In love with MM

[Pierre]

But they do meet 3 times per week, even just for one hour-ish. They went to motel twice a month.

 

So how frequent is normal for affair:D:D:D

 

OK, maybe Mm does not want to spend the money. That could make things suspicious for the wife. 1-2 times a month would be normal for a long distance affair.

 

I suspect the penis of MM is busy elsewhere.

[JamesM]

I feel bad for everyone involved.

 

First, you are being used by this MM. He is in a mid life crisis and is enjoying the affections of a young lady. He doesn't need sex often to enjoy the thrill you give him. In fact, his libido is actually quite low. By not requiring him to have alot of sex, you keep the illusion that he is still young and virile alive. Texts and calls and visits all add to the excitement. The anticipation of the next encounter makes it even better. The infrequency of sex is not a sign that he loves you. He loves his wife, but you give him an adrenaline rush which makes him feel young again. I know...I am his age.

 

Second, your partner is oblivious to this affair and trusts you. He assumes that your lack of physical interest is a passing problem which will be solved. He still loves you and hopes for a better future. He assumes that his commitment to you is reciprocated by you and is expecting that something will cause you to lust after him. So he waits while you already have left him. You don't want to cause him pain but you have irreparably hurt him to the core. He just doesn't know it yet.

 

Third, the MM's wife is being disrespected and made the fool. She may suspect that her husband is seeing someone else but she may not. She is getting older and expected when she was young that she and her husband would grow old together. He loved her once and physically desired her just as you feel he desires you. In fact, he loves her still, but she no longer can provide the sexy young body that you provide. All you have is a young body and a vibrant personality. She knows her husband so much better than you ever can. She can make love to him with her whole body and soul. She can touch him in ways that you will never learn. He relies on her in ways that you cannot even comprehend. He would trust and respect her advice and will never give you that same respect. And yet in the near future, he will hurt her so deeply that she will be changed for the rest of her life.

 

Fourth, the MM is actually to be pitied. He fell for the oldest problem of marriage. The grass is greener on the other side. He is in a state of infatuation that gives his life a thrill that has been missing. He thinks that he is in love when in reality, he simply is enjoying he rush. It makes HIM feel as if he were in his 20s again. You make him think that the older looking guy in the mirror is really his imagination and not how younger women truly see him. He looks at his wife and sees her older body and sagging breasts, while ignoring the aging beauty and beautiful smile. Hr forgets that he is getting as old as she is. He is seeing your vibrant youth as somehow different than her ageless wisdom and humor. Yet this seductive poison of this addictive affair will soon ruin his life in so many ways. He will lose his family to this addiction and never realize that love was before his eyes was lost because of his own stupidity. This affair gives him a selfish thrill that will actually take away the greatest joy he has every had: a loving and faithful wife who provided him with beautiful children. His legacy as a father and husband will be a cheater and a failure.

 

And lastly, the innocent children of both families are living a life of happiness, but hey are ignorant of the danger that will tear their world into pieces. They have no clue that their lives will soon be forever changed. The balanced and stable adults that they could have been will soon be a distant memory. Instead they will grow up as adults who have been forever changed by the selfishness of their parents. They assume at this point that their fathers and mothers are adults who will keep their world together when instead these caregivers are in the process of tearing it apart.

 

Please wake up and make the right decisions for all of you involved. While it is too late to go back, it is not too late to start over.

[frozensprouts]

OP,

you have cast yourself as some victim of circumstances beyond your control, when that simply isn't the case. You have choices to make, and you need to make the right ones. You are an adult, you have the power to determine what is right for you and your children ( but put your children first)...stop being a "victim" and start taking some charge in your life...

 

being with this married guy will slowly poison you...don't allow that to happen

[Pierre]

I feel bad for everyone involved.

 

First, you are being used by this MM. He is in a mid life crisis and is enjoying the affections of a young lady. He doesn't need sex often to enjoy the thrill you give him. In fact, his libido is actually quite low. By not requiring him to have alot of sex, you keep the illusion that he is still young and virile alive. Texts and calls and visits all add to the excitement. The anticipation of the next encounter makes it even better. The infrequency of sex is not a sign that he loves you. He loves his wife, but you give him an adrenaline rush which makes him feel young again. I know...I am his age.

 

Second, your partner is oblivious to this affair and trusts you. He assumes that your lack of physical interest is a passing problem which will be solved. He still loves you and hopes for a better future. He assumes that his commitment to you is reciprocated by you and is expecting that something will cause you to lust after him. So he waits while you already have left him. You don't want to cause him pain but you have irreparably hurt him to the core. He just doesn't know it yet.

