Feeling really hurt right now

[NoMoreJerks]

I would say stop hurting yourself by trying to look for him or keeping his information around. The only way you will be able to get over is to not look back. I used to look at my exes FB profile and what not and see other girls and it would just tear the wound right open again and I would have to start all over getting over it. It took me 2 years. Do yourself a favor and don't give him the time of day because he hasn't given you the time.

Hey,

 

I did not look for him. This thread was started a week after the break-up, when I was still pining for my ex and hoping that he'd contact me.. it's been 25 days since the break-up, and I no longer care about that. I just posted some updates in this thread about some breadcrumb he sent me 2 days ago, because I didn't want to start a new thread for it.

[TaraMaiden]

The problem is, people rarely read a whole thread, so they look at the title, your last comments, put 2 + 2 together and come up with a reply..

 

I'd start a new thread -

 

"Extending my sitting room using only my fists!"

 

Now that is a whole new ball-game!

[NoMoreJerks]

The problem is, people rarely read a whole thread, so they look at the title, your last comments, put 2 + 2 together and come up with a reply..

 

I'd start a new thread -

 

"Extending my sitting room using only my fists!"

 

Now that is a whole new ball-game!

lol, well, that title is a great one.. I'm tempted to start a new thread, just to use it.

 

I didn't think his pathetic breadcrumb warranted a new thread... The last thing we need on here is yet another "OMG, my ex texted me, what does it mean?" thread... I know it's breadcrumbs, but I just thought I'd post the update and rant.

[suladas]

Trust me, the fists will do, considering how pissed off I am right now...

 

That anger phase is scary! I got it twice, once after coming home from the bar drunk that was bad. But since i've already got one messed up shoulder I need to keep the other arm good Although I did have to check my phone in the morning because I really wanted to pound down her door and wanted to be sure I didn't do anything

 

But it's good fuel to hate your ex, and considering what your ex did to you, you should hate him.

[NoMoreJerks]

That anger phase is scary! I got it twice, once after coming home from the bar drunk that was bad. But since i've already got one messed up shoulder I need to keep the other arm good Although I did have to check my phone in the morning because I really wanted to pound down her door and wanted to be sure I didn't do anything

 

But it's good fuel to hate your ex, and considering what your ex did to you, you should hate him.

It's actually pretty weird/funny -- I woke up in the middle of the night, and had a eureka moment. I told myself I shouldn't feel bad for him (I feel bad about not responding to him, because I feel bad for him -- I pity him, basically, because I know how lonely he is, and I feel sad that at 40, he cannot have a proper relationship and manages to push away everyone who gets close to him). I told myself that he had *wanted* this. I mean, he had told me he couldn't be in a relationship, so who am I to tell him otherwise? And he had done it in the most forceful way ever, so much so that there is no way that he thought he could take this all back and be friends with me, or even get a third chance.... no matter how impulsive one is, it just doesn't make any sense that anyone in their right mind would do this sort of thing and expect to not to be completely ignored forever. That helped. I fell asleep after I was sufficiently reassured.

[NoMoreJerks]

I just broke NC, after 32 days of being able to maintain it. I got a breadcrumb on day 22, but managed to ignore it for 10 days, but work stress and depression got to my head, and I replied to that text a while ago, 10 days after he sent it. I feel like crap. I felt guilty enough for ignoring his text (I know it was a breadcrumb), and now I feel doubly guilty for having replied 10 days later... and now he's gonna think I'm playing mind games. Sigh.

 

Nothing emotional in the text: just said that things were ok, and that there was too much work-related stress but that I was managing. I said I hoped his job was going well. I didn't leave it open-ended for future conversation, just a short to-the-point reply. I hope he doesn't hate me. I miss him.

[iouaname]

He might not think you're playing mind games. You said that there was a lot of work related stress, it's possible he'll just think you were busy and moving on with your life! Don't sweat it too much. I know it's going to feel like a major backslide, but don't let 32 days go to waste. Take what you've learned from those 32 days and use it to gather the strength to just.keep.going. You'll be alright!

[suladas]

Breaking NC is not the worst thing in the world like people make it out to be, it makes you learn a lesson in what happens when you do it. NoMoreJerks the thing is though, despite missing him and everything really you deserve so much better. It's not a big deal to text him and whatever but you can't honestly think of doing anything more then that with him can you? It hasn't worked out twice, there is not a single logical reason to ever consider things could be any different. You also shouldn't care if he hates you, and ignoring one of his texts would not cause that, especially after how he treated you.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I hope he doesn't hate me. I miss him.

