giving him sex anytime he wants it?

[mymojo]

Originally posted by sumdude

How sad. You choosed not to share in lovemaking. Why? Control issues? Past experiences? good luck keeping that relationship alive. Unless of course you're waiting for marriage.

 

My partner loves me very much, however he is not attracted to me physically enough to orgasm from intercourse.With oral sex we can lower the lights,he can close his eyes and think about women who really turn him on physically,he can then orgasm and I'm spared a lot of humilation.

[DacaInaru]

Your kidding me right?? I don't know about you.. but I would definately not be with someone who feels he needs to turn the lights out to have sex with me.. Thats like someone asking you to put a bag over your head.. doens't do much for the self esteem...

[MelodyJ]

Oh, my god, Mymojo, I can' believe there are others. My heart goes out to you, because I know the feeling. I have been staring at a closet door for 4 years because my b/f does not believe in face to face anything. After ward I felt so low.

 

I have finally found the strenght to say no more. Please do not settle for this. He is not attracted to you so he will let you suck his d*** instead? What about you?

[mymojo]

Originally posted by Ms. M

Oh, my god, Mymojo, I can' believe there are others. My heart goes out to you, because I know the feeling. I have been staring at a closet door for 4 years because my b/f does not believe in face to face anything. After ward I felt so low.

 

I have finally found the strenght to say no more. Please do not settle for this. He is not attracted to you so he will let you suck his d*** instead? What about you?

 

 

It's not like that,he doesn't act as if he's doing me some sort of favor or anything horrid like that and the rest of the relationship is excellent. No,what happens is that he'll grind away and grind away ... and not reach orgasm no matter what I do,over time that started impacting on my orgasms as well.Just giving him oral just seemed seemed easier on me emotionally and quite frankly, I wasn't orgasming with him anymore anyway because of the tension of worrying if he's orgasm or not this time.Talking about it only made things worse and giving him oral just seemed like a way to solve the problem.

 

 

I have decided to simply start turning him down totally when he reaches for me at this point because I don't think I could possibly feel any lower emotionally and it's dragging my down now in all aspects of my life.Perhaps we can agree to a sexless or open but discrete relationship.

[His4Ever]

In the Bible it says that Wives are to submit unto their husbands and obey. I personally take this to heart and I do give my self to my husband so he can satisfy his needs. I think it is very important that my husband feel loved , obeyed, and honored and we have a good marriage because of this. I wouldn't want it any other way. I NEVER deny my husband sex. If he wants it, it is his. He is the head of the household and cares for me and our children so he deserves the utmost respect and in turn I am honoring God and what he has made me for.

[joodee]

I just finished reading this thread, I have some things I'd like to share:

 

First of all, I had no problem giving my BF sex whenever he wanted it, he wasy very passionate, and I always asked what he needed, etc. I have a very difficult time climaxing, so most of the time after he is satisfied, he most of the time use a vibrator to help me out. He tries so hard with the others ways, and I am just so turned on(he can tell, that's for sure), but 90% of the time I can't orgasm. So, even though I am more that willing to have sex whenever he wants (and I do love feeling him next to me, kissing, hugging, being inside, all of it), with my difficulties climaxing, would that make a huge difference in the relationship? Even though he says he's ok with it and with continuing to try naturally, would that justify a wandering eye?

 

Second of all, the only time I don't enjoy intercourse is during the monthly cycle. I am, however, willing to satisfy him other ways (as long as we cuddle afterwards, which he always loved doing with me). Is missing a few days of intercourse a month because of the monthly cycle that much of a big deal to you men? Especially when the woman is still willing to satisfy the man in other ways for a few days?

 

Looking forward to reading the feedback.

[CraigC]

joodee, if that's the sole criterea, I think I speak for us men everywhere, that we're forming a line to see you

 

Seriously, it sounds like you try, are careing and that you enjoy your spirit. That's A+ in my book. And although your message and this thread is about sex and "giving it", I think in a broader sense that your general attitude and dynamics is what relationships should be about, so I bet you do that in all your endeavors in life, while not allowing yourself to be a doormat. I say hooray to you!

[GirlDown]

i give my boyfriend blow jobs during my time of "inconvenience"...i do it all the time anyway, so why not?

 

and during that time, we...figure out other stuff for me...

[joodee]

CraigC, you made my day. I appreciate the post. I do try, and yes, that's what it's all about, being aware of the dynamics of it all, how one takes care of the relationship, caring enough about the other and taking a good attitude toward it all. Why can't people get it?