 

Third, the MM's wife is being disrespected and made the fool. She may suspect that her husband is seeing someone else but she may not. She is getting older and expected when she was young that she and her husband would grow old together. He loved her once and physically desired her just as you feel he desires you. In fact, he loves her still, but she no longer can provide the sexy young body that you provide. All you have is a young body and a vibrant personality. She knows her husband so much better than you ever can. She can make love to him with her whole body and soul. She can touch him in ways that you will never learn. He relies on her in ways that you cannot even comprehend. He would trust and respect her advice and will never give you that same respect. And yet in the near future, he will hurt her so deeply that she will be changed for the rest of her life.

 

Fourth, the MM is actually to be pitied. He fell for the oldest problem of marriage. The grass is greener on the other side. He is in a state of infatuation that gives his life a thrill that has been missing. He thinks that he is in love when in reality, he simply is enjoying he rush. It makes HIM feel as if he were in his 20s again. You make him think that the older looking guy in the mirror is really his imagination and not how younger women truly see him. He looks at his wife and sees her older body and sagging breasts, while ignoring the aging beauty and beautiful smile. Hr forgets that he is getting as old as she is. He is seeing your vibrant youth as somehow different than her ageless wisdom and humor. Yet this seductive poison of this addictive affair will soon ruin his life in so many ways. He will lose his family to this addiction and never realize that love was before his eyes was lost because of his own stupidity. This affair gives him a selfish thrill that will actually take away the greatest joy he has every had: a loving and faithful wife who provided him with beautiful children. His legacy as a father and husband will be a cheater and a failure.

 

And lastly, the innocent children of both families are living a life of happiness, but hey are ignorant of the danger that will tear their world into pieces. They have no clue that their lives will soon be forever changed. The balanced and stable adults that they could have been will soon be a distant memory. Instead they will grow up as adults who have been forever changed by the selfishness of their parents. They assume at this point that their fathers and mothers are adults who will keep their world together when instead these caregivers are in the process of tearing it apart.

 

Please wake up and make the right decisions for all of you involved. While it is too late to go back, it is not too late to start over.

 

That was a masterpiece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I want to add:

 

 

Wandering spouses believe they will never get caught so they think they are not hurting the spouse at home.

 

In affairs the cheating spouses betray their loved ones because they lack honesty. If they were 100% honest they could not cheat. It is not so much about loving or not loving the betrayed spouse. This is all about selfishness and lack of honesty.

[TheOW]

I think I may have phrased a few things wrongly here ... Firstly my children come first they are my world I haven't just miraculously come to realise this. No I wouldnt leave them either with their father while I go off with MM if we did by together my children come as a package along with me no debates.

 

I don't the wrong thing I had kids wih my partner thinking I would solve our problems and make me love him again ... I was wrong I admit that, but I will never regret having them with him he is an amazing father, unfortunately who I no-longer lover as a lover.

 

I have come to the decision that me and MM will finish on the day we set - I am going to stand my ground and let him go with no contact. I will try again and works things out with partner for my children's sakes they deserve it of me.

 

On average we have sex once or twice a week and the rest of the time we talk, cuddle kiss etc.

 

Lastly I ment dday as our finishing date I would not tell his wife ever.

Edited November 20, 2012 by TheOW
Correction

[TheOW]

Another thing I didn't meant don't know if it makes much of a difference but his wife wanted to leave him 3 years ago but they decided to work through things and he has told me he still resents her for this (and there physical relationship is almost zero since then) and this is probably why he is having an affair with me. I still hold onto the thought that they will split but I know I can't hang around either.

[Tenacity]

Another thing I didn't meant don't know if it makes much of a difference but his wife wanted to leave him 3 years ago but they decided to work through things and he has told me he still resents her for this (and there physical relationship is almost zero since then) and this is probably why he is having an affair with me. I still hold onto the thought that they will split but I know I can't hang around either.

 

Honestly, I really don't think you are hearing a single thing that anyone here is saying to you....

[TheOW]

Your most likely right .... I need to slap myself and look at the bigger picture and stop my emotions and feelings getting in the way!! How I do this (and believe me I have tried many times) I just don't know

[Pierre]

I think I may have phrased a few things wrongly here ... Firstly my children come first they are my world I haven't just miraculously come to realise this. No I wouldnt leave them either with their father while I go off with MM if we did by together my children come as a package along with me no debates.

 

I don't the wrong thing I had kids wih my partner thinking I would solve our problems and make me love him again ... I was wrong I admit that, but I will never regret having them with him he is an amazing father, unfortunately who I no-longer lover as a lover.

