Online dating profile, tell me what you think

[Silly_Girl]

The worse that can happen is that someone with real depth and profundity dismisses me as superficial. I'm trying to find someone like me. When I look at profiles I'm looking for someone who has evidence of depth in the words they've written. So I'm not going to portray myself as superficial.

 

I specifically said NOT superficial. I'm thinking 'tip of iceberg' instead of the whole kit and caboodle on display. I'm guessing this doesn't make much sense to you!

[dasein]

"What would be enjoyable about spending time with this man?"

 

You asked for no male comment, which makes me wonder if you ask fish how to catch them or cows how to milk them, as opposed to asking successful fishermen and farmers. But anyhow...

 

I can't emphasize enough the value of the above quoted advice as it pertains to your profile.

[bobsmith76]

Look at me and at how awesome I am!

 

 

I prefaced that with:

 

Sorry in advance for the following part, I'm not bragging, it's just that if there is a woman out there who has accomplished a lot I want to know about it, so here are some of my accomplishments:

 

 

Sorry, if there is a woman out there that is very smart I want to know about it. How else are you supposed to list your accomplishments without bragging.

[bobsmith76]

I specifically said NOT superficial. I'm thinking 'tip of iceberg' instead of the whole kit and caboodle on display. I'm guessing this doesn't make much sense to you!

 

No, I don't know what you mean.

[CC12]

I prefaced that with:

 

Sorry in advance for the following part, I'm not bragging, it's just that if there is a woman out there who has accomplished a lot I want to know about it, so here are some of my accomplishments:

 

This is disingenuous. You are bragging, and you're not sorry. If you were sorry, you wouldn't have included it in your profile. If you think listing your accomplishments is the way to go, then just do it. Don't apologize and don't explain why you're doing it, or at least, don't explain it that way. Maybe this is where you could include some humor and personality. "And now I will list my impressive accomplishments that will be sure to win anyone over...Nah, I'm kidding. But honestly, I am pretty proud of blah blah blah." That was a pretty terrible example, but you could maybe get away with bragging if you have a sense of humor about it.

 

How else are you supposed to list your accomplishments without bragging.

 

You could be more vague. Multilingual, great at calculus, wrote a book, spent time volunteering overseas. Or you could work those things into the body of your profile, instead of listing them all at once.

[ScreamingTrees]

Here is my new OLD profile, tell me what you think. A few things first, some people don't like my job, well, I'm not going to lie about it or cover it up because they will find out about it eventually. Some people also don't like the religion part but I'm not really interested in dating people that can't accept my religion. Third, some people don't like the financially responsible part and I certainly don't want to date someone who is financially irresponsible so I'm going to let that stand.

 

*****

also, please, no comments from guys. I'm not interested in listening to some guy brag about how much he thinks he understands women.

*****

 

 

 

 

Hi! Thank you for checking out my profile, I'm a poet/writer that loves books from all subjects: physics, biology, psychology, history, philosophy and of course literature. I am dedicated to living a life that cares about others, is concerned about doing the right thing and strives to make the world a better place. I love to have great conversations, laugh and explore nature. I am romantic, sensitive, passionate, funny, emotional and firmly dedicated to living with only one woman for the rest of my life and never cheating on them.

 

Does any of this sound like an improvement? I don't know. I'm no expert, here, just trying to be helpful. Sort of late, I'm half asleep, trying to pull something out of my ass..

 

----------

I enjoy writing and reading poetry and literature, and my taste in the written word is well rounded, be it rooted in reality or fiction. Besides reading the works of others, nothing gets my gears going faster than the act of putting pen to paper and letting my innermost thoughts roll out in a stream-of-consciousness fashion.

 

Where your own passions are committed.. are of no relevance or consequence to me whatsoever, as long as you are indeed passionate about something. That is enough common ground for me. And as with anything else in life that I am deeply passionate about, I would gladly give 110% if it was reciprocated.

[Silly_Girl]

Bob, if you don't amend it for content, even, there are some grammar/spelling issues that could do with attention. Particularly with you pitching at women at the higher intelligence level.

[bobsmith76]

Does any of this sound like an improvement? I don't know. I'm no expert, here, just trying to be helpful. Sort of late, I'm half asleep, trying to pull something out of my ass..

