underwater2010 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I can see this is a hotly debated topic. I found everyone's posting to be great, but I don't think I would ever do the Facebook bomb. I just don't think I could repect myself as much after. If his friends or family contact me, which they will on our home phone and my cell, I will explain what really happened. He should not get credit for trying to make the marriage work when he never ended the affair. Now, can I get your thoughts on one more item? Do I file for the big D or legal separation?? Both....some states require that you be legally seperated before the divorce will even be considered. It also allows you to discount his income should you need any type of financial aid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused3232 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 I don't understand the respect comment, but I'll let that go. I assume you meant not to cast aspersions in the respect of those of us who did expose. File for divorce. Don't mess around anymore. Take action. No, I exposed some in the beginning too. Just not to the Facebook extent. I do feel that is overboard. It is just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 The difference is that no one in public sees how stupid you were believing your spouse would be faithful. By taking the path mentioned everyone sees it and think you are looney for doing so at the same time. Yes. Because the public at large thinks liars are awesome? You must live in a very different world than mine. The betrayed spouse we told about her husband a few weeks ago? she exposed. Like I did. Targeted. Nobody thinks her a fool. They are angry on her behalf and shunning her unrepentant husband and the serial OW. I know you want or need the dialogue to be different than reality. but unless you live in a world purely populated by disordered personalities- people don't en masse reject the betrayed spouse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 No, I exposed some in the beginning too. Just not to the Facebook extent. I do feel that is overboard. It is just my opinion. Gotcha. ( ten characters) Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'm not worried about anything, I just think it is perhaps the most terrible advice anyone could give. What is most perplexing in terms of Dr. Harley giving this advice is he detailed information about how to beat the FB spamming system. It truly is off the hook. He says some good stuff from time to time, but that alone makes me wonder about his sanity and his real aims. That's not his advice, actually. It's members on his board who provide that information. And they're wrong anyway. The filters don't work like that anymore. LOL ( and sure you're worried. It's oozing out of your comments. ) Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 That's not his advice, actually. It's members on his board who provide that information. And they're wrong anyway. The filters don't work like that anymore. LOL ( and sure you're worried. It's oozing out of your comments. ) Actually, that is his advice. You can read the details on his site and the person that posted it here repeats everything he suggests about FB.. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 The difference is that no one in public sees how stupid you were believing your spouse would be faithful. By taking the path mentioned everyone sees it and think you are looney for doing so at the same time. And.......................... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Yes. Because the public at large thinks liars are awesome? You must live in a very different world than mine. The betrayed spouse we told about her husband a few weeks ago? she exposed. Like I did. Targeted. Nobody thinks her a fool. They are angry on her behalf and shunning her unrepentant husband and the serial OW. I know you want or need the dialogue to be different than reality. but unless you live in a world purely populated by disordered personalities- people don't en masse reject the betrayed spouse. The question is not whether the public at large thinks liars are awesome. That is not the issue at all. The issue with this method is why are you telling them? They don't need to know, or in most cases don't give a crap. You are just making yourself look foolish and immature. Deal with your own problems. There is no need to involve people you don't even know. All I'm saying is that the advice is terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 And.......................... And you want to let everyone know you got used, and are not so bent that you go to childish measures? I guess it is your choice how bad you want to make yourself look. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 It is an ending move. It is certainly no way to try and heal things within a relationship. If my w or AP did that to me they would be OUT! No ifs, ands, or buts. You are going to do that in front of my friends and family? DONE! Really? Sending an email targeting friends and family is an ending move? That's the move that KNOCKED him off his fence sitting once and for all. Commit to me, commit to her, but stop lying to both of us. I don't care who you choose, just choose. In fact, anyone who could lie to my face for as long as he did, was initially, someone I wasn't all that interested in. So, go be with your soul mate you lying two-timing blankety blank. Why in the world should I KEEP THEIR secrets? I was the victim here and I would be damned if friends and family were led to believe otherwise. He had already started telling them how hard he was trying. I felt they needed some explanation for my belligerence, so here's their LATEST LOVEFEST email and copies of the recent cell phone bill! He's picking up his bags tomorrow. Perhaps he can live with one of you for the time being?. Sincerely, Spark and kids 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 The difference is that no one in public sees how stupid you were believing your spouse would be faithful. By taking the path mentioned everyone sees it and think you are looney for doing so at the same time. Wait....so it IS the faithful spouse's fault? What are you, 17? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 And you want to let everyone know you got used, and are not so bent that you go to childish measures? I guess it is your choice how bad you want to make yourself look. Repeat.....don't give a rat's azz what people think. And I was used as you put...but not the user. I'll leave that job to the people who seem to do it so well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Wait....so it IS the faithful spouse's fault? What are you, 17? Where did I say that, and how could you possibly read that from what I said? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Repeat.....don't give a rat's azz what people think. And I was used as you put...but not the user. I'll leave that job to the people who seem to do it so well. How is that working out for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) Actually, that is his advice. You can read the details on his site and the person that posted it here repeats everything he suggests about FB.. I am very familiar with his site and where it comes from. He's not fixated on FB. Believe it or not? I took part in conversations about it. On that site. Edited January 30, 2013 by Decorative Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Really? Sending an email targeting friends and family is an ending move? That's the move that KNOCKED him off his fence sitting once and for all. Commit to me, commit to her, but stop lying to both of us. I don't care who you choose, just choose. In fact, anyone who could lie to my face for as long as he did, was initially, someone I wasn't all that interested in. So, go be with your soul mate you lying two-timing blankety blank. Why in the world should I KEEP THEIR secrets? I was the victim here and I would be damned if friends and family were led to believe otherwise. He had already started telling them how hard he was trying. I felt they needed some explanation for my belligerence, so here's their LATEST LOVEFEST email and copies of the recent cell phone bill! He's picking up his bags tomorrow. Perhaps he can live with one of you for the time being?. Sincerely, Spark and kids How many of them did you have a spousal relationsip with? Why was it any of their business to begin with? I hope you got what you wanted because your actions surely helped move the outcome along. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I am very familiar with his site and where it comes from. He's not fixated on FB. Believe it or not? I took part in conversations about it. On that site. I didn't say he was 'fixated' on FB, but he does leave details about doing exactly what was described [reviously to a 't'. Did Dr. Harley's advice end up saving your marriage, or ending it? Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 How many of them did you have a spousal relationsip with? Why was it any of their business to begin with? I hope you got what you wanted because your actions surely helped move the outcome along. You hold spousal relationship up as if it's important to you. Dude- when you begin to sleep with someone else- spousal "privilege" ? Out the door. She can spill the cheater's business. Truth is an awesome defense against lies. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 How is that working out for you? Wonderfully well...thank you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 You hold spousal relationship up as if it's important to you. Dude- when you begin to sleep with someone else- spousal "privilege" ? Out the door. She can spill the cheater's business. Truth is an awesome defense against lies. You aren't answering the question. How many of those people were you in a spousal relationship with, and how many of them needed to know? I would bet none. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I didn't say he was 'fixated' on FB, but he does leave details about doing exactly what was described [reviously to a 't'. Did Dr. Harley's advice end up saving your marriage, or ending it? I have said in this thread that I am happily reconciled. But I'll answer again. Saving. exposure and Plan B. I am always careful on here to say that his exposure plan and the going dark ( which is very similar to other plans out there, like the 180) helped snap me out of victim mode. I had no intention of saving things. I was done. Plan B was mostly for my own sanity. I could not accept being lied and gaslit a minute more. But the shock of reality, and bursting of the affair bubble that resulted ended up making my husband do everything he could to convince me he was worth a second chance. And he was. He is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 You could have just as easily gotten a divorce without taking childish behaviors. You didn't want a divorce, so you went to extreme measures and still ended up with nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 And in all likelyhood your extreme measures killed any chance you had to save the M. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 You aren't answering the question. How many of those people were you in a spousal relationship with, and how many of them needed to know? I would bet none. This question makes no sense. I am not a bigamist. I have one spouse. Who knew about his own affair. LOL. And who else needed to know? family and friends that were being lied to. and trust me- the list of those who were wrapped up in their mess? long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 And in all likelyhood your extreme measures killed any chance you had to save the M. Are you struggling to read? I am married and happily reconciled. To my spouse. You know, the one I exposed ? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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