NC Diary [Feel free to not read this]

[cavalier99]

Oops. I see it isn't in you signature just that post.

[cavalier99]

I think of that too sometimes man. How did my ex change so much in our 3 yr relationship.

 

How did she go from caring so much to just fill of anger like I am her worst enemy now.

My guess is that our ex's might be hurting inside still. I mean if they had moved on wouldn't they NOT care? I don't think anyone that has moved on needs to block someone else. You block someone because it hurts to hear from them.

 

Anyways, maybe you can call the health place and see if they can reach her or do something about it all. Tell them the problem and they might be able to contact her for you.

 

Dude they aren't hurting inside. They just don't want us stalking them or messing up their new relationship. Unfortunately we are viewed as unstable even if we are getting our sh-t together. unfortunately most of us didn't handle the BU in the most composed manner to say the least!

 

I would have block me after the few choice thing i had to say lol

Edited December 18, 2012 by cavalier99

[denxnis]

I think of that too sometimes man. How did my ex change so much in our 3 yr relationship.

 

How did she go from caring so much to just fill of anger like I am her worst enemy now.

My guess is that our ex's might be hurting inside still. I mean if they had moved on wouldn't they NOT care? I don't think anyone that has moved on needs to block someone else. You block someone because it hurts to hear from them.

 

I agree. It's not like I was blowing up her phone, I sent one lousy text basically saying, "hey I'm trying to cut ties with you and save you $30 dollars a month here.. " .

 

Ugh... some people.

[LostOne1]

Dude they aren't hurting inside. They just don't want us stalking them or messing up their new relationship. Unfortunately we are viewed as unstable even if we are getting our sh-t together. unfortunately most of us didn't handle the BU in the most composed manner to say the least!

 

I would have block me after the few choice thing i had to say lol

oh.. if my ex has a new relationship.. I messed it up for her for sure. I mean when I sent her stuff back her parents I guess opened it before she got home. And saw all the pictures, cards etc... So they KNOW about me.

 

So if she has a new relationship she is going to have to lie a lot or wait a lot. I think her parents are probably disappointed with her, which is why she probably went off on me. I mean if my parents got all this stuff I have to a girl and a letter saying why did you cheat and hurt me and i wanna move on etc.. I think I'd feel a bit embarrassed and maybe mad too.

 

But to be honest, I don't care now. I'm at the stage where my heart may want her if she came back. But my mind would never let me get back with her ever. That's the tough part and maybe that's what she felt too.

 

That she had feelings still, but her mind told her the BU from her point of view was the best thing and she can't get back.

 

I feel that way now too. No way I can take her back after this all. I don't want someone else's sloppy seconds. And I'm okay with someone else taking my sloppy seconds.

 

I know I can GET much better than my ex. My ex was too much drama in my life and she I think deep down she doesn't want this lifestyle I have... I'm a very family oriented person. Been with my family for everything good and bad. She hates her own family and they never have helped her much. Where as my family has helped me through all my schooling her's didn't do crap and probably can't either.

 

It's for the best, and I know I lost her because #1 I needed to learn a lot from this relationship. #2 There is someone better out there I am supposed to meet someday.

 

So for now I have told myself my CAREER is all that matters and my own self. I got some goals and I want to reach them now. And now with no gf, I have lots of time to invest in myself. It was a bad mistake to go out with my ex from day 1. I guess after awhile I got lonely and that's how it is... This time I'm going to find ways to get involved in more things and people, so I don't feel that loneliness anymore.

[denxnis]

My dumbass friend responded to my ex when she messaged him, now a ton of hate towards her re-emerged.

 

If you ever come to your senses and realize what an amazing man you've lost here is the response you will get from me.

 

==========================================================

You are a cute girl I can't argue that, however my standards go beyond looks.

 

A while ago you mentioned to my friend that I am taking this hard, to be fair I don't think being depressed for a few months is taking it hard when someone you cared and loved for disappears from your life. Unfortunately some people care dearly for those whom they consider family and can't just drop all feelings towards them when another guy or girl shows up.

