Dating a 35 year old virgin

[silvermercy]

Look up the definition of normal. Then refer to the scores of information highlighting human sex drive.

 

People who manage without sex (by choice) when they are in their sexual prime, are abnormal by definition.

 

Not to be mean, but healthy sex and a health sex drive is whats normal.

I'm afraid I totally disagree with all the definitions of "normal" these days. For me "Normal" is totally subjective when it's within personal limits.

 

Example of subjective normal vs abnormal: Researchers backed by pharmaceutical companies trying to "cure" low libido with drugs in couples when both partners are actually healthy and totally fine with their "low" libido. In other words, pushing "low libido" as abnormal. It's not. Using the same logic high libido can be abnormal, too, (with all subsequent negatives) but these days it's promoted as normal. Good for the condom industry, too, I guess...

 

(By the way I work in this biomed industry and know how it all works)

[kaylan]

It is better now that people think marriage is a game and there are more divorces than marriages?

Ignorant assumption on your part. A big reason for the increase in divorces is that many people now marry solely for love. Not just for building practical family units, or looking solely for a provider or housewife. Now many men and women want lasting love, and wont stay in an unhappy marriage just because of what society thinks.

 

Sure there are people who get into sham marriages, or see marriage as not that serious...but many people marry and divorce for the reasons I said in the prior paragraph.

 

Regardless, experience can be built just in one relationship....why do you need to have meaningless sex with many other partners to really be experienced? Sex is not anymore linked to love and to me it loses all the magic...

Yes, experience can be built in one relationship. But a 35 year old virgin who didnt even get pass kissing or moving into anything emotionally serious with her long term boyfriend, does not seem to be someone with much experience....despite the one relationship. So how does your point apply to this thread?

 

And where did I say anything about meaningless sex? Plenty of people have tons of experience from only having meaningful sex in committed relationships.

I have countless friends married or in successful relationships... who actually were not sleeping around... I wonder how have they managed without your precious experience in sex... ahh ohh wait... sex is not everything in a relationship... maybe they are just happy with the kind of sex they get in their relationship (maybe because they don't know better but who cares if they are happy?) and they count as happiness points other things as unimportant as companionship, team work, creation of a family, fatherhood... stupids right?

Omg...way to not read my post properly at all.

 

Unless all the people you know married their first boyfriend/girlfriend or first sexual partner, then you are not proving me wrong. Most had relationship and sex experience BEFORE their current relationship.

 

Youre making this about relationships vs hooking up. Sexual experience doesnt mean someone slept around. My best friend has a ton of sexual experience, but has only been with a few women...and with the exception of one, all have been in relationships.

 

Read slowly next time, and dont jump to conclusions without truly comprehending my post.

I'm afraid I totally disagree with all the definitions of "normal" these days. For me "Normal" is totally subjective when it's within personal limits.

 

Example of subjective normal vs abnormal: Researchers backed by pharmaceutical companies trying to "cure" low libido with drugs in couples when both partners are actually healthy and totally fine with their "low" libido. In other words, pushing "low libido" as abnormal. It's not. Using the same logic high libido can be abnormal, too, (with all subsequent negatives) but these days it's promoted as normal. Good for the condom industry, too, I guess...

 

(By the way I work in this biomed industry and know how it all works)

 

Normal is subjective of what target group you are asserting... if you look to NYC it is normal for a woman to have slept with more than 40-50 partners when she becomes 30 yo... if you do the same analysis of what is normal in my town you will find no one who has slept with more than 15 partners... no man nor woman...

 

Besides that, normal is just definition of what the majority do in a given group... and I have already explained that majorities are not by definition right you know? The majority of the Germans voted Hitler president... where they right?

Im not talking about specifics here...nor am I talking about the number of partners someone has had.

 

If you look at human history and sexuality as a science, having sex is a normal part of human life. Asexuality is not normal.

 

Im talking in strict definitions of the terms normal and abnormal here. Im not putting anyone down. Grab a dictionary.

[kimberlydoll]

My issues with intimacy and trust are awful, me never experiencing sex is not awful.

 

Intimacy is something I want to experience in the confines of a loving relationship, I have no desire to experience that with lots of women.