 

----------

I enjoy writing and reading poetry and literature, and my taste in the written word is well rounded, be it rooted in reality or fiction. Besides reading the works of others, nothing gets my gears going faster than the act of putting pen to paper and letting my innermost thoughts roll out in a stream-of-consciousness fashion.

 

Where your own passions are committed.. are of no relevance or consequence to me whatsoever, as long as you are indeed passionate about something. That is enough common ground for me. And as with anything else in life that I am deeply passionate about, I would gladly give 110% if it was reciprocated.

 

Thank you for taking time to help me out.

[bobsmith76]

This is disingenuous. You are bragging,

 

 

It is possible to inform someone of your accomplishments without bragging. Here is a challenge for you. Pretend you're John F Kennedy and try enumerating your accomplishments without it sounding like you're bragging. It goes without saying that I'm not comparing myself to JFK.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You could be more vague. Multilingual, great at calculus, wrote a book, spent time volunteering overseas. Or you could work those things into the body of your profile, instead of listing them all at once.

 

Vagueness would just take degrade the accomplishments. If a woman speaks 11 languages I want to know about it. I don't want to hear multilingual. Besides, these are all just insignificant details. No woman thinks: if you had said spent a month in Palestine I would ignore you, but now that I know you spent time overseas you've got me. Who thinks like that?

[Silly_Girl]

It's the overall attitude Bob. Some might read it as arrogance. By being less descriptive you may leave the reader wanting to know more about you.

[amaysngrace]

It's the overall attitude Bob. Some might read it as arrogance. By being less descriptive you may leave the reader wanting to know more about you.

 

It comes off as boring to me. Never lay all your cards on the table Bob. That's trying too hard.

 

If you try too hard it sends a vibe of insecurity. Then it becomes about what you've done as opposed to who you are.

 

Who are you Bob?

[zebracolors]

I also have knowledge of 11 languages (including Arabic, German, Italian, French and Spanish),..

 

Very nice to see another who is into languages!

 

As to your desc. I am not on any dating sites so I don't place too much stock in my comment. I agree that you can't really tell your skills ant attributes, without it being some form of bragging, however I think its all in the delivery. Its not like you're following it up with any condescending remarks.

 

Though that said, you may want to give a little mystery. So you can have some conversational topics when you are on a date.

[Mint Sauce]

If a woman speaks 11 languages I want to know about it. I don't want to hear multilingual.

Tu crois vraiment que tu ne serais pas interesse a rencontrer une femme qui ne parle que 6 langues, tandis que celle qui en parle 11 est ta femme de reve? J'ai l'impression qu'il te manque l'esprit ouvert pour trouver la femme qui va ajouter quelque chose d'originel a ta vie...

 

As to JFK's profile, I think he'd be saying:

"Several years in a high political position have allowed me to help shape our country, and for this I am both proud and grateful. I look forward to hearing about your views on some of the difficult decisions I had to make. Or we can just go and get an ice cream."

 

Viel Gluck,

Ein Mathematiker, der gar kein Calculus liebt.

[xdahliax]

I prefaced that with:

 

Sorry in advance for the following part, I'm not bragging, it's just that if there is a woman out there who has accomplished a lot I want to know about it, so here are some of my accomplishments:

 

 

Sorry, if there is a woman out there that is very smart I want to know about it. How else are you supposed to list your accomplishments without bragging.

 

If you really want to talk about your accomplishments, get rid of the calculus bit or reword it. As Eternal Sunshine said, to most people it's a questionable statement. Either way, studying a 1000-page Calculus text in 60 days is not a feat. A lot of people did that in their first year of college.

 

Bonne chance.

[Drseussgrrl]

When I read a profile I want to laugh and feel like when I meet this dude we're going to have a good time.

 

This feels like reading a resume. Doesn't necessarily get the juices flowin' if you get my drift.

[Imajerk17]

bobsmith, you seem to be hell-bent on impressing women with your esoteric academic accomplishments. What you don't seem to get is that people care less about what you know and more about how you make them feel. Maybe that is why you do so poorly with women?

 

And what's more, your accomplishments aren't that impressive. I know people who got a PhD in 4 years and who made novel discoveries in math and they would roll their eyes at your "got through a calculus text in 60 days". What's more, they don't try to impress people with their accomplishments. And that's not even the worst part.

