eleanorrigby Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I didn't do anything but expose where some of you ran with something that wasn't there. uh huh. -_-
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 This is my first response in this thread. Do all of this if you want to make sure you will get a divorce. Yes, I know Dr. Harley states essentially the same thing, if not ver betim. But his success rate is only 20% of recovering a marriage, so do so at your own peril. Sorry, but that is childhish behavior.
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 uh huh. -_- Laugh all you want, but you are other's desire to take it off track led us to where we are.
SidLyon Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Thank you for sharing. I think you and I are on the same page. I have to feel good about what I choose to do, things I can look back and not be ashamed of. Can I ask what happened in your situation? Thanks again! My H's infidelity started more than 10 years ago when our twins were young (they are now teenagers). This included a years' long affair that ended in 2005 but was being reignited in 2008. My d-day was late 2008 just after the OW's husband died in tragic circumstances. There's lots of additional detail including the birth of the OW's child during the affair (almost certainly not my H's child) and the fact that at my d-day the OW was also having an affair with another MM (coincidentally also the father of twins) who eventually left his BW for the OW. The other BW and I are now friends and her d-day was the same month in 2008 as mine. Regarding exposure, I exposed to the OW's in laws (parents of her dead H) and to her older adult son. I know they would have been so hurt after their own son and father had died while saving the OW's life, but what I didn't know was that they already knew that their daughter-in-law/mother had betrayed the dead H, because by then she was already with the other MM. My H sent a no contact e-mail but then breached NC himself a couple of weeks later. It took an additional couple of weeks before he admitted this when our MC told him that MC would be useless if he continued contact with the OW. He then sent a second NC letter referring to the breach of NC (but blaming her which I thought was shabby at the time) saying this time NC was in place. Goodness knows what she thought of this. Since then there has been a small amount of contact to try to establish the paternity of her younger child and once when she contacted him and he hung up on her and then told me. I also contacted the other MM and sent him proof of her infidelity and carrying on with him at the same time as with my H. That's it in a nutshell. I really do think my H wanted to reconcile with me, but had he tried to keep us both for a more extended period, then he would have lost me. 1
2sunny Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 This is my first response in this thread. Childish behavior is being so selfish and self centered to think that bad behavior has no consequences. 4
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Childish behavior is being so selfish and self centered to think that bad behavior has no consequences. Two wrongs don't make a right.
bentnotbroken Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Two wrongs don't make a right. Nope...not at all. Nor do three or four or.....
Realist3 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I really do not understand why some of you are upset with me. I simply stated that an FB bomb was an incorrect method of outing an affair. A method that was promoted by a poster and a noted marriage therapist that has a very bad record in terms of saving marriages. You cando whatever you so choose. The method I was discussing makes you look like a fool.
2sunny Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I really do not understand why some of you are upset with me. I simply stated that an FB bomb was an incorrect method of outing an affair. A method that was promoted by a poster and a noted marriage therapist that has a very bad record in terms of saving marriages. You cando whatever you so choose. The method I was discussing makes you look like a fool. Not really, it makes the people cheating look like the fools they are... Especially if exposure simply shows the evidence enough for others to draw their own conclusion. 4
Decorative Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Whoops! I forgot! Realist? Although I dislike Harley's method of recovering a marriage ( and I feel he is bigoted in other areas), I've not seen this bad track record of saving marriages from those who follow his program. So if you could link me to that information, that'd be great. in fact - in all the years of research of forum participation I've had on infidelity - I've never seen a shred of evidence that shows he has a low success rate. I was pretty sure for those who choose his plan, it's high for them. Thanks in advance .
Decorative Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Laugh all you want, but you are other's desire to take it off track led us to where we are. We can read, you know. You cannot gaslight us. Not uh. 1
Realist3 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Not really, it makes the people cheating look like the fools they are... Especially if exposure simply shows the evidence enough for others to draw their own conclusion. For what purpose?
