no race, no clock (unless you're looking at your biological clock, but there are sperm banks for that!) Relax, girl! Enjoy your role as the ringleader of your new group, it's a great way to network and lead you into contact with more people who can then lead you to more people! Sorry, I just read back and saw how many times the word "overthink" has been used in this thread. Are we driving the point home? OT, what are your degrees in Chemistry? My friend, we are not going to the comedy club. Decided to skip that. If we were going to the comedy club, I would have agreed to have him pick me up though, bc. it would have been 1h away. We will go "explore downtown" here locally. He told me to wear walking shoes. Yes, I am overthinking to the point of obsessing, yes. There is no biological clock or timeline. No more kids thankyouverymuch. I have a Bachelor's and Masters in Chemistry, and a Ph.D. in Materials Science&Engineering. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Then, obviously I didn't get it. I think he may be hinting at the fact that deep down inside, you're not interested in this guy, but have made a fixation on him and now you're getting an ego boost out of him chasing you. That's the thing that scared me most about dating - that deep down inside, I'm just a bit lonely and may have potentially used my dates to change my state of mind... even if I knew that none of them had really caught my eye. The real danger is running for the pleasure of being chased... because in that case you're wasting your time. And theirs. That was the thing I was dreading the most. That moment when I'd ask myself: am I really interested in any of those guys? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 If I can cite one example as to what ED (I can't type ED without giggling), you had a guy who said something about wanting to see a movie but wanting to wait till the lines died down. Men are simple. Doesn't mean he didn't want to see you, he wants to see that movie later! IIRC, your end of the convo kinda gave him the blowoff (enjoy your summer, or something like that). You seemed like you were interested, but were then disappointed that HE didn't seem enthusiastic enough. I 'think' that is what ED (giggle) is referring to. Maybe? In any case, you are too highly educated to have a thread titled "should I ask this one out?". At our ages, dating should be simpler, not more difficult. What happens after dating turns into a relationship is another story of course, when the baggage carousel comes around. Cross those bridges as you go; and don't be too quick to judge. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Or what candie said, LOL. I'm on info overload here. The exploring downtown date sounds like fun, more up my alley than a club, even if it is comedy. More time to talk. Enjoy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 I think he may be hinting at the fact that deep down inside, you're not interested in this guy, but have made a fixation on him and now you're getting an ego boost out of him chasing you. That's the thing that scared me most about dating - that deep down inside, I'm just a bit lonely and may have potentially used my dates to change my state of mind... even if I knew that none of them had really caught my eye. The real danger is running for the pleasure of being chased... because in that case you're wasting your time. And theirs. That was the thing I was dreading the most. That moment when I'd ask myself: am I really interested in any of those guys? Hm...these are really good points, indeed. There is a big danger in what you are describing. I think it's complicated, because I know my interest is not ignited instantaneously. With OLD dating is basically a blind date, once they pass the initial screening, I'm as interested as I can be in someone I've never met. I'm interested in this guy much more than in the other two (the other two are first dates and I just want to see their faces for now), he seems like a good match. I wasn't physically attracted to him, but I wasn't repulsed. I know myself, physical attraction for me builds up IF there is no instantaneous rejection. I'm completely honest here. This guy is tall and has blue eyes, so there is physical potential despite the lisp, plus the other common things we have (interests etc) there is a lot of potential that I see. I need to know more about him, that's all. The other two, we'll see. I'm not saying that I'm doing everything right, in fact that's why I'm obsessing, because I don't want to screw up. Link to post Share on other sites
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