Female personality in dating [guys answer]

[Kamille]

If faith is a cruel mistress [and i have reason to belive the b*tch is], probably some Sultan with hundreds of wives, or at least a noble with a few mistresses on the side.

 

Well you can rest easy knowing that at least you had your own, probably some time in the last two millenniums.

 

Just out of curiosity, how many of your ex's were Virgo's ?

 

One. The one who wasn't a commitmentphobe, oddly enough. All the others were Geminis. (Hello there ThaWho! I like me some dual nature)

 

Because you can always blame commitement on them ?

 

In part. Mostly because I think that's my comfort zone. I'm kind of like a cat. You know how they never like being in a room without an escape door? I never liked being in a relationship that didn't have the exit built into it. It also meant there was always something to "work" on. My therapist seems to believe this is key. I like relationships that are work - namely because one of my primary relationship was/is work. It gave me a semblance of control. It also meant they always had to work at making me stay. (Oy, what a f-ing mess I am).

 

Nooooo, you ?; a ballbreaker ???

Woulda thunk it [going by OTT reading ].

 

I'm a ballbreaker with a huge heart and a great sense of humor. People love it when I break their balls. Just look at my Like count!

 

 

I'll keep reading up on that. It worries me that when i'm finally ready for a relationship i might end up blowing a big chance with the right kind of lady. :

 

I worry about the same thing - but am realizing that blowing your chance with the right person is nearly impossible. This is where I stand. I will be ready for a relationship once I am capable of accepting myself as I am and presenting myself like that to potential partners. It means having faith in my own judgement. It also means trusting that the men who don't think stick around do so for their own good reasons. I want the guy who'll know me and stick around you know?

 

Basically, with the right person, neither you nor I will be able to find a way to blow it.

 

 

 

Attachment style ... never thought of this one.

I'll have to look it up, and think about what i am better in the future.

Attachment theory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

From my mom's descriptions of me as a child, i'd say i'm an Ambivalent [i'm also very strongly introvert].

But it's not fully from their fault, my grandfather's fault is here, i was in his care from 5 to 7 because he requested it, so they could work.

Abusive man, enabler grandmother, liked to play a golden child dynamic [my younger sister, his only niece was this].

So i really don't know what to say.

 

Yeah, I'm somewhere between avoidant and secure. The therapist had explained it differently than the wiki. Whereas this is focused on how the child acts, hers was focused on how I felt in particular incidents and how I express emotional vulnerability nowadays. So, basically, you want to think about a time when, as a child, you felt fear, and how the people around you reacted to your fears. My parents would mostly invalidate my fears, reason me out of them, and occasionally offer comfort. The more scared I was, the less they were likely to offer comfort and the more they were likely to get angry . Hey, I think they did a great job raising me so, this isn't a critique of them.

[ThaWholigan]

Well you can rest easy knowing that at least you had your own, probably some time in the last two millenniums.

 

 

 

One. The one who wasn't a commitmentphobe, oddly enough. All the others were Geminis. (Hello there ThaWho! I like me some dual nature)

 

Hah, I'm a Virgo

[hppr]

I look for the really happy, nice almost to a fault girls and can't stand the really aloof or in-your-face types. Maybe because I'm getting older and starting to think about marriage and kids.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hmmm. I am difficult to explain. I have a somewhat dual nature.

 

I am gentle and sweet most of the time. Unless someone crosses my boundary. Then I become abrasive, aggressive and argumentative. People that see this for the first time are surprised because they didn't know I had that fire in me. Some get freaked out too.

 

I tend to side with underdogs and can aggressively and passionately defend people being bullied or mistreated. I am an idealist and hate injustice of any form. I am hugely empathic to people's troubles and would often neglect myself to help someone if I perceive that they genuinely need it. I am the person everyone calls when they go through hard times.

 

I am also highly ambitious. I have a burning fire to excel, to achieve more. Yet, I am unwilling to backstab or step over people to do so. I want to succeed purely based on my own talent and hard work. I said I am an idealist

 

I am also a cynic on the outside but hard core romantic on the inside. I am an introvert and need a lot of space but I am also a good conversationalist. I am highly introspective and have a rich inner world. I have a touch of CP too.

 

Hardly anyone's dream girl

[GorillaTheater]

Hardly anyone's dream girl

 

But you're pretty dang photogenic, if that's any consolation.

[Els]

Hmmm. I am difficult to explain. I have a somewhat dual nature.