 

Reading your profile, I found myself thinking "if he's so smart why is he just a night clerk? Underachiever much?" And you actually come across as directionless in your career. What do you mean that you *"might"* become a bioinformatist? Are you in school for that? Anyway, that's an appropriate statement for a 20-year-old college kid, but from a 36-year-old it seems weird.

 

A woman who is commitment-minded as you are seeking is going to want a guy with more direction in his career. You're playing the serious responsible card for all it's worth but right now all you seem good for is winning quiz shows. Get your life together first dude!

 

That viewpoint might sound snobbish on my part, but isn't that the energy you have yourself?

 

**This is harsh, but some people won't get it unless they are hit in the head with a metaphorical 2-by-4. Keep in mind that all of what I said above really would go away if you'd stop taking yourself seriously and show some humor and humility, that you could actually be a fun guy to hang out with**

Edited November 1, 2012 by Imajerk17

[rocketman122]

Pretend you're John F Kennedy and try enumerating your accomplishments without it sounding like you're bragging.

 

sure..hows this:

 

Hi, im John F Kennedy...done..

 

in your case I would simply say I accomplished a lot in my life and when they get curious you can wow them then. or not, as I was not. youre putting all your cards on the table way too early.

[dasein]

Want to add some things, and OP you are getting good advice in this thread. When I started OLD, my profile was like yours, like a resume'. I wasn't bragging, but just engaging in simple A>B linear thinking, "state who I am, what I've done, and compatible women will respond." I couldn't have been more wrong. My response rate was 10% if that, I struggled to meet women from the site. Over three years, by the last time I did OLD, I was able to send ten emails out to the ten best profiles out of 500 in my parameters within 40 miles, and set dates with seven. Had to cancel some dates because it was too much. You can obtain similar results without spending the three years I did by some simple adjustments.

 

1. The focus of your profile is not to find a mate, but to get a date. Talk more about things you like to do that your female audience might enjoy. Every word and sentence in your profile should be subtly crafted to instill the thought "this would be a fun and interesting guy to meet and go on a date with." Engage the audience with well-positioned subtle -questions- "I like going to 'tres plate' and sampling a few appetizers while having a nice conversation, sound like fun?"

 

2. Humor is key. I learned that by doing simple things like including a funny photo or two together with the obligatory head and full body shot, I could increase my views and incoming mail drastically. Consider changing your headline weekly to something funny. "Please disregard any invitations to play bingo at the VFW, my 74 y.o. uncle got ahold of my match pswd somehow." There is a line here between funny/witty and zany, a little well-placed humor goes a long way. It needn't have any relation to reality, doesn't have to be astoundingly over the top funny, the women you want are smart enough to get the joke, and like a guy who doesn't take things too seriously.

 

3. Avoid anything that might give a weird vibe, unless it truly reflects your personality and your desires in a date require similar. Only mention plowing through calculus textbooks, for example, if that's what you spend lots of time doing. Anything in that profile should be interpreted in the most prejudicial way. In other words, "what is the absolute worst someone would think about me upon reading this?" If bad interpretation is possible, get rid of it. Meeting in person is the time to explore personality edges, quirky hobbies, views, etc., not the OLD profile.

 

4. Avoid signs of uncertainty, such as career indecision, hesitance, life choices you are considering. Focus more on things you do that are interesting, social outlets that are active. Use active as opposed to passive or indecisive language. Most of your profile should lead to a yes or no response in the audience, the site is full of indecisive people who don't follow up or move forward. You are the man of action who has a definite plan and looking for someone to come along and enjoy that plan with you.

 

5. Once the profile is proactive, engaging, funny and definite, the -real- test is in the emails you send out. I found a brief two paragraph, three point email worked best. Do not enumerate commonalities other than in very subtle "inside joke" ways, mint sauce's post is pro in this regard, do not gush in compliments, make it about her profile and what's in it. Minimize physical comments other than general ones. Ask mild questions that are easy to respond to. If there's something in her profile about this or that music, book, film, etc. that you like, "have you heard/seen XYZ? you might enjoy them if you like ABC." Anything other than "You say you like X, I like X too." Suggest and request action on their part. People are more likely to do something if you ask them to. "Check out my profile and let me know if you want to talk further. If not, just click the "not interested" button, and I will vanish off into the sunset." This subtly lets them know that you don't take the process too seriously, have other options, and aren't the type to harrass or question if they don't respond.