 

I have come to the decision that me and MM will finish on the day we set - I am going to stand my ground and let him go with no contact. I will try again and works things out with partner for my children's sakes they deserve it of me.

 

On average we have sex once or twice a week and the rest of the time we talk, cuddle kiss etc.

 

Lastly I ment dday as our finishing date I would not tell his wife ever.

 

OK, twice a week!

 

I have a question:

 

Can you compare the MM and your partner.

 

Lets look at age, height, weight, looks, education, personality, profession, and lastly how they relate to you.

 

Please be specific about each item, particularly how they relate to you.

 

There must be a reason why you don't love the man you picked to be the father of your children. You need to find it and go from there.

[TheOW]

Partner - high paid job, great dad, ok looking, but again he is older by 15 years (occurring theme in my life) he smokes a lot, quite grumpy at times which puts me down, very unsocialable, we don't do family things together very often (he's working and tired ... Always an excuse for him)

 

MM - again high paid job, great father, gorgeous, doesn't smoke, likes to socialise, he works a lot too but is always out with his kids doing things, he's charming,

 

It's hard to compare them they are 2 completely types of people my partner is the man I wanted when I was a teenager MM is the type of man I want now.

 

Sorry partner is about 5'9 and medium built and toned

MM is about 6'2 and very manly big built but not as toned - its what attracted me to him

Edited November 20, 2012 by TheOW

[Pierre]

Partner - high paid job, great dad, ok looking, but again he is older by 15 years (occurring theme in my life) he smokes a lot, quite grumpy at times which puts me down, very unsocialable, we don't do family things together very often (he's working and tired ... Always an excuse for him)

 

MM - again high paid job, great father, gorgeous, doesn't smoke, likes to socialise, he works a lot too but is always out with his kids doing things, he's charming,

 

It's hard to compare them they are 2 completely types of people my partner is the man I wanted when I was a teenager MM is the type of man I want now.

 

Sorry partner is about 5'9 and medium built and toned

MM is about 6'2 and very manly big built but not as toned - its what attracted me to him

 

 

OK, I was expecting MM to be a charmer and your partner to be socially inept. That makes sense.

 

Otherwise, not much difference except the greater height of MM with not tones muscles.

 

How does MM relates to you that is different from your partner? Be specific!

 

It seems your partner puts you down and MM does the opposite.

[JamesM]

Your most likely right .... I need to slap myself and look at the bigger picture and stop my emotions and feelings getting in the way!! How I do this (and believe me I have tried many times) I just don't know

 

One way to end this affair quickly is to tell your partner.

 

Seriously.

 

This is also a difficult way as I am guessing that you want to end the affair without telling your partner.

 

Twice a week or even once a week is plenty for many men. And if he gets it once a week with her, then he is fulfilled.

 

I know that you love your children and he his, but going on like this will ruin their lives. Something must change.

 

This may show you that your partner is not who you want to be with, but don't leave him and stay in the affair. Your MM won't leave. You are probably a rebound affair. His wife didn't cheat (most likely) but this is his way to get back at her passively. He even admitted that he has resentment towards her.

 

I feel for your pain. It won't get easier while you stay in the affair. It will only be worse when this all ends...as it will one day.

[Pierre]

One way to end this affair quickly is to tell your partner.

 

 

 

 

Cake eaters do not operate that way.

[TheOW]

MM is more like me a happy, socialable person, likes to go out, enjoy days out, and enjoys spending time with me as i said before we dont always have sex we just enjoy each others company and getting to know one another. We have very similar thoughts and hobbies, walking, running etc He also likes to hold me, hold hands etc - My partner is the opposite when i was younger it didnt bother me as much but now it does i want to be with someone like MM he's everything a woman would want in a man. My partner doesnt put me down he's just grumpy alot and i cant be ar*ed with grumpy people. Dont get me wrong i love him i wouldnt of stayed with him so long if i didnt im just not physically attracted to him at all and the thought of touching him repells me (i know i sound horrible) but again i had these feelings before MM

 

I just know MM and I could be happy, but then i think of our families and our small community we would most likely have to move we couldnt live here, then i realise he would blame me in time for ruining his family - I guess im just confused and dont know where to go, i love him and dont want to lose him but im also realistic and know it wouldnt work .. Aaaaaaah

[ilovedhim]

I just know MM and I could be happy, but then i think of our families and our small community we would most likely have to move we couldnt live here, then i realise he would blame me in time for ruining his family - I guess im just confused and dont know where to go, i love him and dont want to lose him but im also realistic and know it wouldnt work .. Aaaaaaah

 

You do know this fairy tale is all in your head right? MM isn't reciprocating these feelings as he's already told you, and affirmed, he loves and will not leave his wife.