Decorative Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 I really do not understand why some of you are upset with me. I simply stated that an FB bomb was an incorrect method of outing an affair. A method that was promoted by a poster and a noted marriage therapist that has a very bad record in terms of saving marriages. You cando whatever you so choose. The method I was discussing makes you look like a fool. Only to cheaters. I don't care if I look like a fool to cheaters. LOL 1
Realist3 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 "I'm the victim. Look at me. Feel sorry for me." Foolishness.
bentnotbroken Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 "I'm the victim. Look at me. Feel sorry for me." Foolishness. We know.
eleanorrigby Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 "I'm the victim. Look at me. Feel sorry for me." Foolishness. U mad because we don't all fall in line like your wife? 2
Spark1111 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 "I'm the victim. Look at me. Feel sorry for me." Foolishness. Doesn't your OW perpetrate this with her evil H? isn't she a victim of a jealous, abusive, cheating H? Isn't that why you must keep the affair secret and go to great lengths of subterfuge, dodging and outsmarting his PI to continue the affair? Doesn't that EMPOWER you to be smarter than him and protect your damsel in distress? She's a victim. Look at her! Feel sorry for her! What foolishness. 4
Decorative Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 "I'm the victim. Look at me. Feel sorry for me." Foolishness. Yeah. It's not about asking for pity. It comes from a position of strength. It's a point of saying enough. And taking your life back. It's about realizing that you're done dealing with lies. And being gaslighted. And having your reality questioned. It's about strength. But I don't expect you to understand. 3
ComingInHot Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Realist; Alright, I get what you went off on. I actually replied in the similar just w/out your special angst towards the BS's...** But Realist, cheating Bad!! Knock it off already... grrrrr.
Spark1111 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Again you are missing the issue I was objecting to. The method suggested by a poster here an Dr. Harley, who many seem to think walks on water, is totally assinine. I'm not talking about your desire to expose to a limited group of a close group of friends o family. I'm talking about a widespread indiscriminate act. Dr. Who? You think we BSs outed our WSs and APs because someone on the Internet said so? we did it because we were reeling from the betrayal and thought we were heading towards divorce, needed support on that path and were outraged we had been lied to. You think we researched a tactic on how to manipulate our spouse home when we weren't sleeping, eating, functioning? Either you give yourself waaaay too much credit for being the end all, be all, or you have no clue as to the pain deception causes. dr. Who? Harley is not a name I would know of or read about until a year after DDay. you cheating spouses? just were not worth or that subterfuge or manipulation you brought to concealing your affair. we do not, never have, thought like you people. 1
2sunny Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 "I'm the victim. Look at me. Feel sorry for me." Foolishness. Nope. I'm the one exposing evidence... Nothing foolish about that! In fact, it makes a BS hold more power at that point. More so stating "they cheated - and here's evidence". The only fools at that juncture are the cheaters. No wonder you can't see the "other perspective" = you cheat! 2
Decorative Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Now I want to go watch Doctor Who, because of Spark's comment. LOL I did know who Harley was. I had been in a false reconciliation and I had just found the evidence that I knew could without a doubt prove the affair was still on. I actually googled "how to toss spouse out of house legally". LOL And that led me to there. Where I found the outlines for exposure and Plan B- which was shutting him out. Not in the hope of saving my marriage. In the hope of saving me, and my babies. I plotted. And thought. And checked with people I trusted who could help me. And then I did it. All of it. In a couple of hours. Go me. 2
underwater2010 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 But you are only supposed expose in private....not public. Common. Give us a little more created. Per your posts this entire thread....don't expose on facebook walls, don't expose in private message, don't expose to the other spouse and don't expose me or I will run away or kick you out. Clear and to the point. For Realist exposing us BS for what we are typical of. 1
underwater2010 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 It is an ending move. It is certainly no way to try and heal things within a relationship. If my w or AP did that to me they would be OUT! No ifs, ands, or buts. You are going to do that in front of my friends and family? DONE! And there is my favorite from you. After calling BS's fools for outing people. 1
underwater2010 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 The truth belongs between you are your SO. Do you walk up to strangers and tell them about your situtation? No, because that is foolish. And what doing the FB bomb does is totally childish in every form. You are slamming the door. Per the qoute...."The truth belongs between you and your spouse."
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