Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Does anyone not see how stupid this makes a BS look? Are you worried you'll get outed by her husband? Or maybe your wife when she's had enough and wishes to share your relationship joy? I mean, that's why you said this. It's pretty easy to get it. LOL 2
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I think all is fair when you decide to cheat you take a chance on what the consequences will be. Funny thing is that majority of the time, the WS seriously under estimates their BS. Would I do it myself....no. I exposed to a choice few, but not a mass exposure. Just like you never truly know what kind of a person you are bringing into your marriage by having the affair. I have heard many horror stories about APs that go of the deep end too. I'm not arguing fairness. Do anything you want. I'm saying is that doing what was described above not only outs the affair to everyone, but makes you look like a complete fool in the process. It almost makes it to were the WS would be a total idiot for getting back together with the BS after that type of nonsensical behavior.
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Do all of this if you want to make sure you will get a divorce. Yes, I know Dr. Harley states essentially the same thing, if not ver betim. But his success rate is only 20% of recovering a marriage, so do so at your own peril. Sorry, but that is childhish behavior. I think Harley is full of crap in his approach to affairs and how to recover, but his practice statistics for those he counsels? It's far higher than 20%. I'd be curious where you are snagging the 20% ? I don't follow Harley because that's not the kind of relationship I wish to be in. But he has many, many success stories and a devoted following, and a huge success in his practice. I've never seen anything that busts his numbers. 1
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I got called a hero, praised for how open I was about it, and nobody said I was stupid. I exposed to 60 targets. Not even the OW's friends criticized me. They thanked me- because they had been relatively sure she was lying to them. Her family thanked me. The only people who acted like jerks? My MIL and FIL. Who apparently already knew about the affair. And if they think I'm stupid? That's actually a sign that I am living correctly. LOL So yeah. Notsomuch stupid. Maybe your social circle is a bit different than mine. They may not have said it to your face, but I would guess they said it behind your back. Childish behavior, which is what that is, doesn't present a positive for anyone no matter what they may say to your face.
underwater2010 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm not arguing fairness. Do anything you want. I'm saying is that doing what was described above not only outs the affair to everyone, but makes you look like a complete fool in the process. It almost makes it to were the WS would be a total idiot for getting back together with the BS after that type of nonsensical behavior. I guess we would be two peas in a pod then, because my spouse would look like a complete fool too. And the reason a WS looks like an idiot is not because they got back together with the BS, but because they disrespect their spouse and family enough to have an affiar. I don't think I would be a fool, but I might get called a bitch by his family for airing the dirty laundry in public. As a point, once a BS exposes to such a degree....the WS is usually booted out the door any way. 1
Author Confused3232 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I'm not arguing fairness. Do anything you want. I'm saying is that doing what was described above not only outs the affair to everyone, but makes you look like a complete fool in the process. It almost makes it to were the WS would be a total idiot for getting back together with the BS after that type of nonsensical behavior. I do agree with this. Even though he has a lack of integrity, I don't need to follow suit.
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I guess we would be two peas in a pod then, because my spouse would look like a complete fool too. And the reason a WS looks like an idiot is not because they got back together with the BS, but because they disrespect their spouse and family enough to have an affiar. I don't think I would be a fool, but I might get called a bitch by his family for airing the dirty laundry in public. As a point, once a BS exposes to such a degree....the WS is usually booted out the door any way. It is an ending move. It is certainly no way to try and heal things within a relationship. If my w or AP did that to me they would be OUT! No ifs, ands, or buts. You are going to do that in front of my friends and family? DONE!
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Maybe your social circle is a bit different than mine. They may not have said it to your face, but I would guess they said it behind your back. Childish behavior, which is what that is, doesn't present a positive for anyone no matter what they may say to your face. Yes. because I am close personal friends with her friends? Nope. They were strangers who knew they were being lied to by their "friend". They had zero reason to answer me or say anything back to me. My social circle is awesome. I'm a lucky girl with amazing friends. Who offered me love and support. There's nothing "childish" about telling the truth. Only a liar would attempt to spin the truth as a bad thing. LOL 5
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Yes. because I am close personal friends with her friends? Nope. They were strangers who knew they were being lied to by their "friend". They had zero reason to answer me or say anything back to me. My social circle is awesome. I'm a lucky girl with amazing friends. Who offered me love and support. There's nothing "childish" about telling the truth. Only a liar would attempt to spin the truth as a bad thing. LOL The truth belongs between you are your SO. Do you walk up to strangers and tell them about your situtation? No, because that is foolish. And what doing the FB bomb does is totally childish in every form. You are slamming the door.