 

At first glance you are cute & after 6 years together I could not pinpoint why I slowly grew to resent you; now it's more clear than ever. While cute on the outside you are disgusting on the inside. You try to mask it with your smile and fake personality but over time the people around you realize this. This is why your closest friends from high school left you and this is why I don't want to hear or see you ever again.

 

I would rather be alone my entire life than pretend to care about you.

 

 

Get in car, turn this song up really loud, take off.

 

Edited December 20, 2012 by denxnis

[cavalier99]

My dumbass friend responded to my ex when she messaged him, now a ton of hate towards her re-emerged.

 

If you ever come to your senses and realize what an amazing man you've lost here is the response you will get from me.

 

==========================================================

You are a cute girl I can't argue that, however my standards go beyond looks.

 

A while ago you mentioned to my friend that I am taking this hard, to be fair I don't think being depressed for a few months is taking it hard when someone you cared and loved for disappears from your life. Unfortunately some people care dearly for those whom they consider family and can't just drop all feelings towards them when another guy or girl shows up.

 

At first glance you are cute & after 6 years together I could not pinpoint why I slowly grew to resent you; now it's more clear than ever. While cute on the outside you are disgusting on the inside. You try to mask it with your smile and fake personality but over time the people around you realize this. This is why your closest friends from high school left you and this is why I don't want to hear or see you ever again.

 

I would rather be alone my entire life than pretend to care about you.

 

 

Get in car, turn this song up really loud, take off.

 

 

Awesome! LOVE IT. I like that you getting angry. This will help you heal.

 

....just dont ever send it or say it. Post here. She isnt important enough lol

[heartbroken1004]

I know how you feel right now man. 6 years is a VERY LONG time and I sometimes still can't figure out how someone can just throw something away that they invested into so much over the years...the memories, growing together as two people, and building your relationship with that person through trust and understanding. It really boggles me. Honestly, I rather fight for my relationships if it lasted that long and if things weren't going well. I'm a fighter and I rarely give something up if I know it's worth it.

 

I came out of a 3 year relationship with my bf and he left me when he showed me so much care and understanding. He did EVERYTHING for me and provided me so much support throughout the years, met my family, and told his parents he wanted to marry me. He was dead serious, and my family took care of him very well when he came to visit me. (we were in a LDR) he paid over 5000 just to be with me twice and seriously that is a huge commitment any man can make for just a girl. He truly loved me, but in the end he left. Its been 5 months and I'm still not over him, that's how shocked I am because what he did was out of character.

 

But I hope everything works out for you. Did you guys decide to remain friends later down the road or do you not want to?

Edited December 20, 2012 by heartbroken1004

[denxnis]

Awesome! LOVE IT. I like that you getting angry. This will help you heal.

 

....just dont ever send it or say it. Post here. She isnt important enough lol

 

No I will never send it. What really pissed me off is how she told my friend, "he is taking this hard". Seriously I don't understand how another human being isn't depressed about ending such a long relationship. As redneck as it sounds sometimes I wish she was a guy so I could go fight her and get this anger out.

 

 

He truly loved me, but in the end he left. Its been 5 months and I'm still not over him, that's how shocked I am because what he did was out of character.

 

But I hope everything works out for you. Did you guys decide to remain friends or do you not want to?

 

This was very out of character for her as well. In all honesty people like this are unstable and although I wish we could work things out I know it would be a huge mistake. I tried my hardest to win her back but in the end I just learned that you shouldn't try and persuade someone to love or care about you.

 

The way I see it I am just glad this didn't happen 2-3 years down the road when we may have been married or had a child.

 

I could never be friends with someone who cheated on me. She says she didn't cheat because she only slept with the guy after we broke up (about 4 days), regardless I personally have too much respect for myself to do something of that nature. =/

Edited December 20, 2012 by denxnis

[Samms22]

Hey bro. I read through this thread and I can definitively say that my ex was almost the same way. Sometimes I would get angry with her and she'd soak it up like a sponge. It's called being in "fear." It's called being co-dependent and clingy. She cheated on me after 9 months and after one or two fights after we had moved out and after I had legitimately committed myself to her. I'm glad it happened now rather than when we had kids or were married or something, because you're right, her friends left her and she covers her terrible inside with a fake personality and a charm that is totally manufactured.

