Online dating profile, tell me what you think

[AMusing]

What is Intelligent??

People from other fields won't understand those jargons. are they stupid then? :lmao::lmao:

 

When you talk with your coworker about the work, sure you can test his/her intelligence.

When you meet someone for dating who has different jobs, you can not use your background to see if the person is intelligent.

 

Exactly what E.S. said. I don't judge anyone who doesn't have my background and doesn't understand the jargon or intricacies of what I do. However, when someone claims to HAVE a background in my field (or something similar), then makes it apparent he doesn't have the skills to back the talk? That is a different story.

 

Besides, I'd have a similar reaction if he'd written that as a backup plan, he planned on becoming a M.D. or attorney: "What??? People dedicate their youth training for these careers, and you think you can just keep it as a plan B?" It belittles our accomplishments and shows a lack of realistic planning. Unless, of course, OP has a strong computer science background and just didn't mention it in his post. In that case, my apologies.

[Tenacity]

I will be honest/blunt here and hope it helps.

 

For someone who professes to be a writer (and speaking as a writer myself) your writing skills -- at least in this example -- leave a lot to be desired. This includes spelling and grammatical issues.

 

I would re-write the whole thing, and then get someone skilled at editing to review it before you post it.

 

De-emphasize your writing career, your current love for your job, your potential career choices (especially those!)... and, your entire last paragraph needs to go.

 

If you are a writer, you need to understand that this is your way of presenting yourself to someone in the best light possible (without lying). It can be done... you need to incorporate your personality and your heart (not sappy, just honest) into your profile.

 

It's okay to be general or vague about some of the life facts in the profile. It will give you something to talk about on a date. Some of your life facts might not be categorized as 'desirable' by women who are only looking at an online profile. That is where your personality "in person" comes in.

 

Your attempts -- in the last paragraph in particular -- to make yourself seem smart really come off as grasping at straws to list everything that might be viewed in that light, and as such, they achieve the opposite.

 

I would also severely cut back the detail on religious preferences. You can be general, but remember, you aren't looking for a wife from your online profile -- just a date. The rest comes in person.

[ScreamingTrees]

Unless, of course, OP has a strong computer science background and just didn't mention it in his post. In that case, my apologies.

 

I personally sort of assumed he was taking classes for these things while he had his day job that gave free time for writing. I haven't read the OP since then, so I'm likely totally wrong here. lol

[Tenacity]

Oh, and I have an advanced degree in genetic epidemiology and a medical doctorate (in medicine). I agree fully with aMusing... lose the line about "maybe" being a bioinformaticist "if writing doesn't work out".

 

If you have degrees to back that up, them list them (I'm assuming you don't) but the way you state this just smacks of someone who has no clue what kind of education/training is involved.

 

If your intent is to get that education, again, at this point, I would leave it out. It does nothing for your profile.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Tenacity

[todreaminblue]

Here is my new OLD profile, tell me what you think. A few things first, some people don't like my job, well, I'm not going to lie about it or cover it up because they will find out about it eventually. Some people also don't like the religion part but I'm not really interested in dating people that can't accept my religion. Third, some people don't like the financially responsible part and I certainly don't want to date someone who is financially irresponsible so I'm going to let that stand.

 

*****

also, please, no comments from guys. I'm not interested in listening to some guy brag about how much he thinks he understands women.

*****

 

 

 

 

Hi! Thank you for checking out my profile, I'm a poet/writer that loves books from all subjects: physics, biology, psychology, history, philosophy and of course literature. I am dedicated to living a life that cares about others, is concerned about doing the right thing and strives to make the world a better place. I love to have great conversations, laugh and explore nature. I am romantic, sensitive, passionate, funny, emotional and firmly dedicated to living with only one woman for the rest of my life and never cheating on them.

 

As for my job as a writer there's no place I'd rather work than night shift at a hotel which gives me 4 hours a night to write my books on the job and study. It's hard to build a retirement as a nigh auditor so in the future so if I don't hit it big as a writer or cannot become a professor, I might become a bioinformaticist, that's where you read the DNA and tell people what diseases they are in danger of.

 

I also have no debts and am financially responsible.

 

Now, about religion which is a very important part of my life. I believe strongly in God and I try very hard to live my life according to God's will. I do not believe in the Bible but I have no problem marrying someone who is Christian, Jewish or Muslim and I have no problem with going to Church.