 

Enough for now.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If you are hoping to reel in a woman with your intellectual accomplishments, you are going to have to express that part of you (the intellectual, creative part) in the way you write your profile. You haven't done it.

 

You SAY you're all that, but you are not demonstrating it with the way you express yourself.

 

And, for a guy who has posted for input on your profile … you seem pretty resistant to input.

[SoonMyFriend]

I particpated in your last thread, and part of me wants to smack you because I feel you ignored a lot of good advice (from women) in the last thread. I agree with Mme. Chaucer, you seem very stubborn about your profile...

 

So here goes nothing again

 

Hi! Thank you for checking out my profile, I'm a poet/writer that loves books from all subjects: physics, biology, psychology, history, philosophy and of course literature. I love to have great conversations, laugh and explore nature. I am romantic, sensitive, passionate, funny, emotional and very loyal. I also have strong values about how I live my life, and would love to get to know your values to see if we match.

 

I have edited the first paragraph down to what I feel is a less "wordy" representation of what you're trying to say. I removed the stuff about making the world a better place and put it to the end so it invites someone to learn more.

 

As for my job as a writer there's ... that's where you read the DNA and tell people what diseases they are in danger of.

SNORE. I think others have hit the nail on the head - you sound so directionless. I personally find this paragraph to be a huge turnoff. You're in your thirties and still haven't figured out your career? Just you should write something like "I am currently holding down a job that pays my bills and allows me to enjoy the comforts of life, but really my heart lies with other passions I hope to one day turn into a career". Man even then it still sounds like you are immature and haven't figured out your life. Honestly, you might be best served just leaving out your career.

 

I also have no debts and am financially responsible.

Again this makes you sound so BORING. Leave this out. I am not offering you a better credit card, you are trying to get me to offer you sex!! (Or at least cuddling!!)

 

Now, about religion which is a very important part of my life. I believe strongly in God and I try very hard to live my life according to God's will. I do not believe in the Bible but I have no problem marrying someone who is Christian, Jewish or Muslim and I have no problem with going to Church.

I still feel like this is a little heavy for a dating profile, but I understand where you're coming from. Maybe just shorten it to "I am a religious person who aheres to a belief system which I apply to my daily life. I would love to find someone who shares my beliefs and wants to help me in my quest to lead a good life." I feel that leaves it open to more discussion, especially right off the bat.

 

I also have knowledge of 11 languages (including Arabic, German, Italian, French and Spanish), completed a 1000 page calculus text in 60 days, have written a book of literary fiction (a love story), volunteered in New Orleans for 4 months and spent one month participating in the International Solidarity Movement in Palestine.

 

Of all the things people in the last thread told you to do, I can't believe you kept in the languages! This part is total bragging and really rubs me the wrong way. It really does read like a resume!!

 

How about phrasing this portion in a way that invites like-minded women. Maybe try something like this: "I would love to find a woman who, like me, has a love of different languages (bonus points if you can converse in multiple languages!) or at least loves to explore their mind, has a good heart (I once volunteered in New Orleans, and would love to hear any other stories of Good Samaritanism), and doesn't mind just sitting back enjoying a good book (perhaps we could split a pot of tea?)"

 

You can obviously change that to suit your needs (maybe you prefer coffee) but you have to stop talking AT people and talking TO people in your profile. Throw in some humour!!! Do you even have one exclamation mark in your profile?

 

--

 

Basically, I would respond to the JFK profile Mint Sauce wrote, but I wouldn't be responding to yours. And at the end of the day, I love the line about ice cream because it means you can poke fun at yourself and enjoy a delicious snack.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Sorry to go on about calculus bit but...students in the first year of math degree are required to study 1000+ calculus book in about that time frame. That means all students (the bad, the good and the average) - and it's not a particularly challenging or anything to write home about.

 

Basically, mathematicians will find that comment laughable. Non-mathematicians will just be bored.

[AMusing]

My two big issues are with your calculus book sentence and the line saying you "might" become a bioninformaticist.