 

She did the same thing... we broke up (she strung me a long but I found out she was having sex with someone at her work) and then she actually blocked me and stopped talking to me completely. It was so out of character and so weird that I just lost control. Her mother also threatened a restraining order because I WENT TO GO TALK TO HER the day after the break-up. Her family is pretty crazy to say the least, but I know how you feel: people can change in 1 day. It's crazy how fast things can change sometimes.

 

Hang in there. You're a good looking guy you'll find someone better. And my girlfriend was pretty cute too but she wasn't the one... she was NUTS and cheated on me. It's about more than looks.

[denxnis]

She did the same thing... we broke up (she strung me a long but I found out she was having sex with someone at her work) and then she actually blocked me and stopped talking to me completely.

 

I think we fell for woman who are, excuse my language, attention whores. Once obsessed with us they quickly jumped ship when we didn't give them enough attention and someone else did, aka their coworker whom they see more frequently then us.

 

We both made mistakes, the only thing left now is to learn from our mistakes and apply this knew found knowledge to the next relationship we someday enter.

 

My ex didn't have a lot of hobbies, school, or extra activities to keep her busy, this was a big red flag I missed. Because of this she would get bored quick and seek attention elsewhere when I wasn't around; not sure how I missed this.

 

Very comforting to hear someone else is in similar shoes as myself, thank you for that.

[Samms22]

I think we fell for woman who are, excuse my language, attention whores. Once obsessed with us they quickly jumped ship when we didn't give them enough attention and someone else did, aka their coworker whom they see more frequently then us.

 

We both made mistakes, the only thing left now is to learn from our mistakes and apply this knew found knowledge to the next relationship we someday enter.

 

My ex didn't have a lot of hobbies, school, or extra activities to keep her busy, this was a big red flag I missed. Because of this she would get bored quick and seek attention elsewhere when I wasn't around; not sure how I missed this.

 

Very comforting to hear someone else is in similar shoes as myself, thank you for that.

 

Dude, you don't even understand how similar we are. Feel free to read my story through the various threads I made, but I realized that she either had BPD or co-dependency. She would always keep me away from my friends, got upset when I got new hobbies or did the old ones, and generally speaking was trying to attach herself at my hip throughout the entire relationship...

 

I was *just* the right amount of aloof and I always tried to get away from her that she basically couldn't get enough of me. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just did it to BREATHE. When I finally wrote her a love letter and moved in with her (after she calmed down) she revealed that she'd been flirting with a guy who goes to her work, and she went over to his house when I was working my ass off. Then she lied every step of the way about cheating... and the funny thing is, I knew, in my heart of hearts that something was wrong. Even at the beginning of the relationship. I've learned to trust me gut.

 

I'm sorry you got sucked in for 6 years, but hey, just learn from it. I'm sure you are now able to draw on more experiences than me now.

 

EDIT: And for god sakes delete all photos and pictures of yourself and your girl until you're over it completely. Hide them. It works, trust me.

 

:-)

Edited December 21, 2012 by Samms22

[denxnis]

Dude, you don't even understand how similar we are. Feel free to read my story through the various threads I made, but I realized that she either had BPD or co-dependency. Generally speaking was trying to attach herself at my hip throughout the entire relationship...

 

I read through your posts and damn it's scary how similar our situations are. My ex and I broke up a few days before Halloween as well, she was constantly trying to spend 1:1 time with me and was upset when I did things with my friends and not with her.

 

Not sure our ex's are "special" cases or just another grass is greener problem. =/

 

Then she lied every step of the way about cheating... and the funny thing is, I knew, in my heart of hearts that something was wrong. Even at the beginning of the relationship. I've learned to trust my gut.

 

:-)

 

I kept telling her something was wrong/off a good month before our breakup! Then she would say "stop it, why do you keep saying that". Trust your gut! Scary how close our situations are...

[LostOne1]

My ex didn't have a lot of hobbies, school, or extra activities to keep her busy, this was a big red flag I missed. Because of this she would get bored quick and seek attention elsewhere when I wasn't around; not sure how I missed this.

 

Scary.. I felt the same. My ex did go to school and was busy. But I swear it's like she had no hobbies. I confronted her one day and she went off on me saying that I think she has no time to do anything else but talk to me.

