Female personality in dating [guys answer]

[miss_jaclynrae]

That I see where finding a partner would e difficult. Not just because we want someone who fits all our criteria, but for those wo definitely don't fit what most men are attracted to.

[Emilia]

I am in no way tryIng to brag. I am just saying that I s

 

that's good because some people might check your posting history

[miss_jaclynrae]

that's good because some people might check your posting history

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What exactly are you trying to say? No need to speak in code.

[Emilia]

What exactly are you trying to say? No need to speak in code.

 

I'm not, it's there in black and white. Some of the guys you pick would not be everyone's preference. Getting men that want to be with you is not hard since you are a woman, getting good ones - now that's a challenge.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I'm not, it's there in black and white. Some of the guys you pick would not be everyone's preference. Getting men that want to be with you is not hard since you are a woman, getting good ones - now that's a challenge.

 

 

 

Lol I've dated some great guys, my last boyfriend wasn't even terrible.

Most of them didn't with out because we just weren't on the same page when it homes to future wants.

 

 

 

 

I've been with far more awesome guys than ****ty ones.

[Radu]

I'm curious with all the responses I am seeing about men who want the opposite of the traits being mentioned. I am seeing a lot of great traits but I also must say that in my personal experience, not many women hold all those traits.

Yes, not many women hold the traits i've mentioned in the OP.

But i'm trying to actively change my type to something that is less toxic to myself.

I want someone who can make me smile, not someone who can amplify my down state.

 

What about the women who are quiet, or not very intelligent, materialist, or not into anything adventurous?

Intelligence is not just IQ, someone can manifest intelligence outside of that.

And i bet there are guys who are into quiet, boring women, and there are men who are into materialist women as well.

I see them everyday, drive a pimped Porche Cayenne S through Bucharest and you'll end up scraping them off your car.

 

I could see how finding a potential match could be difficult, I feel lucky that I have had no problem dating, or finding men who want to be with me, but it makes me see how if I was quiet, or into expensive things more than important things it would be hard.

You'd probably have a bigger problem if you were quiet than if you were into expensive things, men are kinda stupid here.

[Emilia]

Lol I've dated some great guys, my last boyfriend wasn't even terrible.

Most of them didn't with out because we just weren't on the same page when it homes to future wants.

 

I've been with far more awesome guys than ****ty ones.

 

Good for you

[Emilia]

But i'm trying to actively change my type to something that is less toxic to myself.

 

The best way to do this is by working out why you are attracted to the types that are not good for you. Then you can change your 'type' intellectually.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I'm not, it's there in black and white. Some of the guys you pick would not be everyone's preference. Getting men that want to be with you is not hard since you are a woman, getting good ones - now that's a challenge.

 

 

 

 

 

You have to remember, since joining this site I have only been with a few guys, nowhere near to how many I have dated total.

One of which was a total asshat. The others weren't do bad. I would never say they weren't good guys, any woman would be lucky to have them, I just wasn't the right one.

[Radu]

The best way to do this is by working out why you are attracted to the types that are not good for you. Then you can change your 'type' intellectually.

 

 

I know, this is why this thread exists, this is why i've been celibate for over 2yrs now.

 

I initially had too much on my hand and i couldn't attract women anyway, i was involuntary celibate.

Then i became voluntary celibate, my options have improved [especially in the last 2months], so i'm going to continue on this course untill i'm satisfied.

[Els]

Jaclynrae, I can assure you that plenty of women who are different from you do meet great men whom they love and who love them. I would not be sorry for them just yet.

[Emilia]

I know, this is why this thread exists, this is why i've been celibate for over 2yrs now.

 

I initially had too much on my hand and i couldn't attract women anyway, i was involuntary celibate.

Then i became voluntary celibate, my options have improved [especially in the last 2months], so i'm going to continue on this course untill i'm satisfied.

 

Do you want to make a thread specifically on your thought process throughout? Or about the last few months maybe?

[miss_jaclynrae]

Jaclynrae, I can assure you that plenty of women who are different from you do meet great men whom they love and who love them. I would not be sorry for them just yet.

Oh gosh, forgive me if that is how I am coming across, I don't feel bad for them, I mean, I fully believe there is someone out there for everyone, I could just see how the poOl of potentials would be smaller. That in no way means I feel like the pool is a bad one, I could just see how it would be a bit more tedious.

[Emilia]

That in no way means I feel like the pool is a bad one, I could just see how it would be a bit more tedious.