 

These male virgins think they are awful. I dont think they are awful at all. They all seem desperate to lose it and would to any willing woman, she doesnt need to mean much to him. Alot of the virgins on these boards who are male talk about acting like they like a girl so they can get sex. They dont care about the relationship part. Men are more commitment phobic and sex driven than females overall and this even shows up in virgins

[Shardish]

These male virgins think they are awful. I dont think they are awful at all. They all seem desperate to lose it and would to any willing woman, she doesnt need to mean much to him. Alot of the virgins on these boards who are male talk about acting like they like a girl so they can get sex. They dont care about the relationship part. Men are more commitment phobic and sex driven than females overall and this even shows up in virgins

 

I can't speak for anyone else, just myself. While I don't think I am awful, I do think my issues with intimacy and trust are awful. I am not desperate to lose my virginity, though I cannot lie when I say I would love to experience sexual intercourse in the confines of a loving and healthy relationship.

[silvermercy]

Im not talking about specifics here...nor am I talking about the number of partners someone has had.

 

If you look at human history and sexuality as a science, having sex is a normal part of human life. Asexuality is not normal.

 

Im talking in strict definitions of the terms normal and abnormal here. Im not putting anyone down. Grab a dictionary.

Having sex is a normal part of life but so is the choice to not have sex with anyone you're not attracted to for so many other reasons.

 

If people did not resist then the world would be doomed. This woman was unlucky enough not to meet anyone she's really attracted to. YES, it's very possible. If people can win the lottery or being struck by an asteroid, being in her position is so much more likely. She, being a non-promiscuous person, chose not to have sex with anyone just yet so as to gain "experience". I see nothing wrong with that. It's normal.

 

Also let's say there was no fear of STD anymore. Let's say they were all cured tomorrow. I would actually call abnormal the fact people are wearing condoms. Well why not? LOL Because just like sex, pregnancy is a natural part of life. The human species must continue no matter what, right... Who cares about resistance or choosing the right partner...

Edited February 25, 2013 by silvermercy

[Drseussgrrl]

Having sex is a normal part of life but so is the choice to not have sex with anyone you're not attracted to for so many other reasons.

 

If people did not resist then the world would be doomed. This woman was unlucky enough not to meet anyone she's really attracted to. YES, it's very possible. If people can win the lottery or being struck by an asteroid, being in her position is so much more likely. She, being a non-promiscuous person, chose not to have sex with anyone just yet so as to gain "experience". I see nothing wrong with that. It's normal.

 

Also let's say there was no fear of STD anymore. Let's say they were all cured tomorrow. I would actually call abnormal the fact people are wearing condoms. Well why not? LOL Because just like sex, pregnancy is a natural part of life. The human species must continue no matter what, right... Who cares about resistance or choosing the right partner...

 

How do you know she's been too unlucky to have met anyone she's really attracted to?

 

And, not really sure why having experience with love and sex makes someone promiscuous.

[silvermercy]

How do you know she's been too unlucky to have met anyone she's really attracted to?

LOL! I know it in exactly the same way people here "know" she's "crazy", "unstable", "immature", "with baggage" and of course a "lesbian"!

And, not really sure why having experience with love and sex makes someone promiscuous.

I never said that.

[Drseussgrrl]

LOL! I know it in exactly the same way people here "know" she's "crazy", "unstable", "immature", "with baggage" and of course a "lesbian"!

 

I never said that.

 

None of us said we "knew" exactly what her issue is. And I never said crazy or unstable. Anything is possible.

 

You said that she being "non-promiscuous" has never had sex. That somehow implies that those of us who have, are.

 

Or at least what I've taken away from it.

[silvermercy]

None of us said we "knew" exactly what her issue is. And I never said crazy or unstable. Anything is possible.

Other people did though. If the woman knew what they called her for the... "sin" of being an older virgin she'd be horrified.

 

You said that she being "non-promiscuous" has never had sex. That somehow implies that those of us who have, are.

 

Or at least what I've taken away from it.

Yes, you read wrong.

[ThaWholigan]

How do you know she's been too unlucky to have met anyone she's really attracted to?

 

And, not really sure why having experience with love and sex makes someone promiscuous.

Well, by the same token, I've never been really sure why sexual inexperience automatically equals hang-ups . But there we are.

[Drseussgrrl]

Honestly it's not that big of a stretch.

 

Again, predictably, the whole "sleeping with just anyone" aspect was brought up in this thread - when really that hasn't been the issue at all.

[silvermercy]

Honestly it's not that big of a stretch.

 

Again, predictably, the whole "sleeping with just anyone" aspect was brought up in this thread - when really that hasn't been the issue at all.