 

All I ever saw her do was study, eat, watch movies. I never saw her go out and do something, read a book, play sports etc.. No wonder she had gained tons of weight. In fact she can't even cook and has her mom cook.

 

But I had hobbies, video games, sports, helping family out, buying food etc. She had to do NONE of that at her house everyone does things for her. She just studies. What I learned is she has SMART, SCHOOL skills, but she has no LIFE skills. She can't cook, she said she will "learn". But she's said that for 3 yrs and she's turning 26.... I'm the one that cooks and would invite her to dinner and make a nice dinner.

 

She can't vaccum LOL she's scared of them. I don't know if she can do her own laundry or not. I think her mom or sister does that too. Yet I do my own ALWAYS.

 

It's funny, because I felt bad and guilty for not giving her enough time. But I realized she has TOO much time. SHe can deny it and all, but she may have more school skills than me by a bit. But I def got more life skills then her.

 

Wanna know something funny. Before she BU with me on the trip she went. She took a huge ass box of NOODLES.. yes you heard it NOODLES! The one where u add hot water and then eat it. I thought she would maybe learn how to cook on her trip away.. LOL she got OTHERS cooking for her. Her female roomate made food, then the guy I think she cheated on me with would make her dinner EVERY NIGHT.

 

I'm glad she left me. I realized she was so much baggage and nothing was great about her. I only MADE her great in my heart and mind. But there was nothing special. Sure she went out and did things for me. But that's all she thought love was about.. sacrifice. But it's MUCH more than just buying someone something when they don't ask you.

[denxnis]

Merry Christmas to everyone reading this, my condolences go out to all of you going through a nasty break-up like myself.

 

Anyways onto my "NC Diary"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's been 2 months since we broke up. Almost 2 weeks of no contact.

 

Not sure why but I unblocked my ex momentarily from instant messenger, she put a picture up of her and her new bf as well as a status of "happy". I'm 99.9% sure I am her only friend on there still so I am not sure why she would do such a thing... I literally feel like throwing up when I see her face now.

 

Also every time I saw her, even right after the break-up she would act OVERLY happy; is this an act or is she seriously this happy to be out of a relationship with me?

 

My last manager told me I was the best intern they've ever had at "reputable company name here", I have money, I'm smart (IQ 150), and fairly good looking. Only thing is I still live at home because I wanted to save to buy a house when I graduate next semester. Why am I having such self-confidence issues... =/

 

Man I seriously wish I would have ended this the first time she kissed another guy... "bangs head on wall"

 

 

LIFE LESSON LEARNED! HOT DUMB WOMAN DO NOT MAKE GOOD WIVES!

Edited December 25, 2012 by denxnis

[cavalier99]

 

LIFE LESSON LEARNED! HOT DUMB WOMAN DO NOT MAKE GOOD WIVES!

 

Hmmmm. Well they might as long as they are totally into us.

 

...and more importantly don't F-K other men while dating us

[LostOne1]

Merry Christmas to everyone reading this, my condolences go out to all of you going through a nasty break-up like myself.

 

Anyways onto my "NC Diary"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's been 2 months since we broke up. Almost 2 weeks of no contact.

 

Not sure why but I unblocked my ex momentarily from instant messenger, she put a picture up of her and her new bf as well as a status of "happy". I'm 99.9% sure I am her only friend on there still so I am not sure why she would do such a thing... I literally feel like throwing up when I see her face now.

 

Also every time I saw her, even right after the break-up she would act OVERLY happy; is this an act or is she seriously this happy to be out of a relationship with me?

 

My last manager told me I was the best intern they've ever had at "reputable company name here", I have money, I'm smart (IQ 150), and fairly good looking. Only thing is I still live at home because I wanted to save to buy a house when I graduate next semester. Why am I having such self-confidence issues... =/

 

Man I seriously wish I would have ended this the first time she kissed another guy... "bangs head on wall"

 

 

LIFE LESSON LEARNED! HOT DUMB WOMAN DO NOT MAKE GOOD WIVES!

 

It's because of attachment and rejection. That's why dumpers move on faster early on. Because they have already detached themselves and they reject the dumpee.