 

the irony!

[miss_jaclynrae]

the irony!

 

 

 

Your posts are confusing me. I am sensing you have a problem with what I am saying....

[GorillaTheater]

The kind of personalities I find attractive?

 

Emilia, TaraMaiden, Taramere ...

 

My wife ever dumps me, I have an idea of where I should probably relocate.

 

The fact that I'm from Texas and often wear boots would just be ridiculously hot, right?

[Emilia]

Your posts are confusing me. I am sensing you have a problem with what I am saying....

 

I know I know, I should be picking on equals and that. I'll stop

[Emilia]

The kind of personalities I find attractive?

 

Emilia, TaraMaiden, Taramere ...

 

My wife ever dumps me, I have an idea of where I should probably relocate.

 

The fact that I'm from Texas and often wear boots would just be ridiculously hot, right?

 

yes and you would have Taramere and I fighting over you because I believe TaraMaiden is already taken.

 

Taramere and I might just share.

 

I do hope your wife won't dump you though. It's hard to get a British passport nowdays.

[Radu]

Do you want to make a thread specifically on your thought process throughout? Or about the last few months maybe?

 

 

It's not something special tbh.

 

A brief description of my past relationships exists in the OP.

I'll start afterwards.

 

2.5yrs ago, before my dad died, my last relationship ended.

Then after my dad died, i simply did not have any time for dating.

His death hit me pretty hard, and it compounded my realisation that i was heading towards being a bum in my last relationship [she left abroad to do a Master while i wasn't even a college graduate].

 

I first started with PUA, i remembered something about it and found a forum [i never read The Game btw], and i was on that forum for 4 months or so.

I found a wealth of information, but i quickly realised that PUA was divided into 2 cathegories, inner game and shallow outer game [Mystery and most of the stuff that is pushed].

I also realised that PUA inner game could be used in any relationship, so i decided to stick to that. During this time i started working on building my self-esteem; believe it or not but in January 2011 i was not able to look a girl in the eye, or even some men. I did exercises where i would walk down streets and hold gazes [i must have seemed like a freak], and first started noticing body language.

 

After that forum i decided to join a lesbian forum. I was the only guy there; i figured that who else but women who love women, would know what women want, right ?

I was there for another 4 months, and during this time i also joined LS for the first time.

The lesbian forum was great fun, i never hid that i was a straight male; this in turn kinda made them insecure [that and i basically told them a lot about their security since being gay is not really accepted here and they should have protected themselves better].

I left just before one who i considered a kindred spirit started a petition to have me thrown out, shortly afterwards i think they imploded.

I learned a lot from them, like never underestimate how insecure some women can be [ok, this is not so nice], but it also changed me a lot in better ways.

For one, i never looked at gay ppl the same, i started empathising with their plight.

I understood the differences between bi, gay, transexual, transvestite and what they feel when they truly do love one another [as a nasty secondary effect, my fantasies involving 2 bi girls and me went the way of the dodo].

 

Shortly after i left the above forum i got banned from LS; i joined and recommended a lot of books to different ppl, because i also read them, i never recommended books i never read or parsed through.

Unfortunately i was also one of the bitter males, and i ended up being reported after a discussion with one of the bitter females.

So i got banned. I made a petition to the site owner [MIA at the time], but he was gone and it never got answered.

I did not cause an infraction, i was not a bot, i never said 'buy this book', so i suspect it was retaliatory.

 

Anyway, i tried to open my own business afterwards, but that flunked [legal system did not support it].

At the same time i managed to help my family with a negociation involving my dad's estate and his business partner.

Basically i applied what i read in a certain body language book, to negociations.

I saw how nicely this combined with law.

 

I rejoined LS, and i remained active untill August or so 2012, when i left for a while.

After i returned, i simply did not want to be part of the bitter boys brigade.

Things started moving after my 2nd coming [HA ... ], and in january i finally started seeing huge improvements.

I think over the last 4months i had the biggest changes, and i learned the most things.

 

The above is a brief history, so i'll try to go down into what i've learned and not put up there :

- i'm not someone who takes a life changing book and decides, i'm gonna learn this and implement this.

I'm just not that person.

I'm the type of person that reads the book, and then with his introverted self starts thinking about it from various points of view.

It might seem small but i used to get depressed because i couldn't apply a book immediately, i thought i was a retard.

Now i read a book, think about it, read it again, think about it ... etc.