 

Don't you hate HIM? Read your posts about him! They are dripping with loathing. Even back before he dumped you the first time. And you MISS him? Please take a look at what is going on with you. This is whacky.

[suladas]

Don't you hate HIM? Read your posts about him! They are dripping with loathing. Even back before he dumped you the first time. And you MISS him? Please take a look at what is going on with you. This is whacky.

 

I can understand how she can possibly miss him. I think what it is she misses the guy during the good times, and thinks that's who he is. And blocks out the bad parts. But yes he is not worth missing.

[NoMoreJerks]

Breaking NC is not the worst thing in the world like people make it out to be, it makes you learn a lesson in what happens when you do it. NoMoreJerks the thing is though, despite missing him and everything really you deserve so much better. It's not a big deal to text him and whatever but you can't honestly think of doing anything more then that with him can you? It hasn't worked out twice, there is not a single logical reason to ever consider things could be any different. You also shouldn't care if he hates you, and ignoring one of his texts would not cause that, especially after how he treated you.

I am not trying to get him back. I know I can't. He doesn't love me, and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me, even if he wanted to be with me for one reason or another. I just miss him and the times we spent together, some of which were good.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I can understand how she can possibly miss him. I think what it is she misses the guy during the good times, and thinks that's who he is. And blocks out the bad parts. But yes he is not worth missing.

 

Missing the good times I could understand - but there is a massive posting history detailing every single heinous quality about this man and how he mistreated her, has a scummy character, is a sleazebag, has a personality disorder, etc. etc. etc. I don't think the OP has ever said a single complementary thing about him.

 

I can't understand, OP, why you spend so much time obsessing over a guy you dislike and disrespect so very much, and with whom you share no history. Please … let go.

[suladas]

I am not trying to get him back. I know I can't. He doesn't love me, and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me, even if he wanted to be with me for one reason or another. I just miss him and the times we spent together, some of which were good.

 

Your intentions of contacting him likely say otherwise though. There is no reason to consider staying in contact or being friends. It's ok to miss him, but realize it's in the past and is over.

[NoMoreJerks]

Don't you hate HIM? Read your posts about him! They are dripping with loathing. Even back before he dumped you the first time. And you MISS him? Please take a look at what is going on with you. This is whacky.

I hate the way he treated me, yes. I don't hate him -- I feel sorry for him. I pity him. I am angry at the way he treated me, and I don't want to be with him again. I just miss the good things we had, wish things were different, etc. Also, I am under severe stress at the moment.

[NoMoreJerks]

Your intentions of contacting him likely say otherwise though. There is no reason to consider staying in contact or being friends. It's ok to miss him, but realize it's in the past and is over.

Nah. I really don't want him back. I just miss him and miss the comfort of having someone close to me, and wish I could have that right now, when I am going through some rough times with work, family, etc.

[suladas]

I hate the way he treated me, yes. I don't hate him -- I feel sorry for him. I pity him. I am angry at the way he treated me, and I don't want to be with him again. I just miss the good things we had, wish things were different, etc. Also, I am under severe stress at the moment.

 

Things can't change though, it was tried twice nothing will be different. It's also dangerous to contact him, because there is a chance he will try to get back with you, and based on what happened last time i'd bet there is a chance he could talk you into it, which should not happen. If you didn't want to be with him and missed him, you wouldn't care about contacting him.

[suladas]

Nah. I really don't want him back. I just miss him and miss the comfort of having someone close to me, and wish I could have that right now, when I am going through some rough times with work, family, etc.

 

Yes I can understand wanting someone in that situation, it's got to me lately to. But remember the first time when you said you didn't want him and how it changed to getting back together? This time doesn't sound a lot different to me.

[NoMoreJerks]

Things can't change though, it was tried twice nothing will be different. It's also dangerous to contact him, because there is a chance he will try to get back with you, and based on what happened last time i'd bet there is a chance he could talk you into it, which should not happen. If you didn't want to be with him and missed him, you wouldn't care about contacting him.

Nah. We're done. He doesn't want to get back with me. He didn't even try. And I'm glad he didn't. I don't want to try either. It's hard to let go of someone completely, when you lost your virginity to them, at 29. I would like to at least be friends down the line. But I know I can't right now, and it's not a good idea. He holds a special place in my heart if only because of that fact. That is all. I wish I could forget him, but I can't, because of that. If he were my nth boyfriend, I wouldn't find it so hard to move on and even forget about him, and not want to stay in touch.