 

That's why it hurts the most and then on top of that things you've done for them, all the memories etc.. Because it hits us soo unexpectedly that we don't see it coming and it hurts more.

 

But give it time and soon you will see all the other things you mentioned far out weigh having a g.f or relationship.

[denxnis]

Your fun and happiness will be very short-lived. You constantly seek instant gratification and rarely look ahead you.

 

While you flaunt your "happiness" in attempts to make me jealous I am slowly building an empire, brick by brick.

 

Are you happier now? Probably.

 

Will you get over me faster than I you? Most likely.

 

But my time and money is being invested in a future so that I can be happy in the long run and not just now.

 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

With love,

The biggest mistake of your life.

[denxnis]

I still feel alone before I go to bed and after I wake up.

 

The mornings and nights aren't what they used to be, but I am getting better & stronger.

 

The times when I find myself walking the dog alone, watching a movie alone, or just doing anything alone the good memories we shared flood my head.

 

I have to stop for a moment and tell myself, someone who unconditionally loved and cared about me would not do the things you've done; you are not right for me and never will be.

 

If you're child messes up or does something you don't like do you just abandon him/her for another kid? No, you work things out.

 

You don't know what love is, you know what selfishness is.

 

 

 

Edited January 5, 2013 by denxnis
Added cool song

[jcd07]

After reading through these posts I'm sad to say that I recognize this "attention whore" pattern in my ex girlfriend too. She has somewhat of a crazy family, never had anyone really love her like I did, always fighting for attention, complaining when I wasn't giving enough to her, no real hobbies, no cooking skills, good school skills, bad life skills etc.

 

She kind of used me when she was living with her folks to get away from them and after we moved in together she used to always complain why I don't spend more time with her. (As in, why I sit so much in front of the PC, why I read so much and so on). During summer when I was at work and she had too much free time, she used to complain all day about being bored and wanting do to anything (actually scared me the first weeks). Then she got a summer job and the people there were real friendly and nice to her, especially one particular guy, which caused her to give me the "talk". Seems she was into this guy which she spent more time with those days, but he wasn't into her. I managed to save things that time, although it would be one year later when I figured out the reasons.

 

Next year, same story, she gets a part time job and 2 months later she falls for some guy over there and cheats on me. She prepared her getaway and brought me to my limit, causing me to give her the "talk", to which she immediately replied that it was over and everything.

 

These girls are dangerous. They'll do anything for attention, even if it's unconscious. Hell, I should have seen the signs before I started dating her. She would make out with almost any decent guy that seemed into her, would do all kinds of stuff she wasn't actually into just to get attention. I tried to teach her stuff, was good to her, convinced her to quit smoking, but it was all in vain in the end. I just hope they figure out their problem as they grow up.

 

Oh, and they always move on faster. Actually, they've already moved on when they breakup with you, or cause you to breakup with them. Usually, you can see the signs at least a month before the breakup. I know I did, just never thought it was that serious.

 

Anyway, keep doing NC. I know it feels almost impossible at times, but it's better. If she is to see her mistake, it won't happen very soon. They need life to slap them in the face a couple of times before they start thinking.

Edited January 5, 2013 by jcd07

[denxnis]

After reading through these posts I'm sad to say that I recognize this "attention whore" pattern in my ex girlfriend too. She has somewhat of a crazy family, never had anyone really love her like I did, always fighting for attention, complaining when I wasn't giving enough to her, no real hobbies, no cooking skills, good school skills, bad life skills etc.

 

She kind of used me when she was living with her folks to get away from them and after we moved in together she used to always complain why I don't spend more time with her. (As in, why I sit so much in front of the PC, why I read so much and so on). During summer when I was at work and she had too much free time, she used to complain all day about being bored and wanting do to anything (actually scared me the first weeks). Then she got a summer job and the people there were real friendly and nice to her, especially one particular guy, which caused her to give me the "talk". Seems she was into this guy which she spent more time with those days, but he wasn't into her. I managed to save things that time, although it would be one year later when I figured out the reasons.