- maladaptive daydreaming [leftover from my depression] is not a bad thing.

Combined with the above is an amazing learning instrument, because i can literally imagine conversations in foreign languages explaining things to others.

It has improved my body language and self-confidence incredibly.

- i'm a sponge and i work like a sponge.

That means that i like to remember weird facts that many ppl find useless, and apply them in conversations and the such.

This is a good thing, because once you learn the grammar of a language [by language i mean ... anything ... from driving a car to talking in russian ... not that i'm taking russian], you can easily learn the vocabulary.

And you can move them from one 'language' to the other, helping your outside-the-box thinking ... it's a form of parallel thinking.

- as long as you like yourself, ppl will like you too

Self-explanatory, it's about inner game, faith in yourself.

- the concept of realities, how our ego plays a part in this and why some ppl have a strong reality.

I wrote a ton on this one.

- it's not a bad thing to influence emotions in order to change opinions

- writing ideeas down and putting some order to that, is a great thing [thanks bearded lady]

In the past i had great ideeas but i always forgot them quickly.

Now i write them down, the bearded lady's suggestion.

 

And lots of other things, on most of this stuff i make threads.

 

I think an important reason why my type is changing is because i have effectively 'virginized' myself.

I have hit a new neutral ground by not pursuing anyone.

And in the last 6 months or so, i've managed to end up calming myself, by telling myself that relationships, i will have, it's not hard to get them at all [and the last month has been proof of that], but the good relationships are still worth waiting for, and i now see that some work paid off.

 

But there's still a lot to do.

For one i'm dissapointed in my Emotional Intelligence.

My Social Intelligence is coming along nicely, but the EQ is bad.

Basically i want better self-control, i'll get it too; there have been some wins [i gave up Soda and have no desire whatsoever to go back to it].

But my EQ in other ares is not going as i had expected; i only lost 4-5kg so far [i have another 35kg to take off].

And i have another project i haven't done much on so far.

School is coming along nicely, but a tad too slow for my taste; i'm hoping to finish with french by July [not sure if i can do it or not] to a weak conversational level.

 

Realistically, i'm probably gonna stay celibate untill next yr, and i'm not that bothered by it.

[Radu]

yes and you would have Taramere and I fighting over you because I believe TaraMaiden is already taken.

 

Taramere and I might just share.

 

I do hope your wife won't dump you though. It's hard to get a British passport nowdays.

 

Pretty easy if you're a romanian if you ask me.

[Kamille]

So I've been trying to answer this - but that's what I'm working on in therapy, so it's pretty hard.

 

 

And ladies of LS, what type are you [honestly pls], and what type is your SO, what type were your ex's.

Pls provide as many details as you can.

 

 

I've recently realized that there's a gap between what I dream of having (I want it, that long term relationship I will know is for the long haul) and my attachment style (so dubbed because that's what my therapist calls it ).

 

I don't know what type I am. Ballbreaker comes to mind, but recently I've tamed that down. I just refuse to diminish myself, my accomplishments and my knowledge so as to cater to someone else's ego. I'm not a romantic (exes have complained). I'm pretty pragmatic when it comes to life and love. That said, I'm extremely caring, loyal and supportive.

 

My exes pretty much all shared one thing in common: All but one (of 4) were emotionally unavailable/distant in some form or other. I think I pick these men because I myself am somewhat of a commitmentphobe. When a perfectly decent guy shows up and is ready and willing to settle down with me, it freaks me out. It makes me feel like I'm going to suffocate. So I tend to pick guys who are aloof/unavailable because it gives me some space.

 

I'm trying to figure it all out, because, like I said, I would love to be in a long term committed relationship. And I am finally at a stage in my life where I can do it. I imagine the guy will have to be somewhat of an introvert himself. But, unlike my exes, he will need to be grounded and solid. Because, deep down, I think that's what I am. I'm pretty solid and I need someone who will see it and appreciate it. Not someone who will expect me to be all girly and romantic all the time, while they make all the "hard" decisions.

 

I'll leave it at that for now. Feedback welcomed Radu . And now I'm wondering who the heck you were in your previous incarnations.

[Radu]

So I've been trying to answer this - but that's what I'm working on in therapy, so it's pretty hard.

 

 

 

I've recently realized that there's a gap between what I dream of having (I want it, that long term relationship I will know is for the long haul) and my attachment style (so dubbed because that's what my therapist calls it ).

Attachment style ... never thought of this one.