 

As Eternal Sunshine just said, a person with a background in math could breeze through a calc book pretty quickly. Plus, when I read a profile I'm looking for things we might talk about if we were to meet; integration by parts does not make for compelling conversation.

 

And then saying you might become a bioinformaticist; that's where I start getting my hackles up. First, I start wondering: "Does this guy have any computer science background? Does he have an idea how much schooling it takes to make it in that field?" Because I know bioinformaticists, and they dedicate YEARS to their career. At least a master's, if not a PhD, is required. It's a little offensive to those of us in similar careers to read that something we've spent years studying is someone else's casual backup plan. And then when I read your explanation, I think, "Does he really know what a bioinformaticist does?" Because, in my mind, you have lumped at least three careers into one. A bioinformaticist works on the computational side of things: storing/retrieving data, data mining, algorithms, etc. A genetic epidemiologist (or a population geneticist, or a statistical geneticist), typically "reads" the DNA and infers associations between DNA variation and population disease risk. Finally a genetic counselor is trained to communicate to individuals what they are genetically predisposed for.

 

Sorry for the rant, but if you want intellectual women to be attracted to you, be very careful how you word things. This is coming from a woman who is very attracted to intelligent well-educated men; a woman less interested in that may not be so picky.

Edited November 1, 2012 by AMusing

[Eternal Sunshine]

My two big issues are with your calculus book sentence and the line saying you "might" become a bioninformaticist.

 

As Eternal Sunshine just said, a person with a background in math could breeze through a calc book pretty quickly. Plus, when I read a profile I'm looking for things we might talk about if we were to meet; integration by parts does not make for compelling conversation.

 

And then saying you might become a bioinformaticist; that's where I start getting my hackles up. First, I start wondering: "Does this guy have any computer science background? Does he have an idea how much schooling it takes to make it in that field?" Because I know bioinformaticists, and they dedicate YEARS to their career. At least a master's, if not a PhD, is required. It's a little offensive to those of us in similar careers to read that something we've spent years studying is someone else's casual backup plan. And then when I read your explanation, I think, "Does he really know what a bioinformaticist does?" Because, in my mind, you have lumped at least three careers into one. A bioinformaticist works on the computational side of things: storing/retrieving data, data mining, algorithms, etc. A genetic epidemiologist (or a population geneticist, or a statistical geneticist), typically "reads" the DNA and infers associations between DNA variation and population disease risk. Finally a genetic counselor is trained to communicate to individuals what they are genetically predisposed for.

 

Sorry for the rant, but if you want intellectual women to be attracted to you, be very careful how you word things. This is coming from a woman who is very attracted to intelligent well-educated men; a woman less interested in that may not be so picky.

 

Exactly! Those were my two main issues too. Like you can just snap your fingers and become a bioinformaticist. It leads me to think that he did no research in what it takes to become one.

 

Basically it boils down to:

 

intelligent women: WTF? what is this guy smoking?

less intelligent women: Zzzzzzzzzzz booooooring.

 

So really, you are attracting none.

[yongyong]

What is Intelligent??

People from other fields won't understand those jargons. are they stupid then? :lmao::lmao:

 

When you talk with your coworker about the work, sure you can test his/her intelligence.

When you meet someone for dating who has different jobs, you can not use your background to see if the person is intelligent.

 

 

 

 

Exactly! Those were my two main issues too. Like you can just snap your fingers and become a bioinformaticist. It leads me to think that he did no research in what it takes to become one.

 

Basically it boils down to:

 

intelligent women: WTF? what is this guy smoking?

less intelligent women: Zzzzzzzzzzz booooooring.

 

So really, you are attracting none.

[Eternal Sunshine]

What is Intelligent??

People from other fields won't understand those jargons. are they stupid then? :lmao::lmao:

 

When you talk with your coworker about the work, sure you can test his/her intelligence.

When you meet someone for dating who has different jobs, you can not use your background to see if the person is intelligent.

 

No - but he seems to be in the similar line of work I am or at least aspires to be. And he doesn't know what he is talking about. Most intelligent people know that you don't just "become" a bioinformaticist or "become" any occupation. That's universal.

 

The calculus bit, yeah only mathematicians would be annoyed by that.