 

Next year, same story, she gets a part time job and 2 months later she falls for some guy over there and cheats on me. She prepared her getaway and brought me to my limit, causing me to give her the "talk", to which she immediately replied that it was over and everything.

 

These girls are dangerous. They'll do anything for attention, even if it's unconscious. Hell, I should have seen the signs before I started dating her. She would make out with almost any decent guy that seemed into her, would do all kinds of stuff she wasn't actually into just to get attention. I tried to teach her stuff, was good to her, convinced her to quit smoking, but it was all in vain in the end. I just hope they figure out their problem as they grow up.

 

Oh, and they always move on faster. Actually, they've already moved on when they breakup with you, or cause you to breakup with them. Usually, you can see the signs at least a month before the breakup. I know I did, just never thought it was that serious.

 

Anyway, keep doing NC. I know it feels almost impossible at times, but it's better. If she is to see her mistake, it won't happen very soon. They need life to slap them in the face a couple of times before they start thinking.

 

Wow, this is spot on.

 

My ex kissed another guy a few years into our relationship, turns out he didn't want to get involved because he noticed the clingy/attention personality she had. We broke up for a week and at the time she was crying and contacting me every single day.

 

A week later we worked things out and I thought I would be able to trust her again. Wrong.

 

Now this guy from her work gave her tons of attention that she so badly wanted while I'm finishing up my degree and working my ass off.

 

Truly a life lesson.

 

Hope things worked out for you man...

[jcd07]

Yes, this was a true life lesson for me too. And no, it didn't work out.

 

She broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it still hurts like hell. After a couple of days of begging and crying, I went into a sort of NC. I went to her house and gave her all the gifts back, telling her that if it was never enough for her (as she had claimed), then those gifts were worthless. She was disappointed, said it wasn't true, but took them. Then I texted her on New Year's day, wishing her the best, to which she instantly replied.

 

Finally, we met yesterday as she had to get her stuff from my apartment. It was OK, we laughed a bit, I told her that the breakup was the best for me too, that I now see the mistakes I've made during our relationship, that I don't hold grudges against her, that I always loved her, have always been there for her, always wished her the best and other things. We even flirted a bit. Anyway, it was the closure I needed. She then said that she was afraid karma was going to get her bad after what she had done and that I was being too nice, but that she wasn't sorry.

 

Later, the reality of her actually cheating and lying on me started to finally sink in and it made me sick. I'm starting to feel repulsion towards her and I'm starting to not give a damn about her, NC or anything. I wouldn't take her back no matter what, because she is just not worth it. She is a sad, pathetic excuse of a human being and I deserve a lot better.

 

I hope you'll come to the same conclusion. You won't be able to change her and she doesn't want to change. It's just the way she is and it's going to get a lot messier from now on for her.

 

Oh, and another huge red flag I missed was her attitude towards cheating. Before we started dating, 3 guys cheated on their girlfriends with her and she never cared or felt bad about it. I did blame this on the lack of attention she was getting since she had never been in a serious relationship and was always second choice to everyone, so I thought she just took her chances. We did talk about these things during our relationship and I truly believed she had changed her mind about how right it was. Oh well, shame on me after all.

Edited January 6, 2013 by jcd07

[Hopeful714]

The "attention whore" issue is HUGE.

 

I dated a male attention whore. Everywhere we ever went it was like he always was looking around. At first I thought it was him looking at other girls but then learned that he always looked around to see who was looking at him. He was so into himself and everything he did and owned were all to impress or perpetuate his image. He spent more time on appearance and perceptions then preparing for his future or anything worthwhile.

 

As time went on I also realized that all the attention I could give in the world was not enough for him. He always wanted more...from others..from anyone. He would even comment on other girls who he thought were attention whores and say how he hated it. I now think this was because he couldn't take someone else looking for attention because he had to have it all for himself.

 

I am an attractive girl...but I was never aloud to "shine" it always had to be about him. At the end I felt like a pretty flower wilted and dying from lack of water (attention) that my bf should have given me a bit of. Many times I was left at home when he went out "alone" with friends. This again was because "he" wanted to be the big peacock and having his GF around would just spoil the opportunity for new prospects.