[NoMoreJerks]

Yes I can understand wanting someone in that situation, it's got to me lately to. But remember the first time when you said you didn't want him and how it changed to getting back together? This time doesn't sound a lot different to me.

Well, once bitten twice shy. He also called me last time, and this time he did not. Probably won't even reply to my text. I don't really want to get back together with him. I think I'm at that stage (in my head) where I just feel severely depressed about my own life, feel like an impostor in my own schoolwork, etc., and I think I need to focus on that aspect of my life, and can't do relationships/flings/whatever anymore.

[cavalier99]

Sorry your having a rough time right now. Seems as if your anger phase has died down and now you are missing him and idealizing the good times.

 

The truth was you probably loved the guy a lot and are deeply hurt by the ways he betrayed your love. So i understand. Just don't reach out again. These feeling will pass. But i wouldn't recommend getting so angry again. I think you need to try to let go of the hate as well as the good memories.

 

Try to take it easy OK? And keep and even keel. It isn't about him anymore. Worry about you and focus on the other issues you have going on. These problem s are probably the trigger for feeling down much more so than him.

[NoMoreJerks]

Well he just replied, saying that he hoped the year would get better for me, and that he misses our time together and thinks every day about me and the city I live in (where we met and spent time together). He said "take care, keep in touch, x."

 

Good. I no longer feel guilty for having left his text unanswered. I feel sorry for him. He's so pathetic, and cold-hearted. I told him about my dad's health problems, and he didn't even say much about that. I now know that I don't even want him as a friend. I know that all my friends would call me if they found out that my dad was having health problems, rather than merely managing a two-faced pathetic "sorry to hear it." He was probably more sad about one of his co-workers' (not a friend) diagnosis with cancer than about my dad's. And to think of all the times we spent together -- even if he had no romantic feelings for me, any human being would've had enough empathy to give more than a "sorry to hear it" comment to someone who had spent so much time with him and who had cared so much about him.

 

Also, why do I have the feeling that I have now officially been friendzoned/booty-call-zoned? So he thinks about me every day , but doesn't want to be with me? WTF? How the f*ck does that make any sense? What the f*ck was the point of him saying that? Was he just trying to make me feel better? More mind games.

Edited January 25, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[MyAngel]

Well.... Maybe you can just leave it at that. You don't want to accept being like a booty call to him. No way.

 

It's normal to miss your ex and having someone close, especially if you shared everything with each other. But this guy is not worth being missed sweetie. Bugger him sideways.

[TaraMaiden]

Phukkin'ell, I go away for 2 days and the schytt hits the fan.

 

Jeesuzkerrist, what the hell got into you, NoMore|Jerks - ?!

 

Depression and a lot going on, is no excuse... If anything it should have been a massive red flag for you, because the lower you are the more vulnerable you are.

THAT'S when you come back into forum and say "Talk me out of it guys, I'm about to crash and burn!"

 

Holy Moses, I really believed you'd make it - I really believed you'd turned the corner and were one of the Healed and renewed guiding lights, now.

 

I'm so sorry you found yourself in that situation again.

But I am honestly, truly, genuinely astounded at how readily we permit the influence of even people we consider to be scum o' the earth, to get to us and manipulate our actions.

 

You have to recoup your strength, because hell, girl - this won't do at all!!

[NoMoreJerks]

Hi Tara,

 

I was really depressed a few days ago, and got this massive urge to text. I told a friend, and he tried to call me and convince me not to text him, but I just shut down and didn't pick up the call / didn't reply to my friend's text, etc. (I was crying, so I coldn't talk). I shut it out of my mind, the whole thing, for a few days. I did not text my ex. Tried doing things to take my mind off it. Tried to post here (not about that). Played chess, etc. I thought I was over the urge, but then it hit me even worse yesterday, and this time, I couldn't really talk to anyone in person, and before I knew it, I had already texted my ex. He replied, but now I don't know what he even meant by his reply and what he's playing at. I think this is gonna be setting me back a lot. Back to square one, almost. Deep down, his reply (him telling me he missed the times we spent together, and he missed my city) made me feel some hope that we could get back together. But I keep telling myself I don't want it -- and it's true, my head tells me I don't want it, but sometimes, especially in very weak moments, my heart tells me otherwise. I think right now, I would say yes to any sort of romantic attention/closeness, from ANYONE, because I'm at a really really low point in my life / self-esteem, due to other issues (me being unable to work). It's like a viscious circle: I was too depressed to get any work done, now I feel like an impostor, and because I feel this way, now I want to be with him again, but because we can't be together, I'm even more depressed, and can't do any work, etc.