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 It is an ending move. It is certainly no way to try and heal things within a relationship. If my w or AP did that to me they would be OUT! No ifs, ands, or buts. You are going to do that in front of my friends and family? DONE! Awww. But you and your affair partner are sooooo happy! Don't you want to share that with the world? You're not doing anything wrong, right? There's no moral issue for you. You should not have a problem with people telling the truth about you. Unless you're ashamed. Oh. Wait. ( this thread really scares you, doesn't it? I can tell. ) 1
underwater2010 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 It is an ending move. It is certainly no way to try and heal things within a relationship. If my w or AP did that to me they would be OUT! No ifs, ands, or buts. You are going to do that in front of my friends and family? DONE! Which is why I did not out my husband to all. I am giving him the chance to repair the damage he has called. But all your W or AP would be doing is telling the truth. I can see why you would leave them for that though.
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 If a BS wants NC; doing that would ensure there was NC ever again between us.
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The truth belongs between you are your SO. Do you walk up to strangers and tell them about your situtation? No, because that is foolish. And what doing the FB bomb does is totally childish in every form. You are slamming the door. Nope. The truth stopped being between me and my spouse when he brought a third person into the picture. Slammed what door? We're happily reconciled and he's grateful that I held him accountable. And the best part is? No lies between us. 1
underwater2010 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 If a BS wants NC; doing that would ensure there was NC ever again between us. Good Ridance 5
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 If a BS wants NC; doing that would ensure there was NC ever again between us. You should correct that. If your wife did that, it would ensure NC between the two of you. Many, many other people have a different view of that. WS included. relax. Why are you worried? Your end of the affair is known to your wife, so you say. I would assume she doesn't care enough anymore to bother outing you. 1
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm not worried about anything, I just think it is perhaps the most terrible advice anyone could give. What is most perplexing in terms of Dr. Harley giving this advice is he detailed information about how to beat the FB spamming system. It truly is off the hook. He says some good stuff from time to time, but that alone makes me wonder about his sanity and his real aims.
bentnotbroken Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Does anyone not see how stupid this makes a BS look? More stupid than believing that a spouse would be faithful:confused:......naw no one sees it. I gave not one rat's azz how people viewed me..."f" that crap. Reveal the new facts and stick to those OP. Pay as much attention to what others think as your WS did. 4
bentnotbroken Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The truth belongs between you are your SO. Do you walk up to strangers and tell them about your situtation? No, because that is foolish. And what doing the FB bomb does is totally childish in every form. You are slamming the door. Slam that motha!:laugh: 2
underwater2010 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm sure his old high school buddies aren't going to care. No, but the threat of exposing her to everyone shut her down real fast. Sadly, I would not have done it. I exposed her to the one person that needed the information most...her husband. 3
eleanorrigby Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I wouldn't advise Facebook. (i hate facebook) But if you feel that this is important information for some people in your life. Do what you need to do. My family and his family knows (basically) what we went through and we've reconciled. 2
Author Confused3232 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 I can see this is a hotly debated topic. I found everyone's posting to be great, but I don't think I would ever do the Facebook bomb. I just don't think I could repect myself as much after. If his friends or family contact me, which they will on our home phone and my cell, I will explain what really happened. He should not get credit for trying to make the marriage work when he never ended the affair. Now, can I get your thoughts on one more item? Do I file for the big D or legal separation??
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 No, but the threat of exposing her to everyone shut her down real fast. Sadly, I would not have done it. I exposed her to the one person that needed the information most...her husband. Yup. I think you have to make decisions about what has to happen. I exposed to specific targets. On her side- it was harder- because I didn't know the depth of relationships. I was able to figure out who she was in contact with the most, and her relatives. On my husband's side- I knew who to tell. Mind you - this was at the end of a 3.5 year affair and 9 months of gaslighting after the first DDay. I had to restore reality for myself and for my children. And I did. I'll never regret any part of that. I was ready to be done with the marriage. I did not expose until I packed his crap and left it at his mama's house. I was done. It was time for the truth. 1
Decorative Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I can see this is a hotly debated topic. I found everyone's posting to be great, but I don't think I would ever do the Facebook bomb. I just don't think I could repect myself as much after. If his friends or family contact me, which they will on our home phone and my cell, I will explain what really happened. He should not get credit for trying to make the marriage work when he never ended the affair. Now, can I get your thoughts on one more item? Do I file for the big D or legal separation?? I don't understand the respect comment, but I'll let that go. I assume you meant not to cast aspersions in the respect of those of us who did expose. File for divorce. Don't mess around anymore. Take action.
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 More stupid than believing that a spouse would be faithful:confused:......naw no one sees it. I gave not one rat's azz how people viewed me..."f" that crap. Reveal the new facts and stick to those OP. Pay as much attention to what others think as your WS did. The difference is that no one in public sees how stupid you were believing your spouse would be faithful. By taking the path mentioned everyone sees it and think you are looney for doing so at the same time.
Realist3 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I can see this is a hotly debated topic. I found everyone's posting to be great, but I don't think I would ever do the Facebook bomb. I just don't think I could repect myself as much after. If his friends or family contact me, which they will on our home phone and my cell, I will explain what really happened. He should not get credit for trying to make the marriage work when he never ended the affair. Now, can I get your thoughts on one more item? Do I file for the big D or legal separation?? I would suggest separation if you think there is a chance a recon. If not, then go for divorce.
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