 

And Girldown, your boyfriend sounds cool with all that, right? Does he communicate to you that he's cool with it all? If one is willing to satisfy one and take care of own, that's what it's all about, right?

[CraigC]

I don't know why people can't get it. IMO, the "but it's my body" is the opposite of my general tents of compassion, sharing, loving, etc that should apply across the board. I've done thousands of things for my wife over the years, many of which have brought me to points of exhaustion, a toll on my body, taking days a time, etc. So, I think it's great, and loving, that you guys give your guys BJs and such, hopefully they are good boys back.

[GirlDown]

i think he's definitely cool with it...never complained so far, but i know few guys who would! he likes what i do to him, and he likes to watch what i do to myself, so everyone's happy!

[hotgurl]

I don't get everybody's problem with having sex during that time. It actually helps my cramps if I orgasm.We just throw down a towel and go to town. No oral for me though but plenty for him. i do that anyways.

 

I usually up for sex all the time except when i have a migraine them it's sleep but that is not unreasonable. He has been turning me down a lot and last time he tried to have sex I lost all desire to do it. I figured I was resentful and just didn't realize it until them.

[GirlDown]

i don't really have a huge gigantic problem with sex during that time, but usually i would prefer to have been with the person for a while.

 

for example, the guy i'm with now (who is fantastic in every way............so far) i have only been with for four months. we don't have sex during that time. i kinda hate not doing be able to do it just because we are both uncomfortable with it right now, but at the same time, it gives me a break. don't get me wrong, i'm up for it pretty much whenever, wherever, and however; but that week gives me a break from shaving! plus i catch up on more sleep then anyway!

 

i was with a guy for 8 years. it took about maybe a year, but we did eventually start having sex during that time and there was no big issue.

 

i guess it depends on your comfort level. guys try to understand biological aspects women, but some have a tendency to be grossed out by actually seeing the result.

 

some of them get over it with time, and some don't. it's personal preference, i suppose.

[LippyChicky]

I know my bf always wants it more often than I do, so we sort of compromise. If I am not in the mood, I will let him try to turn me on and get me in the mood. It's almost a game. More often than not I will end up just as in the mood as he is!

[ConfusedInOC]

If she's not in the mood, we wait. Mostly because it's more intense and fun!

[HappyInNJ]

This is an interesting thread.

 

I have read and posted many replies in this forum. I posted one called "Is it possible to be in love in a sexless marriage" because my wife of 10 years and I were not connecting and had some issues.

 

Then in the past 2 months or so, we have been having more sex because we really deeply love eachother.

 

Now (getting to the point) every time I look at the poor woman I want to maul her love She gets PMS and her chest hurts and she's irritable and she does not want to be bothered, and then she gets her period (I/we are not fans of having intercourse during her period). During these times she comes self absorbed and does not have sex on her mind at all.

 

It's frustratng because I want to roll over and go to town, but she's not there with me on the same page, so I think it's unfair to just take sex without it being mutual.

 

She likes the whole 9 yards, and doesn't get turned on with just sex, you have to have the foreplay, etc. So I respect that, and I respect her.

[ConfusedInOC]

Uhh, if you're waking them up to have sex, that's probably not a good thing. My G/F would kill me if I woke her up for it. I, on the other hand, would love to be awakened for sex

[rtobiejr]

I can only speak from my experience.

 

Even when I'm not initially feeling in the mood, I will try to accomodate my fiance's wishes.

 

But, he has always been considerate enough to honor me and have concern for me as his girl.

 

So I think love is a two way street in this regard. I, as a woman, am loving enough to offer sex, even though it may not be the first thing on my mind.

 

And, my fiance, when he sees that I am really not feeling well, or need his love and attention in other ways, he is loving enough not to insist on it.

[Blueangel]

Yes I believe in giving it to my husband whenever he wants it. Call me old fashion but, my mother always told me if you don't give it to him someone else will.

[loudog]

I seriously do not understand women...most likely never will being now 40 and having been married 10 years… along with a few other serious relationships during my adult years.

 

Sex is great...Yes men desire it more than women agreed; but really what is so bad. Assuming adequate performance, good physical appearance, hygiene etc. why would anyone object to it on a regular/frequent basis with someone they love and desire? Most of the women seem to view it as some tremendous task that takes sooo much energy and effort. Yes sometimes it is a marathon and other times a quickie but it always is good or better and if it makes for a strong happy relationship it seems well worth the minor effort.

 

I can tell you that I want/desire sex daily yet am placated on every other day basis. My wife on the other hand could settle for it a couple times a month max. Any more than that is just to please me and that usually it is with a strong concession statement by her and a great load of attitude and guilt placed upon me.