 

I am gentle and sweet most of the time. Unless someone crosses my boundary. Then I become abrasive, aggressive and argumentative. People that see this for the first time are surprised because they didn't know I had that fire in me. Some get freaked out too.

 

I tend to side with underdogs and can aggressively and passionately defend people being bullied or mistreated. I am an idealist and hate injustice of any form. I am hugely empathic to people's troubles and would often neglect myself to help someone if I perceive that they genuinely need it. I am the person everyone calls when they go through hard times.

 

I am also highly ambitious. I have a burning fire to excel, to achieve more. Yet, I am unwilling to backstab or step over people to do so. I want to succeed purely based on my own talent and hard work. I said I am an idealist

 

I am also a cynic on the outside but hard core romantic on the inside. I am an introvert and need a lot of space but I am also a good conversationalist. I am highly introspective and have a rich inner world. I have a touch of CP too.

 

Hardly anyone's dream girl

 

Fellow INFP?

[Anela]

ES, I thought of you when I was reading Data: A Love Story. The author was on JDate (and a couple of other dating sites), and she mentioned the Cameron Diaz Effect (I can't remember how she phrased that exactly). Didn't you start a thread with a similar title?

 

All of the women who were most frequently contacted, had pictures taken of them that weren't posed - they looked like they had just finished laughing, or were just actively out doing something. They tended to be dressed up - for the evening, in dresses that were classy, but also showed a certain amount of skin. They had beautiful hair, and didn't go into specifics in their profiles: they just talked about having fun, and sounded easygoing. After she amended her profile, and became more picky about the men she dated, the only date she went on (after she became more picky), was the man she ended up marrying.

[Anela]

Hah, I'm a Virgo

 

As an Aries, I'm not used to being so cynical. I just keep thinking about anything that's ever grossed me out about guys in the past - I feel like Cher in Clueless, when she shoved that guy on the skateboard, away from her, saying, "As if!" But then I mostly attract men I have nothing in common with, and am not attracted to.

 

I look for the really happy, nice almost to a fault girls

 

^^ This is usually who I am. I'm just not feeling it anymore.

[Radu]

Interesting that. There is a gap in myself too. Being the astrology obsessive that I am, I noticed the slight discrepancy in what I look for in a woman, and how I approach/attract women and even found it in my birth chart.

 

I can be extremely direct and blunt (tempered by other factors), but at times it can lead to a mentality that sees things like a battle or a conquest. Before I started sexing, I had to guard against a conquest mindset because I could see it manifesting if I wasn't careful.

 

At the same time, the kind of woman I would normally want likely wouldn't respond well to it. Either intellectual or artistic, they would likely be easily misconstrue me as abrasive in such a moment. Likely it would come as a shock too as I often come across as gentle at first. I'm really not .

 

It is why I prefer a woman who is as dualistic in nature as I am - I'm a mild mannered man with an aggressive, forceful streak when I am bold enough to face that side of myself.My happy medium would be a woman who has found a happy medium herself.

 

I dunno, I'm rambling a little .

I wonder if your conquest mindset could be considered the ideea of allowing sexual attraction to manifest itself.

 

I also have to go for dual most of the times.

I have noticed that when i speak exactly what is on my mind, ppl look at me as if i was a nut; with gradual exposure though, it is something different.

Creating rapport in steps.

 

 

Yeah, I'm somewhere between avoidant and secure. The therapist had explained it differently than the wiki. Whereas this is focused on how the child acts, hers was focused on how I felt in particular incidents and how I express emotional vulnerability nowadays. So, basically, you want to think about a time when, as a child, you felt fear, and how the people around you reacted to your fears. My parents would mostly invalidate my fears, reason me out of them, and occasionally offer comfort. The more scared I was, the less they were likely to offer comfort and the more they were likely to get angry . Hey, I think they did a great job raising me so, this isn't a critique of them.

My parents would do the same, but more towards comfort.

Then again, most of my fears in that time period [big ones] were related to school and what was happening there, and they didn't believe me it was that bad for a few yrs.

But if they did adress that fear, it was with comfort.

 

Btw, Gemini's are flighty, air signs.

I wish i could remember my ex's b-days but unfortunately i'm bad with dates.

I'm a Libra though.

 

 

Hmmm. I am difficult to explain. I have a somewhat dual nature.

 

I am gentle and sweet most of the time. Unless someone crosses my boundary. Then I become abrasive, aggressive and argumentative. People that see this for the first time are surprised because they didn't know I had that fire in me. Some get freaked out too.