 

I also have knowledge of 11 languages (including Arabic, German, Italian, French and Spanish), completed a 1000 page calculus text in 60 days, have written a book of literary fiction (a love story), volunteered in New Orleans for 4 months and spent one month participating in the International Solidarity Movement in Palestine.

 

 

if you are honest then it is a profile with a lot to discuss if the woman is into guys who have brain matter and intelligence.The last sentence you should leave out as leaving a little mystery and a gradual introduction to your achievements might be better than a resume ,a curriculum vitae....

 

a plethora of experience is better for employment than dating ...and even experience that is extensive towards dating can be considered undesirable...might make a nice cover letter about your achievements.....they are a list and dont give away vibes of passion only achievement

You say you are funny and passionate I get no vibes in this department.This profile is pretty heavy and serious. I get vibes you are a serious guy who might not like the outdoors so much as your favorite job is a night clerk writing, while, you don't mention any of the explorations of nature that float your boat.... and to me the profile hints that this guy might have lost his sense of wonder and fun about the world around him.The religion is good don't understand how you don't believe in the bible if you believe in god.....that's a bit confusing so would you go to a bible believing church and be a hypocrite seeing you said you would go to church.

 

you don't mention music which might be an option instead of your achievements in calculus.How has this profile worked for you? what type of women has it attracted.? It is a bit intimidating so I am interested in knowing how you have fared in the love department....i wish you luck in life and love....deb

[CC12]

It is possible to inform someone of your accomplishments without bragging. Here is a challenge for you. Pretend you're John F Kennedy and try enumerating your accomplishments without it sounding like you're bragging. It goes without saying that I'm not comparing myself to JFK.

 

My point was that the way you listed your accomplishments was basically the textbook definition of bragging, so "Sorry, and I'm not bragging, but..." is such a BS thing to say. Here's how it read to me:

 

"Sorry (but really I'm not sorry because I'm going to say it anyway,) and I'm not bragging (but I really am, so I'm going to try to trick you into believing I'm not by telling you it's not bragging,) but Calculus, Palestine, 11 languages, etc."

 

That kind of statement alone would immediately cause me to stop reading and go on to the next profile. It wouldn't necessarily be the bragging that bothered me, but the dishonesty that's right there in your profile.

 

And I'm not sure why you challenged me to tell you how to more effectively brag, because I explained how I thought you could do that in my post. I feel like you only read the first few sentences then got mad and JFK-challenged me. No fair.

 

But I'll play along. If I were John F. Kennedy, here's what my OkCupid profile would look like. "Sup, mother ****ers, I'm JFK. I did it with Marilyn Monroe and Jackie O. If you want to check out all the awesome stuff I've done, just ask Google lmao. Want to be a future Kennedy? Holla atcha boy."

 

And it would work.

 

 

 

 

 

You asked.

[bobsmith76]

Soontomyfriend,

 

You're not the person that I want to attract.

[bobsmith76]

 

I would also severely cut back the detail on religious preferences.

If someone is turned off by my religion what makes you think I would want to marry them?

 

you aren't looking for a wife from your online profile -- just a date.

 

Yes, I am. I am not looking for a temporary fling, I'm looking for a permanent love in life.

[bobsmith76]

 

The last sentence you should leave out as leaving a little mystery and a gradual introduction to your achievements might be better than a resume ,a curriculum vitae....

 

Who thinks like this: this guy is exactly what I want, therefore I don't want to meet him?

 

I have better things to do with my time then date a mysterious woman only to find out that she's shallow.

 

The religion is good don't understand how you don't believe in the bible if you believe in god.....that's a bit confusing so would you go to a bible believing church and be a hypocrite seeing you said you would go to church.

There's nothing hypocritical about not believing in 100% of the church you attend. Hypocrisy is when you preach what you don't believe. When you attend church you're not obligated to preach. If they want to expel me for my beliefs then I'll leave.

 

How has this profile worked for you? what type of women has it attracted.? It is a bit intimidating so I am interested in knowing how you have fared in the love department....i wish you luck in life and love....deb

 

To be quite honest since I've changed my profile the response rate has multiplied by about 4.

[yongyong]

Multiplied by 4? 0 response x 4 = still 0

 

anyways, I think you said you decided to leave the country?

 

 

To be quite honest since I've changed my profile the response rate has multiplied by about 4.

[bobsmith76]

Multiplied by 4? 0 response x 4 = still 0

 

anyways, I think you said you decided to leave the country?