 

Personally I provide her with a tremendous quality of life, great house, car money, jewelry etc. (Yes I am the one who works, she plays tennis, aerobics, shops and takes care of the house, with a nanny and a part-time house keeper) I pay her daily compliments bring her flowers help her with kids chores etc. I stay in terrific shape physically, I am considered handsome by most (think Howie Long both in looks and physical appearance/size) Most other women mutual friends etc. say that they wish they could clone me (not bragging just giving a true picture) yet she seems fairly ambivalent to it all.

 

I would do anything that she asked or I thought would make her happy. She knows I desire sex frequently yet it seems not to cause her any issue that my needs are not being met. We have spoken about it several times. It is the only issue that causes us to argue. Her premise is that I should just adjust my needs to her libido and deal with it. She also thinks if I wanted it less she might want it more. Tried that theory a year ago....a month went by before she even thought about sex and I was ready to climb the walls. Other than the sex issue things are great on all other levels but for me this is becoming a deal breaker.

 

So it seems right now to be a no win issue. I am totally frustrated and she knows it yet seems to believe it is my issue to overcome not hers.

 

Like I said I will never understand women!

 

Any thoughts comments etc. ladies?

[izzybelle]

loudog,

howie long huh? so what are you doing tomorrow at noon?

 

seriously, i haven't followed all of this thread so i have no idea what all's been said before. for me, my libido has been effected by many things over the years. of course having a partner who understands your needs is first and foremost, not thinks he understands them, but really tries, and i have always tried to understand theirs as well. i think women who are more open and honest about what they want are going to be more likely to enjoy sex and want it more frequently. it really is a two way street, i've rarely been one of those passive, just get it over with types, except at the end of my marriage. when i had kids, my libido dropped like i know it does for many women. my marriage went sour, and my desire for my ex hit about as far down on the scale as it could go without going into negative numbers. loss of love and desire for someone can definitely have a negative impact on the sex drive. and if he'd done all of the things to help out like you do...of course mind you, i saw emails he sent to friends describing his days in detail and all the things he did to help out. it must have been in someone else's house with someone else's wife, 'cause it wasn't happening in mine.

 

the fact that you're doing all that your doing, i'm sure helps. some women just really seem to through phases...those nasty hormones and stuff. and trying to keep the romance is key but there's no easy answer to that. and sometimes it's not the big things, it's the little ones. i used to love to leave little notes in the car, or emails, or phone messages just to let him know i was thinking about him. and loved to get those in return. but everyone is different

 

at the time, i had also not lost all of my "baby weight" and felt unattractive. and i know when i feel good about myself my desire for sex increases greatly. so now, i'm single and with the few guys i've been involved with, they could have called me and asked me to leave work to meet them and i would have (and did ). but being 45 and single and meeting single guys is tough. and bummer... i feel better about the way i look now than i did when i was in my 20s. go figure! i'd gladly have sex every day with the right person, it's just a matter of finding him somewhere, out there!

 

i don't know that there's any easy answer out there to unlocking the secrets of all of this. and i'm sure if anyone every finds it, it will make them a millionaire. but since we're all different creatures with different needs it's not an easy task. sorry

 

i hope you continue to try.... maybe someday you'll find that one thing that works well for both of you! i know it's a battle, i've been there. and actually, now that i think about it....i dated a guy once many years ago, we went on a week's vacation to a very romantic place in jamaica and had sex twice, because i insisted.... i know he loved me, but that was about the end of that relationship! we should have been in the "hot and heavy" phase and that was his idea of a lot!

[Blueangel]

hey loudog, Look baby boy let me tell you some things about women. First of all as far as other women commenting on how you are with your wife, the grass always seems greener on the other side. At the risk of sounding insensitive, you sound like the perfect man yes this is true. You sound almost too good to be true. Since you say you will never understand women you will understand what I am about to say...

 

Women are very complicated creatures as you well know. I would like to think that we all need a challenge. Think about it this way, remember when you were younger? Did you want a girl who just gave it up cause you took her to dinner? I think not. Your wife is going to present a challenge to you. First of all she probably didn't get you and keep you by being easy. I HOPE that you agree. Also women need intimacy, What is intimacy you ask? Holding hands, TALKING yes I said it talking,ask her how her day was even though she did nothing. You see men try so hard to be interesting when what they need to be is interested.