 

I tend to side with underdogs and can aggressively and passionately defend people being bullied or mistreated. I am an idealist and hate injustice of any form. I am hugely empathic to people's troubles and would often neglect myself to help someone if I perceive that they genuinely need it. I am the person everyone calls when they go through hard times.

 

I am also highly ambitious. I have a burning fire to excel, to achieve more. Yet, I am unwilling to backstab or step over people to do so. I want to succeed purely based on my own talent and hard work. I said I am an idealist

 

I am also a cynic on the outside but hard core romantic on the inside. I am an introvert and need a lot of space but I am also a good conversationalist. I am highly introspective and have a rich inner world. I have a touch of CP too.

 

Hardly anyone's dream girl

I always try to root for the underdog, i think he deserves all you can give him.

I don't neglect others though, i'm quite selfish myself.

It depends if you are close to me or not, if you are close the above rules goes out the window and i try my best to defend.

I always hated injustice and i have had great problems with this mentality this yr, because i know that there is injustice in the law system.

As for the cynic, all cynics are at heart dissapointed idealists, and idealists are romantic [generally].

Hello fellow cynic !

Rich inner world ... is that code for strong imagination ?

[Divasu]

I'm everything according to the zodiac's Cancer...

 

In a nutshell.

 

Wait. This is ME in a nutshell, Help! I'm in a nutshell!!

 

[Shameless_Musician]

I'm a challenge, not purposefully though. I'm not easy to read and it's tough to get close to me. Although I'm hard to read I find it easy to read others. I'm funny, smart, and I think people are easily attracted to my personality. I'm creative and a dreamer. Painfully empathetic and emotional. Analytical.

 

Ex #1 is very attractive. He is such a type that he's easy to describe: the insecure, hopeless romantic. He is that guy on Facebook with shirtless pictures and constantly seeking attention from women (yes, I cringe as well). We never worked because I wasn't the kind of girl at the time that gave the kind of validation that he wanted (except the validation that he got from being able to date me, his thoughts not mine) and he looked everywhere else for it.

 

Actually Ex #2 is very similar but puts on a tough guy show for the world.

 

Exes #3 & 4 are similar to each other, the intellectual types. Unfortunately they were also insecure and always thought that I could do better. They both followed my lead (not my ideal situation) but both are very sweet and romantic. Honestly I think it could have worked with either of them.

 

I'm not dating anyone currently so nothing on that front.

[Driftking102]

I like women who have power and can take a hold of the relationship and know what they want. Except when they play you thats not very nice

[Radu]

I'm everything according to the zodiac's Cancer...

 

In a nutshell.

 

Wait. This is ME in a nutshell, Help! I'm in a nutshell!!

 

 

Come out of the nut and explain yourself you nut.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Els, I am a complete INFP :/

 

Radu, yes, it's a code word for imagination

[Eternal Sunshine]

But you're pretty dang photogenic, if that's any consolation.

 

I actually really like my personality.

 

It's other people that don't like it that are the problem

[MrCastle]

All this talk about astrology signs. Reminds me that scorpios are not supposed to date their own.

 

And who currently holds my heart in their hands? A f***ing scorpio

 

Before anyone tries to make a joke about my ego, no, I'm not referring to myself in the mirror.

 

I'm talking about a real female who is a scorpio.

 

I've mentioned her on here a few times. Never anything good

[Eternal Sunshine]

I actually really like my personality.

 

It's other people that don't like it that are the problem

 

Hey MrCastle, come back soon

[Radu]

I actually really like my personality.

 

It's other people that don't like it that are the problem

 

That's a very healthy attitude to have.

 

-Radu

I'm not sick, all of you are sick, the entire world is sick !

[cerridwen]

 

--------------------

 

And ladies of LS, what type are you [honestly pls], and what type is your SO, what type were your ex's.

Pls provide as many details as you can.

 

I'll make it clear one more time, i'm only interested in what you saw in her before you met her [ideally, dealing with others], when you met her, her personality only.

If you wish to provide further information on how that personality in reality turned out to be, fine by me.

 

My serious exes have mostly been very solid, grounded, either A-Type personalities or extremely linear-thinking men.

Engineers, architects, lawyers, I was drawn to their stability, while they were drawn to my more capricious, mercurial nature, and creative interests.

It never worked well for long.

But it's what I found attractive throughout my 20's.

 

My current SO is in the technical field but we compliment each other well.

 

Trying this different "type" is working out since we're not polar opposites.

He has another side to him that nearly mirrors me.

I'm less capricious and whimsical now, and so is he.