It's been brought up because it's an issue:

People (or LS users at least) would not be calling her or odd or unstable if she had been with 10 strangers in the past year but still had no relationship, ever in her life. (Even though this woman had at least one relationship apparently). That's where the promiscuity became the issue. The hypocricy.

[destroyed4sho]

I'm 35 and I met a 35 year old woman on a dating site. We've gone on 4 dates and I found a few 'red flags' about her:

 

• she is a virgin (not religous at all)
  
• she hasn't done anything past kissing, not even sexual touching
  
• she hasn't had a relationship last more than a year and a half
  
• she hasn't been in a relationship in 15 years...
  
• she has only had 2 relationships
  
• she has only kissed those 2 people
  
• we've gone on 4 dates and she still hasn't let me kiss her, but has reassured me that she's into me
  

 

She is very attractive, successful, educated, great personality. And it's odd that she is (almost) 35 years old and has yet to see a penis in real life or have someone touch her breasts. I keep thinking, how could she not have had relationships for the last 15 years? She said "I dated quite a bit, but no one wanted to be in a relationship with me. Now men are freaked out by a virgin who hasn't had a relationship is a decade and a half".

 

I've been married, have 3 young teenagers (she still wants to have kids), have had plenty of relationships and sexual partners. The last time I was with a virgin was 20 years ago. I want a grown up relationship, not to feel like I'm a teenager again. At this point in my life I expected to find someone who was already romantically and sexually experienced and who knew what they liked in the bedroom. But as a person she is great and extremely attractive, but there is a part of me that doesn't want to waste my time teaching her what she should have learned years ago.

 

Is this odd or am I reading too far into it? I feel like I'm missing something. Should I just let this one pass?

 

Well great now you are going to play another part in why she has not been able to be intimate with anyone.

 

Anyway, I know a girl that has never had sex and in her 30's. Mostly because she used to be religious but now, she is not such a devote believer and she is finding it difficult to find a man that is not freaked out by the fact she is a virgin at that age. She is a great girl and I honestly think that whoever ends up with her will be very lucky...

I guess my advice is...if previous sexual experience is more important to you than who the person is and compatibility then let her go.

[kaylan]

It's been brought up because it's an issue:

People (or LS users at least) would not be calling her or odd or unstable if she had been with 10 strangers in the past year but still had no relationship, ever in her life. (Even though this woman had at least one relationship apparently). That's where the promiscuity became the issue. The hypocricy.

Um yes we would call out someone for sleeping around and never holding down a relationship.

 

Hell, posters like you would be agreeing with that OP and telling him reasons why someone who had that much casual sex wasnt really relationship oriented, despite whatever real reasons there were for them not finding a relationship.

 

Ive seen enough of your posts to know how youd react to such a thread.

[silvermercy]

Um yes we would call out someone for sleeping around and never holding down a relationship.

No, many posters wouldn't.

 

Hell, posters like you would be agreeing with that OP and telling him reasons why someone who had that much casual sex wasnt really relationship oriented, despite whatever real reasons there were for them not finding a relationship.

 

Ive seen enough of your posts to know how youd react to such a thread.

Yes, I would react like that. But for me, there are a gazillion more reasons (a 5-page word bullet-point essay perhaps) for why promiscuity in society is such a negative for society in general. I'd be backed by all the anecdotal evidence and countless science reports that exist in this world.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm intrigued . After the number of promiscuous threads and "slut-shaming" that occurred a while back, it's funny to see an almost similar level of comments directed towards the complete opposite. In the same vein that I defended the promiscuous, it would be hypocritical of me to ignore the stuff said about the virgins too - it might be weird, but is it weird enough to allow others to ostracize in such a manner?

 

The way I see it, I expect that to happen to a degree which is why I never let my virginity bother me, but with some of the comments here, I am not surprised that guys AND girls let it get to them. It's quite amusing to be honest .

[Drseussgrrl]

I'm intrigued . After the number of promiscuous threads and "slut-shaming" that occurred a while back, it's funny to see an almost similar level of comments directed towards the complete opposite. In the same vein that I defended the promiscuous, it would be hypocritical of me to ignore the stuff said about the virgins too - it might be weird, but is it weird enough to allow others to ostracize in such a manner?

 

The way I see it, I expect that to happen to a degree which is why I never let my virginity bother me, but with some of the comments here, I am not surprised that guys AND girls let it get to them. It's quite amusing to be honest .