 

I suggest you come clean to your BF and go from there. Don't stay where you're not happy... children are very sensitive to their environment.

[stillafool]

 

 

No I don't make my partner happy (physically anyway) I haven't touched him in

almost 3 years now but we very young children who adore their father and he

adores them, I just can't split them up I can't hurt him like that, this is

why I stay and most likely why I am cheating on him (and most likely why he

stays with me) - I will never be physically attracted to my partner again the

passion has gone I don't love him

 

 

 

At first you said you would not leave your unhappy marriage because you wouldn't do that to the kids and your spouse. Yet I see if the MM left his wife you'd have no problems taking this mans kids away from him. You are very, very selfish and seem to only care about you. You are only with your spouse because he provides a good living for you. I don't know if you work outside of your home but it might be a good idea to get a job. You seem to have too much time on your hands. Running a home, caring for children and taking care of your husband should make your day and nights full where you wouldn't have time for this nonsense. You need to get a job, and file for divorce. Free up a good man for a woman who will know how to treat him. He deserves better and most certainly the truth.

 

 

Another thing I didn't meant don't know if it makes much of a difference but his wife wanted to leave him 3 years ago but they decided to work through things and he has told me he still resents her for this (and there physical relationship is almost zero since then) and this is probably why he is having an affair with me. I still hold onto the thought that they will split but I know I can't hang around either.

 

She more than likely wanted to leave him because he was involved in another affair. He more than likely begged her back then and she still hasn't quite forgiven him for it.

[TheOW]

Yes i am being very selfish i know that, i spend all day with my kids from 6am till 7pm until partner comes home, i clean my house daily and take kids to the park or walks in the woods and this is the highlight of my life not MM - i also have a part time job and work 10 hours over the weekend, dont get home till 2/3am in the morning then i will get up with kids in the morning because my partner has a "day off" and is catching up on sleep and because he had to watch them while i worked. I chose to work my partner does not like it.

[Mount]

Not mean to pry, I was just curious about that as well. Having $%^ without going into hotel once a week, that is pretty challenging, isn't it?

 

Just to clarify? You meet up for an hour 3x a week and then do hotels just once or twice a month. So that means you meet him for an hour - where? In your minivan?

 

You think he's going to leave a 30 year marriage for quickie sex and cuddling (aka ego boosting)?

[TheOW]

Err there are a few places where we live and um .... lets say we are adventurous, well i always have been - he hasnt so this is new for him and he enjoys it as much as i do.

[Mount]

:eek::eek::eek:Do you mean you did in hidden public area? or some hidden place....?

 

Ewww.....I am speechless... and that had been going on for one year..?!

 

Err there are a few places where we live and um .... lets say we are adventurous, well i always have been - he hasnt so this is new for him and he enjoys it as much as i do.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Mount

[TheOW]

Does it really matter ? Maybe for some it does but as i said before sexually i have always been adventurous. Or is this "debate" going to turn on my morals and start demeaning me ? I firstly asked advice on wether MM truly loves me (I know he thinks he does) not wether you think im some whore who sleeps around - I do not yes im sleeping with a married man but that does not make me a whore - im not sleeping with several people at once, ive never been that type of girl and i never will be.

[eleanorrigby]

Does it really matter ? Maybe for some it does but as i said before sexually i have always been adventurous. Or is this "debate" going to turn on my morals and start demeaning me ? I firstly asked advice on wether MM truly loves me (I know he thinks he does) not wether you think im some whore who sleeps around - I do not yes im sleeping with a married man but that does not make me a whore - im not sleeping with several people at once, ive never been that type of girl and i never will be.

 

Why does it matter if he loves you?

[Mount]

Pls don't tell me when you guys visited hotel, you paid the charge? :confused::confused:

 

Does it really matter ? Maybe for some it does but as i said before sexually i have always been adventurous. Or is this "debate" going to turn on my morals and start demeaning me ? I firstly asked advice on wether MM truly loves me (I know he thinks he does) not wether you think im some whore who sleeps around - I do not yes im sleeping with a married man but that does not make me a whore - im not sleeping with several people at once, ive never been that type of girl and i never will be.

[TheOW]

It matters because then i can let him go, then i know it wasnt all for nothing i havent invested my time and emotions for nothing.

 

No way i do not pay for the hotels - he does, he has never asked me to either.

[eleanorrigby]

It matters because then i can let him go, then i know it wasnt all for nothing i havent invested my time and emotions for nothing.

 

 

What happens if you find out he didn't love you?