 

In an irrational moment I considered moving back to Jordan since I had far better success with women over there than here, but ultimately I've decided that speaking the same mother tongue is very important. However, it is certainly clear that I almost fell in love with a girl in Jordan and I now maintain that my biggest mistake in life was breaking up with her. I could have married her in 2009 if I really tried and I would have been very happy with her. There is a possibility that when I'm 40 I might move to Lebanon and try to marry an arab Christian but that is 5 years in the future.

[bobsmith76]

As far as I'm concerned this thread no longer serves a purpose. I posted my old profile and a strong consensus emerged that it was too long and was in general negative. I also showed the profile to my mother and she agreed that it was bad. I proved capable of listening and revised the profile. My mom approved of it. Regarding the new profile there is only a minor consensus that, one, I should be more mysterious. I've rejected that advice for reasons already stated, in short, no rational person thinks: x is exactly what I want, x is not mysterious, therefore I don't want x. Two, there is also a weak consensus that I'm bragging. I'm confident that I'm not a braggart and am capable of being modest regarding my achievements which is something I was not capable of before roughly 2002 or maybe 2006. So I've decided to reject that advice as well. Further, if a woman has accomplished a lot I would like to know about it. I am attracted to profiles that are proud of their achievements. Others have tried to prove that I'm actually a blockhead, that I'm a bad writer, that my math achievements are lackluster or that I offend the field of bioinformatics - time will be the judge of that.

 

Given that only a very weak consensus has emerged in the first few days, it is unlikely that a consensus will emerge further on. I therefore have decided to stop dialoguing with this thread's participants.

 

 

So as to demonstrate that my new profile is working I here post a screenshot of my match.com inbox of winks received. I received very few winks between August 1st and October 30th I can't remember how many I received but it was not that many. Since I've changed my profile I've received 4 winks. Admittedly winks mean little, as you can see three of the women went on to delete their profile and probably never signed up for a paid subscription, but the fact that I received 4 in 3 days with my new profile versus probably less than 10 in 3 months with my old profile certainly can't be ignored.

[bobsmith76]

Want to add some things, and OP you are getting good advice in this thread. When I started OLD, my profile was like yours, like a resume'. I wasn't bragging, but just engaging in simple A>B linear thinking, "state who I am, what I've done, and compatible women will respond." I couldn't have been more wrong. My response rate was 10% if that, I struggled to meet women from the site. Over three years, by the last time I did OLD, I was able to send ten emails out to the ten best profiles out of 500 in my parameters within 40 miles, and set dates with seven. Had to cancel some dates because it was too much. You can obtain similar results without spending the three years I did by some simple adjustments.

 

1. The focus of your profile is not to find a mate, but to get a date. Talk more about things you like to do that your female audience might enjoy. Every word and sentence in your profile should be subtly crafted to instill the thought "this would be a fun and interesting guy to meet and go on a date with." Engage the audience with well-positioned subtle -questions- "I like going to 'tres plate' and sampling a few appetizers while having a nice conversation, sound like fun?"

 

2. Humor is key. I learned that by doing simple things like including a funny photo or two together with the obligatory head and full body shot, I could increase my views and incoming mail drastically. Consider changing your headline weekly to something funny. "Please disregard any invitations to play bingo at the VFW, my 74 y.o. uncle got ahold of my match pswd somehow." There is a line here between funny/witty and zany, a little well-placed humor goes a long way. It needn't have any relation to reality, doesn't have to be astoundingly over the top funny, the women you want are smart enough to get the joke, and like a guy who doesn't take things too seriously.

 

3. Avoid anything that might give a weird vibe, unless it truly reflects your personality and your desires in a date require similar. Only mention plowing through calculus textbooks, for example, if that's what you spend lots of time doing. Anything in that profile should be interpreted in the most prejudicial way. In other words, "what is the absolute worst someone would think about me upon reading this?" If bad interpretation is possible, get rid of it. Meeting in person is the time to explore personality edges, quirky hobbies, views, etc., not the OLD profile.

 

4. Avoid signs of uncertainty, such as career indecision, hesitance, life choices you are considering. Focus more on things you do that are interesting, social outlets that are active. Use active as opposed to passive or indecisive language. Most of your profile should lead to a yes or no response in the audience, the site is full of indecisive people who don't follow up or move forward. You are the man of action who has a definite plan and looking for someone to come along and enjoy that plan with you.