 

I had already been having a rollercoaster of feelings about him in the past week and a half, mainly due to work-related stress I think. If I could only manage to write my dissertation proposal, I will be so happy with myself and my self-esteem will be restored to a certain degree, and I will want to go out and do stuff and not think about my ex. Right now, I'm miserable -- stuck at home during evenings, -40 Celsius weather, trying to get work done but my brain is fried, and keep thinking about him. And worse, all my friends are busy with their own work (and unlike me, they CAN do their work and do it well -- which makes me feel doubly useless), so they can't hang out with me / support me through this. Oh well.

Edited January 25, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[NoMoreJerks]

 

Back to square one for me. Feeling worse than the day of the break-up, actually.

 

I texted him back after his "i miss the times we spent together, keep in touch" text. I was keeping it cool and friendly, not showing that I cared much. I said: "yeah, those were good times. How is work?"

 

He texted me back saying "Hey." I asked him how he was, and how work was. He gave me a few details about where he was and his work. Then asked me how my city was.. I told him it was cold. Made small talk for a few minutes, then he said he had to go, cos his friends were there, and said, talk later if you're about. I said, ok, have fun. We didn't talk that night. I guessed he was out drinking late. He texted me in the morning, saying: "Hey, my mate left for [another city] today so we got very drunk. Will talk tonight if u ok. X" I replied, saying "No worries. Sounds like you had a good time. I'm glad you went out and had sme time off to unwind. It would be nice to talk and catch up tonight, if you are not busy."

 

He texted me a while ago. I had assumed by talk he had meant actual voice chat/phone call.. But I guess not..

 

He texted me saying: "hey, just got back from work, nice early finish. How's your day going?"

 

I said : "Hey. Nice. My day is ok so far."

 

Made some small talk about where he was going to be in the next few weeks. Asked him how long he'd been there for. He had claimed he was supposed to be back in Turkey for a job on Jan 3, that's why he couldn't come see me. He now claims he arrived there on the 2nd week of Jan (as he had initially told me he would). Guess he forgot he had lied. Anyway, that is when he texted me his first breadcrumb. So I guess he sent me his breadcrumb text as soon as he went abroad, cos he started feeling lonely.

 

Anyway, he then asked me if I was working today. I said I was trying to relax a bit, since I was stressed and overwhelmed. He asked why I was so stressed. I told him work deadlines, that I hadn't been able to work since Christmas, plus family stuff. He asked about my dad. Asked me why I don't go visit him. I said, yeah, will do soon.

 

Then he said: "It sucks I have to work so much in Turkey and not Canada."

 

I wasn't sure what to say, so I said: "Yeah. I know. If you ever feel like it, you can visit Montreal and crash at mine."

 

He then said:

 

"That's why we couldn't keep a relationship going, only seeing each other for a few weeks vacation each year."

 

I said: ":( Anyway."

 

He then said he had to go take a bath and have some food, and that he'd be home all night and that he hoped we could chat again later, followed by a kiss (X). I said: "Ok. Chat later." At this point, I was crying, and felt so betrayed /tricked, because I thought he was interested in getting back together, after the stuff he told me. But I guess not. He doesn't want me enough to try and work out a LDR. I know he misses me, but maybe just the company. I think he was just feeling bad that he made me look like the worst woman alive, because of the nasty things he had said and had blamed me for dumping me... I guess he just wanted to get it off his chest and blame distance for things not working out, rather than me. I think he knows he hurt me, and is just trying to make amends, a bit. I guess. Though so far, no apologies have been forthcoming from him. I don't want one anyway. I am so disappointed.

 

We used to watch Dexter together, and had watched about 6 episodes of the last season together, but were waiting to continue watching when he came to visit me over Christmas. But he never came, and broke up with me. After saying "chat later", he texted me one more thing: "Btw, I didn't watch any more Dexters. Not the same without you."

 

I just managed a sad smiley face.

 

 

Now I feel like crap. I don't know what the f*ck he's trying to do. He clearly doesn't want to get back together. But he's sending mixed signals about how he feels ? Why?? Is this the way they typically try to string you along? Or what? He's been nice to me so far, even careful and reserved, the way he talks to me.

 

I don't f*ckig know what to think or what to do.