We're both liberal, quick to laugh, family-oriented, humble beginnings, see careers as a means to an end, not the end-all-be-all.

We're highly social, use Nature as a restorative force, enjoy caring for others.

 

But...

 

I have a vile temper

I can be extremely aggressive.

I experience strong emotions but he handles it all in stride.

 

I was once very suspicious and defensive whereas Im willing to risk heartache now.

I'm not someone in need of rescuing but my marked vulnerability shows when one comes to know me, and a certain kind of man responds to it.

 

I can be unforgiving.

I won't forgive someone--friend or lover--who betrays me.

I believe in loyalty so after a betrayal, I never embrace that person the same way again.

Talk behind my back, "Friend", and I distance myself immediately.

I won't waste my time as I give every relationship (including friendship) my all.

In this way, I can show very little understanding.

[Radu]

Glad to see that changing your type has helped you.

[Emilia]

But...

 

I have a vile temper

I can be extremely aggressive.

I experience strong emotions but he handles it all in stride.

 

I was once very suspicious and defensive whereas Im willing to risk heartache now.

I'm not someone in need of rescuing but my marked vulnerability shows when one comes to know me, and a certain kind of man responds to it.

 

I can be unforgiving.

I won't forgive someone--friend or lover--who betrays me.

I believe in loyalty so after a betrayal, I never embrace that person the same way again.

Talk behind my back, "Friend", and I distance myself immediately.

I won't waste my time as I give every relationship (including friendship) my all.

In this way, I can show very little understanding.

 

Very interesting. Would it be possible to elaborate on the bolded part more please.

[Emilia]

The above is a brief history, so i'll try to go down into what i've learned and not put up there :

- i'm not someone who takes a life changing book and decides, i'm gonna learn this and implement this.

I'm just not that person.

I'm the type of person that reads the book, and then with his introverted self starts thinking about it from various points of view.

It might seem small but i used to get depressed because i couldn't apply a book immediately, i thought i was a retard.

Now i read a book, think about it, read it again, think about it ... etc.

- maladaptive daydreaming [leftover from my depression] is not a bad thing.

Combined with the above is an amazing learning instrument, because i can literally imagine conversations in foreign languages explaining things to others.

It has improved my body language and self-confidence incredibly.

- i'm a sponge and i work like a sponge.

That means that i like to remember weird facts that many ppl find useless, and apply them in conversations and the such.

This is a good thing, because once you learn the grammar of a language [by language i mean ... anything ... from driving a car to talking in russian ... not that i'm taking russian], you can easily learn the vocabulary.

And you can move them from one 'language' to the other, helping your outside-the-box thinking ... it's a form of parallel thinking.

- as long as you like yourself, ppl will like you too

Self-explanatory, it's about inner game, faith in yourself.

- the concept of realities, how our ego plays a part in this and why some ppl have a strong reality.

I wrote a ton on this one.

- it's not a bad thing to influence emotions in order to change opinions

- writing ideeas down and putting some order to that, is a great thing [thanks bearded lady]

In the past i had great ideeas but i always forgot them quickly.

Now i write them down, the bearded lady's suggestion.

 

 

Very interesting

[cerridwen]

Very interesting. Would it be possible to elaborate on the bolded part more please.

 

Mmm...because of some childhood wounding, I can regress suddenly under certain circumstances.

I can exhibit temporary childlike qualities like becoming painfully shy or weepy as I remember some trauma.

This sometimes brings out the paternal instinct in men who have that strong sense, and they feel protective and tender toward me.

[Emilia]

Mmm...because of some childhood wounding, I can regress suddenly under certain circumstances.

I can exhibit temporary childlike qualities like becoming painfully shy, or weepy as I remember some trauma.

This sometimes brings out the paternal instinct in a man and he instantly feels protective and tender toward me.

 

Thank you for explaining further. Dualities in personality (as in your previous) are always interesting.

[Radu]

Mmm...because of some childhood wounding, I can regress suddenly under certain circumstances.

I can exhibit temporary childlike qualities like becoming painfully shy or weepy as I remember some trauma.

This sometimes brings out the paternal instinct in men who have that strong sense, and they feel protective and tender toward me.

 

That's one of the things i'm trying to guard myself against.

 

Damsel in distress truly gets our hearts going, but damsel in distress as you described it is not a bad thing imho.

It's when someone [woman in this case] uses it from the start that as a guy you may getting into unknown and dangerous territory.

Sorta like being a little fish in angler-fish territory.