 

I don't think it's simply her virginity we're confused by here. And again, I'm not sure even why "sluttiness" is being discussed.

 

It's her lack of experience with relationships in general (sex being an important component). Imajerk said it perfectly. Women often think the same of men who reach a certain age and have never made a firm commitment to a woman. "Well why hasn't he met anyone that makes him really happy? Is he afraid of commitment?"

 

There's a reason people start making assumptions about folks who get to a certain age and haven't reached important milestones.

[ltjg45]

Women often think the same of men who reach a certain age and have never made a firm commitment to a woman. "Well why hasn't he met anyone that makes him really happy? Is he afraid of commitment?"

 

There is multiple reasons why I'm still a virgin at the age of 26.

 

Just like there is multiple reasons why she is that way at the age of 35.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with me or her. In fact, I firmly believe we are far better off than most people because, whenever we do get into a relationship, we bring no baggage because there was none to begin with.

 

I didn't know that people prefer mates who has baggage for potential relationships.

[Eternal Sunshine]

There is multiple reasons why I'm still a virgin at the age of 26.

 

Just like there is multiple reasons why she is that way at the age of 35.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with me or her. In fact, I firmly believe we are far better off than most people because, whenever we do get into a relationship, we bring no baggage because there was none to begin with.

 

I didn't know that people prefer mates who has baggage for potential relationships.

 

Oh but you very much bring the baggage, just of a different kind.....

[Radu]

How is she supposed to gain any further relationship experience, if men keep rejecting her due to her lack of experience?

 

I think this is the first time i ever saw a thread in the Dating section where i thought ... no matter what the OP does, he will do a kindness to this woman as long as he has sex with her.

If it works out, great, awesome story ... don't tell me getting her virginity doesn't excite you a little bit OP. If she is open to learning and is aware of her little time, it's even better.

If it doesn't work out, she will gain some experience.

 

Honestly, you might do her more harm if you don't sleep with her.

[silvermercy]

Oh but you very much bring the baggage, just of a different kind.....

So now this has come to a case of who's baggage is better or worse? LOL

Mine is a Louis Vuitton!

[ltjg45]

Oh but you very much bring the baggage, just of a different kind.....

 

Emotional baggage?

 

Perhaps but that can be fixed with having more confidence and loving myself.

 

Kids? Multiple divorces?

 

Not so much. No matter how much you want to ignore it, it is there and you have to come to terms with it. Esp. if the kids is so young that he may need you to play the role of stepmother.

 

Please do explain more. I'm so willing to learn.

[Drseussgrrl]

I haven't see the word slut in the whole thread till you brought it in....

 

We have discussed promiscuity as counter position of virginity.... but you are pretty fast of feeling offended... in my town we say that when someone defends a ground is because feels the ground's owner...

 

I haven't been offended in the least.

[ThaWholigan]

I don't think it's simply her virginity we're confused by here. And again, I'm not sure even why "sluttiness" is being discussed.

 

Neither am I to be honest, it's not a case of sluttiness, but considering we're talking about the complete opposite and the same members are involved, It's interesting to see the tables flipped .

It's her lack of experience with relationships in general (sex being an important component). Imajerk said it perfectly. Women often think the same of men who reach a certain age and have never made a firm commitment to a woman. "Well why hasn't he met anyone that makes him really happy? Is he afraid of commitment?"

 

Well, those questions in my opinion say more about the person asking them than the other person . My first point of thinking would be to try to understand where they came from regarding the experience on that level, rather than assume there is something wrong with them. Just like I would give a chance to a promiscuous girl if I liked her, I would extend the same to an older female virgin too. I would just need to know the ins and outs before jumping to a conclusion.

 

There's a reason people start making assumptions about folks who get to a certain age and haven't reached important milestones.

 

I don't think they are particularly good reasons, I think they are more socially engineered than anything. I say that as someone who was indeed a late bloomer myself, and while I haven't complained about it, it must be remembered that it took many rejections from women I liked primarily because I was inexperienced, before I found a woman who didn't care. And while I have my problems, I don't think I have any major hang-ups with the opposite sex. So why were they jumping to conclusions? It doesn't matter now, but it's interesting. I would put it on a par with those people who dismiss the promiscuous among us - it's the same thing IMO.

[Drseussgrrl]

As long as you don't begin to follow me on all the threads where I post to remind me how an ugly person I am because I don't date girls who do casual sex... I will be ok...

 

Oh come on. You've missed me.