 

These people will always be cheaters because one person will never be enough and they are constantly on the hunt for more attention. I think deep inside there may be ego issues or they are lacking something because this is just not normal behavior....and their arrogance is really not that attractive at all.

 

Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly on the inside makes ugly on the outside.

[Atamawood]

Yeah, one red flag never to ignore is their initial stance on cheating. When I first began a more than friend relationship with my ex I was with another girl at the time, but it was coming to an end and I suppose this last ex was my way out. She didn't really seem to bothered that I was going behind another girls back to spend with time with her, in fact I remember she friend-ed the previous ex on facebook and kinda became buddy buddy. Ha. How I over looked that or even allowed it to happen I'll never know... Mistake I know, I've got a lot to learn.

 

But yeah right around a year of our relationship I kinda sunk into a depressed state while she began hanging out with "friends" and spending more time going out alone without me. I would always question her but would always get vague explanations and such and would always buy into it. The girl had a way of making sure I always felt loved...

 

Needless to say she cheated on me for about the last 8 months of our relationship (we broke up on December 2nd 2012) with multiple different guys and lied through her teeth every time. I also found out that yeah, she also cheated on her ex. But man, she was an amazing person but had some real problems, the worst self esteem and self image of anyone I had ever met. She was and is beautiful, caring and all but god she had this idea that she was fundamentally flawed and attention was what made her feel better. And she broke up with me cus she was finally sick of treating me like **** ha. I know she felt more than guilty, and I tried being as understanding as I could. Few days after we broke up she called me and asked me if I wanted to see a counselor with her, I agreed, well I got pulled into a room where she had talked to this person and wanted them to explain what is going on with her.

 

Turns out she was sexually abused as a child, which she had once told me, but the counselor sort of tied it to her "reckless" and "impulsive" behavior. Well thats all they could really say, but I of course began searching for more answers to better find closure and I know because of all the reading and research I have done, I'm doing so much better than I should be. I'm pretty sure my ex is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which fits her perfectly. Her distorted image of herself, reckless and impulsive behavior, unrealistic fear of being abandoned, feelings of emptiness, long lasting depressive states and anxiety, crazy mood swings, black and white thinking.

 

Its a real shame, I know that what she does is something that she doesn't want to, really, I know that. But she can't stop it, at least not without any help. She described it as when guys would come on too her she would just shut down and it would happen, and afterwards she would feel so damn guilty. She would come home and lie because she was afraid that I'd ditch out on her, which maybe yes I would have, maybe not. What happened happened and there is no changing that. She has moved onto a new guy now, and one of the times I was over at her house giving back some of her things in her bathroom and her diary was on the counter (I KNOW! curiosity got the best of me!!! IM SORRY!!) I opened it and read the newest entry and there she was swearing up and down that she would NOT CHEAT on this new guy... Just like she swore up and down when we first got together in that same book two years prior...

 

So people who are chronic cheaters I believe have more going on in their heads than just being "attention whores". And its a shame because the just leave only chaos and destruction in their paths, I wanted so hard to try to let her know that yes although I'm devastated, I understand, and that I wanted nothing more than to help her. I spent two years loveing and careing for this girl more than any, I mean, she meant more too me than any other girl has, I always knew something was aloof but couldn't place my finger on it, now that its over I see it all so clearly now and understand but I fear its just too late for that and I guess I have to move on. Amazing people, just they have some issues that unfortunately will probably never be fixed.

 

As hard as it is to move on, and just leave her in the wake of her problems when she needs help the most, I have too. I've done all I've could, tried reasoning with her, helping her, but all to no avail. So at least I get to walk away with a clean conscious.

[denxnis]

She is a sad, pathetic excuse of a human being and I deserve a lot better.

 

JCD07, I've said this same exact line to myself and others multiple times and I am sure I will say it in the future as well. The only problem is I don't think they do these things to hurt us, I think people who act this way are just messed up inside; they haven't really figured out what they want in life and rely on others for acceptance and guidance.

 

Like you said, it would be disrespectful to ourselves to even consider getting back together with someone who acted like this and it's time to move on.

 

Don't check Facebook, don't call, email, or text her. I've said it once and I'll say it again, avoid her like the plague. One day when you find someone special you will be such a better person because of this experience; I don't think either of us are ready to find that special someone yet but we have to keep no contact to reach this point.