 

5. Once the profile is proactive, engaging, funny and definite, the -real- test is in the emails you send out. I found a brief two paragraph, three point email worked best. Do not enumerate commonalities other than in very subtle "inside joke" ways, mint sauce's post is pro in this regard, do not gush in compliments, make it about her profile and what's in it. Minimize physical comments other than general ones. Ask mild questions that are easy to respond to. If there's something in her profile about this or that music, book, film, etc. that you like, "have you heard/seen XYZ? you might enjoy them if you like ABC." Anything other than "You say you like X, I like X too." Suggest and request action on their part. People are more likely to do something if you ask them to. "Check out my profile and let me know if you want to talk further. If not, just click the "not interested" button, and I will vanish off into the sunset." This subtly lets them know that you don't take the process too seriously, have other options, and aren't the type to harrass or question if they don't respond.

 

Enough for now.

 

Very good advice. I appreciate the effort you put into this thread even if it was already written and intended for a different audience. I will keep your comments on mind if I should decide to revise my profile. Thank you and good luck.

[bobsmith76]

bobsmith, you seem to be hell-bent on impressing women with your esoteric academic accomplishments. What you don't seem to get is that people care less about what you know and more about how you make them feel. Maybe that is why you do so poorly with women?

 

And what's more, your accomplishments aren't that impressive. I know people who got a PhD in 4 years and who made novel discoveries in math and they would roll their eyes at your "got through a calculus text in 60 days". What's more, they don't try to impress people with their accomplishments. And that's not even the worst part.

 

Reading your profile, I found myself thinking "if he's so smart why is he just a night clerk? Underachiever much?" And you actually come across as directionless in your career. What do you mean that you *"might"* become a bioinformatist? Are you in school for that? Anyway, that's an appropriate statement for a 20-year-old college kid, but from a 36-year-old it seems weird.

 

A woman who is commitment-minded as you are seeking is going to want a guy with more direction in his career. You're playing the serious responsible card for all it's worth but right now all you seem good for is winning quiz shows. Get your life together first dude!

 

That viewpoint might sound snobbish on my part, but isn't that the energy you have yourself?

 

**This is harsh, but some people won't get it unless they are hit in the head with a metaphorical 2-by-4. Keep in mind that all of what I said above really would go away if you'd stop taking yourself seriously and show some humor and humility, that you could actually be a fun guy to hang out with**

 

Jerk,

 

I saw on another thread that you confessed to being a very negative person, consequently I've decided to ignore all your posts thereafter. I advise you to change your screen name and seek counseling.

[bobsmith76]

you seem pretty resistant to input.

 

 

If you say you're resistant to input then you're just assuming you're right. Did you miss the fact that I rewrote my entire profile?

 

Take a look at the following dialogue:

 

X: you should do A

Y: no, I shouldn't

X: you're resistant to input

 

X is just assuming they're right. They haven't proven that A is correct and that Y is wrong. It could very well be that A is wrong.

[bobsmith76]

I forgot to post the evidence that my new profile is working:

 

 

Case closed.

[Emilia]

My mom approved of it.

 

Sorry but that's just weird.

 

Regarding the new profile there is only a minor consensus that, one, I should be more mysterious. I've rejected that advice for reasons already stated, in short, no rational person thinks: x is exactly what I want, x is not mysterious, therefore I don't want x. Two, there is also a weak consensus that I'm bragging. I'm confident that I'm not a braggart and am capable of being modest regarding my achievements which is something I was not capable of before roughly 2002 or maybe 2006. So I've decided to reject that advice as well. Further, if a woman has accomplished a lot I would like to know about it. I am attracted to profiles that are proud of their achievements. Others have tried to prove that I'm actually a blockhead, that I'm a bad writer, that my math achievements are lackluster or that I offend the field of bioinformatics - time will be the judge of that.

 

Given that only a very weak consensus has emerged in the first few days, it is unlikely that a consensus will emerge further on. I therefore have decided to stop dialoguing with this thread's participants.

 

 

So as to demonstrate that my new profile is working I here post a screenshot of my match.com inbox of winks received. I received very few winks between August 1st and October 30th I can't remember how many I received but it was not that many. Since I've changed my profile I've received 4 winks. Admittedly winks mean little, as you can see three of the women went on to delete their profile and probably never signed up for a paid subscription, but the fact that I received 4 in 3 days with my new profile versus probably less than 10 in 3 months with my old profile certainly can't be ignored.

 

You sound like a robot

[Emilia]

I forgot to post the evidence that my new profile is working:

 

 

Case closed.

 

Winks mean nothing especially as a lot of those women don't pay for their subscription therefore unable to contact you properly.