I'll have to look it up, and think about what i am better in the future.

Attachment theory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

From my mom's descriptions of me as a child, i'd say i'm an Ambivalent [i'm also very strongly introvert].

But it's not fully from their fault, my grandfather's fault is here, i was in his care from 5 to 7 because he requested it, so they could work.

Abusive man, enabler grandmother, liked to play a golden child dynamic [my younger sister, his only niece was this].

So i really don't know what to say.

 

I'll keep reading up on that. It worries me that when i'm finally ready for a relationship i might end up blowing a big chance with the right kind of lady.

 

I don't know what type I am. Ballbreaker comes to mind, but recently I've tamed that down. I just refuse to diminish myself, my accomplishments and my knowledge so as to cater to someone else's ego. I'm not a romantic (exes have complained). I'm pretty pragmatic when it comes to life and love. That said, I'm extremely caring, loyal and supportive.

Nooooo, you ?; a ballbreaker ???

Woulda thunk it [going by OTT reading ].

 

My exes pretty much all shared one thing in common: All but one (of 4) were emotionally unavailable/distant in some form or other. I think I pick these men because I myself am somewhat of a commitmentphobe. When a perfectly decent guy shows up and is ready and willing to settle down with me, it freaks me out. It makes me feel like I'm going to suffocate. So I tend to pick guys who are aloof/unavailable because it gives me some space.

Because you can always blame commitement on them ?

 

I'm trying to figure it all out, because, like I said, I would love to be in a long term committed relationship. And I am finally at a stage in my life where I can do it. I imagine the guy will have to be somewhat of an introvert himself. But, unlike my exes, he will need to be grounded and solid. Because, deep down, I think that's what I am. I'm pretty solid and I need someone who will see it and appreciate it. Not someone who will expect me to be all girly and romantic all the time, while they make all the "hard" decisions.

 

I'll leave it at that for now. Feedback welcomed Radu . And now I'm wondering who the heck you were in your previous incarnations.

Just out of curiosity, how many of your ex's were Virgo's ?

If faith is a cruel mistress [and i have reason to belive the b*tch is], probably some Sultan with hundreds of wives, or at least a noble with a few mistresses on the side.

[normal person]

So i'm asking you guys of LS, what type do you go for in dating ?

What type attracts you ?

 

I'm attracted to girls who:

 

- have a great sense of humor

- are genuinely decent people

- are reasonable, self aware, and down to Earth

- aren't too clingy or invasive

- don't agree with everything I do/say and can challenge me

- have a variety of interests or are at least open to learning/doing new things

- are smart and can teach me things

- don't post pointless, self-indulgent crap on Facebook

[ThaWholigan]

I've recently realized that there's a gap between what I dream of having (I want it, that long term relationship I will know is for the long haul) and my attachment style (so dubbed because that's what my therapist calls it ).

 

Interesting that. There is a gap in myself too. Being the astrology obsessive that I am, I noticed the slight discrepancy in what I look for in a woman, and how I approach/attract women and even found it in my birth chart.

 

I can be extremely direct and blunt (tempered by other factors), but at times it can lead to a mentality that sees things like a battle or a conquest. Before I started sexing, I had to guard against a conquest mindset because I could see it manifesting if I wasn't careful.

 

At the same time, the kind of woman I would normally want likely wouldn't respond well to it. Either intellectual or artistic, they would likely be easily misconstrue me as abrasive in such a moment. Likely it would come as a shock too as I often come across as gentle at first. I'm really not .

 

It is why I prefer a woman who is as dualistic in nature as I am - I'm a mild mannered man with an aggressive, forceful streak when I am bold enough to face that side of myself. My happy medium would be a woman who has found a happy medium herself.

 

I dunno, I'm rambling a little .

[Anela]

 

I've recently realized that there's a gap between what I dream of having (I want it, that long term relationship I will know is for the long haul) and my attachment style (so dubbed because that's what my therapist calls it ).

 

I can relate to this. The last guy I had a crush on isn't even my type physically, but his job takes him out of the country on a regular basis, where he can be out of reach of a phone connection for days. He loves his family, enjoys his friends, and is sociable, intelligent, fun - all good stuff. Attractive personality. But he wouldn't be around all the time.

 

At the moment, it would bug me to have a guy hanging all over me. The way others might be feeling Spring Fever, and thinking of only the good things? I'm picturing the opposite. (I'm not saying you're doing this: I'm just really not in the mood to deal with sny of it.)