 

Keep no contact, we are here for you.

 

Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly on the inside makes ugly on the outside.

 

I love it.

 

Personally I think both partners have to be secure about themselves and maintain trust in-order for a relationship to truly last. It's a steep hill to climb once someone begins to feel insecure or breaks said trust.

 

She didn't really seem to bothered that I was going behind another girls back to spend with time with her.

 

Needless to say she cheated on me for about the last 8 months of our relationship (we broke up on December 2nd 2012) with multiple different guys and lied through her teeth every time. I also found out that yeah, she also cheated on her ex. But man, she was an amazing person but had some real problems, the worst self esteem and self image of anyone I had ever met.

 

Turns out she was sexually abused as a child, which she had once told me, but the counselor sort of tied it to her "reckless" and "impulsive" behavior.

 

As hard as it is to move on, and just leave her in the wake of her problems when she needs help the most, I have too. I've done all I've could, tried reasoning with her, helping her, but all to no avail. So at least I get to walk away with a clean conscious.

 

Atamawood, your relationship sprung from infidelity, any relationship that starts like this has an EXTREMELY small chance of lasting. To reiterate, less than 1% chance of lasting; this is a statistical fact/study.

 

The past is the past, although we should not ignore it the past does not give us an excuse, in other words get out of jail free card, for our present or future actions.

 

I understand how difficult it is to stand on the sideline and watch somebody fall down a hill, however we have extended our hand multiple times and our partner's refused to take it. Yes, we cared for them deeply however it's time to move on. It goes against our nature to walk-away from someone we care about deeply, I believe this is why it is so difficult to move on, however it must be done my friend.

Edited January 7, 2013 by denxnis

[jcd07]

Denxnis, you are right of course. I know they don't do these things to hurt us. My ex kept telling me, when I asked her why she did and keeps doing this to me, that it wasn't about me. She just did what she felt she wanted. When I asked her why she wasn't straight with me from the beginning and why she screwed me so bad (we had moved in together last summer, with her assurance that she was in for the long run and intended to help me with the rent as soon as she got a job), she kept saying that she has no idea what she was thinking at the time. The sad truth is that I had become irrelevant to her. She was selfish and did what she felt. I did read a post on her blog, where she talked about making hard decisions, about having confused feelings and how she wished her actions wouldn't cause pain to others, but that enjoying the moment and feeling happy was worth more than anything. Some sort of "YOLO", I guess.

 

Today she came for the stuff she couldn't take yesterday (she had LOTS of stuff at my place), after I called her and told her to not delay it any further. She was very surprised to hear it and asked what was wrong as I had been fine yesterday. I just told her reality had sunk in and I didn't want to delay this any longer, unless she really had no way to pick up her things today, as we had agreed. (I insisted that if it REALLY bothered her, we could talk about delaying it for another day. Don't ask me why.)

 

I ended up helping her move everything to a friend of hers, as it would have been really nasty for her to do it by herself. We talked a bit more and I told her if we are ever to be friends, she has to come up with a lot more than she has until now (she kept saying she was OK with being friends, as if she was doing ME a favor). She didn't seem to understand and kept saying that she does want to be friends when I'll be OK with it and she doesn't know what else she should do or say (she will one day and that will be the day when I'll probably agree to meet her again). I then asked her why our relationship had to end this way (with her cheating and breaking up) and she said she didn't know how else it could have ended . Weird stuff. What I understood is that she had "lost love" for me quite a while back and instead of really fighting for our relationship or breaking up at that point, she just waited for someone else to come along, so she could be sure she wanted out.

 

Anyway, I'm glad we ended it on good terms, even though I realize that was mostly caused by my forgiving nature.

 

This is it for me, tomorrow I'll start doing NC. I do hope one day we will be friends, but that ain't happening right now and she will have to work harder than me for it. As for being back together, that ship is long gone.

 

Thanks for the support and I hope you're doing OK too. NC is the way to go, since no matter what you say to yourself about her, how pathetic she is and so on, once you talk to her, you remember it's just not true. She is just human.

Edited January 7, 2013 by jcd07