 

Not to mention, If I may say your wife doesn't sound easily impressed. So you need to up your game alittle bit get creative. Have you ever tried striping for your wife? How about a nice massage for no reason expecting nothing in return? Ok here goes do be mad ladies but I am about to break a code. Have you ever tried playing hard to get? Yes women love a challenge more than men. If you act as though you don't want it ,she may not say anything but she will want to know why.

 

I know you have said that you have sort of tried that, but what you have failed to notice is, if you have been married to her for 10 years she know when you are pouting. I hate to break it to ya but women actually know when there man wants it. It is just that we do our best to avoid if at all possible if we don't. Get it? Go back in your head and think about the things she used to tell you turned her on. Then you unknowingly do them mean while acting completely innocent. Don't be affraid to play with her either only if she has a sense of humor though.

 

Then when you do get it put it on her every time don't do anything half way. Also another tip,somewhere somehow you men have been misinformed. Yes, women like men to last along time but not for a straight long period of time. It is ok to get to the finish line quick as long as you stay strong and ready to race again soon after. If you have a problem STAYING strong heres a tip, trot on down to the land down under until you can stand at attention again. Most women love that! If you don't do that then we have found the problem (lol!)

 

You might not wanted to know all that but hey I am her to help as many people as I can.This marriage thing is not easy. Now my problem is that my husband when he is home wants it TOO much! One time I just kept giving it to him as much as he wanted to see how many times he wouls actually go(tried to tire him out if you will.) Do you know we went a whole twelve rounds? Now how can you help me with that? My husband is younger than me but only by three years. And oh yeah as I said before about him being gone allot let me explain he is in the military.

[loudog]

BlueAngel

 

Might it be your husband is in the Airforce? I too have done the Military etc. thing in my past life. Godspeed to him and I wish his safe return to you.

 

As for upping my game...believe it is just fine. I am very open minded and up for anything. Going down south is one of my favorite things. If anything I get complaints from her for being too much looking to spice things up vary things etc.

 

Is my wife not easily impressed...no doubt. But at this stage it should have to be an audition everytime to just get into the game! I am sure you will beg to differ on this but I will tell you it shouldn't be so.

 

Do I sound too good to be true...yeah maybe.... but I am far from perfect I assure you. I just wanted a clear picture that I am keeping up my end of the bargin on all fronts. So expecting something in return is not unwarranted particularly when it is so easy to accomodate.

 

Its great to say women are complicated...but I find that just a cop out to say we're difficult which you really are. Its really not that big a deal. Its just sex... its fun and rewarding on many levels. What I am saying is that in marriage there shouldn't need to be that many games. It should be easy fun and if nothing else supportive of the mates needs. If my wife asks for anything within my power I will do it for her. I just expect similar in return. For the most part it is mutual...except when it comes to sex.

 

Women might say its not that big an issue...most guys would beg to differ...I myself am finding it to be a deal breaker.

 

As I said previously it shouldn't be that big a deal for the ladies but they do tend to make it that way.

 

 

I am confident I will never comprehend it all.

 

ps. and as far as the "baby boy" comment....bite me....you are way off base on that sweety.

[Blueangel]

Ok, you must have miss understood me the baby boy was not meant as an insult at all and I am sorry if you took it that way.It is just an expression lighten up dude. I would never purposely offend anyone. I was only trying to give some insight no need to be rude. goodluck with your issue.

[izzybelle]

loudog,

 

as someone who has a lot of male friends in their 40s, i know you're not alone. and for some of them, too, it has become a deal breaker. and i hear many, many comments from them that are similar if not the same as your's. i can't speak for your wife, or for many of the wives of the men that i know, but for some, i honestly don't think they understand the seriousness of the issue. sure, their Hs have discussed it with them and have tried everything (or almost everything) and the issue still remains. i have heard some of the wives state that they wish their Hs would just have an affair and leave them alone. i have no doubt that they are not serious about it, but i do know in at least one case, he did. i also have no doubt that she would be upset and angry if she knew, or maybe she does know, i don't know. all i know is that they're having major problems.

 

and i agree with you, marriage shouldn't be all about the games. i understand the need for keeping things interesting, exciting and fun but if your wife isn't responding to any of that i suppose you only have a few options. keep trying and continue to be frutstrated, seeking some couples counseling, or get out. i know there's a difference between many men and women on the issue of sex and i know once people enter the life stage that you're at, lives become so busy that for many women it (sadly) becomes a chore. and i do think that's sad. i believe that you said that sex is the only thing that creates an issue in your marriage and that you've spoken to her several times about it with no change. if your talking with her isn't having an impact, counseling may be your best option before something happens that you both may end up regretting in the future.

 

good luck!