[AMusing]

 

You sound like a robot

 

Maybe that's how he can become a bioinformaticist without the extensive training us mere mortals require?

 

The thread dialogue as I see it:

BS76: I want all female opinions about my profile so I can change what you don't like.

U: I don't like A

V: I don't like A or B

W: I don't like B or C

BS76: I like A, B, and C, exactly as written.

X: I don't like B either and A could be re-written to sound much more attractive.

BS76: No, I don't think A should be re-written.

X: BS76, you seem resistant to input.

Y: I don't like A or C

Z: You should do E instead of A and B

BS76: You guys don't know what you're talking about. I'm not changing anything, I like my profile. It's gotten me a handful of winks and my mom likes it. Case closed.

[todreaminblue]

Who thinks like this: this guy is exactly what I want, therefore I don't want to meet him?

 

I have better things to do with my time then date a mysterious woman only to find out that she's shallow.

 

 

There's nothing hypocritical about not believing in 100% of the church you attend. Hypocrisy is when you preach what you don't believe. When you attend church you're not obligated to preach. If they want to expel me for my beliefs then I'll leave.

 

 

 

To be quite honest since I've changed my profile the response rate has multiplied by about 4.

 

 

You are asking for womens' opinions on an interpersonal relationship site.What I suggested to you is to leave a little out so you can bring it up in further correspondence and not list your achievements out in an opening profile.I was only suggesting you do that obviously you are happy with your profile and just wanted a wow gee wiz cool....but with a degree attached

 

Who thinks like this: this guy is exactly what I want, therefore I don't want to meet him?

I dont know you tell me who thinks like that. You like psychology so enlighten me on your conclusion.

 

As far as mystery women go you don't want to find out she is shallow.....I didn't even mention mystery women so i don't understand how that came into it......look if you are happy with your profile why did you ask others to peruse it on here ?

 

 

I don't understand your motives..asking opinions and then scoffing how right you are in what you have posted in your profile........maybe i am just a little shallow end of the wading pool to get you....if i was going to reply to a profile i would more likely reply to a profile that seemed more like a real person with passion for life not themselves and not a shopping list of characteristics and achievements all about them.......good luck in life and love .....deb

[SoonMyFriend]

Soontomyfriend,

 

You're not the person that I want to attract.

 

I'm sorry... I thought you wanted all female opinions. You should've clarified in your opener that you only wanted opinions from women you'd potentially date.

 

For the record - I don't want to attract a person like you either.

 

Seriously, I hope you find someone. I was only trying to help you on your quest. I'm no longer going to waste my time, or yours. Moving on to other LS threads...

[Mme. Chaucer]

Alrighty then! I hope you get the desired results, and good luck. But winks don't mean jack.

[Under The Radar]

Jerk,

 

I saw on another thread that you confessed to being a very negative person, consequently I've decided to ignore all your posts thereafter. I advise you to change your screen name and seek counseling.

 

 

Bob,

 

That's messed up, dude Why does he need counseling? BTW, he did take the time to try and help you and IMO gave worthy advice. Good luck in your dating endeavors.

[Tenacity]

If someone is turned off by my religion what makes you think I would want to marry them?

 

Yes, I am. I am not looking for a temporary fling, I'm looking for a permanent love in life.

 

My point went right over your head. (Swoosh! )

 

Of course, most people are looking for a long-term, serious relationship. The point is, online dating profiles are meant to attract dates, which THEN lead to permanent love or relationships (hopefully).

 

But you have to date a lot of people before you get to that point. A dating profile should offer just enough information to be intriguing and interesting and want someone to actually get to know you. It should not be a complete autobiography or a curriculum vitae.

 

The last thing you want to do is weed people out with all that information about religion. You'd be surprised how flexible some people are on this topic after they get to know and really care about someone, compared to how they might be when reading it on an online profile of a stranger. And yours just kind of rambled on without really saying much about your actual religion, so why not just say "open-minded" or "Christian" or whatever it is?

 

Again, the goal is to attract people at this stage - lots of different people. No one likes everything about every single profile they may respond to; the key is to give just enough info to intrigue them to want to know more, and date you. That's why it's called a 'dating profile' and not a 'marriage partner' profile.

 

In any event, you're not reading this anymore because you really were happy with your profile and didn't want input unless it was to say "it's perfect!" Heck, your mom already had approved it, so why ask women who are actually dating what they think?

[yongyong]

your whole problem is in this one sentence

 

My mom approved of it.